FTFA:

AKA "Competitive Parents."


The worst example I've seen in person and a cool story bro:

Back in 8th grade, I was playing in a JV football game, and our QB's dad was in the nearby parking lot, standing in the bed of his pickup truck and yelling at his son...."YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG", etc.

Every time we went into a huddle, it was easy to see that it was eroding whatever confidence he had.

I was the kid in picture #3. Literally. Loved me a full can of Lysol. And, yes, I still have all my eyebrows and no burn scars. So, suck it.

The parents of the Hipster Kid should eliminate the middleman and deposit the child's lunch money into an IRA set up by the bully's parents.

xanadian: I was the kid in picture #3. Literally. Loved me a full can of Lysol. And, yes, I still have all my eyebrows and no burn scars. So, suck it.

Likewise. We used to douse tennis balls in gasoline, light them up, and kick them at each other. And that was only when we were bored of doing worse stuff.

Mr. Coffee Nerves: The parents of the Hipster Kid should eliminate the middleman and deposit the child's lunch money into an IRA set up by the bully's parents.

The bully's parents should eliminate the middleman and keep the cash on hand to settle the inevitable lawsuit.

Dead parents are even worse that any of these.

This pic is just BEGGING to be used in a caption contest:

Was looking for the "'Left kids with Michael Jackson and/or Jerry Sandusky' Parents"

I heard a phrase I thought was appropriate, "dry cleaner parents," as in people who drop their kids off to be raised by someone else.

xanadian: I was the kid in picture #3. Literally. Loved me a full can of Lysol. And, yes, I still have all my eyebrows and no burn scars. So, suck it.

WD-40 was good too.

miss diminutive: #7. The "Let me do everything for my child and protect them from every possible adversity, challenge or responsibiilty", parents. They end up raising children who are are completely incapable of managing their own lives, finances or relationships and freak out over every single hardship while expecting others to provide for them,

And then they send them to college (and later, unfortunately, graduate school).

they cannot comprehend ... where the world goes when they blink

Ah, my new favorite phrase.

How about the "I'm incabable of parenting at all so I'm going to follow obscure rules I read in a book." This parent needs to pull out the book whenever anything happens. Chapter 3 - Never Say No, Rule 6376: If your child wants to throw their cereal at their little sister then that's ok, as long as you mention in a soothing voice that maybe she won't like it. The kids end up confused and out of touch with their parents, but really good at counting to 3.

As someone who had a step-dad who was a mix of #4 and #6, I'm getting a real kick, etc., etc...

No mention of parents who drag screaming children on long flights and then glare at other passengers, no care.

Or B-B gun roulette. My friends one-car garage was completely finished with drywall. No car in there. Close the door, turn the lights out, fire away. Whoever gets hit after it ricochets 5-ish times loses one point.

8. Plain old alkies.

They don't even have to be obviously abusive or batshiat, but every time a clutch moment comes up in their kids' lives they'll be there - sort of, a bit wobbly, after the bottle has had its quality time with them.

Nothing else will more swiftly guarantee a "you're a nice guy, but" breakup from the girl you brought home to meet mom and dad.

And then after you're dumped your parents will obliviously give you another "so how come you can't meet a nice girl?" interrogation, as steam shoots out of your ears.

That behavior will continue until such time as you explain to your parents that young adult women even vaguely thinking of marriage and motherhood do consider it something of a deal-breaker if they think their baby's future grandparents might one day pass out drunk and suffocate the baby.

Lou Brown: When I was a kid waiting at the bus stop, there were never any parents there.

Same here. And our parents weren't with us when we went out to play, either. Whenever I went outside, my mother would ask me where I was going and told me what time to be home, and that was it.

The news media have parents spooked nowadays. You can't let your kids go outside anywhere unsupervised any more because the perverts are going to get them. I guess it's better to have them involved in structured activities involving trusted adults like former college football coaches...

What's hilarious about this is that even though parents hang around their kids more nowadays, they don't do any real parenting, especially in public places. A kid can just start screaming bloody murder and running around in the middle of a restaurant or store, and his parents will just stand there with their mouths hanging open -- IF they're even paying attention to him.