If I was this guy, every neighbour on my street would end up with a flaming bag of poo at their front door. I could manage no more than two houses a day, but by god, I'd do it.

i get the impression next halloween is going to be pretty eventful in that neighborhood.

/why voting? because f*ck you, that's why

basemetal: Next time, give them a hand full of candy corn mixed with good and plenty. That'll shut their ass up.

And some of these...Satan's own dingleberries.

What the hell is a Kijiji? Is it the hipsters' craiglist or something?

Next time just throw the letter in the garbage and move on. Stop searching for validation online.

does the "porch light" rule apply in canuckistan?

here in the states, porch light off = no candy, porch light on = candy.

Canadian socialism has pussified its people so much that they expect handouts from every house on Halloween.

Ahhh, topscms.com needed to be allowed.

My fault. Obviously the text content of your web page is being pulled from some random-ass web domain that looks like spam and not metronews.ca

How naive of me.

/farking retardedly scripted news sites

I gave out Halloween candy one year. Not one kid or parent said thank you and I never gave out any ever again.

/curmudgeon.

One year Halloween was on a Saturday and the wife and I were having one of our Halloween parties, when around midnight a guy shows up on the patio with two kids and wants some candy. We're all drunk as hell and some friends try giving him smokes and beers. The guy starts screaming about how it's halloween and we should have some candy for the kids and storms off smashing all our pumpkins on the way out.

/csb

pudding7: What the hell kind of neighborhood has a 100% participation rate on Halloween? The few blocks around my house is about 50%. Hell, while we're out trick-or-treating with the kids, our porch light is off. Only after we get back do we turn it on and start handing out candy.

/which is fine because all the middle school sluts show up later anyway.

You ain't kiddin'.

The_Original_Roxtar: does the "porch light" rule apply in canuckistan?

here in the states, porch light off = no candy, porch light on = candy.

He might have left his porch light on continuously since he wasn't home?

Rodeodoc: I don't mind giving to the neighborhood kids, but I get pissed off when the truckloads of Mexicans drive in and herd their crotchfruit like goats through the entire district. Det off my lawn!

Although I appreciate the 14 year old Hooters waitresses.

Yes, but what about their children?

AqueousBoy: If I was this guy, every neighbour on my street would end up with a flaming bag of poo at their front door. I could manage no more than two houses a day, but by god, I'd do it.

I salute your effort! Well, not your effort, necessarily, but the...um...long-term results.

Letters like this are why shredders were invented.

AqueousBoy: If I was this guy, every neighbour on my street would end up with a flaming bag of poo at their front door. I could manage no more than two houses a day, but by god, I'd do it.

sure you would, ITG.

I do wonder if new homeowner man used to trick or treat as a lad, or if he stayed home in his mom's basement playing dungeons & dragons or video games like a pathetic fark.

where we live the local church groups beat Halloween right to death. farking hypocrites that loved it as children ruined it for their own.

i didn't get all flaming poo on them though.

......I got a rock

The_Original_Roxtar: does the "porch light" rule apply in canuckistan?

here in the states, porch light off = no candy, porch light on = candy.

Here in Australia
= no candy

/unless you live near the 'joint defence facility' in which case the Americans hand out HFCS laden crap to the kids in their street. Good God American candy is awful (except for the inclusion of peanut butter, peanut butter and chocolate is the only real contribution America has made to the world).

pudding7: What the hell kind of neighborhood has a 100% participation rate on Halloween? The few blocks around my house is about 50%. Hell, while we're out trick-or-treating with the kids, our porch light is off. Only after we get back do we turn it on and start handing out candy.

/which is fine because all the middle school sluts show up later anyway.

Same policy in our neighborhood. Why is this so hard to understand?

Some kids egg your house or throw toilet paper all over, or even key your car and break windows. Not them, though. They wrote a strongly worded letter. Heartless bastards. This guy should reach into his giant vagina and see if there's any tissues up there.

so let me get this straight. everyone's pissed at him for not being home because the previous resident used to hand crap out. fark all those little a$$holes!!!!
reminds me of the 92437924387 i get every day from various charity pick-ups because the previous owner of my home phone number owned a house and used to donate all the time...or buy insurance/security systems/vinyl siding/etc.

/land line, how quaint
//in my defense, it IS a voip phone

I'm guessing this guy is not the manly type.

Re: the "some threats" portion.

This is the intrenet. Your life gets threatened for just saying you like something.

Kids these days...

Back in my day, we'd have just egged his house and gotten on with our lives. When I was growing up, we understood that there was a reason you said "trick or treat." It's an option. Give us candy and allow us to put ourselves into a sugar coma (and dammit it had better be good candy and not some crap peppermint hard candy bullshiat), or suffer the consequences. If you got a strongly worded letter, you got on your knees and thanked the heavens because we were either too bored or too tired to enact our revenge on your cheap ass. Take the hint and do better next year.

I will know for certain that I've raised my daughter right when she throws a jawbreaker back at a 60-year-old man and screams that he'd better go back inside and find a Snickers bar, because she's got a package of firecrackers and time to kill.

This guy is just a member of the 1% and does not want to share the wealth and pay his fair share.

He should just put a sign on his door explaining that he is a registered sex offender and legally prohibited from participating in Halloween activities that involve children.

from TFA:

"The letter complains that the previous resident made candy apples for neighbourhood trick-or-treaters"

"warns that unpackaged apples or chips aren't welcome'

sinistermonk: Some kids egg your house or throw toilet paper all over, or even key your car and break windows. Not them, though. They wrote a strongly worded letter. Heartless bastards. This guy should reach into his giant vagina and see if there's any tissues up there.

Or candy... if there's candy up in there, and he gives it out.. maybe the kids won't bother with his place next year.

/Bro, you sure this is chocolate?

I grew up in Ottawa when I was little tyke. It would be normal to have 100 or more people come to your door on Halloween. Last year my folks said there was like only 4.

Why should we spend a huge amount of money on tons of little pieces of candy which will just sit at home if only a few fat kids have the drive to get off the xbox for an hour to work for their "feeding"

What kind of loser whines about a house where candy isn't given out on Hallowe'en?

Guy is lucky he didn't get shanked by anonymous mom. Oshawitz is a GM town. Imagine Detroit with white people.

AqueousBoy: If I was this guy, every neighbour on my street would end up with a flaming bag of poo at their front door. I could manage no more than two houses a day, but by god, I'd do it.

So, does this mean that before Halloween next year, you'll switch to a steak, broccoli and coffee diet?

We actually decorated and had candy ready, but didn't get any trick or treaters this year. :(

Humean_Nature: The Onion is prophetic: "You have gone ahead and reminded me of why I do not want children, and why I weep for the future," the letter states.
I like the cut of this guy's jib.
Guesses on his Fark handle?

I'd have to guess The Onion is prophetic:

/a vote for me is a vote for TPing this guys house and moving on

.....oh...sorry... I though you said they wanted candy PORN...

KrispyKritter: I do wonder if new homeowner man used to trick or treat as a lad, or if he stayed home in his mom's basement playing dungeons & dragons or video games like a pathetic fark.


I did both, thank you! Well, no video games (Pong sucked then and now), but my four dork friends and I played DnD. However, on Halloween we transformed one of our parents houses into a walk-through haunted house. Poor lady died earlier this year; she was always willing to let us create.

"Can I make the garage into a swamp with a bridge and a series of creatures to terrify trick-or-treaters?"

"Can the living room now be an entryway/torture chamber?"

"Well, sure! How can I help?"

I have two dogs that go ookie-balookie anytime the doorbell rings, so I took the approach of putting out a bowl of candy at the end of the driveway. During the night I will check the bowl and refill as necessary until I am out of candy. Year two, I do the same, but refill less often and by year four, all I have to do is put the bowl out, empty and scatter a few minibags of m&ms on the ground so it looks like I put candy out, but saved about $40 bucks...

In Ontario, we will send you a farking letter, beatch!

Maybe I'm just getting curmudgeonly in my old age, but holidays in general are really starting to piss me off something fierce. Halloween, Easter, Christmas, whatever, people just seem to take this crap way to seriously these days.

"Oh no, by kids only going to be able to eat 24,000 calories of junk food this Halloween, and not the 25,000 he deserves."

"How dare you not want to spend one of the few days of the year you have off, and one of the last nice days before the bitter cold/snow comes, climbing up and down a ladder and around your roof putting up lights that you'll just have to take down in a month again. Don't you have the Christmas spirit?"

"What do you mean you don't feel like eating a meal where everything imaginable is covered with glazed sugar on a random spring Sunday?"

"Hey I know, let's force everyone in the office who spend 8 hours a day with each other spend another 2 hours of their free time at a Christmas party no one wants to be at!"

Fark holidays sideways.

nonzero: The_Original_Roxtar: does the "porch light" rule apply in canuckistan?

here in the states, porch light off = no candy, porch light on = candy.

Here in Australia
= no candy

/unless you live near the 'joint defence facility' in which case the Americans hand out HFCS laden crap to the kids in their street. Good God American candy is awful (except for the inclusion of peanut butter, peanut butter and chocolate is the only real contribution America has made to the world).

The US military personnel occupying your country import their own candy from thousands of miles away ? The don't hand out locally made stuff ?

We didn't pass out candy this year, and no one did anything. Primarily because all the kids that live in this subdivision are elementary school or younger, with maybe 3 or 4 in high school. They weren't even home, that I could tell. Our dog doesn't do well with the constant ringing of the doorbell, and rather than go to the vet and get a couple doggie tranquilizer pills, we just put a sign on the door saying "No Candy" with a frowny face, and turned off the porch light.