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(Boston.com)   Budweiser plans to introduce Bud Light Platinum. It'll still taste like piss, but really GOOD piss   ( boston.com) divider line
    More: Stupid, Anheuser-Busch InBev, Brewers Association, Budweiser, taste, Budweiser plans  
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1068 clicks; posted to Business » on 10 Nov 2011 at 7:58 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



35 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2011-11-10 08:00:17 PM  
Sex in a canoe!
/Boobies
 
M-G
2011-11-10 08:00:58 PM  
fark you, InBev.

/that is all
 
2011-11-10 08:01:55 PM  
It can't be worse than their chelada abominations.
 
2011-11-10 08:26:08 PM  
Why would I want to consume platinum? Isn't that unhealthy?
 
2011-11-10 08:27:47 PM  
so they'll drink something in solution and then piss in the bottle?
 
2011-11-10 08:36:39 PM  

JonZoidberg: It can't be worse than their chelada abominations.

The one upside to Chelada:

I can walk through the store going Cheh-laaaaaaaaaadaaaaaaaaa like Cheech Marin until my wife tells me to act my age.

flashyourstache.files.wordpress.comView Full Size


/Chelaaaaadaaaaaaaaaaaa
 
2011-11-10 08:53:28 PM  
But won't you lose your man card for drinking it?
 
2011-11-10 09:18:47 PM  
I'll be interested once they introduce Bud Light Latinum.

No. No, I still won't be interested in InBev swill.
 
2011-11-10 09:24:19 PM  
Side note: I'm not sure how A-B InBev can call this new beverage a "light beer" when it has more alcohol than regular Budweiser and only 8 fewer calories.

Someone in marketing needs to be farking fired for naming this product.

Unless the point is to get unwitting Bud Light drinkers shiathammered.
 
2011-11-10 09:29:17 PM  
Budweiser plans to introduce a new beer in January called Bud Light Platinum that it hopes will appeal to a "key group of beer drinkers."


In other words, pompous douchebags who should be kicked in the balls.
 
2011-11-10 09:31:50 PM  
If Schell's sold Grain Belt Premium in on the West Coast, Budweiser would cease to exist.
 
2011-11-10 09:32:54 PM  
I've figured it out.

i188.photobucket.comView Full Size


images.wikia.comView Full Size
 
2011-11-10 09:43:54 PM  

MrEricSir: Why would I want to consume platinum? Isn't that unhealthy?


Yes, for the platinum (new window)
 
2011-11-10 09:47:25 PM  

Britney Spear's Speculum: If Schell's sold Grain Belt Premium in on the West Coast, Budweiser would cease to exist.


Grain Belt Nordeast!
 
2011-11-10 09:48:28 PM  

Icey_M: Britney Spear's Speculum: If Schell's sold Grain Belt Premium in on the West Coast, Budweiser would cease to exist.

Grain Belt Nordeast!


This
 
2011-11-10 10:04:13 PM  
This is a ridiculously stupid idea. "Craft beer drinkers" live in a culture based at least partially on anti-brand elitism, and none of them are going to willingly consent to buying and drinking anything that says Bud Light on the bottle, regardless of whether it tastes like sour piss or the nectar of the Gods.
 
2011-11-10 10:04:16 PM  
After the third bottle of any beer, no matter how good or bad or trendy or awesome it is, you are legally required to remove all adjectives from your beverage. At that point, it becomes just plain "beer." Which is great because then you can stop complaining and/or bragging about it and just get drunk like all the other poor schlobs around you.

This also applies to single malt scotches, premium and/or flavored vodkas, wine, champagne and curiously enough, chocolate milk. I call this the tillerman35 rule of tastebud saturation.

The key is to switch to the cheapest nastiest swill right after the third drink. Your bartender is going to do it to you anyway- you might as well pay for the house liquor if that's what you'll be drinking.
 
2011-11-10 10:09:26 PM  
Since Budweiser is the official beer of Major League Baseball, every time we're at a game and that is mentioned I ask out loud "What does Baseball have against beer?"

My son's repeating of this question in class did not go over well.
 
2011-11-10 10:42:57 PM  
Mrs. Presky: But, this is a bag of shiat!
Host: But it's good shiat, Mrs. Preksy.
 
2011-11-10 10:53:23 PM  

thesloppy: This is a ridiculously stupid idea. "Craft beer drinkers" live in a culture based at least partially on anti-brand elitism, and none of them are going to willingly consent to buying and drinking anything that says Bud Light on the bottle, regardless of whether it tastes like sour piss or the nectar of the Gods.


Fair enough. However, "Bud Select" is still around, isn't it? I think they've even come up with a "Bud Select 50 calories" version. Apparently there's a niche out there. Among the population of Bud Light drinkers, there are probably some who want something that may taste better, but not get them labelled "snobs" by their buddies. Or maybe it's the reverse. Maybe there are Bud Light drinkers who want to show off to their buddies without going outside their comfort zone...

I dunno, assuming this niche exists, which do you think it'd be?

/Beer is beer if you're just looking to drink
//Get the one you like
 
2011-11-10 10:59:20 PM  
When will these people learn...

Beer is the opposite of your wife.

You can't make a light beer NOT suck. Wives...
Yet somehow all you see is men with light beer. Wives...
 
2011-11-10 11:30:03 PM  

Jensaarai: Apparently there's a niche out there. Among the population of Bud Light drinkers, there are probably some who want something that may taste better, but not get them labelled "snobs" by their buddies. Or maybe it's the reverse. Maybe there are Bud Light drinkers who want to show off to their buddies without going outside their comfort zone...

I dunno, assuming this niche exists, which do you think it'd be?


I'd guess some version of the latter. People who know that 'craft beers' are something they're supposed to be into, but aren't really going to put much more effort into that.

Hell, the new Miller Lite ad campaign is based entirely on questioning one's manliness, and Miller Lite's amorphous claims to "more taste", so maybe the lite beer market is made entirely of suggestible idiots...in which case I guess Bud Lite Platinum is a terrific idea! "Look guys, mine says Platinum on the side, and you're just drinking regular old lite beer!"
 
2011-11-11 12:41:13 AM  

MrEricSir: Why would I want to consume platinum? Isn't that unhealthy?


Well, it does cure cancer (new window) but even that comes with some rather unhealthy side effects. Personally, I would stick to eating gold.
 
2011-11-11 01:02:44 AM  

MrEricSir: Why would I want to consume platinum? Isn't that unhealthy?


Consuming platinum metal isn't generally bad for you as platinum, like gold, is a noble metal (doesn't readily react with oxygen,water, acids, etc). There are probably some circumstances where it's toxic, but you'd have to try to get it to be so.
 
2011-11-11 01:05:18 AM  

aevert: Consuming platinum metal isn't generally bad for you as platinum, like gold, is a noble metal (doesn't readily react with oxygen,water, acids, etc). There are probably some circumstances where it's toxic, but you'd have to try to get it to be so.


Oh, good to know I can eat my expired platinum Visa rewards card if I get hungry.
 
2011-11-11 07:38:38 AM  
Sounds like they found a stash of Michelob light and decided to re-bottle it instead of tossing it
 
2011-11-11 07:54:43 AM  
I'm beginning to think we're all the victims of a conspiracy. I believe that "craft brews" are actually just beer that has been actually brewed.

Budweiser, Bud Light, this "Platinum" shiat and such has been a big experiment for InBev and isn't actually brewed at all. I am convinced that they carbonate water, add alcohol, then squirt some chemical mixture in there to give it a hint of beer flavor. These types of beers today taste nothing like they did way back when. An empty Budweiser can left out for a few days used to create one hell of a stink. Today, it's just a mild sharpness.

Any chemists on Fark with gas chromatography experience willing to test this theory?
 
2011-11-11 07:55:58 AM  
Stupid hipsters, how would you know what piss tastes like anyway? Do you have other guys go R. Kelly style all over your face after you suck their cock? Here's a hint, don't taste the urine when they are pissing on you.
 
2011-11-11 09:19:37 AM  
Amstel Light...
 
2011-11-11 09:57:02 AM  
Targeting the CRAFT beer audience?

multimedia.billybrew.comView Full Size
 
2011-11-11 09:59:21 AM  

BEER_ME_in_CT: Targeting the KRAFT beer audience?

wallstnation.comView Full Size


/hot
 
2011-11-11 10:01:51 AM  

aevert: MrEricSir: Why would I want to consume platinum? Isn't that unhealthy?

Consuming platinum metal isn't generally bad for you as platinum, like gold, is a noble metal (doesn't readily react with oxygen,water, acids, etc). There are probably some circumstances where it's toxic, but you'd have to try to get it to be so.


I see your claim and raise you some aqua regia.

/Readily? Doesn't everybody have some of that lying around the house?
 
2011-11-11 10:02:10 AM  
"... it has more alcohol than regular Budweiser..."

Meh, just ice it up and drink it fast.
 
2011-11-11 01:35:54 PM  

Donnchadha: aevert: MrEricSir: Why would I want to consume platinum? Isn't that unhealthy?

Consuming platinum metal isn't generally bad for you as platinum, like gold, is a noble metal (doesn't readily react with oxygen,water, acids, etc). There are probably some circumstances where it's toxic, but you'd have to try to get it to be so.

I see your claim and raise you some aqua regia.

/Readily? Doesn't everybody have some of that lying around the house?


Yes, that is the one substance that I know of with which Pt and Au will readily act. One of my favorite stories about the elements was how during WWII when the Germans invaded Denmark, George de Hevesy hid the Nobel prizes of two German colleagues to prevent the Nazis from confiscating the gold. He did it by dissolving them in aqua regia. Cut to four years later when the allies liberated Denmark, the jar was still sitting in his lab, undisturbed. The gold was precipitated out and the Nobel committee re-struck the medals.

It should also be noted that Pt and gold both do oxidize, but either under incredibly long time scales, or under very controlled conditions that don't really exist outside of labs.
 
2011-11-11 05:02:00 PM  
I wouldn't be too up in arms about this new product. The last successful Budweiser labeled beer to be introduced was Bud Light in 1982. They don't exactly have a glorious track record.
 
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