FARK.com: (6712535) 15 weird excuses to call in sick, "...hurt his back chasing a beaver." Well who hasn't?

If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Work Buzz)		15 weird excuses to call in sick, "...hurt his back chasing a beaver." Well who hasn't? (theworkbuzz.com)		139
		More: Amusing, CareerBuilder, excuses

• • •

11855 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Nov 2011 at 5:16 PM | Favorite | share:

more» |

Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends!

shirt it!

Share this link:

URL:

http://fk.cm/go/6712535

Bookmark:

Article Comments close

139 Comments (+0 »)

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

NuttierThanEver

2011-11-07 03:33:54 PM

So subby has dated Wynona too.

/bastard tried to bite

jlt

2011-11-07 04:20:27 PM

Where I used to work a guy called in Bereavement for his girlfriend's dead cat.

He genuinely thought it was Bereavement worthy.

moops

2011-11-07 05:17:38 PM

Nice Beaver!

LindLTaylor

2011-11-07 05:21:16 PM

#3 A man was most likely moving a refrigerator and it tipped and injured him. What is so odd about that?

elev8meL8r

2011-11-07 05:23:51 PM

LindLTaylor: #3 A man was most likely moving a refrigerator and it tipped and injured him. What is so odd about that?

As somebody who missed two days of work from an air conditioner falling on me, I say THIS

alicechaos

2011-11-07 05:24:24 PM

I called in a mental health day because I had spent the night removing raccoons from the attic.

elev8meL8r

2011-11-07 05:24:27 PM

moops: Nice Beaver!

Thanks, I just had it stuffed

AnotherBluesStringer

2011-11-07 05:24:31 PM

"My butt is throwing up."

Failmadeofwin

2011-11-07 05:24:42 PM

Don't you hate it when your child sticks a mint up their nose, so you try to take him to the ER but drink some antifreeze on the way out of your house, catching your toe on a vent cover and getting captured by a drug cartel only to realize that your 12 year old has stolen your car and gotten flour dumped in it? Then, your 12 year old turns out to be a beaver that you start to chase but hurt your back?

Yeah, me too.

syfylys channel

2011-11-07 05:24:49 PM

I did that once, required back surgery. Waited seven years to get that fixed. And two years later I finally had the back surgery.

cgraves67

2011-11-07 05:24:55 PM

A truck dumped flour in your convertible? Do you know how to fix that problem? Drive faster.

Cagey B

2011-11-07 05:25:20 PM

jlt: Where I used to work a guy called in Bereavement for his girlfriend's dead cat.

He genuinely thought it was Bereavement worthy.

That's unbereavable.

Sangi

2011-11-07 05:26:05 PM

elev8meL8r: LindLTaylor: #3 A man was most likely moving a refrigerator and it tipped and injured him. What is so odd about that?

As somebody who missed two days of work from an air conditioner falling on me, I say THIS

Not a refrigerator here but an entertainment center. Went to pick up my end and something popped in my back. I couldn't sit up for two days.

Redheaded Stepchild

2011-11-07 05:26:49 PM

FTFA: "Twenty-nine percent of workers admitted to playing hooky this year."

And sixty-six percent of workers are filthy liars. The remaining five percent are those obnoxious bastards who take an unhealthy amount of pride in the fact that they haven't missed a day of work in the last twenty years.

Philip Francis Queeg

2011-11-07 05:27:14 PM

"...hurt his back chasing a beaver."

Was that excuse from Herman Cain?

cyber_slacker

2011-11-07 05:27:14 PM

I was once too tired to go to work because i was up until 3 am trying to catch a rabbit with my pot smoking neighbour on saint denis street (one of the main streets in montreal).

I didn t smoke any pot until after we had already given up.

If i wrre a cavemen i d be dead: we never caught the thing.

domo_kun_sai

2011-11-07 05:30:34 PM

I've spent a lot of money but, never hurt my back, chasing beaver.
Wait, maybe it was Ward.

cyber_slacker

2011-11-07 05:31:02 PM

I also once told my boss i couldn t come to work one because i had spent the weekend with a woman ten years younger than me and needed to recover. He was very "high five" about it.

scottydoesntknow

2011-11-07 05:31:18 PM

Anal Glaucoma: I just don't see my ass coming into work today.

/Used that on my boss
//Had never used sick time prior, just wanted a day off.

Smeggy Smurf

2011-11-07 05:32:03 PM

I've hurt many things chasing beaver but never my back

chevydeuce

2011-11-07 05:32:38 PM

must suck to work someplace where you have to make up excuses for calling in sick....

Me; I'm not coming in today...I'll see how I feel tomorrow and let you know.
Boss; Okay

pute kisses like a man

2011-11-07 05:33:19 PM

I've never called in sick for any reason other than a hangover. And, trust me, I was damn sick. Normally, I'll come to work and suck it up and play like a champion. but, there have been those days when death comes calling.

/ I usually blame it on food poisoning... damn shellfish, everytime. although, it could also be under-cooked chicken.
// but, I also usually go to work when I have food poisoning
/// I refuse to call in sick when I AM sick, because work is miserable and sickness is merely an addition to the misery... however, hangovers are different. they can get you in trouble. You can get confused, get pulled over on the way in... any number of seriously bad things can happen.

Tyrosine

2011-11-07 05:34:34 PM

I had a student try to weasel out of an exam by claiming that he stepped on an ice cube and his foot was swollen. Since his writing hand wasn't swollen and the exam was written in a sitting position, I refused to excuse him.

He skipped the exam and obtained a doctor's note (from a MD with a rare surname that coincidentally was the same as the student's). I awarded him a zero, which he eventually appealed up to the university senate and lost. Last I saw of the poor dear he was on a "dean's holiday" having only earned a single grade-point in his second year.

Keys dude

2011-11-07 05:35:53 PM

Cagey B.
2011-11-07 05:25:20 PM
jlt: Where I used to work a guy called in Bereavement for his girlfriend's dead cat.
He genuinely thought it was Bereavement worthy.
That's unbereavable.

I had to put down my cat about three weeks ago, on a Wednesday night. E-mailed the boss to let him know I might move a little slow on Thursday, sadness and such. I got into work Thursday morning, he asked me if I wanted to take the day off to grieve. I didn't, but boss is cool to offer it.

chevydeuce

2011-11-07 05:37:31 PM

our company policy is you get four days bereavement leave for immediate family and up to six days if you have to travel more than 300 miles for the funeral...We are in California, we had a guy who's brother in Arkansas died, so our guy took the six days....though he didn't actually GO to Arkansas...he just took the 6 days cuz, well his brothers funeral was more than 300 miles away....

JeffreyScott

2011-11-07 05:39:17 PM

Employee's child stuck a mint up his nose and had to go to the ER to remove it.

I can confirm that excuse is totally legit, I was that kid. Only it was Sugar Bear cereal, not mints.

And, the answer to your next question is... my nose has a 15 Sugar Bear capacity.

Fish in a Barrel

2011-11-07 05:39:29 PM

Did you know that 40% of all sick days (nearly half!) are taken on Mondays and Fridays?

elev8meL8r

2011-11-07 05:39:43 PM

Sangi: Not a refrigerator here but an entertainment center. Went to pick up my end and something popped in my back. I couldn't sit up for two days.

Yeah, I remember this. Took two minutes to get out of bed. I felt like I was a hundred years old.

Interceptor1

2011-11-07 05:40:07 PM

I'm going to start taking sick time just use some of it up. I think I have about 50 days saved so far.

Porous Horace

2011-11-07 05:40:45 PM

"I wet my clock."

MBooda

2011-11-07 05:40:52 PM

shaving, maybe, but chasing?
files.sharenator.com

casual disregard

2011-11-07 05:41:33 PM

There's some folk at work who always to the letter call in when their power is out. I'm thinking...power's out here, but it's on at work. Why would I want to be home? It is a mystery.

/voting enabled?

zez

2011-11-07 05:44:58 PM

WTF????

What kind of search criteria led them to that?

/kinda hot though

bhcompy

2011-11-07 05:46:27 PM

new_york_monty

2011-11-07 05:47:38 PM

zez

My guess would be liar/Pinnocchio

BigBooper

2011-11-07 05:50:22 PM

AnotherBluesStringer: "My butt is throwing up."

I had a jerk boss once that wanted details when I called in sick. I told him I had a stomach flu, but that wasn't good enough, he wanted to know the symptoms. So I told him I was frequently puking out my mouth and ass at the same time. He never asked me to be more detailed again if I called in sick after that.

notyomama

2011-11-07 05:50:33 PM

scottydoesntknow: Anal Glaucoma: I just don't see my ass coming into work today.

/Used that on my boss
//Had never used sick time prior, just wanted a day off.

I am stealing the hell out of that.

TheMega

2011-11-07 05:51:12 PM

Philip Francis Queeg: "...hurt his back chasing a beaver."

Was that excuse from Herman Cain?

Word has it, he caught his.. with a nice firm grip.

Had a guy at the old Sun TV call in "late" because he was held up.. yeah right, we believe that. Well, he was. Walked out to car, opened door and 2 guys jumped out of buses with a knife and said get in the car. Made him drive around while guy in backseat held knife to his throat and guy up front stripped stereo (and destroyed dash). Then, they switched holding the knife while guy in back ripped rear deck apart to get speakers out... then THANKED him and told him to drop them off at the next corner.
When he showed up, his car was torn to shiat... and cops came in later to take full report... so wasn't any BS with his wild story.

Whatthefark

2011-11-07 05:51:17 PM

zez: [www.theworkbuzz.com image 412x291]

WTF????

What kind of search criteria led them to that?

/kinda hot though

"Favorite girl to 69 with."

kellynoel

2011-11-07 05:52:15 PM

My favorite is still the time I called in sick to my summer job. The weather was f*cking fantastic, and I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD to go to the beach, so I called in scared. "I'm afraid I can't make it." My "boss," a 22 year old moron, was highly amused.

Sushi and the Banshees

2011-11-07 05:52:54 PM

Cagey B: jlt: Where I used to work a guy called in Bereavement for his girlfriend's dead cat.

He genuinely thought it was Bereavement worthy.

That's unbereavable.

OK, that's funny. You win +1 internets.

mongbiohazard

2011-11-07 05:53:32 PM

I've worked with my same boss for years. The first time I ever called in sick she asked me "Why? What do you mean by sick." I told her that I had diarrhea and she's never asked again.

"I'm sick, boss. Don't think I should come in today."
"Yes. YES. STAY HOME. Whatever reason you have is good enough - I DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHY. Oh god, please don't tell me why."

DeRosso

2011-11-07 05:54:30 PM

Sangi:
Not a refrigerator here but an entertainment center. Went to pick up my end and something popped in my back. I couldn't sit up for two days.

img822.imageshack.us

Tunacrab

2011-11-07 05:54:53 PM

The best one I heard in 12 years of restaurant work:

Pothead morning prep guy:
"Dude, I'm sorry but I can't come in today... I think someone laced my weed, cause I'm tripping balls. I don't think I should be handling knives right now"

We all kinda knew he smoked before work, so it oddly worked, and he never got in trouble. And this was a corporate joint.

notyomama

2011-11-07 05:57:14 PM

Several years ago, I was awakened about 4 am by a very loud thump, followed by the sound of lots of rushing water. I tracked it down to the utility porch - my water heater had fallen through the damn floor. Evidently it had been leaking ever so slightly, but not enough to affect the water bill, so I wasn't aware of it until the floor just gave way.

I won the "best excuse" award for the day.

zulius

2011-11-07 05:59:22 PM

There's a Pimus joke somewhere in that one...

Rustybeth

2011-11-07 06:02:55 PM

BigBooper: I had a jerk boss once that wanted details when I called in sick. I told him I had a stomach flu, but that wasn't good enough, he wanted to know the symptoms. So I told him I was frequently puking out my mouth and ass at the same time. He never asked me to be more detailed again if I called in sick after that.

Not trying to one up you, but I had the equivalent of "dry heaves" out the south end during one particularly bad bout of stomach flu. My god, I never want to experience that again. When both ends are working against you, there is no way to win. And then usually you get suppositories for the nausea, and tablets for the runs, neither of which you can keep inside long enough to work.

/called in sick yesterday (Monday for me) due to migraine
//medicine can be worse than the cure: cyproheptadine Hcl 4mg

Cyno01

2011-11-07 06:05:00 PM

Last time i called in it was legit but odd, at some point in the night id knocked my glasses off the nightstand, got out of bed... CRUNCH. Backup pair was in a box at my fiancees house. Im too blind to work without them, or even drive to work.

BigBooper

2011-11-07 06:06:17 PM

mongbiohazard: I've worked with my same boss for years. The first time I ever called in sick she asked me "Why? What do you mean by sick." I told her that I had diarrhea and she's never asked again.

"I'm sick, boss. Don't think I should come in today."
"Yes. YES. STAY HOME. Whatever reason you have is good enough - I DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHY. Oh god, please don't tell me why."

It's funny how the bossiest people can be the most squeamish. My old boss was in a corner restaurant with some of my co-workers when another customer had a massive coronary. He freaked out and was useless, while my co-workers gave the man CPR and mouth to mouth until the ambulance arrived. The next day they went back, and had lunch like nothing happened, while he never stepped foot in the place again. While I wasn't with them that day, I'd like to think that I'd be one of those right in there trying to save the guys life. Hopefully I'll never get to find out how I react in such a situation.

/CSB rant off

gold6

2011-11-07 06:10:39 PM

As someone who works in Pediatrics, the excuse where the child sticks something up his nose is completely realistic. We have about one of those a week.
/Realistic as long as the employee actually has a child...

Displayed 50 of 139 comments