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(The Cambridge Chronicle)   From the state that brought you "911: lost in a corn maze" comes the terrifying sequel: "911: lost in an apple orchard"   (wickedlocal.com) divider line 81
    More: Dumbass, corn maze, Danvers  
•       •       •

5564 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Oct 2011 at 9:51 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-10-26 11:53:49 PM  
My history of 911 calls:

1991: Woman has seizure, faceplants at restaurant.
1992: Heart attack= The man I called for died.
2008 Friend shatters leg on a steep Santa Cruz mountains hillside.

I've also called the non-emergency police maybe have a dozen times for random things, usually wacky neighbor stuff.
 
2011-10-26 11:56:19 PM  

BunkyBrewman: cannotsuggestaname: BunkyBrewman: Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?

FFS people. If you get lost, just bring up the map.


and google maps out corn mazes now?

Considering it has a GPS function...

/I guess you're all farking luddites who haven't a clue how Google maps on your phone works (hint: satellite view)
//at the absolute least, you'll know where the fark your location is in proximity to the structures in the general area


The Google Satellite view of my parent's house still has the car I bought in 1993 (and which my mom had towed clandestinely around, oh, 2002 or so, since she was tired of seeing my dad drive it) in the driveway.

Your method will work extremely well for corn mazes. Much better than, oh, WALKING THROUGH THE EFFING CORN.

As far as apple orchards, I've lost my sense of direction in one before. Worse to worse, you walk one way, eventually hit a path or the end of the orchard, and either follow the path or turn and walk the edge. Not terribly difficult, maybe a touch bit time consuming but were you in a rush while picking apples anyway?
 
2011-10-26 11:59:49 PM  

cannotsuggestaname: BunkyBrewman: Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?

FFS people. If you get lost, just bring up the map.


and google maps out corn mazes now?


You're kidding, right? I can't believe anyone could get stuck in a corn maze. Ever wonder why they don't make prison walls out of corn rows? Because you can just walk right through them. It's like magic or something.
 
2011-10-27 12:01:50 AM  
Now see, I'd've been too embarrassed to call 911. I mean, I'd've felt bad just tying up the operator's time. Why not just call Information, get the number for the orchard, and contact the owner yourself? That'd've been my course of action, assuming I'd thus far been blindfolded and couldn't retrace my steps / go back the way I came in...
 
2011-10-27 12:19:16 AM  

The Southern Dandy: cannotsuggestaname: BunkyBrewman: Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?

FFS people. If you get lost, just bring up the map.


and google maps out corn mazes now?

You're kidding, right? I can't believe anyone could get stuck in a corn maze. Ever wonder why they don't make prison walls out of corn rows? Because you can just walk right through them. It's like magic or something.


Well, save that generally the farms that run these things don't appreciate you damaging the corn walls that make the maze up. But in desperation, I guess you could, yes.
 
2011-10-27 12:22:57 AM  
I was at this same orchard a week and a half ago so I am really getting a kick out of these replies.
 
2011-10-27 12:24:02 AM  
I've only called 911 twice in my life and both times it was on someone else's recommendation and it turned out to be an idiotic reason.

Once I accidentally locked my keys in my cars while trying to get it unstuck from the snow after a snow plow buried it in on the side of the road. The car was halfway into a one way, single lane street blocking traffick and I was stuck outside with my young son in zeroish degree weather. I called two tow truck companies and they said that due to the storm no one had showed up to work; they'd been working all night. I wasn't sure what to do and a passing mailwoman said I should call 911. I did, and the operator treated me like a total jack ass and told me to call a towing company. I told him I had called two and he said call more. I felt bad but I didn't want someone to not see the car and slam into it because it was blocking the road.

The other time was during a hurricane. The stupid power company said not to call them if I saw a downed power line, but to call 911 and report it instead. I called 911 and got rerouted twice--they didn't even know where my TOWN was, which sort of scared me should I ever actually need their help. I finally got transferred to a local police station the next town over and they said they'd send someone to look at it. It stayed down for four days. Day three someone put an orange sign up on one side of the road that just said "THINK". I got a good laugh at that.
 
2011-10-27 12:45:49 AM  

BunkyBrewman: Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?

FFS people. If you get lost, just bring up the map.


Sorry, Richie Rich. Not everyone has a smartphone.

/Annoyed that I'm having to defend these doofuses.
 
2011-10-27 12:48:47 AM  

martissimo: I'll be a sad man the day I'm forced into a new phone (I'm on a archaic plan T-Mobile no longer offers, while I would love a smart phone at my current rates I can't even upgrade to ANY phone without having to lose my current pricing structure on multiple lines)

/this freaking RAZR is a soldier, been through hell and back


Just buy whatever T-Mobile To Go (their prepaid service) phone strikes your fancy, take the SIM card out of your Razr, and put it into the new phone. You're set, same plan.

/If you buy a smartphone, make sure you have the phone's data option set to "WiFi only".
 
2011-10-27 12:49:49 AM  

tereklusec: The other time was during a hurricane. The stupid power company said not to call them if I saw a downed power line, but to call 911 and report it instead. I called 911 and got rerouted twice--they didn't even know where my TOWN was, which sort of scared me should I ever actually need their help. I finally got transferred to a local police station the next town over and they said they'd send someone to look at it. It stayed down for four days. Day three someone put an orange sign up on one side of the road that just said "THINK". I got a good laugh at that.


I've encountered more brains than that from 911. She had little problem with my telling her that the problem I was reporting was in another state. She didn't transfer me (apparently not set up for it) but it didn't faze her. I suspect it wasn't exactly unusual for her, there was about a 10 mile stretch with no coverage and then when coverage resumed it was from towers across the state line. (Which was also where the road was headed.)

The only time I've encountered stupidity from 911 was when I called in a case of kids playing with fire. They were burning dried weeds and the like--by their lights they were isolated but a spark could easily have gotten away from them. It was something that warranted a police car, not a fire truck and she kept asking me if there was a fire burning *NOW*.
 
2011-10-27 12:50:53 AM  
Q: How far into an apple orchard can you walk?

A: About half way.
 
2011-10-27 12:55:55 AM  
Malachi!
 
2011-10-27 01:03:39 AM  

FiendishFellow05: The Southern Dandy: cannotsuggestaname: BunkyBrewman: Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?

FFS people. If you get lost, just bring up the map.


and google maps out corn mazes now?

You're kidding, right? I can't believe anyone could get stuck in a corn maze. Ever wonder why they don't make prison walls out of corn rows? Because you can just walk right through them. It's like magic or something.

Well, save that generally the farms that run these things don't appreciate you damaging the corn walls that make the maze up. But in desperation, I guess you could, yes.


Unless you trample it, you're not gonna damage the corn. Just walk between the stalks. How hard is that? Damn, you city folk are sumpin else.
 
2011-10-27 01:10:27 AM  
"911, what is your emergency?"
"I'm TRAPPED in an APPLE ORCHARD!!"

"Could you tell me where you are, ma'am?"
"AN APPLE ORCHARD!!"

"OK, mam, I understand that you are trapped in an apple orchard, is that correct?"
"YES!!!"

"OK, please remain calm. Can you tell me what you see in front of you?"
"APPLES!! JUST APPLES!!!"

"OK, ma'am, good. Now what I want you to do is turn around and go the other way, alright?"
"OK, please, please help!"

"I am helping you, ma'am. Now, just keep going and tell me when you STOP seeing apples...."
 
2011-10-27 01:23:35 AM  
Quorn maze, easy to navigate.

weblogs.pbspaces.com

See one, turn around and walk the other way.
 
2011-10-27 01:41:19 AM  

The Southern Dandy: FiendishFellow05: The Southern Dandy: cannotsuggestaname: BunkyBrewman: Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?

FFS people. If you get lost, just bring up the map.


and google maps out corn mazes now?

You're kidding, right? I can't believe anyone could get stuck in a corn maze. Ever wonder why they don't make prison walls out of corn rows? Because you can just walk right through them. It's like magic or something.

Well, save that generally the farms that run these things don't appreciate you damaging the corn walls that make the maze up. But in desperation, I guess you could, yes.

Unless you trample it, you're not gonna damage the corn. Just walk between the stalks. How hard is that? Damn, you city folk are sumpin else.


Didn't say you couldn't, just said it was frowned upon. Most of us "city folks" don't get lost in f**king corn mazes and apple orchards. ESPECIALLY in this state, with the apple orchards.Them folks just outed themselves as transplants.

LordOfThePings: Quorn maze, easy to navigate.

[weblogs.pbspaces.com image 259x194]

See one, turn around and walk the other way.


You magnificent bastard.

/has a vegan brother, knows the nastiness that is Quorn.
 
2011-10-27 01:48:02 AM  

kiyote: My history of 911 calls:

1991: Woman has seizure, faceplants at restaurant.
1992: Heart attack= The man I called for died.
2008 Friend shatters leg on a steep Santa Cruz mountains hillside.

I've also called the non-emergency police maybe have a dozen times for random things, usually wacky neighbor stuff.


Braggart.
 
2011-10-27 02:20:44 AM  

RealAmericanHero: If your problem solving abilities can't handle "walk in a straight line until you're out," you deserve to be lost in an orchard.


Miles and miles of This.
 
2011-10-27 02:23:49 AM  

Get Lost: I got lost in an apple orchard once, but I kept walking in one direction and then all of a sudden, I was lost in a pear orchard. So I quickly walked backwards and turned around and it was a different apple orchard. I know it was different, because the moss was on the opposite side of the tree's. I might of been on a different planet too, as the sun was now on my right, instead of on my left. Then I passed out from the excitement and woke up back on planet earth, with lots of people in white clothes probing me for any alien DNA residue.


Oh man, if I had a nickel for every time...
 
2011-10-27 02:28:20 AM  

tereklusec: I felt bad but I didn't want someone to not see the car and slam into it because it was blocking the road.


Why did you park your car blocking the road in the first place?
 
2011-10-27 03:22:16 AM  

JesusJuice: I think in the long term, the worst thing the Nazis did was to turn popular opinion against eugenics.


THANK YOU!
 
2011-10-27 04:31:49 AM  

Get Lost: I got lost in an apple orchard once, but I kept walking in one direction and then all of a sudden, I was lost in a pear orchard. So I quickly walked backwards and turned around and it was a different apple orchard. I know it was different, because the moss was on the opposite side of the tree's. I might of been on a different planet too, as the sun was now on my right, instead of on my left. Then I passed out from the excitement and woke up back on planet earth, with lots of people in white clothes probing me for any alien DNA residue.


Sir, I get evaluated on a per-emergency basis.

It sounds like your original emergency- lost in an apple orchard- is now resolved. It's our policy to handle one emergency per call.

So, if you feel being lost in a pear orchard is also an emergency, please hang up and call again and I will be happy to assist with that as well.

Goodbye!
 
2011-10-27 06:07:53 AM  

Shocktopus: tereklusec: I felt bad but I didn't want someone to not see the car and slam into it because it was blocking the road.

Why did you park your car blocking the road in the first place?


It got stuck as I was pulling out. I guess that wasn't clear. I was pulling out over a mound of snow that a snow plow had blasted me with and I got stuck halfway. I knew I had the traction(my car's a beast) but not much you can do when the snow compacts under the car enough to lift the wheels off the ground. It was a dumb move, sure, but it was also my very first time driving in snow. I'd grown up in the south and spent four and a half years in Hawaii...
 
2011-10-27 08:09:04 AM  
i like how the article keeps referring to the brother and sister as a couple
 
2011-10-27 09:52:37 AM  

The Southern Dandy: cannotsuggestaname: BunkyBrewman: Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?

FFS people. If you get lost, just bring up the map.


and google maps out corn mazes now?

You're kidding, right? I can't believe anyone could get stuck in a corn maze. Ever wonder why they don't make prison walls out of corn rows? Because you can just walk right through them. It's like magic or something.



try doing that when the maze itself is 42 acres, and surrounded by 1000 acres of more corn. ;)


anyway, I am not the one that was lost and I just asked a question... fwiw google maps for the worlds largest corn maze is two years out of date, they change the layout every year, so mapping that isn't going to help much.
 
2011-10-27 10:24:49 AM  
Smart phones are for dumb people.
 
2011-10-27 12:03:04 PM  
At least they're not calling 911 to report a reporter on their lawn (like the mayor of Toronto did) or because the see graffiti (like the mayor of Toronto encouraged people to do).
 
2011-10-27 12:56:43 PM  
TFA doesn't mention that the couple that got lost was former 30-year veteran weatherman Mark Rosenthal and his wife Marcia whom he promptly throws under the bus in this other article (new window). Fellow Masshole farkers take not that he still has his mullety goodness.
 
2011-10-27 03:38:23 PM  
Wouldn't a corn maze be a maize maze?
 
2011-10-27 10:39:43 PM  

superfudge73: Wouldn't a corn maze be a maize maze?


I'm amazed you made such a corny joke.
 
2011-10-27 11:08:17 PM  
Can't we just kill them as a public service?

I started feeling this way after the dbag that got lost hiking and called 911 3 times in 2 days.

Not for the same "lostness" but was rescued 3 times in 2 farkin' days. One incident was when he called for help because his canteen water tasted "salty". If I had been around, I would have made him drink from the tap.
 
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