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(The Cambridge Chronicle)   From the state that brought you "911: lost in a corn maze" comes the terrifying sequel: "911: lost in an apple orchard"   (wickedlocal.com) divider line 81
    More: Dumbass, corn maze, Danvers  
•       •       •

5558 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Oct 2011 at 9:51 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



81 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2011-10-26 06:45:34 PM
Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?

FFS people. If you get lost, just bring up the map.
 
2011-10-26 06:48:31 PM

BunkyBrewman: Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?

FFS people. If you get lost, just bring up the map.



and google maps out corn mazes now?
 
2011-10-26 06:52:14 PM

cannotsuggestaname: BunkyBrewman: Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?

FFS people. If you get lost, just bring up the map.


and google maps out corn mazes now?


Considering it has a GPS function...

/I guess you're all farking luddites who haven't a clue how Google maps on your phone works (hint: satellite view)
//at the absolute least, you'll know where the fark your location is in proximity to the structures in the general area
 
2011-10-26 07:22:28 PM

BunkyBrewman: Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?

FFS people. If you get lost, just bring up the map.


How do you know they had a smart phone?
 
2011-10-26 07:29:26 PM
911 is a joke in that town.
 
2011-10-26 07:45:25 PM

BunkyBrewman: Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?

FFS people. If you get lost, just bring up the map.


I'll be a sad man the day I'm forced into a new phone (I'm on a archaic plan T-Mobile no longer offers, while I would love a smart phone at my current rates I can't even upgrade to ANY phone without having to lose my current pricing structure on multiple lines)

/this freaking RAZR is a soldier, been through hell and back
 
2011-10-26 07:58:05 PM
upload.wikimedia.org

/apropos
 
2011-10-26 07:58:18 PM
How long until someone's Trapped in the Drive-Thru? (new window)
 
2011-10-26 09:02:21 PM
As someone familiar with both Stow and Newton...

They are retaaaded.
 
2011-10-26 09:21:18 PM
City folks (most likely of the ultra-spoiled and ignorant variety - this is Newton, after all) got lost in an orchard? No farkin' way.

\the people in the corn maze were easily more retarded though
\\at least the orchard's a half mile wide on two different sides of the road, though they sitll didn't need to call the farking cops
 
2011-10-26 09:51:39 PM
That headline NEEDS the movie trailer voiceover magic of (the late, great) Don LaFontaine.

"Just when you thought it was safe to enjoy rural sites of interest..."


FirstNationalBastard: How long until someone's Trapped in the Drive-Thru? (new window)

*snert*
 
2011-10-26 09:54:50 PM
If your problem solving abilities can't handle "walk in a straight line until you're out," you deserve to be lost in an orchard.
 
2011-10-26 09:55:24 PM
Methinks intoxicants were involved.
 
2011-10-26 09:56:39 PM
It's an obscure hollow, deep in the underground orchard. You wouldn't know it.

Hipster Farmer for the win.
 
2011-10-26 09:58:21 PM

martissimo: BunkyBrewman: Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?

FFS people. If you get lost, just bring up the map.

I'll be a sad man the day I'm forced into a new phone (I'm on a archaic plan T-Mobile no longer offers, while I would love a smart phone at my current rates I can't even upgrade to ANY phone without having to lose my current pricing structure on multiple lines)

/this freaking RAZR is a soldier, been through hell and back


Mine's been going strong for over 5 years of rough handling. Those things are built to last. Glad I didn't get suckered into an extended warranty.
 
2011-10-26 09:58:37 PM
I think Fark needs to bring back the "it's not news" slogan.
 
2011-10-26 09:58:45 PM

BunkyBrewman: Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?


I weep for the younger generation. If their plastic toys stop working for whatever reason, they're lost. Toast. Hopeless. Helpless.
 
2011-10-26 10:03:28 PM

Because People in power are Stupid: As someone familiar with both Stow and Newton...

They are retaaaded.


Hey, now. We're not all dumb in Newton.

FriarReb98: City folks (most likely of the ultra-spoiled and ignorant variety - this is Newton, after all) got lost in an orchard? No farkin' way.

\the people in the corn maze were easily more retarded though
\\at least the orchard's a half mile wide on two different sides of the road, though they sitll didn't need to call the farking cops


OH, COME ON! Man. Not all of us in Newton are ultra-spoiled ignorant idiots(but you have to love it when they make the rest of us look bad.)

Also, having been apple picking in Stow, seriously, it's not that hard to find your way back. Especially if you PAY ATTENTION WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

/Masshole.
//Not clueless and stupid.
 
2011-10-26 10:04:53 PM
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2011-10-26 10:05:10 PM

FirstNationalBastard: How long until someone's Trapped in the Drive-Thru? (new window)


"911: Trapped in a cornhole"
?
 
2011-10-26 10:05:45 PM

dofus: BunkyBrewman: Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?

I weep for the younger generation. If their plastic toys stop working for whatever reason, they're lost. Toast. Hopeless. Helpless.


Depends on how young you're talking. 21 and under, maybe. I'm 28 - I can read a map and have a good sense of direction. Not everyone's f**ked, lol.
 
2011-10-26 10:06:06 PM
Went through a couple corn mazes last weekend at a big farm - they had one called a dark maze which was probably 80' wide x 200' long with square haybales about 4 layers high. They put black tarps over the top of the entire thing - I passed on that one - there regular mazes were devious enough without the pitch black factor...
 
2011-10-26 10:06:19 PM
How do you get lost in an apple orchard? The trunks can't be that close together.... just walk through the branches until escape is possible.
 
2011-10-26 10:07:44 PM

FirstNationalBastard: How long until someone's Trapped in the Drive-Thru? (new window)


I know enough not to click on that link. There's absolutely nothing redeeming about that song, but for some reason when ever it stops I can't bring myself to turn it off. 10 minutes of my life, flushed down the intertubes.
 
zez
2011-10-26 10:09:19 PM
What about being Lost in the supermarket? (new window)
 
2011-10-26 10:11:23 PM
Just eat the apples until daybreak, you can probably find your way home.
 
2011-10-26 10:12:23 PM
To be fair, there are a lot of small towns where the police aren't exactly being taken away from a real crime by responding to this. It probably relieves their boredom.
 
2011-10-26 10:16:01 PM

cowgirl toffee:
"911: Trapped in a cornhole"?


I read the script.
A gut wrenching tale.
 
2011-10-26 10:17:02 PM

JPINFV: FirstNationalBastard: How long until someone's Trapped in the Drive-Thru? (new window)

I know enough not to click on that link. There's absolutely nothing redeeming about that song, but for some reason when ever it stops I can't bring myself to turn it off. 10 minutes of my life, flushed down the intertubes.


I'm a great fan of weird Al's other work, but I never got the point of that song. It appears to be 100 percent filler. Is that the joke?
 
2011-10-26 10:18:50 PM
Sound like a couple of libtards that need the government to constantly hold their hands to me.
 
2011-10-26 10:19:59 PM

RealAmericanHero: If your problem solving abilities can't handle "walk in a straight line until you're out," you deserve to be lost in an orchard.


This a few times over...
 
2011-10-26 10:20:50 PM

Mr. Potatoass: A gut wrenching tale.


tale, or tail? either way, it would be gut wrenching.
 
2011-10-26 10:21:58 PM

RageAgainstMrClean: Sound like a couple of libtards that need the government to constantly hold their hands to me.


NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT POLITICS. What the HELL is it with you people?!? THEY'RE NOT 'LIB-TARDS'. THEY'RE JUST STUPID.
 
2011-10-26 10:22:19 PM
I got lost in an apple orchard once, but I kept walking in one direction and then all of a sudden, I was lost in a pear orchard. So I quickly walked backwards and turned around and it was a different apple orchard. I know it was different, because the moss was on the opposite side of the tree's. I might of been on a different planet too, as the sun was now on my right, instead of on my left. Then I passed out from the excitement and woke up back on planet earth, with lots of people in white clothes probing me for any alien DNA residue.
 
2011-10-26 10:25:02 PM
 
2011-10-26 10:27:12 PM

Asplenium: /this freaking RAZR is a soldier, been through hell and back

Mine's been going strong for over 5 years of rough handling. Those things are built to last. Glad I didn't get suckered into an extended warranty.


I'm still ruing the day I forgot to check my pockets before throwing clothes in the washing machine. I miss that phone.

/oh, the sickening feeling on realizing what that *THUNK* ... *THUNK* sound was after I started the dryer
 
2011-10-26 10:28:12 PM

Mr. Potatoass: cowgirl toffee:
"911: Trapped in a cornhole"?

I read the script.
A gut wrenching tale.


It's a story of when your luck bottoms-out.
 
2011-10-26 10:29:26 PM

Sim Tree: JPINFV: FirstNationalBastard: How long until someone's Trapped in the Drive-Thru? (new window)

I know enough not to click on that link. There's absolutely nothing redeeming about that song, but for some reason when ever it stops I can't bring myself to turn it off. 10 minutes of my life, flushed down the intertubes.

I'm a great fan of weird Al's other work, but I never got the point of that song. It appears to be 100 percent filler. Is that the joke?


It's a parody of the R Kelly song "Trapped In The Closet". That's all I know. Never heard the original.

However, the original is also 10 minutes long.
 
2011-10-26 10:49:05 PM

martissimo: BunkyBrewman: Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?

FFS people. If you get lost, just bring up the map.

I'll be a sad man the day I'm forced into a new phone (I'm on a archaic plan T-Mobile no longer offers, while I would love a smart phone at my current rates I can't even upgrade to ANY phone without having to lose my current pricing structure on multiple lines)

/this freaking RAZR is a soldier, been through hell and back


Do they even make that anymore?
 
2011-10-26 10:53:12 PM
Help! An apple hit me on the head and I've fallen and can't get up.

Wait a minute... I may have something here...

-Isaac Newton
 
2011-10-26 10:57:56 PM

FiendishFellow05: RageAgainstMrClean: Sound like a couple of libtards that need the government to constantly hold their hands to me.

NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT POLITICS. What the HELL is it with you people?!? THEY'RE NOT 'LIB-TARDS'. THEY'RE JUST STUPID.


You sound all liberaley and stuff.
 
2011-10-26 11:07:49 PM

blondski: How do you get lost in an apple orchard? The trunks can't be that close together.... just walk through the branches until escape is possible.


This.

I mean seriously how retarded do you have to be? You just pick a direction, and go. Especially once it starts getting dark out.. herpadurpderp... walk towards the bright part of the sky...
 
2011-10-26 11:08:01 PM
I think in the long term, the worst thing the Nazis did was to turn popular opinion against eugenics.
 
2011-10-26 11:08:04 PM
Good luck on Cape Cod.
 
2011-10-26 11:11:47 PM
i369.photobucket.com

Was this girl part of the couple?
 
2011-10-26 11:28:46 PM
Laughed my ass off at the title stubby, good job!
 
2011-10-26 11:33:47 PM

BunkyBrewman: Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?

FFS people. If you get lost, just bring up the map.


You're assuming they have a smart phone.

sseye: To be fair, there are a lot of small towns where the police aren't exactly being taken away from a real crime by responding to this. It probably relieves their boredom.


Note that the police did *NOT* respond, they notified the orchard owner who went looking for them.
 
2011-10-26 11:38:10 PM
I'm thinking that people just don't leave the house much any more. The outside world is a bit of a mystery to them.
 
2011-10-26 11:38:46 PM
Knows the secrets to corn mazes....


/remember where you step into the holes!!!
 
2011-10-26 11:41:13 PM

BunkyBrewman: cannotsuggestaname: BunkyBrewman: Are these the only two people in the world that don't have Google maps installed on their smart phone?

FFS people. If you get lost, just bring up the map.


and google maps out corn mazes now?

Considering it has a GPS function...

/I guess you're all farking luddites who haven't a clue how Google maps on your phone works (hint: satellite view)
//at the absolute least, you'll know where the fark your location is in proximity to the structures in the general area


Cambridgians have smartphones however ironically don't know how to use them for anything constructive.
/hipsters suck
 
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