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(Some Guy) Dumbass For want of a cigar I went to the store , For the lack of ID I was shown to the door, For the lack of my smoke my anger was lost, For the loss of sense I tried to kill at all cost. All for the lack of a cigar   (yourhoustonnews.com) divider line 45
More: Dumbass, smoking, Texas  
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3110 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Oct 2011 at 10:26 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



45 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2011-10-28 07:07:23 PM
Nice headline subby

+1 as I sit here with my LFD DL-700 maduro
 
2011-10-28 07:21:23 PM
I wish the article had a mugshot
 
2011-10-28 09:05:55 PM
Good job subby. :-)
 
2011-10-28 09:05:59 PM
I did the same thing when the Tinderbox refused to sell me a cigar when I was 17. Oh wait....no I didn't....I politely left and came back a few months later when I was 18.

Also:

Wal-Mart does not carry a single cigar that's worth a vehicular assault charge.

/Might run over somebody for a box of Opus Xs, though.
 
2011-10-28 10:31:12 PM
Burma Shave!
 
2011-10-28 10:32:11 PM
Happened to me. I just banged on my drum.
 
2011-10-28 10:35:02 PM
Because People in power are Stupid: I wish the article had a mugshot

I have an image in my head.
/blaazzunt
 
2011-10-28 10:35:23 PM
farther down: After many attempts to call the person who altered police to the possible shooting was unsuccessful, Smart said police began to think it was a prank.

Pray the police are not altered any further.
 
2011-10-28 10:38:20 PM
Come in here dear boy, have a cigar...
 
2011-10-28 10:43:09 PM
The_Sponge: I did the same thing when the Tinderbox refused to sell me a cigar when I was 17. Oh wait....no I didn't....I politely left and came back a few months later when I was 18.

Also:

Wal-Mart does not carry a single cigar that's worth a vehicular assault charge.

/Might run over somebody for a box of Opus Xs, though.


I've found that the Opus X's that come in a presentation box with a DVD about their manufacture have a better flavor than the regular ones. Not sure it was worth the $80, let alone bail for attempted vehicular manslaughter, but they were a damn fine smoke.
 
2011-10-28 10:43:10 PM
Close, but no cigar
 
2011-10-28 10:43:21 PM
your gonna go far
 
2011-10-28 10:46:31 PM
Wow, a cigar.

My mom always said smoking will kill you.
 
2011-10-28 10:50:06 PM
The_Sponge: I did the same thing when the Tinderbox refused to sell me a cigar when I was 17. Oh wait....no I didn't....I politely left and came back a few months later when I was 18.

Also:

Wal-Mart does not carry a single cigar that's worth a vehicular assault charge.

/Might run over somebody for a box of Opus Xs, though.


HELL YES! I wouldn't even think twice for an Opus X!
 
2011-10-28 10:50:18 PM
Not to nitpick but are we sure subby didn't mean "temper was lost"?
 
2011-10-28 10:51:23 PM
The_Sponge: I did the same thing when the Tinderbox refused to sell me a cigar when I was 17. Oh wait....no I didn't....I politely left and came back a few months later when I was 18.

Well - I don't buy that story whatsoever but that is besides the point. What farking 17 year old wants a cigar? Its like carding someone for buying a 30 dollar bottle of wine or buying japense whisky. They aren't going for that. They are going for the cheapest shiat available. And you have no clue this dude was 17 years old. I'm 39 and still get farking carding (did in fact last night at a hockey game while my younger boss didn't get carded). It has nothing to do in preventing underage people from getting cigarettes or alcohol - its all about the local DA wanting to become mayor or governor.

/meaningless ID laws are meaningless

/and before you answer - I want to see your ID and birth certificate
 
2011-10-28 10:53:22 PM
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
 
2011-10-28 10:53:54 PM
A small cigar can change the world
I know, I've done it frequently at parties
Where I've won all the guests' attention
With my generosity and suave gentlemanly bearing

A little flat tin case is all you need
Breast pocket conversation opener
And one of those ciggie lighters that look rather good
You can throw away when empty

Must be declared a great success
My small cigars all vanish within minutes

Excuse me, mine host, that I may visit
A nearby tobacconist
To replenish my supply of small cigars
And make the party swing again

I know my clothes seem shabby
And don't fit this Hampstead soiree
Where unread copies of Rolling Stone
Well thumbed Playboys
Decorate the hi-fi stereo record shelves

If you ask me they're on their way
To upper middle class oblivion
The stupid twits, they roll their only
One cigarette between them

My small cigar's redundant now
In the haze of smoking pleasure

Call it a day, get the hell away
Go down the cafe for a cup of real tea

By the tube station, there's a drunk old fool
Who sells papers in the rush hour
I hand to him ten small cigars
He smiles, says, "Son, God bless you''

A small cigar, has changed his world, my friend
A small cigar, has changed the world again


-- Jethro Tull
 
2011-10-28 10:54:00 PM

"A 29-year-old woman was assaulted after she refused to empty her pockets to a man threatening her with a pair of pliers Wednesday morning.


The woman was walking in the 1000 block of Silverdale Drive around 10:30 a.m. when a young black male of medium build demanded she empty her pockets, Smart said.


When the woman refused and pointed out that he only had pliers, the man punched her several times before running down the street into the Tall Timbers Apartment at 1101 S. Seventh St., Smart said."


He wasn't done with her by a damn sight. He got medieval on her ass!

 
2011-10-28 10:54:14 PM
 
2011-10-28 11:10:03 PM
about damn time a good headline got greenlit, instead of just quoting the article.
 
2011-10-28 11:11:28 PM
mafiageek1980: The_Sponge: I did the same thing when the Tinderbox refused to sell me a cigar when I was 17. Oh wait....no I didn't....I politely left and came back a few months later when I was 18.

Also:

Wal-Mart does not carry a single cigar that's worth a vehicular assault charge.

/Might run over somebody for a box of Opus Xs, though.

HELL YES! I wouldn't even think twice for an Opus X!


I'm saving mine for a special occasion.

/Has Fark ever had a cigar snob thread? We should do this more often.
 
2011-10-28 11:16:56 PM
PanicMan: mafiageek1980: The_Sponge: I did the same thing when the Tinderbox refused to sell me a cigar when I was 17. Oh wait....no I didn't....I politely left and came back a few months later when I was 18.

Also:

Wal-Mart does not carry a single cigar that's worth a vehicular assault charge.

/Might run over somebody for a box of Opus Xs, though.

HELL YES! I wouldn't even think twice for an Opus X!

I'm saving mine for a special occasion.

/Has Fark ever had a cigar snob thread? We should do this more often.


goombo.com


What a cigar snob might look like
 
2011-10-28 11:30:17 PM
This thread makes me want to goto Cigarz at Citywalk and enjoy an Ashton VSG Robusto.
 
2011-10-28 11:30:53 PM
Candygram4Mongo: PanicMan: mafiageek1980: The_Sponge: I did the same thing when the Tinderbox refused to sell me a cigar when I was 17. Oh wait....no I didn't....I politely left and came back a few months later when I was 18.

Also:

Wal-Mart does not carry a single cigar that's worth a vehicular assault charge.

/Might run over somebody for a box of Opus Xs, though.

HELL YES! I wouldn't even think twice for an Opus X!

I'm saving mine for a special occasion.

/Has Fark ever had a cigar snob thread? We should do this more often.

[goombo.com image 406x483]


What a cigar snob might look like


Agreed! I quit drinking so I need to spend the money I wasted on booze on cigars again, lol!
 
2011-10-28 11:38:43 PM
static.flickr.com
 
2011-10-28 11:40:53 PM
PanicMan: mafiageek1980: The_Sponge: I did the same thing when the Tinderbox refused to sell me a cigar when I was 17. Oh wait....no I didn't....I politely left and came back a few months later when I was 18.

Also:

Wal-Mart does not carry a single cigar that's worth a vehicular assault charge.

/Might run over somebody for a box of Opus Xs, though.

HELL YES! I wouldn't even think twice for an Opus X!

I'm saving mine for a special occasion.

/Has Fark ever had a cigar snob thread? We should do this more often.

No matter what anyone tells you, Opus X are not rare. You just have to find a legit Fuente dealer. They are not able to sell them for higher than retail or they will lose their allocation. Old Virginia and Emerson's usually have them in stock in one size or another. And anyway, you could fall over dead tomorrow. Smoke that sh*t tonight!

/http://www.emersonscigars.com/storefront/searchitem.aspx?text=opus Double Corona 5 packs IN STOCK at MSRP
//you are welcome
 
2011-10-28 11:49:22 PM
I would run over someone for more of these Pork Tenderloins...

/I have enough Opus, no manslaughter needed
 
2011-10-28 11:55:16 PM
szyzk: I would run over someone for more of these Pork Tenderloins...

/I have enough Opus, no manslaughter needed


I got tired of the Tat rarity bs and stopped buying them. I've never even seen a tenderloin. I'll have a few more Boris' though.
 
2011-10-28 11:57:56 PM
bigtotoro: I got tired of the Tat rarity bs and stopped buying them. I've never even seen a tenderloin. I'll have a few more Boris' though.

Eh, most aren't that tough to get a hold of. And, if you do miss out on some, it's not like the regular lines aren't still incredibly tasty.

/Would like more Boris, too
 
2011-10-29 12:02:52 AM
bigtotoro: No matter what anyone tells you, Opus X are not rare. You just have to find a legit Fuente dealer. They are not able to sell them for higher than retail or they will lose their allocation. Old Virginia and Emerson's usually have them in stock in one size or another. And anyway, you could fall over dead tomorrow. Smoke that sh*t tonight!

/http://www.emersonscigars.com/storefront/searchitem.aspx?text=opus Double Corona 5 packs IN STOCK at MSRP
//you are welcome


Thanks for the info. I can usually find them when I need them.

My good smoking buddies are about 400 miles away but rest assured they will be enjoyed by people who can appreciate them.
 
2011-10-29 12:15:41 AM
not a bookmark for later.
 
2011-10-29 12:17:13 AM
The woman was walking in the 1000 block of Silverdale Drive around 10:30 a.m. when a young black male of medium build demanded she empty her pockets, Smart said.


When the woman refused and pointed out that he only had pliers


That was the part of the article that made me chuckle
 
2011-10-29 12:23:34 AM
szyzk: bigtotoro: I got tired of the Tat rarity bs and stopped buying them. I've never even seen a tenderloin. I'll have a few more Boris' though.

Eh, most aren't that tough to get a hold of. And, if you do miss out on some, it's not like the regular lines aren't still incredibly tasty.

/Would like more Boris, too

I agree, the mainline stuff is good. I assume they are doing a Halloween release this year? Happened to catch the Face for the 5 mins it was in the store. Terrible disappointment.
 
2011-10-29 12:25:28 AM
Igor Jakovsky: The woman was walking in the 1000 block of Silverdale Drive around 10:30 a.m. when a young black male of medium build demanded she empty her pockets, Smart said.


When the woman refused and pointed out that he only had pliers

That was the part of the article that made me chuckle


i776.photobucket.com
 
2011-10-29 02:15:37 AM
www.51suppliers.com

The vehicle in question?
 
2011-10-29 03:49:17 AM
FTFA: After many attempts to call the person who altered police to the possible shooting was unsuccessful, Smart said police began to think it was a prank.

www.elpixelilustre.com

ALTERED POLIIIIICE.
 
2011-10-29 07:57:21 AM
bigtotoro: I agree, the mainline stuff is good. I assume they are doing a Halloween release this year? Happened to catch the Face for the 5 mins it was in the store. Terrible disappointment.

We must have different tastes, the Face is one of my favorite cigars.

This year's release was the Wolfman. There were at least as many produced as last year and they flew off the shelves even faster, if you can believe that. I haven't tried it yet, I tend to give my sticks a few months to adjust to my humidor before I start burning them.

/The new Black Petit Lanceros are where it's at
//If you have issues with the Tat limiteds then I assume you aren't following Viaje, right?
 
2011-10-29 08:14:08 AM
The article doesn't mention how old the perpetrator is...
 
2011-10-29 08:57:55 AM
NothingCanPossiblyeGoWrong: The article doesn't mention how old the perpetrator is...

Old enough to know better.
 
2011-10-29 01:47:10 PM
A POSSIBLE EXPLANATION? (no)


Cigars stand for enjoyment, culture, history and craftsmanship. In the independent Cigar Wiki, launched by a Swiss Aficionado, these aspects shall be characterized and documented as well as the various cigar brands themselves. The main focus is on Cuban cigars. It goes without saying, that cigars from different countries of production have their place in the cigar wiki too. The cigar wiki is not „completed" yet, it never will be. Everyone who is interested in cigar wiki's further development is welcome to participate. The Cigar Wiki shall be written collaboratively by volunteers.

A Cigar is a roll of tobacco that is infused with relaxation, addictive goodness, mellow smoothness, and above all, conspicuous consumerism. They are used as substitutes for men who want a dick in their mouth, but cannot obtain one. They range from about three inches to two feet in length, and anywhere from 1/2 inch to Earth in diameter. It is never inhaled, unless the inhaler wants to endure the eternal derision of the cigar-smoking community as a whole. People who inhale cigars are idiots and totally miss the point. It is in no way a phallic symbol.

Cigars were invented by the Romans in 18 B.C. following their twice-over-conquest of France. The cigar, known then as immaculius magnus was used as an implement of celebration. Following the Caligulan Decree, which regulated cigar usage and manufacture throughout the Roman Empire, a cigar was mandated to be eight inches long, one inch thick, wrapped in olive leaves and comprised mainly of this wonderful little plant known as tobacco. They smelled like naked angels and tasted like burning innocence. They were ignited on the pure agony of French prisoners being burned at the stake. editModified in Switzerland Of course, in due time, with the establishment of large sub-mountainous vaults in the warmongering nation of Switzerland, the prevalence of cigars flourished. The Swiss, however, had no olives, because olives are a symbol of peace (ironic in the Romans' idiom) and Switzerland is famous for never being able to stay out of any conflict, no matter how small, trite, trivial, or irrelevant said conflict may be or will be. The Swiss, therefore, replaced the olive-leaf wrapper with pure tobacco. They left the leaf green in order to get more chlorophyll out of their smoke (the Swiss were health nuts, and, just as for people who inhale cigars, people who smoke "mod" (modified) cigars for their health completely miss the point). They replaced the "Frenchman" method of ignition with the "use the flames from a melted bar of solid gold" method, which improved combustion and efficiency reliably, as well as lowered the cost of ignition, since Frenchmen disintegrated after one ignition, while melted gold would burn the air and stuff around it as long as it was hot, and could be re-used ad infinitum. editPerfected in Cuba.

Make It Happen By Visiting Here and Enjoy

Not much needs to be said here. In the early 1900's, a young Fidel Castro discovered that if you roast the leaves of the wrapper before you wrap the cigar, the flavor is actually palpable. He roasted his completely black, letting all those delicious oils soak into the 'baccy, and made some of the greatest cigars the world has ever witnessed. Zeus himself is said to have smoked a whole case in one day, after which he took some punk comet named Shoemaker-Levy to his gut and never quite recovered. He damn well loved those cigars, though. Castro revolutionized Cuba, providing a welcome respite for farmers by requiring them to produce nothing but tobacco, even if they didn't want to. He shot some of them just to prove his point (whilst smoking a legendary A. Fuentes Man-O-War, mind you). Cubans grew only the finest tobacco; those who didn't were shot. Their cigars were exclusively hand-rolled by skilled artisans with the greatest of care; those who didn't measure up were shot. Cuba departed from the earlier Roman and Swiss traditions of packaging their cigars "in whatever the hell we have lying around" by cutting down an entire forest (the environmentalist protesters were all shot first), quickly chopping it up into planks (the slow axe men were shot), and varnishing it all in the recently-nationalized AT&T (former) cell phone factory (where all the capitalist executives were happily shot before being allowed to leave the country in coffins made of cured tobacco).

A typical cigar smoker He created wonderful wooden boxes out of the planks (planks that were too small, too large, or had knotholes in them were shot, just for principle's sake) and carefully laid 20 - 50 cigars in them at a time. Everyone viewed this as "awesome" and the boxes became collectors' items (people in Cuba were forced to collect them, and those who refused were shot. Concerning the rest of the world, only the really cool cigar boxes (with hand-burned lettering and fancy cursive and gold medallions showing all the l337 awards the cigars won) were allowed to be exported; the rest were shot). Following this "Cuban Revolution" the world demand for cigars exploded, and Castro could barely keep up. Realizing that his human farmers could never grow nearly enough tobacco to feed demand, he determined to increase supply to what the market desired, by building robo-tobacco-farmers and shooting all of his farmers to make room for the 'bots. He immediately nationalized the farmers' money and created a great healthcare system with it. Unfortunately, in the late '90's Cuba's healthcare system was taxed to its breakage point as decades of cigar smoking caught up almost simultaneously with millions of people. To this day, Cuba spends more money on emphysema treatments than any other nation, ever. Ever. Those people can't breathe for shiat (incidentally, Cubans who are really good at breathing are summarily shot, because the rest of Cuba is too damn jealous of their health-nut ways. All health nuts are shot in Cuba. Most Cubans are shot in Cuba. Few ever recover. Those that do recover are shot again). They couldn't breathe to save their damned commie lives.
 
2011-10-29 02:45:03 PM
bravian: The_Sponge: I did the same thing when the Tinderbox refused to sell me a cigar when I was 17. Oh wait....no I didn't....I politely left and came back a few months later when I was 18.

Well - I don't buy that story whatsoever but that is besides the point. What farking 17 year old wants a cigar? Its like carding someone for buying a 30 dollar bottle of wine or buying japense whisky. They aren't going for that. They are going for the cheapest shiat available. And you have no clue this dude was 17 years old. I'm 39 and still get farking carding (did in fact last night at a hockey game while my younger boss didn't get carded). It has nothing to do in preventing underage people from getting cigarettes or alcohol - its all about the local DA wanting to become mayor or governor.

/meaningless ID laws are meaningless

/and before you answer - I want to see your ID and birth certificate



Heh.

1) I smoked Swishers when I was 16, but by the time I was 17/18, I was just starting to get into the hand rolled cigars....even though I could not appreciate them like I do now.

2) True....we don't know his age. I just bought it up as a "cool story bro" regarding a time I could not provide ID for a tobacco purchase.
 
2011-10-29 05:39:39 PM
The_Sponge: bravian: The_Sponge: I did the same thing when the Tinderbox refused to sell me a cigar when I was 17. Oh wait....no I didn't....I politely left and came back a few months later when I was 18.

Well - I don't buy that story whatsoever but that is besides the point. What farking 17 year old wants a cigar? Its like carding someone for buying a 30 dollar bottle of wine or buying japense whisky. They aren't going for that. They are going for the cheapest shiat available. And you have no clue this dude was 17 years old. I'm 39 and still get farking carding (did in fact last night at a hockey game while my younger boss didn't get carded). It has nothing to do in preventing underage people from getting cigarettes or alcohol - its all about the local DA wanting to become mayor or governor.

/meaningless ID laws are meaningless

/and before you answer - I want to see your ID and birth certificate


Heh.

1) I smoked Swishers when I was 16, but by the time I was 17/18, I was just starting to get into the hand rolled cigars....even though I could not appreciate them like I do now.

2) True....we don't know his age. I just bought it up as a "cool story bro" regarding a time I could not provide ID for a tobacco purchase.


I have a picture of me at about 5 years old smoking a cigar.
I swear I don't remember it.
Might have been the bottle of old crow I was cuddling.
TRUE.
BTW
I have sent OpusX cigars to friends on alt.smokers.cigars.
I was presented with a box during a visit to the family.
(Worth the trip).
I must admit to being a cigar lover, but I'm adventurous and recently bought a few boxes of the "Devil's Weed 515's" surprisingly it was one of the best cigars I ever smoked.
Couldn't get anymore, so I ordered the Queen Bess which is another damn large ring cigar...it had the same blend but didn't deliver like the 515.
If you can find a box of 515's you can get them cheap and you WILL be amazed!
I place a higher value on fine cigars than I do on fine marijuana, problem is, mail order marijuana is hardly ever as advertised. The whole concept of a "blunt" is screwed up, you screw up a cigar AND your weed.
Aint seen no Thai stick in years except at the Yellow Submarine in Amsterdamnit, it was more like getting punched in the face than burning a doobie.
 
2011-10-29 06:49:12 PM
You folks smoking Opus X are letting them sit before smoking, right? Good rule of thumb for Fuentes: Anejo = 1 year rest, Opus = 3 years rest.

/I've found that if I want a quick fix premium, it's best to stick to the Padron Annys or Hammers.
 
2011-10-29 07:59:48 PM
5 Vegas...
 
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