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(Daily Mail) Obvious Did you hear? Women can only keep a secret for 32 minutes   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 75
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10693 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Nov 2011 at 5:50 AM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



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WTF Indeed
2011-11-13 11:38:34 PM
My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.
 
TsarTom [TotalFark]
2011-11-13 11:44:51 PM
and by minutes, they mean seconds.
 
Lando Lincoln [TotalFark]
2011-11-13 11:46:56 PM
Were the first 30 minutes due to because they were locked in a closet?
 
Indolent [TotalFark]
2011-11-14 12:00:32 AM
Lando Lincoln: Were the first 30 minutes due to because they were locked in a closet?

Maybe it took that long to decide who to tell first?
 
Aar1012 [TotalFark]
2011-11-14 01:20:48 AM
Indolent: Lando Lincoln: Were the first 30 minutes due to because they were locked in a closet?

Maybe it took that long to decide who to tell first?

They had to wait for their husband to take a nap so that they could sneak out of the kitchen
 
The Onanist [TotalFark]
2011-11-14 02:18:22 AM
WTF Indeed: My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.

And I add another to my "favorites" list.
 
Megaton Suntan
2011-11-14 02:51:31 AM
No, Wrong. It just takes 32 minutes to find out a woman has not kept the secret. The actual amount of time with which it went from "secret" to "secret between woman+friends" is roughly approximate to the speed of light covering the same distance.

I have proof!
 
wingedkat [TotalFark]
2011-11-14 05:42:15 AM
Just one if the many things I don't understand about women: gossip. What the dark is that all about?

/what?
 
Knight of the Woeful Countenance
2011-11-14 05:55:15 AM
The three fastest forms of communication:

Telephone, telegraph and tell a woman.

/joke's a bit moldy, mind the dust.
 
Wittenberg Dropout
2011-11-14 06:15:41 AM
Morphic resonance, how does it work? Pretty much like this I speculate.
 
LonMead
2011-11-14 06:20:57 AM
I asked subby to keep this a secret at 5:18am.
 
bionicjoe [TotalFark]
2011-11-14 06:22:13 AM
I've pretty much found that anything women can/do keep secret ends up being things no one else really cares about.
 
Crosshair [TotalFark]
2011-11-14 06:40:54 AM
wingedkat: Just one if the many things I don't understand about women: gossip. What the dark is that all about?

/what?

My guess, they want to feel important to their friends and how they do that is by divulging every little bit of information they can scrounge up.

I work in jails and quite a few women are in jail purely because they just can't keep their dammed mouths shut about the illegal stuff they are doing.
 
upright_apes_r_us
2011-11-14 06:52:33 AM
Emptying ones head doesn't leave as much to carry on one shoulders..
 
DingleberryMoose
2011-11-14 07:05:01 AM
Crosshair: I work in jails and quite a few women are in jail purely because they just can't keep their dammed mouths shut about the illegal stuff they are doing.

I'm a CPS investigator. You'd be amazed what people will tell you if you just give them a sympathetic ear and don't seem to judge while they're talking.
 
Omnis_evil_twin
2011-11-14 07:09:45 AM
DingleberryMoose: Crosshair: I work in jails and quite a few women are in jail purely because they just can't keep their dammed mouths shut about the illegal stuff they are doing.

I'm a CPS investigator. You'd be amazed what people will tell you if you just give them a sympathetic ear and don't seem to judge while they're talking.

I do not envy you. :-'( But I would like to hear your Cool Stories, bro.
 
Crackers Are a Family Food [TotalFark]
2011-11-14 07:19:24 AM
DingleberryMoose: Crosshair: I work in jails and quite a few women are in jail purely because they just can't keep their dammed mouths shut about the illegal stuff they are doing.

I'm a CPS investigator. You'd be amazed what people will tell you if you just give them a sympathetic ear and don't seem to judge while they're talking.

This. Maybe it's because word has gotten out (heh) that I'm one of the precious few people (let alone one with a vagina) who will take a secret to the grave, but people will tell me anything. And I mean anything.

Never blabbed about someone's secret once. Not even when a former friend stabbed me in the back and turned into a complete biatch because even though she's a terrible person now, the information was told to me in confidence, and I don't play dirty like that. And I could have absolutely destroyed her with the info she told me.

The only time I will spill the beans is if they're harming someone, but thankfully, I haven't run into that yet.
 
Egalitarian
2011-11-14 07:25:12 AM
Oh like men never gossip and tell secrets. And not just gay men.

It's just that when you hear straight men gossiping it's usually about power or maybe sex, whereas women are more likely to gossip about who likes who. I've overheard cops blathering endlessly about who's out to get them at their jobs, and young men posturing over who smack-talked them at some party.

\oops did I just blab a secret or two
 
DingleberryMoose
2011-11-14 07:32:55 AM
Omnis_evil_twin: I would like to hear your Cool Stories, bro

Not really, you just don't know it. Since I'm an investigator, I spend lots of time weeding out the baseless allegations, then send the problems on to the workers who help solve them. The kids always seem to feel so guilty telling you their parents smoke cigs when you ask about drugs, but don't mind a bit telling you all about how step-dad beat Little Timmy with a curtain rod for 20 minutes for spilling the beer. It's bizarre.

/a tweenage boy will tell you everything happening in the home
//and offer his best expert analysis
///which is often very accurate
////gratuitous slashie
 
dittybopper
2011-11-14 07:40:30 AM
Egalitarian: Oh like men never gossip and tell secrets. And not just gay men.

It's just that when you hear straight men gossiping it's usually about power or maybe sex, whereas women are more likely to gossip about who likes who. I've overheard cops blathering endlessly about who's out to get them at their jobs, and young men posturing over who smack-talked them at some party.

\oops did I just blab a secret or two

Actually, when *I* gossip, it's likely to be about the latest opening on 10 meters, or something technical, so it's not really 'gossip' in the classic sense of the word.

Exception: When talking to the distaffbopper, I will indeed 'gossip', but this is mainly so that she feels that I relate to her and her concerns, and thus it is, in the end, a way to insure that I will get laid in a regular manner.
 
Captain_Ballbeard
2011-11-14 07:42:13 AM
And that's all of them collectively, it gets worse on an individual basis.
 
iverbali
2011-11-14 07:55:38 AM
Men are worse...they just go about it in a different manner...
 
dittybopper
2011-11-14 07:57:43 AM
iverbali: Men are worse...they just go about it in a different manner...

You sound... female.
 
Gdalescrboz
2011-11-14 08:01:13 AM
Crackers Are a Family Food 2011-11-14 07:19:24 AM

DingleberryMoose: Crosshair: I work in jails and quite a few women are in jail purely because they just can't keep their dammed mouths shut about the illegal stuff they are doing.

I'm a CPS investigator. You'd be amazed what people will tell you if you just give them a sympathetic ear and don't seem to judge while they're talking.

This. Maybe it's because word has gotten out (heh) that I'm one of the precious few people (let alone one with a vagina) who will take a secret to the grave, but people will tell me anything. And I mean anything.

Never blabbed about someone's secret once. Not even when a former friend stabbed me in the back and turned into a complete biatch because even though she's a terrible person now, the information was told to me in confidence, and I don't play dirty like that. And I could have absolutely destroyed her with the info she told me.

The only time I will spill the beans is if they're harming someone, but thankfully, I haven't run into that yet.

Yeah, you sound COMPLETELY different from other chicks
 
iverbali
2011-11-14 08:01:15 AM
dittybopper: iverbali: Men are worse...they just go about it in a different manner...

You sound... female.

Of course...and you sound male....I am surrounded by more men than women, I have seen first hand how they work...but I am sure you can say the same...
 
Lupine Chemist
2011-11-14 08:02:27 AM
iverbali: Men are worse...they just go about it in a different manner...

Meh, I wouldn´t say worse, but the vast majority of people (With or without Y chromosome) don´t understand that if you really truly need a secret to stay secret, you cannot tell ANYONE.
 
iverbali
2011-11-14 08:04:52 AM
Lupine Chemist: iverbali: Men are worse...they just go about it in a different manner...

Meh, I wouldn´t say worse, but the vast majority of people (With or without Y chromosome) don´t understand that if you really truly need a secret to stay secret, you cannot tell ANYONE.

Agreed.
 
medius [TotalFark]
2011-11-14 08:05:18 AM
Listen. Do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell?
 
yogaFLAME [TotalFark]
2011-11-14 08:06:14 AM
If you put two women and a secret in a box, the two women are actually in a superposition of gossiping and not gossiping until you open the box.
 
medius [TotalFark]
2011-11-14 08:07:30 AM
I don't share secrets because either I wasn't listening or I've forgotten what you said already.

But it was something about HPV, right?
 
aromaticmahogany
2011-11-14 08:14:11 AM
OTOH, women CAN hold a fart in.

Moral: If you want a woman to keep a secret, whisper it up her arse.

/obscure for most Farkers, I think...
 
icepriestess
2011-11-14 08:14:23 AM
The top 3 most gossip obsessed people I have ever met were all male. I'm sure their average secret-spilling times combined add up to less than 32 minutes.

I'm always amused by how this is portrayed as a female attribute. It's not. Everyone gossips.
 
Gergesa
2011-11-14 08:17:07 AM
This describes my sister perfectly. Of course she also wants people to divulge secrets to her. Not going to happen.

Oh and awhile ago there was a comic from atlas comics called Iron Jaw and the hero(guess the name) was talking to a woman. Went something like this:

Woman: I swear I'll keep this a secret.

Ironjaw: But you are a woman so you will tell.
 
medius [TotalFark]
2011-11-14 08:18:51 AM
icepriestess: Everyone gossips.

I thought I told you ixnay on the everyoneay ossipsgay.
 
BurnShrike
2011-11-14 08:23:13 AM
Women can't keep a secret, and men can't hold in a fart. So if you want a woman to keep a secret, whisper it up her arse.

-Billy Connolly

/can't find the exact quote, or a youtube video
 
bikerbob59
2011-11-14 08:25:35 AM
Shocking...
 
ARC7
2011-11-14 08:25:41 AM
DingleberryMoose
The kids always seem to feel so guilty telling you their parents smoke cigs when you ask about drugs, but don't mind a bit telling you all about how step-dad beat Little Timmy with a curtain rod for 20 minutes for spilling the beer. It's bizarre.

That's funny/terrible, but it makes sense in hindsight. It's quite likely that they don't realize the extent to which society disapproves of the latter, and think they're just expressing personal gripes rather than something serious.
 
LoneDoggie
2011-11-14 08:26:17 AM
17,000 years ago you could hear some broad saying, "Hey, guess who shiat in the cave last night!"
 
Gdalescrboz
2011-11-14 08:27:32 AM
icepriestess 2011-11-14 08:14:23 AM

The top 3 most gossip obsessed people I have ever met were all male. I'm sure their average secret-spilling times combined add up to less than 32 minutes.

I'm always amused by how this is portrayed as a female attribute. It's not. Everyone gossips

The same reason the judicial system is much softer on women
 
dittybopper
2011-11-14 08:45:52 AM
iverbali: dittybopper: iverbali: Men are worse...they just go about it in a different manner...

You sound... female.

Of course...and you sound male....I am surrounded by more men than women, I have seen first hand how they work...but I am sure you can say the same...

No, my favorite form of discourse is the monologue. You see, the battle for the mind of North America will be fought in the online arena. The computer screen is the retina of the mind's eye. Therefore, the computer screen is part of the physical structure of the brain. Therefore, whatever appears on the computer screen emerges as raw experience for those who watch it. Therefore, the Internet is reality, and reality is less than the Internet.

/All hail the new flesh.
 
dittybopper
2011-11-14 09:08:42 AM
yogaFLAME: If you put two women and a secret in a box, the two women are actually in a superposition of gossiping and not gossiping until you open the box.

We've replace their regular brewed coffee with Quantum Crystals. Let's see if they collapse the wave function...
 
bmr68
2011-11-14 09:16:40 AM
I have three sisters. I could have told you this fact in 1978
 
ARC7
2011-11-14 09:34:48 AM
bmr68
I have three sisters. I could have told you this fact in 1978

I didn't know that sundials could tell time so accurately!
 
Jay Tea
2011-11-14 09:57:09 AM
As Billy Connelly once said, Women can't keep secrets, whereas Men love knowing things others do not. On the other hand, Women can hold in a fart, whereas Men cannot. How do you get a Woman to keep a secret? Whisper it up her arse.
 
bmr68
2011-11-14 10:00:06 AM
ARC7: bmr68
I have three sisters. I could have told you this fact in 1978

I didn't know that sundials could tell time so accurately!

bwahahaha booooo
 
hailin [TotalFark]
2011-11-14 10:03:16 AM
My husband and I gossip to each other all the time. All our friends know if they tell one of us both of us will know about it. He is worse about it then I am. I have never blabbed any of my husband's secrets though and he hasn't any of mine either. That is one of the reasons we can trust each other.

I've had people start out with "You can't tell anyone this, not even your husband" and I just stop them right there are tell them I'm not interested in knowing then. I can keep your secret from other friends or my extended family, but I refuse to keep any secrets from my husband. He feels the same way with me though his friends have way more drama then mine do, so I will admit it is hard to keep their secrets. I do though because my husband asks me to.

I only have that trust with my husband though. I didn't care with past boyfriends and constantly gossiped about them with my mom and my sister. Probably part of the reason those relationships ended. My husband was straight forward with me that he hates dishonesty and expects me to keep his personal business private which is easy to do since I love him.

/Even showed me all the pictures from his and others bachelor parties
//It is actually pretty funny how tame the parties at strip clubs are compared to bar hopping
 
watson.t.hamster
2011-11-14 10:14:22 AM
Indolent: Lando Lincoln: Were the first 30 minutes due to because they were locked in a closet?

Maybe it took that long to decide who to tell first?

30 minute long lead up story to get to the juicy secret. They can't just come out and say it.
 
JackieRabbit
2011-11-14 10:16:47 AM
bionicjoe: I've pretty much found that anything women can/do keep secret ends up being things no one else really cares about.

I've pretty much found that anything women can't/don't keep secret ends up being things no one else really cares about.

We have to complete the corollary...

ProTip: never tell a woman anything in confidence, because you can be confident she's going to gab.
 
cast55
2011-11-14 10:26:35 AM
Where is the Inigo Montoya pic when you need it?

If you have information you need to keep "secret", then do not disseminate it. If you must share sensitive information, then you must have some leverage over the confidant to ensure that the "secret" is not disseminated any further. Where a state is concerned, breach of such trust constitutes some combination of charges for which there are identifiable penalties. On a personal level, while you may not have an adversarial relationship with your confidant, you must at least ensure that there exists some sort of disincentive to breach your trust. Otherwise, you implicitly accept that the shared information is no longer "secret".

Women thrive on social interaction to a much greater extent than men. This does not mean that a woman cannot keep a secret, but the disincentives to breach confidence must necessarily be stronger with women, generally speaking.

/ Keeping information secure - if it were easy, everyone would be doing it.
 
ruetheday69
2011-11-14 10:32:56 AM
hailin: That is one of the reasons we can trust each other. ...but I refuse to keep any secrets from my husband.

I guess this explains why my sister in law felt the need to tell my brother that I told her I was having sexual dreams about his best friend. I'm never telling her anything again ever. I don't see how this is a 'secret' that's gonna strengthen anyone's relationship though. Really, really don't trust people anymore at all and don't tell anyone anything.
 
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