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(Mother Nature Network) Interesting Russian officials are about to open up the hatch to a windowless cell that's been sealed for 520-days as part of a simulaton to Mars. How much you wanna bet all they find the crew all dead and a slug-like alien crawling around inside?   (mnn.com) divider line 76
More: Interesting, Mars missions  
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8572 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Nov 2011 at 11:31 AM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



76 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2011-11-04 02:25:19 AM
May I be the first to say fark that. I get bored driving to work and at least there is something to see.
 
2011-11-04 04:39:09 AM
That's only slightly worse than rush hour traffic in Moscow, I'm sure they'll be fine.
 
2011-11-04 07:17:29 AM
Want to know more?
 
2011-11-04 08:09:41 AM
My prediction is the entire thing will reek of onions, gym socks, and bad breath. Just like your average Russian Metro car in August.
 
2011-11-04 08:47:35 AM
Apparently, the crew spent the year and a half in there playing Guitar Hero and watching 2001: A Space Odyssey.

I think I would've shot myself on the first day.
 
2011-11-04 09:01:13 AM
Holy f*ck, that was interesting. I would go insane. Count me out. I'm sure mars is just a giant, cold, red sh*thole anyway.
 
2011-11-04 09:24:39 AM
I would do nothing but fart. Test the limits of humanity.
 
2011-11-04 09:50:41 AM
FTA:

A previous 420-day experiment ended in drunken disaster in 2000, when two participants got into a fistfight and a third tried to forcibly kiss a female crew member.

I want to hear more about that.

Who doesn't enjoy a good drunken disaster? Especially a Russian drunken disaster.
 
2011-11-04 10:11:07 AM
Rev.K: Holy f*ck, that was interesting. I would go insane. Count me out. I'm sure mars is just a giant, cold, red sh*thole anyway.

In other words, Ohio.
 
2011-11-04 10:25:18 AM
a slug-like alien crawling around inside

americanandproud.net
 
2011-11-04 10:35:32 AM
horrorhappyhour.com
 
2011-11-04 10:36:10 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2011-11-04 10:57:59 AM
Time to break out the ape suits!
 
2011-11-04 11:02:24 AM
a windowless cell that's been sealed for 520-days

[insert farkers-in-moms-basement joke here)
 
2011-11-04 11:14:23 AM
I think I saw this episode. It's the one where the guy cut his vocal cords isn't it?
 
2011-11-04 11:35:17 AM
How they managed to persuade the leaders of opposition to participate in this experiment remains secret
 
2011-11-04 11:35:28 AM
Cake Hunter: I would do nothing but fart. Test the limits of humanity.

You'd probably run out of gas first.
 
2011-11-04 11:36:28 AM
Since I saw them come out a few hours ago on tv, I'm gonna assume they're ok.
 
2011-11-04 11:36:42 AM
I wonder how much buttfarking went on in the windowless cell. Do astronauts masturbate while in space?
 
2011-11-04 11:37:16 AM
I saw videos of it on BBC News this morning. I'm not an expert on Russian spacecraft, but I'm fairly sure they don't gave wood panelling and Wiis.
 
2011-11-04 11:37:31 AM
That would be a good time to start writing a book and work out all the time.
 
2011-11-04 11:37:59 AM
So they've finished practicing to fake the Mars landing?
 
2011-11-04 11:38:10 AM
Therion: Time to break out the ape suits!

SWEET!
 
2011-11-04 11:38:31 AM
Dead for Tax Reasons: I think I saw this episode. It's the one where the guy cut his vocal cords isn't it?

Right-o

Experiment Orange Soda (new window)
 
2011-11-04 11:38:36 AM
LDM90: Since I saw them come out a few hours ago on tv, I'm gonna assume they're ok.

and FAB-U-LOUS!!!
 
2011-11-04 11:39:45 AM
How much you wanna bet it smelled like 520 days worth of rancid sweat, cosmonaut sh*t, and unwashed laundry?
 
2011-11-04 11:40:09 AM
rebelyell2006: I wonder how much buttfarking went on in the windowless cell. Do astronauts masturbate while in space?

I have to believe they do.

I mean, can you imagine not jerking it for 520 days? F*ck that.

I imagine jerking off in space is like jerking off in the bathtub. It just sort of floats there, suspended. Except that in space you can't pull the plug and wash it down. Man that sh*t would be tough to clean up.
 
2011-11-04 11:40:27 AM
regmedia.co.uk

From the Reg. Wooden walls block all radiation but we ran out of swiffer refills on day 340.
 
2011-11-04 11:40:42 AM
Wow, this sounds like heaven to me! No commitments beside a urine and blood test, and you get to play chess and Wii whenever you want? Apparently there's also the chance for a drunken disaster?
 
2011-11-04 11:42:37 AM
It's not a really simulation of a Russian craft unless it catches on fire twice a week.
 
2011-11-04 11:42:57 AM
Therion: Time to break out the ape suits!

That sounds perfect.

Rev.K: I imagine jerking off in space is like jerking off in the bathtub. It just sort of floats there, suspended. Except that in space you can't pull the plug and wash it down. Man that sh*t would be tough to clean up.

I'm not sure how fast air friction would stop it, but presumably, in the absence of gravity, it would continue until it runs out of momentum. This has incredible implications for bukkake porn.
 
2011-11-04 11:43:46 AM
A previous 420-day experiment ended in drunken disaster in 2000, when two participants got into a fistfight and a third tried to forcibly kiss a female crew member.

How did they take enough alcohol aboard to make it to day 420. "We are simulating our spaceship meeting up with supply wessel. Oh look. More Vodak. Because Vodak does not freeze even in depth of simulated space."

/not a nuweair wessel.
 
2011-11-04 11:48:06 AM
It's there some urban myth of a trial Russian test were everyone died? Tried to find it, but can't seem to...
 
2011-11-04 11:49:24 AM
Harry Freakstorm: How did they take enough alcohol aboard to make it to day 420.

Though it's not clear in how it's written, I don't think they got that far.

Maybe it should read:

"A previous 420-day experiment ended in drunken disaster....seven hours after it began".
 
2011-11-04 11:49:44 AM
Rev.K
I mean, can you imagine not jerking it for 520 days? F*ck that.


Maybe they could design a small airlock where you could put old one eye and the controlled force of the air rushing past creates a bionic hand job of Lindsey Wagner proportion. Then, the release is free to wander the galaxy until it perchance lands on a planet and creates life.
 
2011-11-04 11:50:19 AM
We interrupt this Fark thread for an announcement by world reknowned scientist, Bernard Quatermass

cf1.imgobject.com

"Ladies and gentlemen, citizens of the world... I have some very bad news for you..."
 
2011-11-04 11:51:21 AM
macross87: It's there some urban myth of a trial Russian test were everyone died? Tried to find it, but can't seem to...

You mean the Lost Cosmonauts?
 
2011-11-04 11:52:23 AM
Harry Freakstorm: Maybe they could design a small airlock where you could put old one eye and the controlled force of the air rushing past creates a bionic hand job of Lindsey Wagner proportion. Then, the release is free to wander the galaxy until it perchance lands on a planet and creates life.

There's no part of that plan I don't like.
 
2011-11-04 11:57:54 AM
freewill: macross87: It's there some urban myth of a trial Russian test were everyone died? Tried to find it, but can't seem to...

You mean the Lost Cosmonauts?


No I think he means The Russian Sleep Experiment (new window)
 
2011-11-04 12:02:17 PM
Therion: [insert farkers-in-moms-basement joke here)

Playing World of Warcraft on a network connection with a 2,500,000ms ping time SUUUUUUCKS.
 
2011-11-04 12:03:10 PM
Ogre840: freewill: macross87: It's there some urban myth of a trial Russian test were everyone died? Tried to find it, but can't seem to...

You mean the Lost Cosmonauts?

No I think he means The Russian Sleep Experiment (new window)


Came here for that.
 
2011-11-04 12:05:36 PM
Ogre840: No I think he means The Russian Sleep Experiment (new window)

Well, that's a good campfire story.

Commie stories are always better than ghost stories.
 
2011-11-04 12:10:55 PM
Long-Duration Manned Space Flight: Just like living in a fetid, sh*t-encrusted tent suffused with the stench of rotten meat with Neanderthalers who haven't changed their hide garments in three years, but with electronic gizmos, soul-destroying boredom, and ionizing radiation.

Can you imagine the cloud of stench that wafted out of the average Apollo command module after two weeks? Phweeew!
 
2011-11-04 12:13:06 PM
Don't shower, piss in bottles, eat processed food, don't go outside, and rarely move while sitting in the dark...

Yeah, no one could do that.

/*hides piss bottle*
 
2011-11-04 12:13:49 PM
canyoneer: Long-Duration Manned Space Flight: Just like living in a fetid, sh*t-encrusted tent suffused with the stench of rotten meat with Neanderthalers who haven't changed their hide garments in three years, but with electronic gizmos, soul-destroying boredom, and ionizing radiation.

At first, I read that as Netherlanders, and wondered what you had against them.
 
2011-11-04 12:14:23 PM
freewill: canyoneer: Long-Duration Manned Space Flight: Just like living in a fetid, sh*t-encrusted tent suffused with the stench of rotten meat with Neanderthalers who haven't changed their hide garments in three years, but with electronic gizmos, soul-destroying boredom, and ionizing radiation.

At first, I read that as Netherlanders, and wondered what you had against them.


The Dutch are scum.
 
2011-11-04 12:19:12 PM
freewill: At first, I read that as Netherlanders, and wondered what you had against them.

Have you ever been on a crowded tram in Rotterdam? Phweeew!
 
2011-11-04 12:19:33 PM
Ogre840: freewill: macross87: It's there some urban myth of a trial Russian test were everyone died? Tried to find it, but can't seem to...

You mean the Lost Cosmonauts?

No I think he means The Russian Sleep Experiment (new window)


Correct. The lost Cosmonauts was a good read though. Thanks
 
2011-11-04 12:22:40 PM
Therion: Time to break out the ape suits!

Elegant, unqualified, complete win.

+manyintarwebz
 
2011-11-04 12:22:41 PM
rebelyell2006: freewill: canyoneer: Long-Duration Manned Space Flight: Just like living in a fetid, sh*t-encrusted tent suffused with the stench of rotten meat with Neanderthalers who haven't changed their hide garments in three years, but with electronic gizmos, soul-destroying boredom, and ionizing radiation.

At first, I read that as Netherlanders, and wondered what you had against them.

The Dutch are scum.


images.wikia.com
 
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