Or she's from another culture that doesn't do that kind of stuff. (For example, Chinese.)

"It's just totally gross to me"

Run away.

My wife took my last name for many of the normal reasons, but a part of it was in the hope that people would stop mispronouncing the last name.

It only took about 6 weeks for the telemarketers to prove her wrong.

I never realized how controversial an issue this is to many ladies until I mentioned once offhand that when I (theoretically) get married someday I plan to keep my name- part I wouldn't want to lose part of my publication history, part I'm just too lazy to get used to another name after all these years. Apparently these aren't "real" reasons, though I've never heard of what counts as a good reason pro changing your last name.

Full disclosure, I hate the hyphenated name trend of late (if Jones-Smith marries Smith-Jones, does their kid get named Jones-Smith-Smith-Jones?) but I've no issues just giving any theoretical children my theoretical husband's name. But that's probably too reasonable for traditionalists.

FTA: I don't understand why one partner has to effectively give up their identity.

The only thing that identifies you is your last name?

I'll have to inform my wife, if I can figure out who she is.

I took my husband's last name mostly because I wanted to lessen any association w/my ridiculous family. Also, my maiden name is an adjective and, after 26 years of stupid jokes, jumped at the opportunity to ditch it.

Now, though, after 19 years of people mispronouncing it & spelling it wrong (and it's not that hard, really. I don't get the confusion) I'd love to go back to my simple, monosyllabic adjective.

For reasons unknown to anyone but her parents, wife ended up with a maiden name where first, middle and last name all ended in basically the same "n" sound. My name ends in n too, but at least it's a different sound, so she was quite eager to end the rhyming.

Andromeda: I never realized how controversial an issue this is to many ladies until I mentioned once offhand that when I (theoretically) get married someday I plan to keep my name- part I wouldn't want to lose part of my publication history, part I'm just too lazy to get used to another name after all these years. Apparently these aren't "real" reasons, though I've never heard of what counts as a good reason pro changing your last name.

Full disclosure, I hate the hyphenated name trend of late (if Jones-Smith marries Smith-Jones, does their kid get named Jones-Smith-Smith-Jones?) but I've no issues just giving any theoretical children my theoretical husband's name. But that's probably too reasonable for traditionalists.

It happens a lot with professional women. I know several female lawyers who did the same thing.

brigid_fitch: I took my husband's last name mostly because I wanted to lessen any association w/my ridiculous family. Also, my maiden name is an adjective and, after 26 years of stupid jokes, jumped at the opportunity to ditch it.

Now, though, after 19 years of people mispronouncing it & spelling it wrong (and it's not that hard, really. I don't get the confusion) I'd love to go back to my simple, monosyllabic adjective.

I was about to post pretty much the same thing. My maiden name is a noun that has negative associations and I couldn't wait to get rid of it. I was the last one in my family to have it, so it actually made me sad to sign it away.

My married last name is very ethnic and I live in a WASPy area now. People just can't spell it right and I get comments.

ytterbium: My married last name is very ethnic and I live in a WASPy area now. People just can't spell it right and I get comments.

Aren't all surnames ethnic?

God Is My Co-Pirate

You're right, I mistook what she was refering to.

This conversation never even came up between me and my wife. It wasn't even a consideration.

If the main reason to do something basically boils down to "because that's the way it's always been done," it's not worth doing. That's true for just about everything in life.

I had to take my husband's name alongside my own. We got married in Switzerland and they have this dumb rule that both parties can't just keep their own last names. You can either go the hyphenation route or a spouse can take his or her spouse's name. Conceivably a man could take his wife's last name but c'mon, how often does that happen? I ended up just tacking his last name onto mine.

/css

I know two couples that jointly agreed on a new last name and changed both of their surnames to that. I was thinking that if I did that, I'd want my new last name to be "!" (that's the click sound you hear in languages like Xhosa).

RexTalionis: ytterbium: My married last name is very ethnic and I live in a WASPy area now. People just can't spell it right and I get comments.

Aren't all surnames ethnic?

Sure, but where I live anything other than your usual Anglo-American, Midwestern last name causes suspicion. Especially when my husband likes to tell people he's in waste management and emphasizes his city accent.

ytterbium: Sure, but where I live anything other than your usual Anglo-American, Midwestern last name causes suspicion. Especially when my husband likes to tell people he's in waste management and emphasizes his city accent.

Aw, c'mon, Italian names are still considered all that "ethnic" nowadays? That's just weird to me.

/Says the guy with the ethnic name.

Sybarite: I know two couples that jointly agreed on a new last name and changed both of their surnames to that. I was thinking that if I did that, I'd want my new last name to be "!" (that's the click sound you hear in languages like Xhosa).

People would STILL find a way to f*ck that up. My name is a simple five letters and still people can't get it right.

coco ebert: People would STILL find a way to f*ck that up. My name is a simple five letters and still people can't get it right.

My name is two letters and people can't get it right.

brigid_fitch: I took my husband's last name mostly because I wanted to lessen any association w/my ridiculous family.

I did the same, but now I wish I continued the family tradition of changing my middle name to my maiden name once married. Also, my family usually gave the mother's maiden name as a middle name for the children.

For example: Gwendolyn Rose Fernandez would change to Gwendolyn Fernandez Moreau and my son's name would be Ethan Fernandez Moreau.

Makes going through old records and family trees much easier to sort out.

/actual names have been changed
//fairly close though

My last name stinks. I've actually thought about taking my mom's maiden name as my own.

I always thought it would be amusing to take my wife's name if I married, partially to comment on the patriarchal structure of our society but mostly to really piss off my parents.

Snarfangel: //The East Asian order of family name/familiar name is better than our way as well.

And, if you have a very traditional family, the names are even easier because the names are generated according to generation so that each generation shares some aspect of the name.

RexTalionis: ytterbium: Sure, but where I live anything other than your usual Anglo-American, Midwestern last name causes suspicion. Especially when my husband likes to tell people he's in waste management and emphasizes his city accent.

Aw, c'mon, Italian names are still considered all that "ethnic" nowadays? That's just weird to me.

/Says the guy with the ethnic name.

I think there are maybe three Italian familes here and I remember growing up thinking Catholics were like another species. I actually have fun saying my last name three times and still have the person write it down wrong.

My mom's maiden name is awesome- I gave it to my son as a middle name in hopes that he uses it as his first later in life.

coco ebert: My name is a simple five letters and still people can't get it right.

The only problem I really have is we use the American pronunciation and German spelling. I just tell people at restaurants these days "name, spell it however you'd like." I've only had a few times where the reverse happened, that I got the German pronunciation.

Snarfangel: To be fair, Americans don't see Ng very often.

They don't, but that ain't it.

GAT_00: coco ebert: My name is a simple five letters and still people can't get it right.

The only problem I really have is we use the American pronunciation and German spelling. I just tell people at restaurants these days "name, spell it however you'd like." I've only had a few times where the reverse happened, that I got the German pronunciation.

I surprised someone last week by pronouncing Gaultier correctly. She'd resigned years ago to having it mispronounced & not only gave up correcting people, she'd even started using an American pronunciation (Gawl-tee-er). I felt her (and your) pain every day. My last name is German but it's a fairly easy one. In German, when you have "i" and "e" together, the second letter is always pronounced as a long vowel (Like in Justin Bieber. You don't pronounce it Buy-ber). Yet I always get the reverse pronunciation. I don't get it.

/And the only reason I knew how to pronounce her name was because of the designer, Jean Paul Gaultier.

Andromeda: Full disclosure, I hate the hyphenated name trend of late (if Jones-Smith marries Smith-Jones, does their kid get named Jones-Smith-Smith-Jones?)

Jones-Smith-Smith-Jones
= (Jones - Jones) + (-Smith - Smith)
= 0 + (-2)*(Smith)
= -2 Smith

There last name becomes -2 Smith.

This is exactly why my wife and I didn't change our names when we got married - mine is a slang term, and hers is hard to spell properly. We were planning on changing it eventually to a name we could agree on, but when I got a job in a professional office and started getting name recognition that went out the window. Hell, I didn't even change my initials when I changed my first and middle names last year.

impaler: Jones-Smith-Smith-Jones
= (Jones - Jones) + (-Smith - Smith)
= 0 + (-2)*(Smith)
= -2 Smith

There last name becomes -2 Smith.

If it was Smith-Jones-Jones-Smith, people would have to keep up with the -2 Joneses.

My wife changed her first name so it would go better with my last name.

my last name is comically complicated, and my wife said she'd take it. Taking on my last name is joining a club. There are only a handful of us on the world.

However, she never got around to changing her last name. Basically because she's lazy. Her driver's license doesn't expire for a while. She's decided to wait until it expires to change her name, because she hates going to the DMV.

/ I could care less. She uses my last name in public. People write checks to her in both names, the bank doesn't seem to care. They see the last name and know, there can be only one (family).
// we just don't do things that society cares about because we hate waiting in lines and talking to people.

brigid_fitch: In German, when you have "i" and "e" together, the second letter is always pronounced as a long vowel (Like in Justin Bieber. You don't pronounce it Buy-ber). Yet I always get the reverse pronunciation. I don't get it.

When two vowels go walking, the first does the talking,
but i before e, except after c,
except sounding "Ay", as in 'neighbor' and 'weigh.'

Do they know it's German? Because in English, the first vowel is lengthened, instead.