Thou shalt have no other God before me, unless it's Oprah.

Joel Osteen: God's used car salesman.

Christianity, ladies & gentlemen. It smells like money & amazingness.

FTA: Oprah joined Osteen and his wife, Victoria, for lunch at their home and spoke with them about faith, marriage, power and ego, according to Lakewood officials.

Power and ego. That sounds about right. Fark these self-righteous, self-fellating, self-whorshipping (see?) scum. Absolutely disgusting carny barkers.

"Pastors" like Osteen are the scum of the earth. They prey on the weak by dangling a pre-formed community to which these people are drawn, then he charges them to stay.

It's a lucrative business, if you can call it that. When Jesus entered the Temple, he was outraged at the carnival atmosphere and commercial excess that the merchants in their were involved in. In his anger he upturned tables and chased the merchants out. How much more angry will Jesus be when some false prophet like Osteen approaches the Judgment Seat.

Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' (new window)

As an aside, who pictured Jack Black as Kung Fu Panda saying that very quote?

farking prosperity gospel con artist. Seems like Oprah has made a career out of publicizing extremely dubious people.

AverageAmericanGuy: "Pastors" like Osteen are the scum of the earth. They prey on the weak by dangling a pre-formed community to which these people are drawn, then he charges them to stay.

It's a lucrative business, if you can call it that. When Jesus entered the Temple, he was outraged at the carnival atmosphere and commercial excess that the merchants in their were involved in. In his anger he upturned tables and chased the merchants out. How much more angry will Jesus be when some false prophet like Osteen approaches the Judgment Seat.

Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' (new window)

And yet so many others are racing to try and become part of that very lucrative business.

Snapper Carr: farking prosperity gospel con artist. Seems like Oprah has made a career out of publicizing extremely dubious people.

Well, duh. She's practically a natural for the televangelism circuit.

FormlessOne: And yet so many others are racing to try and become part of that very lucrative business.

I actually thought about it, becoming one of those evil preachers who make tons of money and screw their sheep. At the end of the day I wouldn't have been able to live with myself...

Joel Osteen is the anti-Christ

Hm, makes you wonder if Oprah and Perry will finally marry so that the worst thing to happen to the showbiz would join forces and just kill us all off.

/And so Perry would finally have someone other than himself play Madea.

Aw, he's not so bad. He looks just like Tim the Tool Man! Everyone likes Tim the Tool Man.

Tatsuhiko: Hm, makes you wonder if Oprah and Perry will finally marry so that the worst thing to happen to the showbiz would join forces and just kill us all off.

/And so Perry would finally have someone other than himself play Madea.

I'm pretty sure they're both gay. Well, I'm 100% sure about Perry.

That's exactly the kind of tweet I'd expect from a prosperity gospel church.

Money + Success = Closer to god.

That's exactly what the bible says and means! Praise je$us!

nytmare: Aw, he's not so bad. He looks just like Tim the Tool Man! Everyone likes Tim the Tool Man.

[images.cheezburger.com image 401x271]

At least Tim Allen was honest about the dope he was selling.

scanman61: At least Tim Allen was honest about the dope he was selling.

And the dope he was playing!

/ba-dum-dum.

AverageAmericanGuy: "Pastors" like Osteen are the scum of the earth. They prey on the weak by dangling a pre-formed community to which these people are drawn, then he charges them to stay.

It's a lucrative business, if you can call it that. When Jesus entered the Temple, he was outraged at the carnival atmosphere and commercial excess that the merchants in their were involved in. In his anger he upturned tables and chased the merchants out. How much more angry will Jesus be when some false prophet like Osteen approaches the Judgment Seat.

Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' (new window)

That's a little harsh.

In Houston, you'd be hard pressed to find a large church that doesn't look like the Temple Jesus was furious about. -The easiest examples being the "book stores" all of them have.

Joel Osteen is a prosperity pastor for sure, and it turns off a ton of people. However, he also has the opposite effect on some. When you are down on your luck, and seem to have the entire world against you, it's hard to believe that a higher being cares about your existence at all.

Joel Osteen fills a void in the Christian church, particularly the Baptist church which is full of "fire and brimstone" pastors. Now I can't defend everything his church does, I can say that until you've actually attended one of his services at his church, you won't have a clue about some of the good work that his church is doing.

Some will smugly call it "Christianity light" and think they are somehow in a "better" church. If that's true, so be it. There are people who attend his church who aren't ready for what some consider a "real church", and not every Christian is at the same level of maturity.

Think for a moment that every day we have less and less people attending services, and realize that Joel Osteen is somehow encouraging people who've never attended service to start attending, and maybe you'll see that he *can* do something right.

Also, for those of you unaware, he no longer takes a salary. -He hasn't for years. The money he has is off the books he sells. The money the church collects goes right back into the church, and into the broadcast so people all over the world can see his sermons.

All of that being said, after having been to his services myself, I don't attend his church. -It's not right for me. However, I *hope* I'm right, and that he *is* doing God's work as he's one of the few that haven't completely "missed" God's message.

It is easy with the Bible, to pretend that you're in Show Biz

// remember, there is a big difference between kneeling down and bending over

FormlessOne: As an aside, who pictured Jack Black as Kung Fu Panda saying that very quote?

for some reason, I went with Stewie.

Way to upstage the Lord!

Meh.
He will fall eventually, like so many others before him - would be interesting to see what will be his "sin" (money, buttsex, underage hookers, drugs....?)

Then the new "Messiah" will rise, fleece the ignorant folk some more, wash, rinse, repeat.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_scandals_involving_evangelical_C h ristians

The religious organizations in US are still tax-exempt, right?

Gabrielmot: AverageAmericanGuy: "Pastors" like Osteen are the scum of the earth. They prey on the weak by dangling a pre-formed community to which these people are drawn, then he charges them to stay.

It's a lucrative business, if you can call it that. When Jesus entered the Temple, he was outraged at the carnival atmosphere and commercial excess that the merchants in their were involved in. In his anger he upturned tables and chased the merchants out. How much more angry will Jesus be when some false prophet like Osteen approaches the Judgment Seat.

Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' (new window)

That's a little harsh.

In Houston, you'd be hard pressed to find a large church that doesn't look like the Temple Jesus was furious about. -The easiest examples being the "book stores" all of them have.

Joel Osteen is a prosperity pastor for sure, and it turns off a ton of people. However, he also has the opposite effect on some. When you are down on your luck, and seem to have the entire world against you, it's hard to believe that a higher being cares about your existence at all.

Joel Osteen fills a void in the Christian church, particularly the Baptist church which is full of "fire and brimstone" pastors. Now I can't defend everything his church does, I can say that until you've actually attended one of his services at his church, you won't have a clue about some of the good work that his church is doing.

Some will smugly call it "Christianity light" and think they are somehow in a "better" church. If that's true, so be it. There are people who attend his church who aren't ready for what some consider a "real church", and not every Christian is at the same level of maturity.

Think for a moment that every day we have less and less people attending services, and realize that Joel Osteen is somehow encouraging people who've never attended service to start attending, and maybe you'll see that he *can* do something right.

Also, for those of you unaware, he no longer takes a salary. -He hasn't for years. The money he has is off the books he sells. The money the church collects goes right back into the church, and into the broadcast so people all over the world can see his sermons.

All of that being said, after having been to his services myself, I don't attend his church. -It's not right for me. However, I *hope* I'm right, and that he *is* doing God's work as he's one of the few that haven't completely "missed" God's message.

Seriously? The man's a walking, talking demonstration of what early Christianity was fighting against - the capitalization of religion. The man preaches that wealth and power are rewards for pious Christians. The marriage of prosperity theology with the Charismatic movement was widely accepted after World War II by folks who wanted to believe that their wealth and power made them the "chosen ones," whatever that means.

This asshole didn't even start his own church - he inherited the one his daddy started, while he was still a friggin' marketer, and turned it into a behemoth of political power backed with a "feel-good" message.

According to the very book he's fond of waving about, "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and Mammon." Yet here he is, preaching that Mammon's rewards are actually God's blessings.

FormlessOne: According to the very book he's fond of waving about, "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and Mammon." Yet here he is, preaching that Mammon's rewards are actually God's blessings.

Yeah, once he had farking Kreflo A. Dollar (!!!) as a 'travelling minister' (read: vacation time baby!); I barfed.

So we have a new age believe whatever you want coming together with the prosperity preacher. They'll make billions.

tacojohn: So we have a new age believe whatever you want coming together with the prosperity preacher. They'll make billions.

Lakewood Church is close to that already. They take in somewhere in the vicinity of $70+ million a year now. Since FY 2004, they've taken in at least $400 million in revenue. The big deal is that their fingers are in a lot of pies, and those fingers are tax-free.

Oprah (one of the most successful purveyors of herself) consorting with Osteen (one of the most successful purveyors of a non-existent product (some of us would call that fraud)). Well...I'll just let George speak for me:

... It's a big club and you ain't in it. You and I are not in The big club. By the way, it's the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. The table has tilted folks. The game is rigged and nobody seems to notice. Nobody seems to care. Good honest hard-working people . . . white collar, blue collar it doesn't matter what color shirt you have on. Good honest hard-working people continue, these are people of modest means . . . continue to elect these rich cocksuckers who don't give a fark about you. They don't give a fark about you . . . they don't give a fark about you. They don't care about you at all . . . at all . . . at all, and nobody seems to notice. Nobody seems to care. That's what the owners count on. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes everyday, because the owners of this country know the truth. It's called the American Dream cause you have to be asleep to believe it . . ."

FormlessOne: According to the very book he's fond of waving about, "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and Mammon." Yet here he is, preaching that Mammon's rewards are actually God's blessings.

^^^^THIS^^^^

did anyone else read that headline as "It smells like monkey and amazingness"?

i can't imagine that monkeys would smell that amazing.

alwaysjaded: So what does money and amazingness smell like anyway? Cheap leather and an after anal sex fart from Mila Kunis?

I'll have what he's having.