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(New Zealand Herald)   Actual Headline: "Satanic lesbian launches bid for freedom"   (nzherald.co.nz) divider line 71
    More: Strange  
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10495 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Oct 2011 at 1:14 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-10-28 12:55:24 AM  
And this is why you use trick birthday candles for the pentacle....
 
2011-10-28 01:17:22 AM  
cllctr.com
 
2011-10-28 01:18:43 AM  
Well....can't lick that
 
2011-10-28 01:22:59 AM  
OMG! A Satinist!

A worshiper of Lacyfer in this day and age? Really?
 
2011-10-28 01:24:12 AM  
graphics8.nytimes.com
 
2011-10-28 01:26:17 AM  
Lesbians are all well and good in your imagination. But when your left sitting there with your dick in your hand while they grind away on each other, it's way less fun than porn movies make it out to be.

/seriously watching 2 chicks kiss for an hour aint as much fun as it sounds.
//SRSLY
 
2011-10-28 01:31:53 AM  

falcontwin: Lesbians are all well and good in your imagination. But when your left sitting there with your dick in your hand while they grind away on each other, it's way less fun than porn movies make it out to be.

/seriously watching 2 chicks kiss for an hour aint as much fun as it sounds.
//SRSLY


beats watching liver slide down the wall? again?

*needs a new hobby*
 
2011-10-28 01:33:35 AM  
Based upon what I read on Fark, I get the impression that New Zealand is the most bizarre nation on Earth. I so want to go there.
 
2011-10-28 01:39:49 AM  
What was the ultimate goal of this satanic plot? Seriously, wtf? There are places in the world other than the south of USA that have "satanic plots" that need no explanation other than "it was a satanic plot"?

Sure stabbing someone a lot is pretty evil but I'm gonna need a bit more info before I buy the satanic plot story.
 
2011-10-28 01:49:50 AM  
farm4.static.flickr.com
 
2011-10-28 01:53:14 AM  
I've known several satanic lesbians (I lived in a college town, you can't swing a dead cat - heh- without hitting one) and they're all scary sexy or scary big or scary dangerous or scary scary! You might live, you might jizz, you might end up in a jar.

/I'm kidding Kim, really...
 
2011-10-28 01:57:22 AM  
Not the first time that Queensland lesbians have lusted for blood (new window)...

Must be something in the water down there...
 
2011-10-28 01:57:39 AM  

squirrelflavoredyogurt: What was the ultimate goal of this satanic plot? Seriously, wtf? There are places in the world other than the south of USA that have "satanic plots" that need no explanation other than "it was a satanic plot"?

Sure stabbing someone a lot is pretty evil but I'm gonna need a bit more info before I buy the satanic plot story.


This. Evilly stabbing someone is one thing, but before I do it in the name of Satan, I better have that whole soul thingy worked out in advance, you know? I don't want to evilly stab someone and then try to work out my deal from Death Row--I want all the perks BEFORE I die.
 
2011-10-28 01:58:02 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: OMG! A Satinist!

A worshiper of Lacyfer in this day and age? Really?


Lucy fur.
 
2011-10-28 02:10:08 AM  

ArcadianRefugee: AverageAmericanGuy: OMG! A Satinist!

A worshiper of Lacyfer in this day and age? Really?

Lucy fur.


nsCSB: A friend had a black cat named Lucy Fur.
 
2011-10-28 02:11:24 AM  

LOGINGOESHERE: [graphics8.nytimes.com image 533x418]


She may honestly be the prettiest, most boring looking person I have ever seen.
 
2011-10-28 02:12:33 AM  
What the hell language was TFA written in? I recognize most of the words, but it makes no damned sense at all.
 
2011-10-28 02:25:26 AM  
The victim was fortunate that someone heard her screams.
 
2011-10-28 02:25:36 AM  
Wow, Nunchaku+carving knife ambush of old lady, who lives? These Satanic Lesbians really need to work on their A game, amirite?
 
2011-10-28 02:40:51 AM  
"...jumped from behind by two schoolgirls while bushwalking..."


attacked by lesbians while bushwalking? should have seen that coming.
 
2011-10-28 02:57:39 AM  
Sounds sort of like the plot to a movie that, that guy from New Zealand directed right after he directed the movie about zombies.
 
2011-10-28 03:21:07 AM  
I'm just wondering how this went down...

See, I understand "crazy" ok. But it's hard for TWO people to cooperate in crazy like that, for the simple reason that any attempt to communicate about the idea to another fails, because, well, it sounds crazy. Even to the person saying it. As in, having this bizarre delusion that killing another person will somehow add to your life... a crazy person can accept that idea to himself or herself without a lot of question or logic or reasoning. Once you start to talk about it and explain your plan, the other may not even have to ASK questions about how that was supposed to work. Just, "hey, that sounds crazy now that I say it, I must not be explaining it correctly? I mean, when you murder someone, you get to live forever... or was it that you get powers? And I think it's only if you kill someone, like, really badly, like torturing a grandma or a baby, right? Because... it's... like... vampiric- or, no, wait- Satan? OK lemme check Wikipedia on how this works and I'll finish this thought."

Did they, like, read this in a book or movie somewhere? Some kinda Twilight thing?? Where do you BOTH get the idea?
 
2011-10-28 03:28:20 AM  

Ed Grubermann: What the hell language was TFA written in? I recognize most of the words, but it makes no damned sense at all.


That would be English. I don't quite understand as most of it was perfectly sensible if a bit awkward at times, though this sentence in particular struck me as being a victim of confused repeated editing -

Christchuch grandmother Dulcie Brooke was when she jumped from behind by two schoolgirls while bushwalking in Noosa National Park on Queensland's Sunshine Coast on June 30, 1998.

Let's see what I can do...

on June 30, 1998 while bushwalking in Noosa National Park on Queensland's Sunshine Coast Christchuch grandmother Dulcie Brooke , 59 , [was] jumped from behind by two schoolgirls.


I think it's English...
 
2011-10-28 04:04:44 AM  
They weren't satanic at all, they were just LARP'ing themselves some Turtles action!
Or maybe it wasn't really a nunchaku, but a rather large double-ended dildo?
It's so hard to tell, these days.

I gotta hand it to the old lady, though. Forgiving that sort of thing and moving on, hoping the girls get straightened out? Quite an admirable position.

/puns: intended or not? You be the judge!
 
2011-10-28 04:22:13 AM  
Yo theres a place called "Christchurch" ?
scary!
 
2011-10-28 04:31:58 AM  
I can't believe I'm the first to point out that "Satanic Lesbians" would be a great band name.
 
2011-10-28 04:33:57 AM  
FTA: "I want it all to be finished so I can get on with the final stage of my life."

She wants the kid to be released so she can die? WTF!? Is she hoping they try stabbing her again?
 
2011-10-28 04:45:51 AM  
"Sarah Fotini Bird, 17, and her 18-year-old girlfriend Aleaha Schipper attacked Ms Brook on a trail, beat her with nunchaku and stabbed her 26 times with a kitchen carving knife." and she didn't die...

Girls, your skills suck... how the hell do you stab somebody 26 times and not deal a deadly blow... oh lesbians...they don't blow...sorry...never mind
 
2011-10-28 04:55:20 AM  

MoreVespeneGas: Yo theres a place called "Christchurch" ?
scary!


Well, there was until quite recently. Then God smote it with a massive farking earthquake.

/ Corpus Christi is a scarier name.
 
2011-10-28 05:45:57 AM  

DjangoStonereaver: I can't believe I'm the first to point out that "Satanic Lesbians" would be a great band name.


I'm not needed here.
 
2011-10-28 06:26:41 AM  
 
2011-10-28 07:09:41 AM  
Thought TFA was going to involve a Tori Amos concert.
 
2011-10-28 07:13:07 AM  
Lesbian. Spank. Inferno.
 
2011-10-28 07:24:40 AM  

Oznog: I'm just wondering how this went down...

See, I understand "crazy" ok. But it's hard for TWO people to cooperate in crazy like that...


Speaking as a high school teacher, it surprised me not at all that this level of irrational scheming could arise from two girls aged 17 and 18. But you go on and be surprised if you like.
 
2011-10-28 07:50:45 AM  
I read that as "Satantic lesbian lunches"
Then I had a sad.
pics.blameitonthevoices.com
 
2011-10-28 08:21:53 AM  
bushwalking

Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
 
2011-10-28 08:22:36 AM  

Wookie Milson: Thought TFA was going to involve a Tori Amos Ani DiFranco concert.


FTFY. Tori Amos' music is for the in-love-with-her-menstruation feminist set.
 
2011-10-28 08:39:38 AM  
Pics?
 
2011-10-28 08:39:58 AM  
Satanism is a rebellious reaction to fundamentalism. With teenagers which have not lived enough life to know that the whole idea of Satanism is kind of silly. They just see all these made up rules of sexuality as a to do list rather than a to avoid list. Most people when they grow up see that the black and white world of fundamentalism is for the weak of mind and the ignorance of Satanism is that once they learn other interpretations of scripture, they see that Satanism was stupid to begin with.
 
2011-10-28 09:22:21 AM  
Satanic lesbian? Why, that's the worst kind. Also a good name for a band.
 
2011-10-28 09:24:46 AM  
FTFA: Ms Brook had her throat cut almost from ear to ear in the attack.

I get the distinct feeling that the author did this entire article just to be able to have this line in his resume.
 
2011-10-28 09:28:05 AM  

rev. dave: Satanism is a rebellious reaction to fundamentalism. With teenagers which have not lived enough life to know that the whole idea of Satanism is kind of silly. They just see all these made up rules of sexuality as a to do list rather than a to avoid list. Most people when they grow up see that the black and white world of fundamentalism is for the weak of mind and the ignorance of Satanism is that once they learn other interpretations of scripture, they see that Satanism was stupid to begin with.


Aaaaannd there is no reason to post anymore in this thread anymore because this gentleman pretty much perfectly summed it all up.
 
2011-10-28 09:29:05 AM  
Oh, thank the demons we're dusting this old chestnut off. I was getting tired of everything being blamed on "The Gays".
 
2011-10-28 09:29:10 AM  

rev. dave: Satanism is a rebellious reaction to fundamentalism. With teenagers which have not lived enough life to know that the whole idea of Satanism is kind of silly. They just see all these made up rules of sexuality as a to do list rather than a to avoid list. Most people when they grow up see that the black and white world of fundamentalism is for the weak of mind and the ignorance of Satanism is that once they learn other interpretations of scripture, they see that Satanism was stupid to begin with.


why is Satanism stupid,exactly? Actual LaVeyan Satanism is actually pretty much common sense. Yeah, kids that think they are Satanists and sit around trying to conjure demons and shiat are stupid, sure, but the actual Satanic religion is pretty much just humanism, with no regard for made up deities of either stripe. It just has cool costumes.
 
2011-10-28 09:34:52 AM  

frepnog: rev. dave: Satanism is a rebellious reaction to fundamentalism. With teenagers which have not lived enough life to know that the whole idea of Satanism is kind of silly. They just see all these made up rules of sexuality as a to do list rather than a to avoid list. Most people when they grow up see that the black and white world of fundamentalism is for the weak of mind and the ignorance of Satanism is that once they learn other interpretations of scripture, they see that Satanism was stupid to begin with.

why is Satanism stupid,exactly? Actual LaVeyan Satanism is actually pretty much common sense. Yeah, kids that think they are Satanists and sit around trying to conjure demons and shiat are stupid, sure, but the actual Satanic religion is pretty much just humanism, with no regard for made up deities of either stripe. It just has cool costumes.


LaVeyan Santanism is more about being selfish and a dick/biatch and maybe adding the occasional ritual to it. You can call that humanism all you want, but it and it's practicioners are just as stupid as fundie Christianity. It's ok though. Most normal people realize it and grow out of it, I just wish more people grew out of fundamental Christianity.
 
2011-10-28 09:36:06 AM  

frepnog: but the actual Satanic religion is pretty much just humanism, with no regard for made up deities of either stripe


Which means that calling it Satanism is just for the name recognition and therefore, quite lame.
 
2011-10-28 09:41:05 AM  

Mugato: frepnog: but the actual Satanic religion is pretty much just humanism, with no regard for made up deities of either stripe

Which means that calling it Satanism is just for the name recognition and therefore, quite lame.


So very AWish - couldn't they have gone with "Spiritual Naturalism" or "Cannibal baby eaters" instead of picking at the leavings of judeo/christian roots?
 
2011-10-28 09:58:40 AM  
If she were a mechanic, that would be awesome.
 
2011-10-28 10:22:30 AM  
/ Giggity
 
2011-10-28 10:28:58 AM  
I love the Psycho-style hand holding the big kitchen knife featured top-center in the article.

I love it.
 
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