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(Washington Post)   The TSA man asked Jesus, "Have you no bags to check?" Jesus answered him, "Carry no money belt, no bag and no shoes for your journey." The man was amazed and said, "Truly, you are a frequent flyer"   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 55
    More: Amusing, TSA, Piers Morgan, Jennifer Rubin, American Civil War, shoes  
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14135 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Oct 2011 at 1:01 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-10-27 12:40:29 PM

This was my favorite part:

10 Immediately they began to watch their in-flight movie, which was "Bridesmaids." 11 "We have never seen this before either," said Peter. And behold, the disciples enjoyed "Bridesmaids." 12 "Jesus, that was funny," said Andrew. Jesus said, "This movie is like new wine that has spent a day in the sun, or like a bird that weaves a net that no one can untangle." They pondered over what these words might mean. 13 Then they watched "Midnight in Paris." And then "Transformers III." For the flight was long.
 
2011-10-27 12:47:18 PM
Okay, that was lulz-worthy.
 
2011-10-27 12:51:26 PM
Verily I say unto thee, those with hardened hearts who shall find no joy in this link, they are lost, and no happiness shall find them for seven and seven years. Let all with two good ears listen!
 
2011-10-27 01:02:34 PM
Awesome title for the thread.
 
2011-10-27 01:02:50 PM
You yourself say it.
 
2011-10-27 01:08:06 PM
It seriously freaks out security when you board an international flight with not so much as a newspaper.
 
2011-10-27 01:09:02 PM
FTFA: 22 You have heard it said that babies are a curse in the air, but I say to you: to these belong the Kingdom of God. But the next time bring your iPod. Or at least some earplugs."

Gold. Praise be to submitter!
 
2011-10-27 01:12:50 PM
If I should ever fly again, I will be shipping my luggage to my destination via USPS or UPS, and I shall fly wearing silk pajamas and fuzzy slippers, with a disposable cell phone and a prepaid money card.
 
2011-10-27 01:12:50 PM
I tend to get drunk on international flights. I simply view the flight attendants as bartenders
 
2011-10-27 01:13:00 PM
Air Centurion. Nice idea for a band name.

Okay, that got me.
 
2011-10-27 01:13:20 PM
Okay, that was pretty damned funny. I chuckled through the whole thing.
 
2011-10-27 01:16:23 PM
OK, so you're saying that George Clooney from "Up in the Air" is God incarnate? All the Farkettes (and probably 5% of Farkers) think that already...
 
2011-10-27 01:17:21 PM

ZeroCorpse: If I should ever fly again, I will be shipping my luggage to my destination via USPS or UPS, and I shall fly wearing silk pajamas and fuzzy slippers, with a disposable cell phone and a prepaid money card.


THat's pretty much how my grandfather flew, except he wore normal day cloths. He'd UPS his stuff to our house and get on board with a paperback novel. It's how we knew he was coming: we'd get a box full of old man cloths.
 
2011-10-27 01:18:03 PM
I loled
 
2011-10-27 01:19:31 PM
"Because you saw me reading a magazine in Hudson News believest thou?" --John 1:48-50.
 
2011-10-27 01:19:45 PM
"But Jesus, why must I purchase not just one, but a seat for two men?" Jesus replied, "Because thou has reaped what he has sowed, and thou has sowed one too many trips to KFC."
 
2011-10-27 01:23:01 PM
Immediately Jesus left for Galilee with his disciples, via Newark.

I call bullshiat.

No Deity would ever be in Newark.
 
2011-10-27 01:25:13 PM

wambu: Immediately Jesus left for Galilee with his disciples, via Newark.

I call bullshiat.

No Deity would ever be in Newark.


Jesus spent time among the lepers. Newark can't be that much worse.
 
2011-10-27 01:26:28 PM
I have been doing that for a while now. Shipping your luggage by courier is easier to insure, ends up where you send it, is less prone to theft (both by baggage handlers and from sitting unattended on a carousel), is not subject to the same weight and size restrictions, and in consideration of recently elevated fees, is not all that much more expensive than traveling with it. True, it does raise a red flag when you travel with no luggage, but it requires a bold decision on the part of the airline or security to prohibit you from boarding on that basis. I have been questioned on it, and I told them flat out that I discontinued traveling with luggage because the airline kept losing it.
 
2011-10-27 01:35:17 PM
That's one funny farking priest.
 
2011-10-27 01:36:04 PM

cast55: have been doing that for a while now. Shipping your luggage by courier is easier to insure, ends up where you send it, is less prone to theft (both by baggage handlers and from sitting unattended on a carousel), is not subject to the same weight and size restrictions, and in consideration of recently elevated fees, is not all that much more expensive than traveling with it.


Can you ship to Hotels these days? I remember 911 pretty much putting an end to shipping luggage to Hotels.
 
2011-10-27 01:37:10 PM
It's threads like this that make me wish there was a cost effective way for shipping luggage via a courier internationally. The benifits would be well worth a little extra cost, especially considering the peace of mind it gives. Hearing how simple a luggage free flight becomes I wish it was possible for international travel.

Sadly, despite checking with various couriers, even my relatively small and light (no more than 10kg) luggage would cost a lot. Plus I've read stories that there can be problems with customs and other agencies in some cases delaying the luggage.

Unless anyone wants to prove me wrong with a solution.
 
M-G
2011-10-27 01:44:12 PM
Do the Jesuits accept anyone without a sense of humor? Because it seems like they're always willing to poke fun at themselves...
 
2011-10-27 01:46:15 PM

fireclown: cast55: have been doing that for a while now. Shipping your luggage by courier is easier to insure, ends up where you send it, is less prone to theft (both by baggage handlers and from sitting unattended on a carousel), is not subject to the same weight and size restrictions, and in consideration of recently elevated fees, is not all that much more expensive than traveling with it.

Can you ship to Hotels these days? I remember 911 pretty much putting an end to shipping luggage to Hotels.


I ship things to hotels all the time. Usually just a cardboard box, but often a hard Pelican case too. I have never had a problem.
 
2011-10-27 01:47:22 PM
That was the best quasi-Biblical imitation since the Book of Armaments


Armaments 2:9-21, skipping a bit at the middle.
 
2011-10-27 01:49:13 PM

M-G: Do the Jesuits accept anyone without a sense of humor? Because it seems like they're always willing to poke fun at themselves...


Jesuits tend to be big on stuff like knowledge, open-mindedness, and perspective.
 
2011-10-27 01:50:13 PM
Look Jesus would not be allowed into this country as he is one of those dirty Middle Eastern terrorist scum bag Palestinians who could not even produce a birth certificate let alone get a passport or pass a background check.
 
2011-10-27 01:53:47 PM
I'm an atheist and I got a kick out of it. Baggage Centurions, indeed.

Yeah, verily.
 
2011-10-27 01:54:08 PM

M-G: Do the Jesuits accept anyone without a sense of humor? Because it seems like they're always willing to poke fun at themselves...


That is because they are SMART enough to know they don't know everything. Never argue with a Jesuit priest unless you want your butt handed back to you.

On a side note, I am totally always referring to TSA agents as "Airport Centurions" now.
 
2011-10-27 01:54:48 PM

svenge: That was the best quasi-Biblical imitation since the Book of Armaments


Armaments 2:9-21, skipping a bit at the middle.


And the Lord did grin.
 
2011-10-27 02:09:03 PM

svenge: That was the best quasi-Biblical imitation since the Book of Armaments


Armaments 2:9-21, skipping a bit at the middle.


breakfast cereal, arangutans (sp?)...
 
2011-10-27 02:13:03 PM
I do not find air travel stressful. I don't understand people who do. The TSA is a ridiculous, ineffective monstrosity of government bureaucracy, but it is not stressful.

Everyone knows the rules. Taking off your belt is not hard or stressful. Neither is taking off your shoes. There are plenty of bins, the lines move slowly, it's over in 5 minutes and then you're just waiting for you plane. I honestly don't get why or how people feel the need to make it out to be some kind of obstacle course.
 
2011-10-27 02:14:30 PM

abfalter: svenge: That was the best quasi-Biblical imitation since the Book of Armaments


Armaments 2:9-21, skipping a bit at the middle.

And the Lord did grin.


TVTropes: Hollywood Apocrypha (new window) is a fairly comprehensive list of examples.

www.cinematic-leftovers.co.uk

Saffron: I do know my Bible, sir. "On the night of their betrothal, the wife shall open to the man as the furrow to the plow and he shall work in her, in and again, 'til she bring him to his fall and rest him then upon the sweat of her breast."

Mal: Whoa, good Bible.

/call me "sir" again...
//and again
 
2011-10-27 02:20:37 PM
there was man boy love in the plane restroom.
 
2011-10-27 02:22:41 PM
I farking hate the god damned TSA, I flew into heathrow last week, spent about 10 minutes in their customs/passport check line, went to paris on the eurorail and just had passports checked to get on the train, took another train to amsterdam with no issues until flying out where we had to go through body scans. All total, it was maybe 30-45 minutes at the MOST getting through 3 different countries.

Now, we fly home late monday and we farking spend almost 2 farking hours getting through the maze set up by the TSA just to get out of the god dammed farking airport, it wasnt customs fault, that took about 15 minutes and only because the GF bought some tulip bulbs in amsterdam.

The TSA is a waste of god dammed money.

I miss amsterdam and paris, both places were really nice and I found out french people arent rude, just a short tolerance for stupidity so I fit in fine over there.
 
2011-10-27 02:24:42 PM

abfalter: M-G: Do the Jesuits accept anyone without a sense of humor? Because it seems like they're always willing to poke fun at themselves...

That is because they are SMART enough to know they don't know everything. Never argue with a Jesuit priest unless you want your butt handed back to you.

On a side note, I am totally always referring to TSA agents as "Airport Centurions" now.


Fwow him to the fwoor. Vewy wuffly!
 
2011-10-27 02:28:02 PM

Slaves2Darkness: Look Jesus would not be allowed into this country as he is one of those dirty Middle Eastern terrorist scum bag Palestinians who could not even produce a birth certificate let alone get a passport or pass a background check.


Since Jesus was born during the regional census, I think that He would qualify as properly registered according to the standards of the time...

/Luke, Chapter 2.
//Get your terrorism out of my comedy, S2D!
 
2011-10-27 02:34:52 PM

T.M.S.: It seriously freaks out security when you board an international flight with not so much as a newspaper.


Especially if you're middle-eastern looking...
 
2011-10-27 02:38:28 PM

SoCalSurfer: I tend to get drunk on international flights. I simply view the flight attendants as bartenders


They cut me off last time because they were doing the immigration forms. I had mine filled out before I started drinking.

Free beer/wine/scotch on a 14 hour flight? You made a mistake letting me fly your friendly skies.
 
2011-10-27 02:44:10 PM

SlowTimedRapid: OK, so you're saying that George Clooney from "Up in the Air" is God incarnate? All the Farkettes (and probably 5% of Farkers) think that already...


Isn't that 90% farkettes and 10% farkers? Just sayin.

/1 in 10 that you dig George.
//nuthin wrong wit that
 
2011-10-27 03:05:18 PM
I did giggleth.
 
2011-10-27 03:20:54 PM
Welcome to Mexico, step up step up, where are you going?
I am going to see my children
Ahh Si! you have ninos in Mexico ?
I have children everywhere
Ahh a rock and roll star eh? Take off your shoes
Ohh those are some nasty scars senor, put them back on
 
2011-10-27 03:27:50 PM

svenge: Slaves2Darkness: Look Jesus would not be allowed into this country as he is one of those dirty Middle Eastern terrorist scum bag Palestinians who could not even produce a birth certificate let alone get a passport or pass a background check.

Since Jesus was born during the regional census, I think that He would qualify as properly registered according to the standards of the time...

/Luke, Chapter 2.
//Get your terrorism out of my comedy, S2D!


I wonder who's listed as the father on the birth certificate.

If it's Joseph, isn't that falsifying documents? Or were the Romans more liberal about their adoption policies than I think? :)
 
2011-10-27 03:51:03 PM

jvowles: svenge: Slaves2Darkness: Look Jesus would not be allowed into this country as he is one of those dirty Middle Eastern terrorist scum bag Palestinians who could not even produce a birth certificate let alone get a passport or pass a background check.

Since Jesus was born during the regional census, I think that He would qualify as properly registered according to the standards of the time...

/Luke, Chapter 2.
//Get your terrorism out of my comedy, S2D!

I wonder who's listed as the father on the birth certificate.

If it's Joseph, isn't that falsifying documents? Or were the Romans more liberal about their adoption policies than I think? :)


Romans were very liberal in their adoption policies, at least when it came to prominent families ensuring that there was a male heir to carry on the family name...
 
2011-10-27 03:54:11 PM
That assumes you take Luke as an accurate historical source
 
2011-10-27 04:21:56 PM

fireclown: cast55: have been doing that for a while now. Shipping your luggage by courier is easier to insure, ends up where you send it, is less prone to theft (both by baggage handlers and from sitting unattended on a carousel), is not subject to the same weight and size restrictions, and in consideration of recently elevated fees, is not all that much more expensive than traveling with it.

Can you ship to Hotels these days? I remember 911 pretty much putting an end to shipping luggage to Hotels.


Been doing it since way before 9/11 and airline baggage fees. Some of the "full service" hotels charge a fee to receive and hold packages, so that fits into the cost calculations. Even if it comes out more than the airline fee, there is the convenience factor, and the package carriers can tell me pretty much where the package is at any given moment. The best the airline can do is guess.
 
2011-10-27 04:24:21 PM
And yes, the link was funny, too. I wonder how "greetings, airport centurion" will go over at DCA.
 
2011-10-27 05:00:49 PM

T.M.S.: It seriously freaks out security when you board an international flight with not so much as a newspaper.


I dont see why it would, on international flights they have little personal TVs full of games, shows, and movies that you can watch, I would be suspect of anyone trying to look like they arent a suspect......
 
2011-10-27 05:31:08 PM

fireclown: ZeroCorpse: If I should ever fly again, I will be shipping my luggage to my destination via USPS or UPS, and I shall fly wearing silk pajamas and fuzzy slippers, with a disposable cell phone and a prepaid money card.

THat's pretty much how my grandfather flew, except he wore normal day cloths. He'd UPS his stuff to our house and get on board with a paperback novel. It's how we knew he was coming: we'd get a box full of old man cloths.


Oh, how I laughed.
 
2011-10-27 05:37:03 PM

ZeroCorpse: If I should ever fly again, I will be shipping my luggage to my destination via USPS or UPS, and I shall fly wearing silk pajamas and fuzzy slippers, with a disposable cell phone and a prepaid money card.


Elder Brother still flies a lot and he FEDEX' everything ahead except - you guessed it - a prepaid cell and a prepaid cash card. And cheap Wal-Mart slip-on cloth shoes like you see in kung fu fights. At least that's what he tells me.

/not kidding
 
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