You never go full power gobbler.

Sounds like the cardio portion of the Richard Simmons Bedroom Workout(tm)

Damn. The only thing our seniors did was beat the freshman with the weight belts.

I just call it "The Sandusky"

Pretty sure that's a Sandusky innovation right there, Subs.

Oil check. First time I heard that term used was during a UFC fight (may be considered mildly NSFW).

FTA: Now, you don't have just charging of hazing, you also have felony sexual intercourse without consent and two counts of misdemeanor sexual assault.

If the kid has to register as a sex offender while still a student, does he still have to stay 500' away from school?

pheelix: Oil check. First time I heard that term used was during a UFC fight (may be considered mildly NSFW).

High school wrestling is a Pep Boys. Nothing distracts the other guy from maintaining his hold quite like a quick and discreet thumb up the chute.

Subby's mom is suing for trademark violations.

Adjective Bird Whiskey: Totally harmless bro-tastic non-gay behavior.

This.

I'm not saying it's perfect behaviour - but come'on. It's harmless kids messing around. When I was little and playing pee-wee football the coach would say, 'STOP PLAYING GRAB ASS AND GET BACK IN LINE' when we, as kids, would start screwing around and not doing our drills. It was called grabass for a reason.

Now our culture is super-ultra sensitive and normal things are considered criminal.

In second grade, for a while, the girls used to chase the boys around the playground saying, 'I'm gonna kiss you!' and some of them did give harmless pecks on the check. It was just a harmless game of tag; but now? That's *practically* rape of a minor - making all of those girls pedos.

In 4th or maybe 5th grade the 'Melvin' became popular and kids would run around and 'melvin' each other. I don't know if that's a generally recognizable term or not; but it's basically like a wedgie - both of which were considered harmless screwing around back then. Now it's sexually assault.

In junior high, spin the bottle and the others became popular. '7 minutes in heaven' and the like. Sometimes, someone would manage to get 'some beer' from an older sibling or parent and we'd all have a little party at someone's house - normally with a basement and laid-back parents. We'd all pass around the beer and drink our 1/4th of a can think we were bad asses. Then we'd play silly teenage party games like spin the bottle and *EVERYONE* had to play. That was like, the rule. No backing out. It was a little terrifying, but it was also pretty damn awesome. Now, we'd be criminals, and the parents would be sued, and whomever got the alcohol would be charged too.

In high school, most of us were dating. The guys trying (and mostly failing) to get laid. We had high school dances and movie-dates. If you were really lucky, you'd 'make out' at the movies. That's probably illegal now too. Back then, it was just 'teenagers in love' and people laughed at them. My girlfriend(s) and I rarely had any place to go, to do things more involved than making out in the movie theatre. Sometimes someone's parents would be gone or whatever; but mostly we just had our cars. There were places around town you could go and be alone (for the most part). These were called 'make-out spots' and they were spoken of in hushed whispers in the hallways of school. Sure, you'd tell your buddies about that great place you found - but if too many people found it, it'd be taken or worse, cops would show up. I never went 'in the back seat' like I saw in old movies - maybe our cars were just too small - but we'd do it in the front seat. 'It' mostly being less than sex, but more than kissing. Every now and then (twice for me) a park ranger or a cop would show up and tap on the window. He knew what was going on, but it was just 'kids being kids'. He'd give you a minute to get decent, remind you that the park closed at 11pm and you needed to leave. On time, the cop said, 'I'm coming back here in 45 minutes - I better not see you then'. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. My GF was a year younger than me at the time, making her 16 and me 17. Now I'd probably be charged with some form of rape, and then put on a sexual predator list because it was a park adjacent to an elementary school and I had my pants down.

Speaking of high school - we used to shower after sports. Especially wrestling (the mats are not very sanitary). I'm told most athletes don't even shower anymore. That's how retarded our society has gotten. You smell like ass, you've been rolling around on a mat, and if you don't clean yourself, you'll get some nasty disease - but hey - let's not risk any awkward social behavior and just let the kids stew in it, until they get home. Great idea!

We were stupid high school kids outside of the showers, and we were stupid high school kids inside of the showers. After the few days of being uncomfortable because you were nude people got over it. We'd all soap up the tile floor, run, and slide across it. Coach would say, 'STOP PLAYING GRAB ASS AND GET OUT OF THE SHOWER'. We also had our fair share of hazing. The seniors would dish out 'pink bellies' to the freshman kids who were slacking off/being disciplinary problems. It wasn't much fun to receive one, but it wasn't really worthy of arresting people either. Oddly enough, it was really effective at getting people to stop acting like d-bags during practice.

Oh - god - and depants-ing people. That was around from like 3rd grade until high school. And it wasn't like the group of big, bad, bullies depantsing some whimpy kid....it was your jackass friends depantsing you and you depantsing them back. Also, when your friend was a jackass and depantsed you, you could punch him in the arm really hard and nobody got arrested. Swat team was not called. Nobody was expelled. And you two were still friends on the bus ride home.

So the precedent was set years ago that a UFIA wasn't a crime, but it appears that if you use your thumb, it is.

I think I saw something like this about fisting and obscenity laws once. You can go four fingers all you want, but you slip the thumb in and it' becomes obscene.

Clearly the thumb is the most obscene part of the body.

"he decided to do an "Enhanced Power Gobbler" and allegedly-in the middle of the move-also inserted his thumb into the victim's rectum."

What... the.... fark

SweetSaws: "he decided to do an "Enhanced Power Gobbler" and allegedly-in the middle of the move-also inserted his thumb into the victim's rectum."

What... the.... fark

At the least "gobbler" owes his buddy dinner, maybe even a movie.

Clearly, he's got a future in the NFL.

I like watching sports but I never wanted to join any team. The latent homosexuality was always too creepy for me.

Hm. I thought UFIA, while crude, was not criminal?

lifelessimp: Hm. I thought UFIA, while crude, was not criminal?

Maybe but an UPFIA is definitely a crime.
Personally, I find this story shocking.

Unreal how soft America has become.

This is harmless male bonding. I used to finger teammates all the time.