What.. the.... hell.....

what awful little people...

As Tillmaster typed above, It's Terry Wogan.
That genuinely does explain it all.
How'd this one ever get greenlit, anyway?

FTA: Nothing, be it Bonfire Night, travellers, students in tents, disappearing pensions or the rest of the rubbish that the long-suffering, taxpaying majority has to put up with, gets up the nose more than somebody's little darlings looking for handouts on a dark night, when they should be tucked up in their little beds. It brings out the latent curmudgeon in all of us.

Hey, looks like overly conservative assholes in Britain and overly conservative assholes in America have Halloween-hate in common.

FTA: The pumpkins and the "trick or treating" are an American import, and while we thank the Yanks for the turkey that they brought us for Christmas, we were all content enough with: "A penny for the guy!"

If you Brits and Irish hadn't brought the earlier Halloween customs over here, we never would have had the opportunity to Americanize it, and then in return trade it back to you. I think some of the blame should be laid at your feet, I do.

FTA: Although, of course, the implied threat is the same: hand over the money, sweeties, cakes or biscuits or your front door gets raw eggs or a new paint job.

Seriously? No one ever did this in my neighborhood when I was a kid, except for the very few bully kids, and they'd do it anyway, Halloween or not.

FTA: A radio listener suggested offering chocolate-covered Brussels sprouts or toffee onions to the little folk, and seeing how they liked that. Others threatened bear traps and tar-and-feather contraptions in the bushes.

These things are not traditional British 'treats,' people/subby. The author is suggesting that these 'treats' be offered as punishment for daring to Trick or Treat at his door.

Either this guy has a stick up his arse, or he's just trying to be a jerk to increase his click count. If it's the latter, it definitely worked. Jesus, I'm an adult now and I don't really get into the whole dressing up for Halloween anymore, but it's not a huge deal to buy a couple of bags of candy to hand out in case any kids come by.

But you know what really grinds my gears?....

Y'all should read some of the comments on that article:

"I do not know what they expect but I can tell you what they get at Chez Brown. Absolutely nothing at all. Lights off and upstairs with sandwiches and flasks watching telly from 4 - 9.30 pm. I thought begging without a licence was illegal and the parents of these pests should be ashamed of themselves."

"But I have emigrated - to England. That is, I moved to deepest Devon, the only place in the UK that still feels like England to me. Still the flea bitten Yankee imitating urchins tracked me down."

"Unfortunately this has largely died out and we now have the awful Americanism of trick or treat. Too many fat kids waddle up to my door and giving them sweeties for no effort would just make them fatter. I don't bother answering my door any more. One of the worst examples of trick or treat I have seen was in Edinburgh's Rose St a few years back - 2 young mums dragging their toddlers through Edinburgh's back streets in fairy costumes collecting money in a bucket. I was quite shocked at the exploitation of their children and it made me angry that the drunks were giving them money. "

These people sound like they'd be fun at parties.

Honest Bender: Cythraul: Seriously? No one ever did this in my neighborhood when I was a kid, except for the very few bully kids, and they'd do it anyway, Halloween or not.

You never went egging on Halloween? You missed out on a major right of passage. Dork.

I had better things to do with my time, and better people to associate with, asshole.

Tlachtga: Sour, unfunny, American-hating nonsense? Of course it's the Torygraph...

Is that like their version of Fox News, or something?

Iron Chef Scottish: As a predatory paedophile getting ready to run deep on some peach-fuzz asses, I'm getting a real kick out of some of these replies.
I use cash and chocolate to lure them in.
/Our special secret.

Were you the one that attacked me when I was 8? I can't tell you how many pedophiles I had to defend myself from when I was a child while Trick or Treating. Every other house, it was "Oh, you sure do have a young, supple, hairless body. Would you like to come inside for some 'special candy?'

I didn't stop Trick or Treating until 16 however, but the pedophiles stopped bothering me years before that. Strange.

Iron Chef Scottish: As a predatory paedophile getting ready to run deep on some peach-fuzz asses, I'm getting a real kick out of some of these replies.
I use cash and chocolate to lure them in.
/Our special secret.

Ok is that you Thunderpipes or is it Skinnyhead? I get the alts confused.

I May Be Crazy But...: Cythraul: Iron Chef Scottish: As a predatory paedophile getting ready to run deep on some peach-fuzz asses, I'm getting a real kick out of some of these replies.
I use cash and chocolate to lure them in.
/Our special secret.

Were you the one that attacked me when I was 8? I can't tell you how many pedophiles I had to defend myself from when I was a child while Trick or Treating. Every other house, it was "Oh, you sure do have a young, supple, hairless body. Would you like to come inside for some 'special candy?'

I didn't stop Trick or Treating until 16 however, but the pedophiles stopped bothering me years before that. Strange.

So when exactly did you start enjoying it?

Let's just say I got a lot of 'special candy' every year.

Iron Chef Scottish: elffster: Iron Chef Scottish: As a predatory paedophile getting ready to run deep on some peach-fuzz asses, I'm getting a real kick out of some of these replies.
I use cash and chocolate to lure them in.
/Our special secret.

Ok is that you Thunderpipes or is it Skinnyhead? I get the alts confused.

Miaow Said the Dog/FLYNAVY. Altho thinking of rolling a French version of BesiktasGuy83.

Ohhhhh yah, forgot about Meow....Hey, folks w/ head trauma need to post to fark too!

skullkrusher: sounds kinda good, actually

You'd eat anything that looked like chocolate-covered balls, you closeted perv.

Is the Count going trick or treating this year?