Jewish Penis Surgery is the name of my Steely Dan cover band.

It's not all bad. Thanks to that fear, I still have perfect eyesight.

I knew the warnings but rolled my dice anyway.

Sir_Spanksalot: I knew the warnings but rolled my dice anyway.

That was me.

So, to prevent boys masturbating we circumcise them
to prevent women masturbating, we give them a vibrator?

sucks to me an American boy I guess.

A parent walking in on ya when you unload your load is surprisingly absent.

: Sometimes I indulge myself in safaris which no other being may take. I strike inward along the axis of my memories. Like a schoolchild reporting on a vacation trip, I take up my subject. Let it be...female intellectuals!

oblig.

F-f... f... f-f... fap?

that is just stupid

I ain't scared.

He forgot Muslims... Allah doesn't allow masturbation....

If God wanted me not to masturbate he wouldn't have made it fit my hand so perfectly.

I remember reading (here?) the plight of some guy who was cut too close and every erection caused stretching and tearing.

I'm cut, but luckily everything seems to be okay. I can't imagine not being afraid of getting an erection or not being able to rub one out or even fark a woman without severe pain. :(

geez. that article barely touched upon the philadelphia deep dish finger pie, three-way incest, the dutch oven with sauce or catholic priest man-boy love. how odd.

So, remember to thank your great-great grant parent's utter fear of you touching yourself when you look at your mutilated penis every time you need to pee.

Ed Grubermann: So, remember to thank your great-great grant parent's utter fear of you touching yourself when you look at your mutilated penis every time you need to pee.

Women seem to prefer it cut.

Teknowaffle: AverageAmericanGuy: I remember reading (here?) the plight of some guy who was cut too close and every erection caused stretching and tearing.

I'm cut, but luckily everything seems to be okay. I can't imagine not being afraid of getting an erection or not being able to rub one out or even fark a woman without severe pain. :(

I used to get severe pain when I had sex, but it turns out that the eyes can get used to pepper spray.

/The smell of Tabasco sauce gives me a hard-on.

I LOLed. You win +1 Internet.

nonzero: So, to prevent boys masturbating we circumcise them
to prevent women masturbating, we give them a vibrator?

To be fair, they were mostly used by doctors to treat "hysteria". Which was a result of good -old-lights-out-get-it-over-with-quick-missionary style Christian sex (which is a sin and a horrible, scary thing but you'd better do it because you want kids and your husband has "needs").

AverageAmericanGuy: Ed Grubermann: So, remember to thank your great-great grant parent's utter fear of you touching yourself when you look at your mutilated penis every time you need to pee.

Women seem to prefer it cut.

Obvious troll is obvious.

You'll probably still manage to kick off a fark circumcision thread though, because it's not exactly difficult.

"Every man, woman and child should bathe at least once or twice a week. In addition to the ordinary weekly bath, there should also be added the daily morning sponge or hand-bath."
I thought I wasn't supposed to masturbate. Now they tell me I have to give myself a daily hand-bath?

"Masturbation is the silent killer of the night! The vilest sin of self-pollution!!"

AverageAmericanGuy: Ed Grubermann: So, remember to thank your great-great grant parent's utter fear of you touching yourself when you look at your mutilated penis every time you need to pee.

Women seem to prefer it cut.



The men back then...not so much.
/just a little of the top, please.

it has shaped mine to the left a little, but im sure that has little effect on the world.

AverageAmericanGuy: Women seem to prefer it cut.

Ohitsthisthreadagain.jpg

/bailing preemptively

AverageAmericanGuy:
Women seem to prefer it cut.

People are more comfortable with things they are used to, so yeah American women are more comfortable with cut men. But if getting laid depends on slicing some off, you are seriously doing it wrong.

The only real advantage to circumcision is that it prevents disease. Not just big bad STDs, but trivial things like yeast infections. My roommate back in college was uncut. He always complained that he and his girlfriend were passing back and forth a yeast infection. He was a filthy motherfarker though. He's cleaned himself up a bit these days but still buys Monostat, so it might not just be his hygiene.

If God didn't want me to masturbate, why did he give me arms long enough to reach my prick, hands shaped perfectly to hold it, and a slight bend in it to fit in my hand so well?

Masturbation is like sleep. I've spent a third of my life doing it.

I wonder how many less people would blow up shiat if they just spent more time beating off.

gonjie:
"Masturbation is the silent killer of the night! The vilest sin of self-pollution!!"

Thank you. I was frustrated with how often that article mentioned Kellogg and not one thing about Wellville.

If anyone still thinks circumcision prevents masturbation, I'd like to set them straight right now.

I didnt masturbate at all growing up out of fear it would make me break out in acne and that I would go to hell. The first time I did, I got so scared afterwards, I told my stepmother and she began to speak in tongues while cleaning my face with alcohol (she was scared people would see a zit and know I had jerked off). We spoke with our pastor and when he told my parents it wasnt that big of a deal, my stepmother started yelling at him and we quit going to that church. My stepmother began preaching to us on sundays. When my father and her split up, I finally realized masturbation is normal, but I was 22 by then.

Humans and cattle are the only two species known to masturbate regularly.

/fun fact

someahole: AverageAmericanGuy:
Women seem to prefer it cut.

People are more comfortable with things they are used to, so yeah American women are more comfortable with cut men. But if getting laid depends on slicing some off, you are seriously doing it wrong.

The only real advantage to circumcision is that it prevents disease. Not just big bad STDs, but trivial things like yeast infections. My roommate back in college was uncut. He always complained that he and his girlfriend were passing back and forth a yeast infection. He was a filthy motherfarker though. He's cleaned himself up a bit these days but still buys Monostat, so it might not just be his hygiene.

This happens with cut guys and their female partners, too. If both partners do not treat it at the same time until every last yeast is dead, it will just keep going back and forth. Yeast doesn't care about your peen status.

poe_zlaw: I didnt masturbate at all growing up out of fear it would make me break out in acne and that I would go to hell. The first time I did, I got so scared afterwards, I told my stepmother and she began to speak in tongues while cleaning my face with alcohol (she was scared people would see a zit and know I had jerked off). We spoke with our pastor and when he told my parents it wasnt that big of a deal, my stepmother started yelling at him and we quit going to that church. My stepmother began preaching to us on sundays. When my father and her split up, I finally realized masturbation is normal, but I was 22 by then.

Wow. Have a beer on me...

poe_zlaw: I didnt masturbate at all growing up out of fear it would make me break out in acne and that I would go to hell. The first time I did, I got so scared afterwards, I told my stepmother and she began to speak in tongues while cleaning my face with alcohol (she was scared people would see a zit and know I had jerked off). We spoke with our pastor and when he told my parents it wasnt that big of a deal, my stepmother started yelling at him and we quit going to that church. My stepmother began preaching to us on sundays. When my father and her split up, I finally realized masturbation is normal, but I was 22 by then.

That reminds me of the story in Drew Carey's book. He thought he was going to go to hell for fapping until he talked to his preacher. The preacher said, "I do it, my wife does it, and it's OK with God if you do it."

summersa74: That reminds me of the story in Drew Carey's book. He thought he was going to go to hell for fapping until he talked to his preacher. The preacher said, "I do it, my wife does it, and it's OK with God if you do it."

God loves to watch when you touch yourself.

when I was a junior in high school, my face had broken out kinda bad and I got grounded and I wasnt able to to prom because I had obviously been jerking off too much. I tried blaming it on my date using a made up reason to cancel the morning of.

Now I know that masturbation is normal, it is nice to know I can sit here in my car and masturbate while reading Fark and know that everyone else is probably doing the same thing. Its nice to know Im normal

FTA: Many women were diagnosed with "hysteria," a mental disorder that happened when their genitals got out of control.

Having dated several early to mid-thirties divorcees let me assure you, this mental disorder is very real.

As someone who's masturbating right now, I'm really getfxxyg a kicfhhhk.

Plissken: As someone who's masturbating right now, I'm really getfxxyg a kicfhhhk.

Brings a new meaning to "you owe me a new keyboard".

/fap