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(Fark)   I heard some kid died last year because of the Annual Fark Spooky Story Halloween thread, and so we're not going to have one this year. So definitely don't post scary stories in this thread   (fark.com) divider line 409
    More: Strange, French President Nicolas Sarkozy, The Fake Headlines, Happy Birthday, French President, morning-after pills, sex therapist, Pinal County, Religious Right  
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4456 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Oct 2011 at 10:28 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-10-31 08:50:42 AM
So I was examining my genital area in the mirror recently...
 
2011-10-31 09:10:19 AM
Due to extensive research done by the University of Pittsburgh, diamond has been confirmed as the hardest material known to man. The research is as follows. Pocket-protected scientists built a wall of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed. They then built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an hour into the wall, and the wall came out fine. They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors. They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond traveling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours.

They rammed a wall of metal into a 400 mile per hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted the earth's orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards mid-western Prussia at 400 billion miles per hour. They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused two wayward airplanes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with two buildings in downtown New York. They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall.

The results were inconclusive. Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall traveling at miles per iron, and the result proved without a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known to man.
 
2011-10-31 09:11:38 AM
My hours of endless screaming only left my voice rasping and rough, now I could barely raise it above a whisper pleading for mercy. The raw bloody meat of wrists and ankles now cringed away from the shackles clasped around them. Here in the dark, here alone, here where no one would think to look for me. Oh, God, why? The dark is awful, the light is so...so...much worse. When the light comes and I see those stark, soulless staring eyes come for me and hear the stumbling tread of Marcus in the Gimp mask....
 
2011-10-31 09:27:13 AM

One morning, after I arrived for work, I logged on to the internet, and Fark.com had been taken down....

.... FOREVER!


[blood curdling scream]

The horror! The HORROR!
 
2011-10-31 09:47:58 AM
Don't turn around because I'm standing right BEHIND YOU WITH AN AXE
 
2011-10-31 09:53:49 AM
So ur with ur honey and yur making out wen the phone rigns. U anser it n the vioce is "wut r u doing wit my daughter?" U tell ur girl n she say "my dad is ded". THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
 
2011-10-31 09:58:55 AM
i369.photobucket.com
 
2011-10-31 10:11:19 AM
I got up this morning and made a pot of tea. Everything seemed normal.

When I opened the fridge door, I found that I was out of milk.
 
2011-10-31 10:24:50 AM
I went to the dental office this morning.

/the horror
//the horror
 
2011-10-31 10:26:02 AM
i369.photobucket.com
 
2011-10-31 10:27:41 AM
i369.photobucket.com
 
2011-10-31 10:29:51 AM
I hate creepy stories and yet I can't stay away.

Give me a good story and keep me up all night!
 
2011-10-31 10:30:29 AM
imgs.xkcd.com
 
2011-10-31 10:30:56 AM
...
...
...
the grifter.
...
...
...
 
2011-10-31 10:31:19 AM
Ten minutes ago I saw Dracula walking down the street IN BROAD DAYLIGHT.
 
2011-10-31 10:31:21 AM
I heard that pic of the guy's sister who dressed up as Rainbow Brite is REALLY scary. Hope no one posts it again. Be a shame if someone did.
 
2011-10-31 10:31:43 AM
The politics tab has become so scary that the server its comments are on has died.
 
2011-10-31 10:31:43 AM
And then... when they tallied up the votes... A BLACK MAN WAS PRESIDENT!!!

/and the trolls came out to play
 
2011-10-31 10:31:47 AM
I watched him for fifteen years, sitting in a room, staring at a wall, not seeing the wall, looking past the wall - looking at this night, inhumanly patient, waiting for some secret, silent alarm to trigger him off. Death has come to your little town, Sheriff. Now you can either ignore it, or you can help me to stop it.
 
2011-10-31 10:32:23 AM
I live close to a cemetery in a rural New England town. Tombstone dates range from the mid 1700s to present day. Though I walk my dog through the cemetery twice a day, and it's still dark as night during the early morning walks in the colder months, I really haven't encountered anything more unusual than the occasional fox or skunk. A neighbour's experience has been quite different, though.
She was babysitting her four-year-old grandson on weekdays, often taking him to the cemetery where she could let him run around without worrying about him darting into traffic. Being an older cemetery, there are plenty of hills and trees that haven't been cleared out to make room for the orderly grid pattern you see in modern graveyards. This one seems to have just happened, to have grown organically, offering lots of opportunities for a young child to explore.

So, she would watch as he ran through neatly trimmed grass, watch birds in the trees, chase squirrels ... and hug a single tombstone. Every day that they went to the cemetery, he would make a point of visiting the same tombstone. He would stand by it for a moment, then gently give it a hug. I think, on one occasion, he even gave it a gentle kiss.

At first my neighbour didn't really give his actions much thought. But the fact that he insisted on visiting that particular tombstone every day, and the genuine affection he seemed to show it peaked her curiosity. After all, there was nothing unusual about the marker, nothing especially ornate, no pretty carvings that made it stand out. It looked very much like all the other stones it stood among.

She climbed the hill on which it stood, despite the pain in her back and joints, and read the inscription. It marked the grave of a four-year old girl.
 
2011-10-31 10:32:40 AM
But who was phone?
 
2011-10-31 10:32:50 AM

Cythraul: One morning, after I arrived for work, I logged on to the internet, and Fark.com had been taken down....

.... FOREVER!

[blood curdling scream]

The horror! The HORROR!


Did you have to actually do work instead?
 
2011-10-31 10:33:11 AM
I am the viper. I vish to vash and vipe your vindows.
 
2011-10-31 10:33:57 AM

gopher321: So I was examining my genital area in the mirror recently...


go on...
 
2011-10-31 10:34:01 AM
One morning I got on Fark and I saw this crazed drunk man when I tried to comment on some articles! The horror! What's worse, its still happening! NOOOOOOOOOOO!

img.fark.net
 
2011-10-31 10:34:22 AM
...And Sarah Palin was elected President in a landslide vote!

MWAHAHAHAHA!
 
2011-10-31 10:34:53 AM
"...and then, Barak Obama, with Michelle Bachman as his new VP, won the 2012 election, and Israel was invaded the next day"

The end.
 
2011-10-31 10:35:19 AM
It was a hot summer weekend when Ashley first noticed the clear little blisters on her left foot. She assumed they were caused by new sandals and ignored them. By the end of the weekend, they had grown to the size of dimes and spread to the top of her foot. She popped some with a sharp safety pin and milky white liquid oozed out. She decided it was some sort of athlete's foot and bought some medical spray that was supposed to help. Instead, it burned so badly she had to wash it off moments after she applied it.

A week later, the blisters had spread up her ankle and were half way to her knee. The pain in her foot made it impossible to walk without a crutch, and her leg throbbed with every heartbeat. She wrapped her foot and leg in gauze bandages that absorbed the whitish discharge and she made an appointment to see her doctor. Before she could get to the office, the skin on her foot, now completely covered in blisters, began sloughing off. The stink of the putrid flesh made her gag, and she passed out before she could dial 9-1-1.

She awoke many hours later to a strange sensation. Her foot no longer ached and the throbbing in her leg had stopped. She looked down and screamed as she saw the reason she no longer felt any pain; her leg was gone from the knee down, with only a puddle of green-gray ooze left where she had fallen. A trail of the disgusting sludge led off towards her kitchen. She crawled toward the kitchen door, noting a splatter of the necrotic tissue on the baseboard. She pushed the door open and peered inside. Something scuttled her way and she shrieked in terror.

Ashley's neighbor, Steve, found her three days later. It was the stench that caused him to take the spare key and check the apartment. He found her lying in a pool of yellow-green mush that had once been her flesh. Her head was half inside the kitchen and her skull had been cracked open. The coroner never found her left leg, and her body was burned in case whatever had afflicted her was contagious.

A week later, Steve heard a knock on his apartment door. He opened it to see Ashley standing there, nude and smiling at him. He blinked twice at the apparition and the woman dissolved into a puddle of milky white muck on his doorstep.

He stumbled back into his apartment, trying to convince himself he was hallucinating. He poured himself a stiff drink to calm his nerves. His foot began to itch and he pulled it up to see small clear blisters forming against the sole, a result, he assumed, of his new running shoes. He looked back at the open doorway and the weird gunk was gone. Whether it ran down the drain or crawled away on its own he never knew.

My blog with other stories (new window)
 
2011-10-31 10:35:48 AM

clivecusslerfan: ...And Sarah Palin


Jackass ;p
 
2011-10-31 10:36:19 AM
Carrot Top, Rosie O'Donnell, Larry King and a midget....
 
2011-10-31 10:36:33 AM

basemetal: [i369.photobucket.com image 640x480]


Hey!?! Where did you find that pic of my mom?
 
2011-10-31 10:36:37 AM
I think we'd all rather see your slutty Halloween costume
 
2011-10-31 10:36:40 AM
My favorite thread of the year (well ... my favorite thread related to the text of what is written as opposed to, say visual imagery)!!
 
2011-10-31 10:36:56 AM
t3.gstatic.com

And when he woke up in the morning, she was still in his bed!

Then she wanted to make him eggs!

But he said I don't have time, I have a meeting at 12:30.

And she said I'll drive you there!

And he said no, no, It's at my office, it's like a half hour commute

And she said I don't mind, it's on the way to my kid's preschool!
 
2011-10-31 10:37:18 AM
She thought she was a sexy black cat but it turns out that coloring the tip of that shark fin strapped to her face with black gothliner does not in fact render her a kitty but rather a freaky witch with a scary tard grin.

*shudder*
 
2011-10-31 10:38:14 AM
Sorry, I only post ghost stoties by making a phone call and recording it. This is done after dead time.
 
2011-10-31 10:38:37 AM
The other day I was posting drunk on YouTube again, and when I sobered up I realized that I'd posted the lamest Halloween music video ever.
(give it a minute - the video doesn't improve, but the song does)
 
2011-10-31 10:38:54 AM
During the summer of 1983, in a quiet town near Minneapolis, Minnesota, the charred body of a woman was found inside the kitchen stove of a small farmhouse. A video camera was also found in the kitchen, standing on a tripod and pointing at the oven. No tape was found inside the camera at the time.

Although the scene was originally labeled as a homicide by police, an unmarked VHS tape was later discovered at the bottom of the farm's well (which had apparently dried up earlier that year).

Despite its worn condition, and the fact that it contained no audio, police were still able to view the contents of the tape. It depicted a woman recording herself in front of a video camera (seemingly using the same camera the police found in the kitchen). After positioning the camera to include both her and her kitchen stove in the image, the tape then showed her turning on the oven, opening the door, crawling inside, and then closing the door behind her. Eight minutes into the video, the oven could be seen shaking violently, after which point thick black smoke could be seen emanating from it. For the remaining 45 minutes of video, until the batteries in the camera died, it remained in its stationary position.

To avoid disturbing the local community, police never released any information about the tape, or even the fact that it was found. Police were also not able to determine who put the tape in the well, or why the height and stature of the woman in the video didn't come close to matching the body they'd found in the oven.


/not mine
 
2011-10-31 10:39:13 AM

steveurkel: Due to extensive research done by the University of Pittsburgh, diamond has been confirmed as the hardest material known to man. The research is as follows. Pocket-protected scientists built a wall of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed. They then built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an hour into the wall, and the wall came out fine. They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors. They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond traveling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours.

They rammed a wall of metal into a 400 mile per hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted the earth's orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards mid-western Prussia at 400 billion miles per hour. They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused two wayward airplanes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with two buildings in downtown New York. They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall.

The results were inconclusive. Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall traveling at miles per iron, and the result proved without a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known to man.


What
 
2011-10-31 10:40:19 AM
www.nypost.com
 
2011-10-31 10:40:36 AM
Same story I tell every year. WIfe and I just bought a new house in 2007. House was built in 1964 and had had just one owner prior. His wife had died in the house back in the 70s and he had lived alone there till 2007. He was moving out to a retirement home. Anyway, the day after we close we start moving stuff in and I go back to the master bedroom and we had the bed set up as well as two end tables and each end table had a small lamp. As I walk into the master bedroom I see the lamp on my wife's end table slowly start to slide across the end table all by itself. I was the only one in the room, or so I thought. As I am standing in the doorway to the bedroom chills ran all over my body and I yelled out my wife's name for her to come see this. From under the bed I hear my wife yell "What? I am right here" She was under the bed plugging the lamp that had moved into the wall socket and needed some slack so she pulled the cord and I couldn't see her. I said "nevermind" Still in that house.
 
2011-10-31 10:40:46 AM
So I'm sitting naked in a slatted chair...
 
2011-10-31 10:40:53 AM
So this week at work there is a training session in another state. Most of the people in the office have gone to it and on my side of the office I am completely alone. The lights are on motion sensors so it's mostly dark as well. It's a little creepy and I think I'm just going to have to take a couple of quick walks around the office to make sure there's nothing going on and I'm dead and my ghost is now writing this post.
 
2011-10-31 10:40:57 AM
Last night in a dream I found the bathroom filling with a mysterious light as I took a leak.

This morning I awoke to a blood curdling scream when my wife opened the refrigerator.
 
2011-10-31 10:41:47 AM
I saw a dead turtle.
 
2011-10-31 10:41:52 AM
This short sketch was posted to a previous Fark thread. I think it only works in Chrome, and it's all in Korean, but you can gather all you need to know about the story from the cartoon. Just scroll on down.


Link (new window)
 
2011-10-31 10:42:08 AM
...and then the man replied ALL WE HAVE IS LIGHT BEER!

/The horror
//The horror
 
2011-10-31 10:42:18 AM
...and when they woke up, all their old noses had grown back.
 
2011-10-31 10:43:46 AM
We bought a toy cat--small enough to fit in your hand. When you squeezed it, it made a noise just like our half-Siamese, and I would occasionally harass my partner with it. The batteries started to die, and it would make this rasping emphysema sound, and then it stopped working, so we put it up on the third floor. Our house is old--a typical 1920 four square--and we don't heat the third floor in the winter; we store things there. We didn't throw it away because it was cute, and about this time, our one cat, Cassie, grew ill.

After a month of treatment, our vet was near tears telling us there was nothing he could do. It was four days before Christmas, and we decided to euthanize her the next day. We chose to do it at home, not wanting her to die in the arms of strangers on a stainless steel table under fluorescent lights. I dug a grave in the clay in the back yard, left it open and let the snow fall into the grave. I went up to the third floor to get an old blanket to bury her in, and brought the toy cat downstairs. I squeezed it again--now it was silent--nothing. The vet arrived, we took Cassie into the living room, pulled the pocket doors shut so she could not wander off, and she was euthanized in our arms on the living room rug.

We went outside without our coats. We laid Cassie in the grave, and I filled it in. The next day I took all the cat furniture out to the garage, washed all the cat blankets and food bowls, put all the toys into a box and threw the medications away. That night, as we were in bed settling in to the new silence, the toy cat meowed. It was a single perfect long Siamese wail. We got up and walked into the office and picked up the cat. The only sound it would make was the emphysema rasp. Then, nothing.

We tell ourselves the cat meowed without being squeezed because it had warmed up from being stored in the unheated attic.

We still have the little cat. She sits on a shelf at eye level and smiles at us when we walk through the hallway. We squeeze it from time to time, but it has never made another sound.

This is a true story.

i1207.photobucket.com
 
2011-10-31 10:43:47 AM
Ah, I miss the Halloween threads of old, people used to post some genuinely scary stuff here. I would do what I do every year and post a link to all the past posts, but I apparently lost the post I pre-made and somebody else will probably do it anyway. Regardless, the way Fark has changed over the years there's no way that today's thread will live up to the quality of the first four scary story threads. Cynical much? Also, I actually have to work today...so no just sitting around reading the scary story thread (and going over past ones) as in days of yore. So, if anyone wants to make a link to all the past ones (helpful hint: lamely enough there were TWO last year) that would be the bees knees.
 
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