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(Cracked) Amusing Bruce Lee dies and has a casket boner and then goes to hell, but he takes over and outlaws gambling and teaches Popeye kung fu and beats up Dracula. After that this gets a little weird   (cracked.com) divider line 61
More: Amusing, Popeye, Bruce Lee, Dracula, Rain Man, Martial arts film, David Carradine  
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19682 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Nov 2011 at 6:11 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



61 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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ShawnDoc [TotalFark]
2011-11-15 06:09:31 PM
Chocolate has no business being in that list, its an awesome movie.
 
Sensei Can You See [TotalFark]
2011-11-15 06:11:21 PM
ShawnDoc: Chocolate Retarded Masters of Derp has no business being in that list, its an awesome movie.

FTFY
 
ComicBookGuy
2011-11-15 06:14:18 PM
Bruce Lee is probably very well preserved.
 
red5ish
2011-11-15 06:18:31 PM
FTA: We don't expect much from our martial arts movies.

Yes, I do. I don't accept this first sentence declaration. I expect to have fun watching the crazy shiat. And it rarely fails.

And there are also really good movies that have martial arts at their center. Seven Samurai comes to mind.

I didn't read the rest of the article. I stop blocked it.
 
Snapper Carr
2011-11-15 06:20:37 PM
Chocolate kicked ass and Crippled Masters is a classic (and as someone who's studied adaptive martial arts, it's sort of weirdly empowering).

Also, wasn't there almost a cottage industry of "Bruce Lee is alive" MA films shortly after he dies? I know I've seen more than one.
 
Barricaded Gunman
2011-11-15 06:20:53 PM
"Casket Boner" would be a good band name.
 
red5ish
2011-11-15 06:22:14 PM
Barricaded Gunman: "Casket Boner" would be a good band name.

Your newsletter is welcome.
 
Porous Horace
2011-11-15 06:23:38 PM
ShawnDoc: Chocolate has no business being in that list, its an awesome movie.

Snapper Carr: Chocolate kicked ass...

Agreed. Stupid list is stupid.
 
Acharne
2011-11-15 06:29:00 PM
Chocolate was a typical Thai mutefest (In that I have to mute it so often as that language hurts my ears).... but that last 30 seconds of the last fight was terrific... and the music blended in very well.

Story of Ricky is terrific.

However, list missed Duel To the Death (new window)

When 100 ninjas get owned, 100 ninjas become 1, 100 foot ninja. Awesome movie.
 
Gyrfalcon [TotalFark]
2011-11-15 06:37:28 PM
Snapper Carr: Chocolate kicked ass and Crippled Masters is a classic (and as someone who's studied adaptive martial arts, it's sort of weirdly empowering).

Also, wasn't there almost a cottage industry of "Bruce Lee is alive" MA films shortly after he dies? I know I've seen more than one.

There was a lengthy release of Bruce Lee home movies (that was before video, of course) spliced together with old tournament footage and bits and pieces off the cutting room floors of his other movies. They used to air on Sunday mornings on one of the local LA channels for some reason, and the L.A. Weekly used to have the best summaries of them in their TV Guide: "See Bruce Lee put on his shoes! See Bruce Lee drink a glass of orange juice! See Bruce Lee lift some weights!"
 
Rev. Skarekroe [TotalFark]
2011-11-15 06:38:25 PM
I've got this on my saved list on Netflix, in case it shows up someday...
 
Smackledorfer
2011-11-15 06:39:33 PM
I enjoyed crippled masters, and also that other one about cripples with a similar name/concept. Nothing like an Iron boot slamming through a guys chest.

Also Poison/Venom Clan, man with the golden arms, etc. All good flicks.
 
ShawnDoc [TotalFark]
2011-11-15 06:41:06 PM
Porous Horace: ShawnDoc: Chocolate has no business being in that list, its an awesome movie.

Snapper Carr: Chocolate kicked ass...

Agreed. Stupid list is stupid.

Not only that, but apparently whoever the Cracker writer was had serious problems watching the movie and reading subtitles, as the summary is way off on a couple key points.
 
Orgasmatron138
2011-11-15 06:50:31 PM
That's nothing, once Bruce Lee came back from the grave to help a kid learn a special kick that helped him defeat Van Damme and his badly dubbed voice.
 
quansem
2011-11-15 06:53:35 PM
Warming up teh torrentz...
 
malkore
2011-11-15 06:54:03 PM
No Retreat, No Surrender!
 
JonBuck
2011-11-15 06:59:28 PM
What? No "Clones of Bruce Lee"?
 
Death_Poot
2011-11-15 07:02:24 PM
s3.amazonaws.com

I am so glad that I can say that I've never seen any of these stinkers
 
Porous Horace
2011-11-15 07:09:55 PM
Death_Poot: [s3.amazonaws.com image 555x444]

I am so glad that I can say that I've never seen any of these stinkers

They're stinkers because Cracked says so?
Okay.
 
Cereal Fetish
2011-11-15 07:18:47 PM
For a moment, I was worried that Crippled Masters was not going to be on this list. One of the most entertainingly ridiculous movies I've ever seen (and I've seen many). Even if you don't like kung-fu movies, it's totally worth the watch.
 
Bermuda59
2011-11-15 07:24:06 PM
I still think the most underrated martial arts movies is "A Fist Full of Yen" starting Bruce Loo.
It was a fighting movie of extraordinary magnitude!
 
ertznay
2011-11-15 07:24:57 PM
List needs more Robo Vampire
 
GungFu
2011-11-15 07:27:21 PM
Gyrfalcon: Snapper Carr: Chocolate kicked ass and Crippled Masters is a classic (and as someone who's studied adaptive martial arts, it's sort of weirdly empowering).

Also, wasn't there almost a cottage industry of "Bruce Lee is alive" MA films shortly after he dies? I know I've seen more than one.

There was a lengthy release of Bruce Lee home movies (that was before video, of course) spliced together with old tournament footage and bits and pieces off the cutting room floors of his other movies. They used to air on Sunday mornings on one of the local LA channels for some reason, and the L.A. Weekly used to have the best summaries of them in their TV Guide: "See Bruce Lee put on his shoes! See Bruce Lee drink a glass of orange juice! See Bruce Lee lift some weights!"

And unfortunately, not really Bruce Lee as his home movies were never released prior to or after home video. What has been released are his old childhood movies that were spliced into some exploitation crap like Fist of Fear, Touch of Death, that also included 'tournament footage' of which none were of a real Bruce Lee.

It's amazing how people got duped into thinking it was the real Bruce Lee they were seeing, and even to this day, so-called cinema experts still use stills of some Bruce Li, Le, Lay etc film and labelling it as a Bruce Lee flick.
 
ASlyLittleFox
2011-11-15 07:37:12 PM
ShawnDoc: Porous Horace: ShawnDoc: Chocolate has no business being in that list, its an awesome movie.

Snapper Carr: Chocolate kicked ass...

Agreed. Stupid list is stupid.

Not only that, but apparently whoever the Cracker writer was had serious problems watching the movie and reading subtitles, as the summary is way off on a couple key points.

This and this.

Besides, if you're trying to think of a list of movies with weird plots, and you must put Jeeja Yanin on that list, how do you go with Chocolate and not Raging Phoenix?
 
Death_Poot
2011-11-15 07:38:30 PM
"They're stinkers because Cracked says so?"

I'm willing to trust them on this one thing..........unless any of these flicks shows up on MST3K
 
jonathan_reilly
2011-11-15 07:44:52 PM
I saw The Dragon Lives Again on Saturday night for a friend's birthday at a revival movie theater here in Los Angeles. Holy Sh$tballs is that movie an experience. A TERRIBLE experience that, like a colonoscopy, is probably good for you (or so the experts say) but you shouldn't go out of your way to see it. Just relax and let it happen to you.

Also- get nice and "drunk" first.
 
Arklop
2011-11-15 07:51:25 PM
Porous Horace: They're stinkers because Cracked says so?

I recently watched Machete Maidens Unleashed on Netflix streaming. It's a documentary on the Filipino exploitation film scene of the late 60s and 70s. Can't remember the wording exactly, but there's a quote from Roger Corman that says something to the effect of "it doesn't matter if a movie has good acting, or a good story, or good effects...as long as the audience is entertained, that's all that matters." I loves me some b-budget movies so I'm inclined to agree. Usually the worse they are, the more entertaining I find them.
 
ransak99
2011-11-15 07:53:13 PM
I actually own Heart of the Dragon. I believe it is difficult for someone to appreciate some of these movies if they are unable to temporarily shelf their Western beliefs and accept, instead, the often very different Eastern thought processes.
 
Death_Poot
2011-11-15 07:55:54 PM
"I believe it is difficult for someone to appreciate some of these movies if they are unable to temporarily shelf their Western beliefs and accept, instead, the often very different Eastern thought processes."

Confucius say,,,,,,,,,,,,,,just because you say a shiat sandwich tastes good does not make it so.

Unless you're into that kind of thing.,
 
syzygy whizz [TotalFark]
2011-11-15 08:04:30 PM
Bermuda59: I still think the most underrated martial arts movies is "A Fist Full of Yen" starting Bruce Loo.
It was a fighting movie of extraordinary magnitude!

Loved that film...specially the part where CRUSHES the guy's chest in slo-mo (with appropriate gooshy-crunchy SFX)...then the guy is shown getting back up (with NO apparent injury) and Our Hero turns around and mouths "WTF?"
 
mayIFark
2011-11-15 08:08:29 PM
List sucks without Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.
 
ransak99
2011-11-15 08:10:04 PM
Death_Poot: "I believe it is difficult for someone to appreciate some of these movies if they are unable to temporarily shelf their Western beliefs and accept, instead, the often very different Eastern thought processes."

Confucius say,,,,,,,,,,,,,,just because you say a shiat sandwich tastes good does not make it so.

Unless you're into that kind of thing.,

Come on... Confucius never said that.

Besides...

Sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'll never know because I'll never eat the filthy motherfarker.

And that's the point, you'll never know.
 
Porous Horace
2011-11-15 08:14:27 PM
re stinkers: Yeah, but they are clearly wrong about Chocolate. It was a very good movie, even the comments on the site agree with me. The review glossed over many great parts, like how the autistic girl learned martial arts from watching famous movies and some of the fight scenes were (like) recreations of fights from those movies, sort of an homage. Also, the last 30 minutes of the film is one long fight. Also, also, the transvestites, while not my cup of tea, are an interesting (integral?) part of that culture.

Maybe you just don't like martial arts movies, I dunno.
Perhaps The Matrix was your idea of a good martial arts flick, or maybe Tom Hanks movies are more your speed.
 
SanjiSasuke
2011-11-15 08:15:13 PM
Would this be a good time to go on a tirade on my hatred of the Bruce-sploitation that went on after his death, like advertising Bruce Li, and naming movies Bruce Lee?

Naw, maybe next time.
 
One Bad Apple
2011-11-15 08:33:17 PM
syzygy whizz: Bermuda59: I still think the most underrated martial arts movies is "A Fist Full of Yen" starting Bruce Loo.
It was a fighting movie of extraordinary magnitude!

Loved that film...specially the part where CRUSHES the guy's chest in slo-mo (with appropriate gooshy-crunchy SFX)...then the guy is shown getting back up (with NO apparent injury) and Our Hero turns around and mouths "WTF?"


And then finally kills the guy by dropping a transmission block on him while shouting WAAAAAAHHH.
 
Wall_of_Doodoo
2011-11-15 08:42:46 PM
ertznay: List needs more Robo Vampire

Robo Vampire may be the most craptacular movie ever made. I've watched it a dozen times and I still laugh myself to tears. Truly a masterpiece.
 
HoratioGates
2011-11-15 08:47:48 PM
Year old article is year old.
 
LawrencePerson
2011-11-15 08:50:30 PM
Does RoboGeisha count?
 
fang06554
2011-11-15 09:05:23 PM
ASlyLittleFox: Besides, if you're trying to think of a list of movies with weird plots, and you must put Jeeja Yanin on that list, how do you go with Chocolate and not Raging Phoenix?

Just saw Raging Phoenix the other day. If there is one thing I learned from Thai movies, it's that there are two endings in Thailand. Terrible ending, and not quite so terrible ending.

/Hey, we saved the wife, but her husband is dead instead! Yay!
/I guess all the happy endings were reserved for elsewhere
 
zato_ichi
2011-11-15 09:13:44 PM
They left out those retarded movies with the blind massage therapist who is supposedly adept with a sword.
 
RandomAxe [TotalFark]
2011-11-15 09:14:52 PM
Riki-O is ridiculous, but it's supposed to be. Dragon Lives Again, similarly, is a 'hellzapoppin' HK film, which means it's supposed to be ridiculous -- and it's not more ridiculous than the excellent (and bad) Impossible Mission Force.

The others on that list are all good films, although possibly misunderstood.

Heart of Dragon does have one completely ridiculous moment, which the article's authors apparently missed: During the romantic montage, the song that plays is called Love is Conveyor Belt of Warmth.

Awesome like the piranhamoose.

Duel to the Death is one of the greatest martial arts spectacles of all time. Too many stupendous moments to mention, but, for instance, there's one character who gets both legs cut off twice (basically), and it's not a continuity error.

Honorable mention: Wong Jing / Jet Li epic Kung Fu Cult Master.
 
Cromar
2011-11-15 09:14:54 PM
ertznay: List needs more Robo Vampire

Oh, god, somebody else has seen that movie? What a classic.
 
Mister Peejay
2011-11-15 09:17:01 PM
LawrencePerson: Does RoboGeisha count?

Holy crap, I actually saw that movie at Bad Movie Night.

But anyway, I take offense. Bruce Lee didn't fight Dracula, or die. He discovered how to jump to the moon, and when he did that, he landed at Dracula's moon lair, and how he just sort of hangs out there.

/if this is obscure then you are not getting any Katanakkah cards from me
 
glassgnost
2011-11-15 09:20:20 PM
Obligatory best satire ever: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLihu2K4Q6k
 
glassgnost
2011-11-15 09:24:33 PM
LawrencePerson: Does RoboGeisha count?

El Diablo Robotico?..

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0512909/quotes
 
degenerate-afro
2011-11-15 09:29:05 PM
Is it bad that I've seen all of those except for Crippled Masters and have even quoted one of them in a fark thread?

/going to check out Crippled Masters now
 
Son of Thunder
2011-11-15 10:03:12 PM
Cereal Fetish: For a moment, I was worried that Crippled Masters was not going to be on this list. One of the most entertainingly ridiculous movies I've ever seen (and I've seen many). Even if you don't like kung-fu movies, it's totally worth the watch.

One of the lines from Crippled Masters has worked its way into everyday conversations between my wife and myself.

"That's a clever plan! You're normally very stupid."

Awesome film.
 
Do You Know What I Am Saying
2011-11-15 10:07:46 PM
Bruce Lee is who Chuck Norris wishes he could be.

/ well, probably not the "dead" part
// the "being a badass" part
 
Ronin_S
2011-11-15 11:28:20 PM
*Looks at submission title*

Hey, who was reading my fanfic?
 
L33t Squirrel [TotalFark]
2011-11-15 11:43:51 PM
Mister Peejay: LawrencePerson: Does RoboGeisha count?

Holy crap, I actually saw that movie at Bad Movie Night.

But anyway, I take offense. Bruce Lee didn't fight Dracula, or die. He discovered how to jump to the moon, and when he did that, he landed at Dracula's moon lair, and how he just sort of hangs out there.

/if this is obscure then you are not getting any Katanakkah cards from me

I forgot all about that. I just remembered McNinja riding robo-Dracula back to Earth like a caped surfboard. Meh, ghost astronauts are cooler anyway. Do I still get a Katanakkah card? :)
 
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