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(SFGate)   Herman Cain claims that God told him that he needed to run for president. You don't even want to know what message he received from his Alpha-Bits cereal   (sfgate.com) divider line 87
    More: Unlikely  
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678 clicks; posted to Politics » on 13 Nov 2011 at 5:24 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-11-12 11:32:16 PM  
Sheeziz, God did this, God says that. . . It's a lucky thing for the wingnuts that they don't all get together and say what they think God thinks--they'd suddenly realize that God is all over the map with this stuff.

.
 
2011-11-12 11:37:24 PM  
Who is this god fellow and why can't he make up his mind a pick just one person to be president

God's endorsement doesn't mean as much since he throws it around willy nilly
 
2011-11-12 11:53:00 PM  
Was it "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?"
 
2011-11-12 11:53:27 PM  
He was eating Alpha Bits, and got really scared because they said "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO".

Then, he realized he was eating Cheerios.
 
2011-11-13 12:13:00 AM  
Q&D

i43.tinypic.com

/yeah, soup, I know...
 
2011-11-13 12:19:16 AM  
i157.photobucket.com
i157.photobucket.com
i157.photobucket.com
 
2011-11-13 12:23:33 AM  
I just asked my Alpha Bits what Cain's chances of winning were.

farm4.static.flickr.com

It doesn't look good Herman.
 
2011-11-13 12:29:20 AM  
God also told Bachmann and Perry to run....unfortunately for the three of them,he's just farking with them and he's gonna make Obama win again.
 
2011-11-13 12:34:23 AM  
Does anybody understand the option to enable voting in a thread? You don't have to specifically have to put the fact in the headline, but when the final sentence begs such a question, enable the damn voting!
 
2011-11-13 12:34:49 AM  

Eddie Adams from Torrance: God also told Bachmann and Perry to run....unfortunately for the three of them,he's just farking with them and he's gonna make Obama win again.


He told me to run too. Hell, he tells anyone who'll listen to run. What an asshole.
 
2011-11-13 12:39:49 AM  
 
2011-11-13 12:41:34 AM  
i1020.photobucket.com
 
2011-11-13 01:08:23 AM  
So god told Cain, Bachmann, Perry and Santorum he wants them to be president? Man, this god guy is a dick!
 
2011-11-13 01:08:48 AM  
Hey, even God needs some LULZ.

He tells Perry to run. He tells Bachmann to run. He tells Cain to run. I mean, don't tell me that doesn't clearly indicate a sense of humor.

On another note, I again am amazed at the egos these people have. How big of an ego must one have to believe that God of all the universe thinks about you and wants YOU to run as the leader of the most powerful tribe of humans currently on our little rock?
 
2011-11-13 01:10:52 AM  
Now THAT's a killer debate question:

"30 seconds for each candidate on the following topic: You all claim to be people of faith, and many of you have claimed that God called you to run for President. Are the other candidates lying, or do they worship the wrong God, or does God simply like you best? We'll start with you, Congresswoman, and then hit our foreheads on the desk for a while to clear what you say out of our brainwaves before asking Mr. Cain, after which we're going to hang ourselves."
 
2011-11-13 01:13:49 AM  
I'm also really not OK with someone having a finger on the button who hears voices in his/her head telling him/her what to do.
 
2011-11-13 01:45:28 AM  

dahmers love zombie: Now THAT's a killer debate question:

"30 seconds for each candidate on the following topic: You all claim to be people of faith, and many of you have claimed that God called you to run for President. Are the other candidates lying, or do they worship the wrong God, or does God simply like you best? We'll start with you, Congresswoman, and then hit our foreheads on the desk for a while to clear what you say out of our brainwaves before asking Mr. Cain, after which we're going to hang ourselves."


I'd pay good money for such a question to be asked and answered in a debate live on TV. :D
 
2011-11-13 01:59:06 AM  

Meatzilla:


Not that I make a usual policy of responding to trolls, or believe that God called any of these politicians to be president, but of the four people being discussed as "called by God to be President," (Bachmann, Perry, Cain, and Obama), Obama actually became president which gives his claim a lot more validity.
 
2011-11-13 02:19:36 AM  

dahmers love zombie: Now THAT's a killer debate question:

"30 seconds for each candidate on the following topic: You all claim to be people of faith, and many of you have claimed that God called you to run for President. Are the other candidates lying, or do they worship the wrong God, or does God simply like you best? We'll start with you, Congresswoman, and then hit our foreheads on the desk for a while to clear what you say out of our brainwaves before asking Mr. Cain, after which we're going to hang ourselves."


You left out the most important one: Perry. I'd love to hear why he thinks that God uh... uhm... oops...
 
2011-11-13 03:18:23 AM  

dahmers love zombie: Now THAT's a killer debate question:

"30 seconds for each candidate on the following topic: You all claim to be people of faith, and many of you have claimed that God called you to run for President. Are the other candidates lying, or do they worship the wrong God, or does God simply like you best? We'll start with you, Congresswoman, and then hit our foreheads on the desk for a while to clear what you say out of our brainwaves before asking Mr. Cain, after which we're going to hang ourselves."


This is why you'll never be asked to moderate a GOP presidential nominee debate...
 
2011-11-13 05:28:07 AM  
It's ok, the Bible talks about these politicians and those who follow them.

Mat 7:15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
Mat 7:16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
Mat 7:17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
Mat 7:18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
Mat 7:19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
Mat 7:20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
Mat 7:21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
Mat 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Mat 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
 
2011-11-13 05:36:24 AM  

Meatzilla: I submitted myself to His will, and dedicated myself to discovering His truth and carrying out His works.

-Barack Obama

My will is His will, and only I speak His truth, and nothing I do will ever be considered sinful.
-"Republican Jesus" Candidate

/Quite a fine strawman, if I don't say so myself.
 
2011-11-13 05:40:08 AM  
God told them: next time you see me coming, you better run. But the dumb farks misunderstood the message
 
2011-11-13 05:45:13 AM  
As a rule, I don't trust people who hear disembodied voices in their heads (especially those that follow instructions from those voices).
 
2011-11-13 05:54:19 AM  

FlashHarry: So god told Cain, Bachmann, Perry and Santorum he wants them to be president? Man, this god guy is a dick!


Near as I can ascertain, there is no God, in the biblical sense. I am kind of bummed by that. I had hoped he had the personality of Mel Brooks.
 
2011-11-13 05:56:48 AM  
In any other country in the world, saying that called told you personally to run would get you laughed off of your career. I don't think it would even fly in the Vatican.
 
2011-11-13 05:59:39 AM  
"Wise and powerful bowl of cereal, what must I do to become President of the United States?"

i42.tinypic.com

/Well, that explains a lot.
//Thanks for the blank, nvmac!
 
2011-11-13 06:03:30 AM  

JohnnyC: As a rule, I don't trust people who hear disembodied voices in their heads (especially those that follow instructions from those voices).


But this audience is quite used hearing disembodied voices telling them what to do. It happens every day through their car's AM radios.
 
2011-11-13 06:07:07 AM  
God might have told him to run, but God sure as hell didn't tell him to win the Presidency
 
2011-11-13 06:19:31 AM  
What would that conversation even be like?

**PHONE RINGS**
[Herman Cain]: Hello?
[God]: Hey Herm
[Herman Cain]: Who is this?
[God]: Oh you know just alpha and omega, just pausing the infinitly complex job of running everything to call my favorite good'un to see what's up, what's new.
[Herman Cain]: Nothing much, I just finished writing a book an....
[God]: Look that's fantastic the reason I am calling is because I want to get you a new job.
[Herman Cain]: Yeah? What are the details.
[God]: Well its a high paying job as a fox contributor, but before you do that you have to put in the usual leg work.
[Herman Cain]: Well I guess that sounds reasonable
[God]: Good now just repeat after me, "My ass goes down in the South Carolina primary"
[Herman Cane]: My ass goes down in the South Carolina primary.*brief pause* I don't know about this god...
[God]: Look, You want the job right?
[Herman Cain]: yes.
[God]: Then you will go down. Just think of all the people you would help by going down. The strapping industrialist, with his suave looks, dapper dress, and his talented silver tongue. The rugged and handsome farmer, his brow beading sweat down his jagged facial features. Or the brilliant intellectual, his wondering eyes lusting after the naked truths. I ask of you, go down on them Herm. Go down on every red blooded American you can. Perhaps in some 6-9-6, or some 9-6-9 deal. I will leave that for you to decide.
[Herman Cain]: I don't know, that seems kind of....well....gay...
[God]: Get use to it son, you are a republican now.
 
2011-11-13 06:19:35 AM  
Meatzilla:
Your point is weakened by Obama's comment stating he felt he heard God's beckoning, not that God spoke to him.

Similarly though, I couldn't find a direct quote that God spoke directly to Cain, only that Cain 'finally realized that it was God saying that this is what I needed to do'.
 
2011-11-13 06:23:37 AM  

BKITU: Was it "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?"


Came in to say this. Figured it would be obvious, but hey, at least nobody's referenced this (new window) yet.

/not like any of this surprises me
//Palin and Huckabee would be doing it too
///Christie wouldn't, but I'd have other problems with the guy
 
2011-11-13 06:23:49 AM  
How do you spell 'pervert'!
 
2011-11-13 06:24:20 AM  
God tells me to burn things.
 
2011-11-13 06:24:48 AM  
D'oh,

I meant to include this link (new window).
 
2011-11-13 06:24:58 AM  
god is telling all of us to run for president, we're just not listening.
 
2011-11-13 06:25:34 AM  
How come when God tells people to run for President everybody is cool with it?

truthaboutgop.com
(seriously, it's not even a farking competition. this woman is atleast 1.7x crazier than me)

But when God tells me to spend a frosty Thursday morning attacking everything downtown that I happen across that is the color Red with a pair of hedge shears... I get put in prison for 3 years and still have to see a psychiatrist once a month and they won't even let me own a dog?

3.bp.blogspot.comus.123rf.com

So, he still talks to me but I've learned not to tell the Doctors.

www.reekoscience.com
(see it? SEE IT!!??!! well.. don't feel bad, the message is meant for me not you)

After I get my writ of release I'll be moving to New Jersey. There we will enter the fifth hour, when the day of the Goat will come to pass. ... I plan on gearing up in Home and Garden at WalMart and making a day of it. :))

www.shamebox.com
(anyone without a Goat on the day of the Goat is going to feel left out. They will also get stabbed by me.)

I feel bad for people that don't have a close relationship with the Lord our God. They are missing out on the best parts of life.

theworldhates.com
(God and I are mostly business. But we always make sure to put aside some "us" time)

I'm no more crazy than the next person that talks to God. Who are you to tell me my voices aren't real? Who are you to say Herman Cain isn't also as divinely gifted as I? Or any of the other GOP candidates?

Well, I know who I'm voting for come next November. And it ISN'T going to be some godless mooselm like Obama.

A vote for the GOP is a vote for God and all of us who talk to him!
 
2011-11-13 06:26:10 AM  
I think the exact words from God were:

"You want to be President, don't you? Come here and lay your head on my lap. That's right... just like that..."
 
2011-11-13 06:29:27 AM  

Lansydyr: Meatzilla:

Not that I make a usual policy of responding to trolls, or believe that God called any of these politicians to be president, but of the four people being discussed as "called by God to be President," (Bachmann, Perry, Cain, and Obama), Obama actually became president which gives his claim a lot more validity.


Not that I make a usual policy of responding to tards, but

Welcometofarkyoutard.jpg
 
2011-11-13 06:29:58 AM  

shower_in_my_socks: I think the exact words from God were:

"You want to be President, don't you? Come here and lay your head on my lap. That's right... just like that..."


God, not a priest.
 
2011-11-13 06:32:06 AM  

shower_in_my_socks: I think the exact words from God were:

"You want to be President, don't you? Come here and lay your head on my lap. That's right... just like that..."


what does god need with a BJ?
 
2011-11-13 06:44:45 AM  
i1207.photobucket.com

crazy as a shiat-house rat.
 
2011-11-13 06:47:51 AM  
Picture of

Dead for Tax Reasons: Who is this god fellow and why can't he make up his mind a pick just one person to be president


Perhaps posting god's photo will help:

s-ak.buzzfed.com
 
2011-11-13 06:51:31 AM  
Apparently americans have yet to discover that god doesn't exist and they are delusional.
 
2011-11-13 07:05:34 AM  

stonelotus: [i1207.photobucket.com image 542x339]

crazy as a shiat-house rat.



CAIN!
 
2011-11-13 07:32:18 AM  

FlashHarry: So god told Cain, Bachmann, Perry and Santorum he wants them to be president? Man, this god guy is a dick!


Yeah, but he's getting a good frothing laugh out of Santorum.
 
2011-11-13 07:51:45 AM  

Paris1127: You left out the most important one: Perry. I'd love to hear why he thinks that God uh... uhm... oops...


God the Father, God the Son and God the... err... erm... I forget the third one.
 
2011-11-13 08:17:15 AM  
God must really hate these people. First he dooms them to a life of being laughably stupid. Somehow that's not enough for him, so he makes them tard-fight each other several times on national television for everyone's amusement. Then, when a winner finally emerges broken and battered from that mess, what's left must then face Obama on the campaign trail for several months of beatdown in front of the entire nation.

www.evolvefish.com
 
2011-11-13 08:26:35 AM  
Herman, it's me, Jesus.

I want you to make bad pizza.
I want you to have no recollection of sexual harassment charges.
I want you to be president.
I want a 9-9-9 tax.
I want abortion to be be a woman's choice, not the government's, which means it should be illegal.
Also I want a Ronald Reagan Action Figure with Commie-Smashin' Kung Fu Grip.
And I want some surprises.

See you on my birthday!
 
2011-11-13 08:29:01 AM  
It's funny, most people just accept it when politicians say that God tells them to do this or that but if a regular Joe was interviewing for a regular job and told the interviewer that God told him to get this gig, he would be very carefully escorted out of the building.
 
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