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(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass Protip: When writing a book about the 'cheapest places to retire' you should really visit those first instead of using GIS. Who knew South Houston did not have "a ski lift gondola soaring above a snowy pine-studded landscape"   (chron.com) divider line 146
More: Dumbass, GIS, South Houston  
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11982 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Oct 2011 at 10:36 AM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



146 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2011-10-27 09:26:05 AM
Dayton, OH is lovely in winter, as evidenced here:

img217.imageshack.us
 
2011-10-27 09:29:57 AM
It's just a feeler. If there's enough interest, they'll bring in some pines and snow.
 
2011-10-27 09:36:51 AM
I, for one, did not.
 
2011-10-27 09:39:56 AM
Everyone knows that it's NORTH Houston for mountains and skiing, and South Houston for white sand beaches!
 
2011-10-27 09:44:10 AM
Why? It will sell anyhow.
 
2011-10-27 10:15:32 AM
The author is a moron. Hills, pine trees and snow aren't in the vocabulary in any of these areas (Galena Park may have one or two pine trees though). There are better places to live for cheap in the same general area, I wouldn't recommend any of those listed.

City of South Houston = Gun Violence
Angleton = Scary Rednecks
Baytown = Chemical Plants
Galena Park = Gun Violence
Galveston = Corrupt Hell hole + brown water
La Porte = Chemical Plants
Pasadena = Chemical Plants
Rosenberg = Prisons
Santa Fe = Single-Wide Trailers
Texas City = 80,000 resident Ghost Town + Chemical Plants
Vidor = Ku Klux Klan
 
2011-10-27 10:20:58 AM
For the record, it takes years of exposure to Baytown, La Porte, Pasadena and Texas City before your eyes stop burning when you drive through.

The book should've been called.. "Best Places to Commit Suicide by Benzene Exposure"
 
2011-10-27 10:35:10 AM
Well, that explains the Americans showing up in Toronto with their ski equipment in July.

.
.
.

Oh, wait, no it doesn't.
 
2011-10-27 10:40:59 AM
He must've read my book: 5 Cheap Ways to Write Guides to Things You Know Nothing About.
 
2011-10-27 10:42:23 AM
ballchain: The author is a moron. Hills, pine trees and snow aren't in the vocabulary in any of these areas (Galena Park may have one or two pine trees though). There are better places to live for cheap in the same general area, I wouldn't recommend any of those listed.

City of South Houston = Gun Violence
Angleton = Scary Rednecks
Baytown = Chemical Plants
Galena Park = Gun Violence
Galveston = Corrupt Hell hole + brown water
La Porte = Chemical Plants
Pasadena = Chemical Plants
Rosenberg = Prisons
Santa Fe = Single-Wide Trailers
Texas City = 80,000 resident Ghost Town + Chemical Plants
Vidor = Ku Klux Klan


Counterpoint: The author is a really smart guy. You think his goal was to write an informative, useful book. I don't. I think his goal is to make money.

FTFA - Corley, a New Jersey accountant and author of a 2010 guide to the daily "success habits" of rich folks

Think about it. What were his costs? He probably spent a few hours on google, a few days pounding a keyboard probably in his free time as an accountant and walla, he's got an ebook. If he sells a single ebook, he's making profit. Seems like a smart move to me. A dick move, sure. But a smart one.
 
2011-10-27 10:43:53 AM
Angleton, Baytown, Galena Park, Galveston, La Porte, Pasadena, Rosenberg, Santa Fe, Texas City.....?????

He just named a list of places where I would literally kill myself within a week of moving there.
Texas City and Galena Park are Industrial hellscape's similar to the opening scenes of 'Blade Runner'. I ride my bike around there on the weekends and the area is usually a creepy ghost town.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/west_bradford/3879750370/in/photostream
 
2011-10-27 10:44:05 AM
AqueousBoy: Dayton, OH is lovely in winter, as evidenced here:

[img217.imageshack.us image 500x333]


Almost as beautiful as Knoxville, Tennessee, shown here in this GIS result:

img819.imageshack.us
 
2011-10-27 10:45:39 AM
ballchain: The author is a moron. Hills, pine trees and snow aren't in the vocabulary in any of these areas (Galena Park may have one or two pine trees though). There are better places to live for cheap in the same general area, I wouldn't recommend any of those listed.

City of South Houston = Gun Violence
Angleton = Scary Rednecks
Baytown = Chemical Plants
Galena Park = Gun Violence
Galveston = Corrupt Hell hole + brown water
La Porte = Chemical Plants
Pasadena = Chemical Plants
Rosenberg = Prisons
Santa Fe = Single-Wide Trailers
Texas City = 80,000 resident Ghost Town + Chemical Plants
Vidor = Ku Klux Klan


My mother-in-law talked a whole contingent of our families to beach house in Galveston because of how awesome it would be. Probably the worst vacation I've ever had. I had no idea sea water could be that gross.

In any event, whenever she has a bright idea I run the other way.
 
2011-10-27 10:46:04 AM
Last line of TFA:

The ebook can be purchased for $10 at www.richhabits.net.

Rich Habit #1:

Write some bull-shiate e-book with zero research and/or subject matter knowledge, and charge dumb-arse boomers $10 to read it.
 
2011-10-27 10:46:09 AM
I did. I knew. However, instead South Houston has the lovely smells of a paper plant. Enjoy!
 
2011-10-27 10:46:18 AM
AqueousBoy: Dayton, OH is lovely in winter, as evidenced here:

img217.imageshack.us

Ooh, I LOVE Dayton! They also have an excellent hot dog-eating competition every May:

img215.imageshack.us
 
2011-10-27 10:46:49 AM
i can't believe he let out the secret of the ski lift in south houston, now everyone will move here!
 
2011-10-27 10:47:18 AM
Pretty boring, but the sidebar had a link to another article.

Awesome photo. Please do something with it.

www.chron.com
/hot
 
2011-10-27 10:47:56 AM
stilllookingforacowboy.files.wordpress.com

/just wanted an excuse to post this
 
2011-10-27 10:49:50 AM
What exactly is the licensing on the images he used? Did he acquire publishing licenses for them? Were they creative commons and he gave attribution?
 
2011-10-27 10:50:53 AM
When in Houston, be sure to stop by and see their exhibit of an actual retired space shuttle orbiter

www.theclimbingtree.org
 
2011-10-27 10:53:57 AM
ballchain:
Texas City = 80,000 resident Ghost Town


In their defense, blowing up twice in the last 64 years might make it hard to attract new residents.
 
2011-10-27 10:54:25 AM
lennavan: Counterpoint: The author is a really smart guy. You think his goal was to write an informative, useful book. I don't. I think his goal is to make money.

FTFA - Corley, a New Jersey accountant and author of a 2010 guide to the daily "success habits" of rich folks

Think about it. What were his costs? He probably spent a few hours on google, a few days pounding a keyboard probably in his free time as an accountant and walla, he's got an ebook. If he sells a single ebook, he's making profit. Seems like a smart move to me. A dick move, sure. But a smart one.


It will take more than one to make a profit. Unless you consider working for free a good idea. It's just another dick move by scumbags to squeeze some cheese out of the dummies.

I just got another idea for a website.. a place you can visit and pay to burn eBooks!
 
2011-10-27 10:54:30 AM
After seeing this picture of Phoenix, I'm thinking of retiring there.

www.duatravel.com
 
2011-10-27 10:54:33 AM
My grandparents used to live in Stinkadena. These were basically their most important retirement possessions:

www.decorativepoolsinc.com

wwwdelivery.superstock.com

www.doorhardwareinfo.com

2.bp.blogspot.com

Don't think I saw any snowy peaks or gondolas in South Houston, unless that was supposed to be a euphemism for snorting cocaine in Sugarland.
 
2011-10-27 10:55:32 AM
"But the overriding thing ... is its being an affordable place to live," he said. "When you're looking for affordable, you're going to give up some quality of life.

Defeats the whole idea of retirement then, champ. But then, there are some hidden gems: the weather in Detroit in May is probably nice, so there is that.
 
2011-10-27 10:56:24 AM
ballchain: The author is a moron. Hills, pine trees and snow aren't in the vocabulary in any of these areas (Galena Park may have one or two pine trees though). There are better places to live for cheap in the same general area, I wouldn't recommend any of those listed.

City of South Houston = Gun Violence
Angleton = Scary Rednecks
Baytown = Chemical Plants
Galena Park = Gun Violence
Galveston = Corrupt Hell hole + brown water
La Porte = Chemical Plants
Pasadena = Chemical Plants
Rosenberg = Prisons
Santa Fe = Single-Wide Trailers
Texas City = 80,000 resident Ghost Town + Chemical Plants
Vidor = Ku Klux Klan


Look, you can't sell the Houston area so well. We'll be swamped with people trying to move here and my rent will skyrocket.

/Those chemical plants bring a tear to my eye every time
 
2011-10-27 10:57:08 AM
generalzod.com
...Is Not Amused

And is East Houston still the hot spot for supervillians?

Is there no one on this planet to even challenge we?
 
2011-10-27 10:57:09 AM
The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: My mother-in-law talked a whole contingent of our families to beach house in Galveston because of how awesome it would be. Probably the worst vacation I've ever had. I had no idea sea water could be that gross.

In any event, whenever she has a bright idea I run the other way.


I feel for you, bro. The water sucks and the residents are buttholes. They lost 1/3rd of their residents after Ike, and it's too corrupt to do the right thing to attract those folks back. It's the closest place to Houston for beaches, but very few take advantage of it due to the shiatty conditions.
 
2011-10-27 10:57:25 AM
lennavan: Think about it. What were his costs? He probably spent a few hours on google, a few days pounding a keyboard probably in his free time as an accountant and walla, he's got an ebook. If he sells a single ebook, he's making profit. Seems like a smart move to me. A dick move, sure. But a smart one.

Heh. My brother-in-law makes a very nice living selling content online. Not ebooks, but electronic content aimed at a specific target audience that uses it in their business. Here is how he does it:

1. He posts a lot of good stuff online, to get people signed up to his site, all of which is free.
2. He periodically posts a large package of "Premium" content that will only be available for $X dollars for Y days, after which it won't be available anymore at any price.

People eat that shiat up. There is no reason why he needs to limit the availability to 2 days, or a week, or whatever, other than to induce people to buy the content *NOW*, and pay the asking price, for fear of missing out on the really, really good stuff. He does a build-up on his website for weeks prior to posting new premium stuff, to get people excited.

I just shake my head and wonder how people can be so naive as to believe that stuff like that has an expiration date. But hey, he makes a lot more money than I do, so what do I know?
 
2011-10-27 10:57:48 AM
ballchain: Rosenberg = Prisons

I think that's Sugar Land, actually. For me:

Rosenberg = Mexicans
 
2011-10-27 10:59:42 AM
ballchain:
Pasadena = Chemical Plants


I've always maintained that "Urban Cowboy" was a documentary.
 
2011-10-27 10:59:42 AM
iamskibibitz: ballchain: Rosenberg = Prisons

I think that's Sugar Land, actually. For me:

Rosenberg = Mexicans


I do miss going to Fiesta Mart, where the Impulse Items looked like this:

cdn1.iofferphoto.com
 
2011-10-27 11:01:07 AM
JustGetItRight: ballchain:
Texas City = 80,000 resident Ghost Town

In their defense, blowing up twice in the last 64 years might make it hard to attract new residents.


I can't believe they have a population of 80,000 after the explosions, chemical leaks, etc. I suppose you have to be someone who enjoys surprises.
 
2011-10-27 11:01:35 AM
They got ski lifts in Dubai - isn't that like Houston, oil money and all?
 
2011-10-27 11:01:57 AM
ballchain:
Vidor = Ku Klux Klan


Is that really a bad thing?
 
2011-10-27 11:03:12 AM
iamskibibitz: ballchain: Rosenberg = Prisons

I think that's Sugar Land, actually. For me:

Rosenberg = Mexicans


For me:

Rosenberg = Orange Julius
 
2011-10-27 11:03:17 AM
dittybopper: Heh. My brother-in-law makes a very nice living selling content online. Not ebooks, but electronic content aimed at a specific target audience that uses it in their business. Here is how he does it:

1. He posts a lot of good stuff online, to get people signed up to his site, all of which is free.
2. He periodically posts a large package of "Premium" content that will only be available for $X dollars for Y days, after which it won't be available anymore at any price.

People eat that shiat up. There is no reason why he needs to limit the availability to 2 days, or a week, or whatever, other than to induce people to buy the content *NOW*, and pay the asking price, for fear of missing out on the really, really good stuff. He does a build-up on his website for weeks prior to posting new premium stuff, to get people excited.

I just shake my head and wonder how people can be so naive as to believe that stuff like that has an expiration date. But hey, he makes a lot more money than I do, so what do I know?


It's a lot like what Google does, releases new products but makes them "invitation only." The feigned exclusivity makes people go bonkers.
 
2011-10-27 11:03:52 AM
Vidor is one of the worst places in the world.
 
2011-10-27 11:05:41 AM
iamskibibitz: ballchain: Rosenberg = Prisons

I think that's Sugar Land, actually. For me:

Rosenberg = Mexicans


The Texas Department of Correction operates over 100 facilities so pretty much any medium sized town can "= Prisons"
 
2011-10-27 11:06:51 AM
"But the overriding thing ... is its being an affordable place to live," he said. "When you're looking for affordable, you're going to give up some quality of life. More desirable neighborhoods maybe are beyond your beck and call. With my guide, you can visit these places and make your own evaluation."

Beck and call? Are you hidding me? This guy must be a helluva writer...
 
2011-10-27 11:07:34 AM
k not h
 
2011-10-27 11:09:03 AM
MisterLoki: Vidor is one of the worst places in the world.

I did a GIS for Vidor, TX and I got rundown foreclosures and slutty mypace photos. And one of an angry dog on top of an abandoned '88 Cavalier.
 
2011-10-27 11:10:22 AM
Rapmaster2000: [stilllookingforacowboy.files.wordpress.com image 640x466]

/just wanted an excuse to post this


That picture is missing the delta hub and coke plant
 
2011-10-27 11:11:06 AM
I May Be Crazy But...: Look, you can't sell the Houston area so well. We'll be swamped with people trying to move here and my rent will skyrocket.

/Those chemical plants bring a tear to my eye every time


Hurry and buy something... if retirees buy that book, you may make out like a bandit!

/I've grown immune to the effect refineries have on ones eyes and sinuses, but will never forget them. I better go get checked for cancer.

iamskibibitz: ballchain: Rosenberg = Prisons

I think that's Sugar Land, actually. For me:

Rosenberg = Mexicans


Nothing beats a road sign emphasizing not to pick up hitchhikers in the area, as they may be lunatic criminals on the loose!

Rapmaster2000: ballchain:
Pasadena = Chemical Plants

I've always maintained that "Urban Cowboy" was a documentary.


They could do a remake today and nothing will have changed. 70's redneck fashion never got old around there.

Although... the costume department may need to stock up on extra fake teeth and febreze for the actors.
 
2011-10-27 11:11:08 AM
ballchain: The author is a moron. Hills, pine trees and snow aren't in the vocabulary in any of these areas (Galena Park may have one or two pine trees though). There are better places to live for cheap in the same general area, I wouldn't recommend any of those listed.

City of South Houston = Gun Violence
Angleton = Scary Rednecks
Baytown = Chemical Plants
Galena Park = Gun Violence
Galveston = Corrupt Hell hole + brown water
La Porte = Chemical Plants
Pasadena = Chemical Plants
Rosenberg = Prisons
Santa Fe = Single-Wide Trailers
Texas City = 80,000 resident Ghost Town + Chemical Plants
Vidor = Ku Klux Klan



Pasadena and La Porte are excellent places to retire because you'll die quickly from exposure to all of the noxious chemicals.

/Going to visit my grandparents in Rosenberg this weekend. I have no idea how that small crappy town ever ended up on the list.
 
2011-10-27 11:12:11 AM
I rarely find that General Mills stock name is useful for much.
 
2011-10-27 11:12:19 AM
groppet: Rapmaster2000: [stilllookingforacowboy.files.wordpress.com image 640x466]

/just wanted an excuse to post this

That picture is missing the delta hub and coke plant


It's what makes Atlanta such an exciting tourism destination. Because when I'm looking for an fantastic getaway, I'm thinking "kind of like Dallas or Houston.... but in Georgia."
 
2011-10-27 11:12:38 AM
Threadjack

If God had meant for Texans to ski, he'd have made bullshiat white.
/Farking dangerous assholes on the slopes.

/Threadjack
 
2011-10-27 11:13:36 AM
Degenerate Monkey: Pretty boring, but the sidebar had a link to another article.

Awesome photo. Please do something with it.

[www.chron.com image 600x328]
/hot


Gig 'em baby
 
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