FARK.com: (6734927) Crime novelist says he has uncovered evidence that Jane Austen may have been murdered. Police are now looking for a high-school English student with access to a time machine

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		Crime novelist says he has uncovered evidence that Jane Austen may have been murdered. Police are now looking for a high-school English student with access to a time machine (news.yahoo.com)		93
		More: Interesting, Jane Austen, English, arsenic poisoning, marshes

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93 Comments (+0 »)

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The English Major

2011-11-15 10:07:30 AM

Jane Austen, the Stephanie Meyer of the Victorian era.

RexTalionis

2011-11-15 10:19:34 AM

Is Jane Austen required reading in High School? I've never read her books. My English teacher thought it would be better for us to choose our own books, so I chose Upton Sinclair's The Jungle.

Terrible book. Don't read it if you can avoid it.

PenguinCam

2011-11-15 11:02:52 AM

Zombies got her.

Magorn

2011-11-15 11:02:53 AM

Didn't work, whoever you are anonymous hero, try setting the dial a little earlier and try again, you WILL be making the world a better place

BurnShrike

2011-11-15 11:03:05 AM

Sounds like a crime author trying to drum up controversy to promote her books.

cgraves67

2011-11-15 11:04:02 AM

Wow. I never thought Marty McFly would resort to murder.

Disposable Rob

2011-11-15 11:04:52 AM

My first thought was Marty McFly, but he had somewhat of a respect for messing with the past. So, it's obviously Bill & Ted.

FenixStorm1

2011-11-15 11:05:31 AM

Read the first paragraph and said "nope, not happening". Put the book down and madeup the essays based on coles notes.

neversubmit

2011-11-15 11:05:33 AM

Is it murder if she was asking for it? I mean have you read how she wrote? It was murder I tell ya, murder she wrote.

Son of Thunder

2011-11-15 11:06:01 AM

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a poisoner in possession of a quantity of arsenic must be in want of a victim.

watson.t.hamster

2011-11-15 11:06:21 AM

If there was ever a justified homicide this was it.

tothekor

2011-11-15 11:06:48 AM

No way any English student would have the technical know-how or ability to create a time machine in the first place. You're looking in the wrong place, Subby.

/Liberal arts are worthless!

pute kisses like a man

2011-11-15 11:07:51 AM

Dosteovsky once said that he thought of Austen was a great writer of the time. He thought she was one who truly understood character development and the interactions of characters, such that the plot was an accident of the motivations of her characters.

I like Dostoevksy and all, and I think he's the greatest novelist of all time... but, eh... Jane Austen? really?

oh well, if reading Jane Austen lead to his awesomeness, she gets a check by her name. Doesn't mean I like her books, but it does mean that she will survive when I get the time machine up and running.

GoodyearPimp

2011-11-15 11:08:19 AM

The perp being male is assumed. Most girls love the shiat out of those books. Prince Charming isn't coming to "rescue" you from your life of privilege and exclusiveness, ladies.

Jake Havechek

2011-11-15 11:09:06 AM

"Austen slashes four, dies in cocaine brawl"

IKanHazaBukkit

2011-11-15 11:09:09 AM

Must've been Mr. Darcy.

Son of Thunder

2011-11-15 11:09:44 AM

A crime novelist solving crimes?

thetvaddict.com

tothekor

2011-11-15 11:12:18 AM

GoodyearPimp: The perp being male is assumed. Most girls love the shiat out of those books. Prince Charming isn't coming to "rescue" you from your life of privilege and exclusiveness, ladies.

Isn't most of Austen's novels about the girl NOT getting Prince Charming and accepting and being happy with her position in society no matter how crappy it might be?

fappomatic

2011-11-15 11:12:33 AM

tothekor: No way any English student would have the technical know-how or ability to create a time machine in the first place. You're looking in the wrong place, Subby.

/Liberal arts are worthless!

Agreed. I'll just leave this here...

fullofsnark.com

Beluga Heights

2011-11-15 11:12:59 AM

GoodyearPimp: The perp being male is assumed. Most girls love the shiat out of those books. Prince Charming isn't coming to "rescue" you from your life of privilege and exclusiveness, ladies.

The English Major: Jane Austen, the Stephanie Meyer of the Victorian era.

I asked a roommate of one my friends why women liked Austen so much. I never really understood; I've attempted Pride and Prejudice once but didn't like it enough to finish it. She explained that women tend to like Austen because Austen is sort of like the predecessor of romantic comedies. I don't think I've heard a sentence that has ever turned me off more to a writer.

MisterLoki

2011-11-15 11:13:28 AM

Someone call Thursday Next!

TheDumbBlonde

2011-11-15 11:13:58 AM

Son of Thunder: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a poisoner in possession of a quantity of arsenic must be in want of a victim.

Well, done.

Harry Freakstorm

2011-11-15 11:14:40 AM

Time machine? I want a piece of Samuel Richardson. Must... prevent... the... publishing... of... Clarissa.

and/or

You murdered Jane Austen. Now I have to go back in time and unmurder Jane Austen

mmagdalene

2011-11-15 11:15:27 AM

johnnieconnie

2011-11-15 11:15:48 AM

BurnShrike: Sounds like a crime author trying to drum up controversy to promote her books.

This. My first thought was "someone wants her dissertation published in book form," but after rtfa I agree with you.

Quote fta: "And like a good crime novelist, Ashford thinks it's quite possible that Austen was murdered.."

Sure, it's possible, but it's also possible that aliens got her; or maybe zombie outbreak; suicide, etc. I mean, why should a now famous author have died of natural causes in the early 19th century before modern doctors and medicine were available.

/sarcasm off

Beluga Heights

2011-11-15 11:18:28 AM

mmagdalene: GoodyearPimp: The perp being male is assumed. Most girls love the shiat out of those books. Prince Charming isn't coming to "rescue" you from your life of privilege and exclusiveness, ladies.

Seriously, who would long for that when there are true gentlemen such as GoodyearPimp around?

I lolled

thismomentinblackhistory

2011-11-15 11:18:39 AM

Ugh. There is absolutely no reason to read anything written by a woman prior to 1925.

Son of Thunder

2011-11-15 11:20:24 AM

Beluga Heights: I asked a roommate of one my friends why women liked Austen so much. I never really understood;

I'm not sure either, since Elizabeth has to apologize for being shallow and judgmental just as much as Darcy has to apologize for being high-handed and contemptuous.

ClintBartonWannabe

2011-11-15 11:23:30 AM

Somebody call Thursday Next.

Orgasmatron138

2011-11-15 11:24:34 AM

RexTalionis: Is Jane Austen required reading in High School? I've never read her books. My English teacher thought it would be better for us to choose our own books, so I chose Upton Sinclair's The Jungle.

Terrible book. Don't read it if you can avoid it.

To be fair, you read a book that was meant to be a mechanism of social change, not necessarily beautiful prose.

It would be like listening to punk for the production values.

Magorn

2011-11-15 11:27:46 AM

pute kisses like a man: Dosteovsky once said that he thought of Austen was a great writer of the time. He thought she was one who truly understood character development and the interactions of characters, such that the plot was an accident of the motivations of her characters.

I like Dostoevksy and all, and I think he's the greatest novelist of all time... but, eh... Jane Austen? really?

oh well, if reading Jane Austen lead to his awesomeness, she gets a check by her name. Doesn't mean I like her books, but it does mean that she will survive when I get the time machine up and running.

He was just trying to get laid. Either into Jane's pants directly or into those of the 19th century Russian equivalent of a freshman woman's lit major

swangoatman

2011-11-15 11:29:16 AM

RexTalionis: Is Jane Austen required reading in High School? I've never read her books. My English teacher thought it would be better for us to choose our own books, so I chose Upton Sinclair's The Jungle.

Terrible book. Don't read it if you can avoid it.

I choose "Beyond the Green Door". When asked if anyone wanted to dramatize or act out parts of their reading list I only found two girls willing to help. Since that was clearly not enough for the cage scene I had chosen, I just did a dramatic reading from page 31.

BurnShrike

2011-11-15 11:30:38 AM

Crime novelist says he has uncovered evidence that Jane Austen may have been murdered. Police are now looking for a high-school English student with access to a time machine

Did Subby read the article?

tamsnod27

2011-11-15 11:36:21 AM

swangoatman: RexTalionis: Is Jane Austen required reading in High School? I've never read her books. My English teacher thought it would be better for us to choose our own books, so I chose Upton Sinclair's The Jungle.

Terrible book. Don't read it if you can avoid it.

I choose "Beyond the Green Door". When asked if anyone wanted to dramatize or act out parts of their reading list I only found two girls willing to help. Since that was clearly not enough for the cage scene I had chosen, I just did a dramatic reading from page 31.

Lucky you too. I choose James Joyce Ulysses. Cripes how tedious.

MasterThief

2011-11-15 11:37:13 AM

The only one I've read was Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

/still counts, right?

Oak

2011-11-15 11:37:58 AM

Now I'm not saying he should have killed her... but I understand.

Beluga Heights

2011-11-15 11:41:12 AM

Son of Thunder: Beluga Heights: I asked a roommate of one my friends why women liked Austen so much. I never really understood;

I'm not sure either, since Elizabeth has to apologize for being shallow and judgmental just as much as Darcy has to apologize for being high-handed and contemptuous.

Right. Austen is one of those few writers who is both very popular and academically respected. I don't always understand the latter. But that's just me.

SundaesChild

2011-11-15 11:41:22 AM

radioman_

2011-11-15 11:41:45 AM

Austen was a terrific writer of prose. Ahead -of-her-time modern. You can do a lot worse for entertainment. Fyodor knew of what he spoke.

/War. What is it good for?

Oznog

2011-11-15 11:44:38 AM

MasterThief: The only one I've read was Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

/still counts, right?

This is half of all Doctor Who episodes. They're historical porn. Porn parodies of traditional genres with no actual porn, but we did see Agatha Christie and a giant space wasp.

LOTN

2011-11-15 11:52:09 AM

Magorn: Didn't work, whoever you are anonymous hero, try setting the dial a little earlier and try again, you WILL be making the world a better place

TheDumbBlonde

2011-11-15 11:52:17 AM

I enjoy Austen. So there.

wildcardjack

2011-11-15 11:52:21 AM

Spec Ops 27 working with Spec Ops 9 again?

thismomentinblackhistory

2011-11-15 11:55:00 AM

TheDumbBlonde: I enjoy Austen. So there.

I love SXSW too!

Regas

2011-11-15 11:56:02 AM

*whispers*

I quite liked Emma.

radioman_: Austen was a terrific writer of prose. Ahead -of-her-time modern. You can do a lot worse for entertainment. Fyodor knew of what he spoke.

True 'dat. She was doing funky things with her narrative voice 100 years before the likes of Woolf.

Beluga Heights

2011-11-15 12:00:06 PM

Regas: *whispers*

I quite liked Emma.

radioman_: Austen was a terrific writer of prose. Ahead -of-her-time modern. You can do a lot worse for entertainment. Fyodor knew of what he spoke.

True 'dat. She was doing funky things with her narrative voice 100 years before the likes of Woolf.

*yells*

You would like Emma!

All kidding aside, why be ashamed of it?

ClintBartonWannabe

2011-11-15 12:00:17 PM

MisterLoki: Someone call Thursday Next!

If only I hadn't gone looking for a book jacket picture and got sucked into Jasper FForde's web site, I coulda been first.

texdent

2011-11-15 12:08:51 PM

In high school I had to write a paper on Emma. I never felt more murderous afterwards.

Igloo

2011-11-15 12:10:10 PM

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you The Jane Austen Drinking Game.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RFC3eKx2m0

Regas

2011-11-15 12:10:22 PM

Beluga Heights: Regas: *whispers*

I quite liked Emma.

radioman_: Austen was a terrific writer of prose. Ahead -of-her-time modern. You can do a lot worse for entertainment. Fyodor knew of what he spoke.

True 'dat. She was doing funky things with her narrative voice 100 years before the likes of Woolf.

*yells*

You would like Emma!

All kidding aside, why be ashamed of it?

I'm not ashamed. I thought it was a good book. Mansfield Park, on the other hand...

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