Chef's Mother: Ohhhhh that's a scary picture of the Loch Ness Monster
Chef's Father: Say, would you crackers like to hear about the time we met the Loch Ness Monster?
Stan: No, that's okay.
Chef's Father: Ooh, it must have been about seven, eight years ago. Me and the little lady was out on this boat, you see, all alone at night, when all of the sudden this huge creature, this giant crustacean from the Paleolithic Era, comes out of the water.
Chef's Mother: We was so scared, Lord have mercy, I jumped up in the boat, and I said, "Thomas, Thomas, what on earth is that creature?"
Chef's Father: It stood above us looking down with these big red eyes...
Chef's Mother: Oh, it was so scary!
Chef's Father: ...and I yelled, I said, "What do you want from us, monster?" And the monster bent down, and said, "I need about tree-fitty."
[long pause]
Kyle: What's tree-fitty?
Chef's Father: Tree dollars, and fitty cents.
Chef's Mother: Tree-fitty.
Stan: He wanted money?
Chef's Father: That's right. I said, "I ain't givin' you no tree-fitty, you goddamn Loch Ness Monster! Get your own goddamn money!"
Chef's Mother: I gave him a dollar.
Chef's Father: She gave him a dollar.
Chef's Mother: I thought he'd go away if I have him a dollar.
Chef's Father: Well, of course he's not gonna go away, Mary! You give him a dollar, he's gonna assume you got more!
Stan: But this is a picture of Ogopogo
Chef's Father: Oh. Nevermind.

Champ is a picture of a log...Nessie is a toy submarine with a head made out of plastic wood...Ogopogo is a plesiosaur.

FFS the natives have already admitted Ogopogo was just a story they made up to keep their kids from playing in the lake unsupervised. Then they decided to fark with the tourists because..... Well because that's what the locals always do. They fark with the tourists.

That's no log. It's a space station.

Enough with the grainy, shaky videos. It's 2011. We have the technology.

Logs are just zombie trees.

Arklop: [30.media.tumblr.com image 400x320]

♫ What rolls down stairs, alone or in pairs
Rolls over your neighbors dog.
What's great for a snack and fits on your back
It's LOG LOG LOG! ♫

I got your log RIGHT HERE!