The correct thing to do is...

1.) Send out an e-mail to all employees and say, 'There have been a lot of complaints about X (Body stank, talking loud, etc, etc) and want to emphasis the need for NOT X. Please take a moment and determine if you doing X and stop doing it now, so that further steps need not be pursued....'

2.) Have everyone in the office who doesn't stank like ass, forward a copy to the ass-stank lady.

Passive-aggressiveness FTW. No awkward conversation.

Of course, the people who smell like ass don't really care about how they smell. So, what they'll do next is claim a medical condition and try to find a way to sue the company.

Send flowers to them with an anonymous note informing them of the issue.

Oh first world problems, you are the worst.

So now I'm supposed to do HR's job in addition to my own?

But what if I don't want to talk to that person? I sit next to a person who talks nonstop and is in everyone's business. Too bad because she's a nice person just too much of a know it all. This is an issue HR should handle.

Although there was one job I had where in the middle of a department meeting I yelled at two coworkers who were farking up big time. It felt good to get it off my chest and although they never really improved, one of those workers was pissed at me the entire time we worked together.

Fark_Guy_Rob: The correct thing to do is...

1.) Send out an e-mail to all employees and say, 'There have been a lot of complaints about X (Body stank, talking loud, etc, etc) and want to emphasis the need for NOT X. Please take a moment and determine if you doing X and stop doing it now, so that further steps need not be pursued....'

2.) Have everyone in the office who doesn't stank like ass, forward a copy to the ass-stank lady.

Passive-aggressiveness FTW. No awkward conversation.

Of course, the people who smell like ass don't really care about how they smell. So, what they'll do next is claim a medical condition and try to find a way to sue the company.

I would just leave a stick of deodorant on their desk.

FTA: In every organization, at some point, a worker comes along with an intolerable smell, personal space issues, lack of volume control,

Feeling all stabby, BRB

poot_rootbeer: So now I'm supposed to do HR's job in addition to my own?

And we'll need you to move your desk closer to the corner. Any time between now and lunch. Okay, thanks.

There was guy in tech school (after basic training) that stank like dead, rotting fish assholes. He was in my company, but thankfully, not my platoon. The guys tried to get him to shower. He never wanted to wash his clothes. The drills tried to help him, as well as yell at him. He just ignored it all.

If finally go to bed for the bunkmate in his bay. One night, they jumped him, dragged him into the showers and scrubbed him with soap and the stiff brushed we used for cleaning the barracks. As they were doing this, they used all the washing machines and dumped all his clothes and bedding in there. Dude had to sit there naked while his clothes were washed for him.

He complained the next day to the drills and they laughed at him. He broke down and cried how unfair it was. A few days later, he was gone. No idea what happened to him.

All I know for sure is that running behind his old platoon didn't smell nearly as bad.

I guess this isn't the diplomatic way of taking care of the situation.

OldManDownDRoad: skinink: But what if I don't want to talk to that person?

And what if that person is the boss' special little snowflake?

And the boss simply doesn't believe that she only does "those things" when he's not around?

/turn off your damned cell phone
//quit having long phone fights with your moronic teenaged kids
///and having endless hen sessions with your cronies at max volume

Bring it HR, if you have one.
Tape it over a period of a few weeks. Make a mix of it for the boss. *Note -- this may be illegal is some locations*

We had a hell of a mess with lunch theft this week. One department was recognized for exemplary performance, and they were rewarded with a surf and turf lunch. A person from a competing department asked the sales rep who bought the lunches if he could have one, and she said no, absolutely not, because they were for the winning department only.

He opened and ate one of the lunches in its entirety, leaving behind only the exoskeleton of the tail. Then he opened a second lunch and ate part of it, too.

The best part? When he was called out, he claimed he'd been told it was okay to have one. Then he pled medical condition, that he couldn't remember that he wasn't supposed to eat lunches with other people's names on them.

EatHam: This is how offices end up with a scent free policy.

I'm so glad I work in a department store. I would die in a scent free office.

I don't bathe in it, though, and I am very careful to select what works with my skin. No sweet scents for me, light citrus and light floral only. I turn all scents sweet.

How to have an uncomfortable conversation with a problematic coworker

Why would i have a conversation with a coworker in the back of a VW?

In every organization, at some point, a worker comes along with an intolerable smell, personal space issues, lack of volume control

Guilty.

Fark Me To Tears: Fark Me To Tears: I love that they bring up the odor issue. I've had to deal with people who saturate themselves in perfume or cologne before coming to work.

Protip: B.O. is not the only offensive/distracting odor in the office, folks. And unless you work as a fragrance designer, you probably don't need the smelly stuff to do your job. Take pity on the other people in the cubicle bay/elevator/closed meeting room and save the scent for your hot date after work.

Whoops. I was an asshole about this, wasn't I? Oh well.

I had to deal with it with a couple of young guys in my office. Here is how I handled it. When they came in one morning I asked them if they had fun at the brothel last night. They looked back with blank stares so I explained, "sorry my mistake, I just assumed since you both smell like cheap whores." We all had a laugh and they got the point. They may have still thought I was an a-hole, but I am so no big deal.

So what do you do if your coworker intentionally doesn't bathe, doesn't care that he stinks, and thinks it's hilarious when people leave deodorant and soap on his desk? He's actually been sent home to shower because his stench has made coworkers nauseous, and yet he continues to not bathe for several days in a row.

atomic-age: One department was recognized for exemplary performance, and they were rewarded with a surf and turf lunch. A person from a competing department asked the sales rep who bought the lunches if he could have one, and she said no, absolutely not, because they were for the winning department only.

I'd have eaten one of the lunches, too, in his position.

Workplaces that encourage competitive and exclusionary attitudes between departments quickly become toxic to work in. You're supposed to be working together, towards a common goal of success for the entire business.

Mike Chewbacca: So what do you do if your coworker intentionally doesn't bathe, doesn't care that he stinks, and thinks it's hilarious when people leave deodorant and soap on his desk? He's actually been sent home to shower because his stench has made coworkers nauseous, and yet he continues to not bathe for several days in a row.

1. Complain to HR
2. Complain to HR again
3. Complain to HR that if they don't take action, you will contact the government agency that regulates labor issues in your jurisdiction
3. Complain to HR that if they don't take action, your attorney will contact them

In another building on the campus I work we have a coworker that smells like he shiats himself. They even have a chart like the terror alert chart (with no markings other than color) to determine his daily state of funk. It is very helpful when I have to go down there for meetings. ALWAYS check the chart first

groppet: In another building on the campus I work we have a coworker that smells like he shiats himself. They even have a chart like the terror alert chart (with no markings other than color) to determine his daily state of funk. It is very helpful when I have to go down there for meetings. ALWAYS check the chart first

A coworker of mine used to work in a place that had an older woman who had anal leakage. She left a shiat trail. She wore long skirts damp and stained with her leavings.

poot_rootbeer: Mike Chewbacca: So what do you do if your coworker intentionally doesn't bathe, doesn't care that he stinks, and thinks it's hilarious when people leave deodorant and soap on his desk? He's actually been sent home to shower because his stench has made coworkers nauseous, and yet he continues to not bathe for several days in a row.

1. Complain to HR
2. Complain to HR again
3. Complain to HR that if they don't take action, you will contact the government agency that regulates labor issues in your jurisdiction
3. Complain to HR that if they don't take action, your attorney will contact them

HR doesn't care. There is apparently no policy against people stinking at work.

EatHam: fire him for being unprofessional.

The boss likes him.

Put yourself in their shoes by sharing a similar experience. For example, you could share that sometimes when you're at the gym you start to smell less than ideal but you don't really notice because you're in it at the time. That smell, however, is far more potent to others.

Uh, no not that same thing. Not even similar. People go to the gym to work out, getting sweaty and smelling a bit is an unfortunate, but totally expected, side effect. Unless you're making people faint with your stench or not wiping down the machines no one really cares.

I rarely hold management jobs. However, I've been in situations where people's managers ask me to talk to people about these kinds of issues. I always say:

"Tell 'em yourself."

They tell me, "I CAN'T"

I tell them, "Well, I can't either."

/Very glad I have a door I can shut

poot_rootbeer: So now I'm supposed to do HR's job in addition to my own?

You COULD try calling the HR call center but somehow I don't think they really care.

big pig peaches: Fark Me To Tears: Fark Me To Tears: I love that they bring up the odor issue. I've had to deal with people who saturate themselves in perfume or cologne before coming to work.

Protip: B.O. is not the only offensive/distracting odor in the office, folks. And unless you work as a fragrance designer, you probably don't need the smelly stuff to do your job. Take pity on the other people in the cubicle bay/elevator/closed meeting room and save the scent for your hot date after work.

Whoops. I was an asshole about this, wasn't I? Oh well.

I had to deal with it with a couple of young guys in my office. Here is how I handled it. When they came in one morning I asked them if they had fun at the brothel last night. They looked back with blank stares so I explained, "sorry my mistake, I just assumed since you both smell like cheap whores." We all had a laugh and they got the point. They may have still thought I was an a-hole, but I am so no big deal.

That reminds me of a joke.
So two guys were shopping for cologne. One takes a bottle and whiffs-
"Oh, hell no I'm not wearing that. My wife would think I'd been in a whorehouse!"
The other man considers for a second, then takes the bottle.
"I'll buy it. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

Mike Chewbacca:
HR doesn't care. There is apparently no policy against people stinking at work.

EatHam: fire him for being unprofessional.

The boss likes him.
Step 1: Find the local construction/milsurplus supply store
Step 2: Buy one of these:

(ask for OV/HEPA Combo carts to go with it, that's what'll effectively block organically produced stench)
Step 3: Carry it with you and execute the rapid-donning drill when Mr. Stench comes around.
Step 4: If somebody complains, bring it up with your corporate safety officer. Tell them that his bioeffluent constitutes a workplace hazard, and since they refused to use engineering (TAKE A BATH!) or administrative (take a bath or don't come to work!) controls, you took it upon yourself to buy personal protective equipment.

Any time a grown man or woman hasn't mastered basic human maintenance or social interaction skills, I mention this to their face. I do so quietly so as not to make a scene.

It's easy, it goes like this:

Jeffery, you smell like old rancid sweat. It's not just today, it's every day. You are neglecting basic hygiene and people talk about it behind your back. It's interfering with your ability to fit in here. All of us take a shower every day, using soap. We put on deodorant as a courtesy to others. You must do this as well. Do you have any questions?

Dolores, you stand too close to people when you talk to them, and when they take a step back to rectify the discomfort that this causes them, you advance a step toward them. This places you back inside their personal space, and they find this practice highly uncomfortable. I want you to be aware that you may not be paying attention to social customs, and that this is actually quite important, and you should pay particular attention to this in the future. As a rule of thumb, if you could not extend your hands and rotate without striking the person you're talking to, you're too close. Be a foot or two farther away than your arms will reach. This makes people feel secure and safe, and will be interpreted in a less confrontational way.

Victor, your sex jokes are inappropriate here. We aren't just saying that jokes referring to specific sex acts are bad, we are specifically talking about your jokes about Miley Cyrus and others. Nobody wants to know your favorite part of any celebrity or coworker, and it is going to be doubly offensive if the person you're fantasizing about is under 18. If you continue to joke about sex with minors, you will be terminated. There will be no more written warnings.

Deborah, our dress policy forbids "excessive display of cleavage". Let me clarify. When we can not only see the tops of your breasts, but in between and under your breasts simultaneously, that's about 1000% over the line. I don't want to specify how much is acceptable, but clearly somewhere between "a little" and "ALL OF IT" there's a line.

Dave, stop wiping your boogers on the stall walls in the restroom. Your shoes are distinctive, and the way you fiddle with your nose before going in there tips us off.

Hey Ryan, you're late. Again. Third time this week. I hope you are aware of the number of truly desperate people out there looking for work, and how many of them would probably show up on time gladly. I hope you are aware that I am aware of those people too.

Dolores, once again, stand farther back. I can smell your coffee breath, so you're clearly a bit on the close side. Also, I farking hate your earrings.


See, there's a socially conscious way to say it. I don't use it, but it probably exists.

There's a guy in my office who insists on watching every video of cats and people hurting themselves that the internet has ever produced. I gave him two warnings and then told him that if he didn't get headphones I would murder him. Problem solved.

Mara See Mara Do

There's a guy in my office who insists on watching every video of cats and people hurting themselves that the internet has ever produced. I gave him two warnings and then told him that if he didn't get headphones I would murder him. Problem solved.


Good!

Where did you hide the body?