If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Smoking Gun) Scary Everclear-fueled Tennessee woman cuts up her first cousin with scissors because she doesn't want to be his "booty call," but rather wants a real relationship with him. Cue up the banjo   (thesmokinggun.com) divider line 114
More: Scary, Everclear, Tennessee Woman, interpersonal relationship, Sessions Court  
•       •       •

22430 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Nov 2011 at 7:04 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



114 Comments   (+0 »)
   

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2011-11-10 06:23:21 PM
So she wouldn't give up her chalupa?
 
2011-11-10 06:28:15 PM
I have a mental image of the woman chasing the man with a pair of scissors while Foggy Mountain Breakdown is playing.
 
2011-11-10 06:31:52 PM
Leave the banjo out of this, man.
 
2011-11-10 06:40:18 PM
I think it's a nice way of her saying she didn't want to get raped by him.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2011-11-10 06:43:37 PM
My cousins are better looking than she is, despite being much older.
 
2011-11-10 06:46:04 PM
I would buy her a new life.
 
2011-11-10 06:54:38 PM
Everything is wonderful now.
 
2011-11-10 06:57:00 PM
White trash people problems.
 
2011-11-10 07:00:05 PM
So much for the afterglow.
 
2011-11-10 07:06:25 PM
...you might be a redneck.
 
2011-11-10 07:08:18 PM
Then you really might know what it's like... to have to lose.
 
2011-11-10 07:09:46 PM
YEE-HAW
 
2011-11-10 07:10:23 PM
$10 bucks the guy goes to family reunions to pick up women. Any takers?
 
2011-11-10 07:11:32 PM
Looks like the target demographic of the Perry campaign.
 
2011-11-10 07:13:08 PM
I thought the redneck version of Everclear was always called Moonshine? Are these people not rednecks then?

*reads article*

Hooking up with your cousin and cutting him up after Everclear? Is she some new type of fancy redneck then?
 
2011-11-10 07:13:40 PM
i'm rather partial to 16 horsepower (new window)

(or The Cuckoo if'n that's all you can gets).


((nested parenthesis ftw!!!))
 
2011-11-10 07:14:39 PM
Bet he squealed like a pig.
 
2011-11-10 07:14:41 PM
"Wilson, a Taco Bell employee, bonded out of jail yesterday after posting $4000 bond."

"Yo quiero una relación"
 
2011-11-10 07:14:58 PM
Kazaa: Then you really might know what it's like... to have to lose.

7/10, almost subtle enough.
 
2011-11-10 07:15:04 PM
oh wait. i thought this was a banjo thread.
earwigs incest? ewwwwww,
 
2011-11-10 07:17:10 PM
That's a rough 21. Shiat, that's a rough 41.
 
2011-11-10 07:18:40 PM
dtdstudios.com
 
2011-11-10 07:19:25 PM
imprint.printmag.com
GIS for first cousin love

banjosrule.com
dur-dur-DIR-dir-DIR-dir-dir-dur-dir
 
2011-11-10 07:19:45 PM
such was commonplace for the lineage of wealth and monarchy before you euro-trash descendants touched upon what is now America's shores.
 
2011-11-10 07:19:55 PM
Ahh, Rogersville, TN. My birthplace.

Reminds me the reason I now live in California.
 
2011-11-10 07:19:57 PM
I need to get a job at Taco Bell.
 
2011-11-10 07:21:00 PM
He didn't want to be her downtime. He didn't want to be her stupid game.
 
2011-11-10 07:23:59 PM
This story is still two half-starved dogs and a meth lab away from hitting the Redneck Bingo, though.
 
2011-11-10 07:24:16 PM
images.wikia.com
 
2011-11-10 07:24:19 PM
At night in the neighborhood they call her amphetamine.
 
2011-11-10 07:24:42 PM
State Laws Regarding Marriages Between First Cousins (new window)

"Twenty-five states prohibit marriages between first cousins. Six states allow first cousin marriage under certain circumstances, and North Carolina allows first cousin marriage but prohibits double-cousin marriage. States generally recognize marriages of first cousins married in a state where such marriages are legal."

Cousin marriage legal

Alabama

Alaska

California

Colorado

Connecticut

District of Columbia

Florida

Georgia

Hawaii

Maryland

Massachusetts

New Jersey

New Mexico

New York

North Carolina*

Rhode Island

South Carolina

Tennessee

Vermont

Virginia

Allowed under certain circumstances

Arizona- if both are 65 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.

Illinois- if both are 50 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.

Indiana- if both are at least 65.

Maine- if couple obtains a physician's certificate of genetic counseling.

Utah- if both are 65 or older, or if both are 55 or older and one is unable to reproduce.

Wisconsin- if the woman is 55 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.
 
2011-11-10 07:27:44 PM
hasty ambush: State Laws Regarding Marriages Between First Cousins (new window)

"Twenty-five states prohibit marriages between first cousins. Six states allow first cousin marriage under certain circumstances, and North Carolina allows first cousin marriage but prohibits double-cousin marriage. States generally recognize marriages of first cousins married in a state where such marriages are legal."

Cousin marriage legal

Alabama

Alaska

California

Colorado

Connecticut

District of Columbia

Florida

Georgia

Hawaii

Maryland

Massachusetts

New Jersey

New Mexico

New York

North Carolina*

Rhode Island

South Carolina

Tennessee

Vermont

Virginia

Allowed under certain circumstances

Arizona- if both are 65 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.

Illinois- if both are 50 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.

Indiana- if both are at least 65.

Maine- if couple obtains a physician's certificate of genetic counseling.

Utah- if both are 65 or older, or if both are 55 or older and one is unable to reproduce.

Wisconsin- if the woman is 55 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.


I find it very interesting that the polygamy capital of America draws the line at cousin loving.
 
2011-11-10 07:28:01 PM
StinkyPinky: Ahh, Rogersville, TN. My birthplace.

Reminds me the reason I now live in California.


Your first cousin moved to CA?
 
2011-11-10 07:29:28 PM
I'm gonna go out on a limb and flatly state that if some bint is slashing your ass up, it's not love.
 
2011-11-10 07:30:21 PM
www.phoenixcsc.com
 
2011-11-10 07:30:36 PM
logruszed: I need to get a job at Taco Bell.

Why, does your sister work there and you want her as a "Booty Call"?


Maybe they got off on the whole 'forbidden sex' thing, because unless she has a smoking body she doesn't seem worth the trouble. Or maybe there's just a lack of people to hook up with out there, since this article gives their addresses located in the boonies.

 
2011-11-10 07:31:34 PM
bunner: I'm gonna go out on a limb and flatly state that if some bint is slashing your ass up, it's not love.

Not dated a redhead, eh?

/been shot at, with a crossbow, by TWO
 
2011-11-10 07:33:40 PM
I'm surprised they can even remember why they were fighting after drinking Everclear.
 
2011-11-10 07:33:43 PM
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the chin.

What does a Tennessee girl say after sex? Get off me Pa, you're crushing my smokes.
 
2011-11-10 07:33:50 PM
Mixolydian Master: banjosrule.com
dur-dur-DIR-dir-DIR-dir-dir-dur-dir


Holy shiat, is that Bubbles' grandpa?

www.showcase.ca
 
2011-11-10 07:34:59 PM
skinink: logruszed: I need to get a job at Taco Bell.

Why, does your sister work there and you want her as a "Booty Call"?
Maybe they got off on the whole 'forbidden sex' thing, because unless she has a smoking body she doesn't seem worth the trouble. Or maybe there's just a lack of people to hook up with out there, since this article gives their addresses located in the boonies.


Because I'm pretty sure I couldn't scrape together 4 grand in a weekend while in jail.
 
2011-11-10 07:38:42 PM
Once Rick Perry gets rid of Education and that other thing he couldn't remember, this just might become a common thing.
 
2011-11-10 07:39:26 PM
AllUpInYa: bunner: I'm gonna go out on a limb and flatly state that if some bint is slashing your ass up, it's not love.

Not dated a redhead, eh?

/been shot at, with a crossbow, by TWO


I dated a deaf redhead named Angel whose father was a Lutheran minister.

To be honest I've pretty much been coasting since then, since I figure surviving that I figure I'm allowed to take it easy.

/Worst thing about dating a deaf person: She frequently would attack with no audible warning. No shiat I was watching TV one time and she clocked me with one of those halogen floor lamps.

//Best thing: You can pretty much talk all the shiat you want if it's doggy-style time.
 
2011-11-10 07:50:40 PM
Ok, I LOLed at the headline.

/time to quit work while I'm ahead.
 
2011-11-10 07:52:42 PM
mjoven1975: hasty ambush: State Laws Regarding Marriages Between First Cousins (new window)

"Twenty-five states prohibit marriages between first cousins. Six states allow first cousin marriage under certain circumstances, and North Carolina allows first cousin marriage but prohibits double-cousin marriage. States generally recognize marriages of first cousins married in a state where such marriages are legal."

Cousin marriage legal

Alabama

Alaska

California

Colorado

Connecticut

District of Columbia

Florida

Georgia

Hawaii

Maryland

Massachusetts

New Jersey

New Mexico

New York

North Carolina*

Rhode Island

South Carolina

Tennessee

Vermont

Virginia

Allowed under certain circumstances

Arizona- if both are 65 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.

Illinois- if both are 50 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.

Indiana- if both are at least 65.

Maine- if couple obtains a physician's certificate of genetic counseling.

Utah- if both are 65 or older, or if both are 55 or older and one is unable to reproduce.

Wisconsin- if the woman is 55 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.

I find it very interesting that the polygamy capital of America draws the line at cousin loving.


Homosexuals are not allowed to marry in TN, to boot.
 
2011-11-10 07:54:11 PM
She did do a pretty good number on him.
MOOO means NO!
 
2011-11-10 07:55:25 PM
How has there not been an Aristocrats reference yet?
 
2011-11-10 07:55:42 PM
logruszed: skinink: logruszed: I need to get a job at Taco Bell.

Why, does your sister work there and you want her as a "Booty Call"?
Maybe they got off on the whole 'forbidden sex' thing, because unless she has a smoking body she doesn't seem worth the trouble. Or maybe there's just a lack of people to hook up with out there, since this article gives their addresses located in the boonies.

Because I'm pretty sure I couldn't scrape together 4 grand in a weekend while in jail.



Usually you can get a bond agent to post your bail for 10% of the amount, so all she needed was to give 40 blowjobs, and if I know East Tennessee she probably has that many brothers/cousins standing around with nothing else to spend their disability checks on.
 
2011-11-10 07:55:48 PM
He should have been more respectful to his sister-aunt.
 
2011-11-10 08:00:58 PM
Some people call you the elite.... I call you my base...
 
Displayed 50 of 114 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »