FARK.com: (6674086) Captain Morgan found partying with college students, arrested when it turned out one of them was 17

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		Captain Morgan found partying with college students, arrested when it turned out one of them was 17 (sun-sentinel.com)		46
		More: Florida, Captain Morgan, Key West, police chiefs, students, Monroe County, tipsters

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46 Comments (+0 »)

elffster

2011-10-25 09:39:48 AM

Ahh, Captain Morgan...

Long ago, Hurricane Elvis had just devastated the city of Memphis. Millions (tens of millions) were without power. I secured my domicile and scurried across the street to my neighbors house, where were cooked out on the porch. And drank.

And the Captain was there. So we ate, and we talked...and we drank. And drank. And drank. And at the end of the night, the Captain was kicking my ass.

I stumbled home and passed out, and that was the last dealings I've had with the Captain, thank you.

mosketer

2011-10-25 09:41:09 AM

Got our costumes ready, bags packed, tickets printed, WOOHOO! Fantasy Fest bound in the morning!!!

AverageAmericanGuy

2011-10-25 09:42:00 AM

My roommate freshman year was inclined to steal things when he was drunk.

I was woken up around 2 in the morning one night by a loud dragging sound. He kicked in the door and shouted "DUDE. WE'VE GOT ANIMALS" and dragged an aquarium into the room.

Found out 2 years later that a friend of a friend had been cleaning his aquarium and left it outside for a minute and when he came back it was gone.

It was a nice aquarium.

Another Government Employee

2011-10-25 09:42:02 AM

The Captain makes clothes fall off.

dr_iacovone

2011-10-25 09:42:09 AM

elffster: Ahh, Captain Morgan...

Long ago, Hurricane Elvis had just devastated the city of Memphis. Millions (tens of millions) were without power. I secured my domicile and scurried across the street to my neighbors house, where were cooked out on the porch. And drank.

And the Captain was there. So we ate, and we talked...and we drank. And drank. And drank. And at the end of the night, the Captain was kicking my ass.

I stumbled home and passed out, and that was the last dealings I've had with the Captain, thank you.

Now I know why the rum is gone!!!

cgraves67

2011-10-25 09:47:12 AM

Once upon a time, I turned out to be a 17 year old college student partying with the Captain.

Nick Nostril

2011-10-25 09:48:19 AM

Floriduh Keys Community College? Really?

/guessing they're not known for their rigorous academics
//story sounds more like what I would expect

Harry Freakstorm

2011-10-25 09:48:31 AM

Arg! Tis the brig fer me, I fear. Some sodomite will be pounding the barnacles offen my buttocks tonight.

Lipspinach

2011-10-25 09:50:31 AM

FTFA: Captain Morgan was returned to his permanent post outside the Walgreens. He had no immediate comment on his adventure

hahahahahahaha. That's my kind of journalism

Vegemite

2011-10-25 09:50:56 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: My roommate freshman year was inclined to steal things when he was drunk.

I was woken up around 2 in the morning one night by a loud dragging sound. He kicked in the door and shouted "DUDE. WE'VE GOT ANIMALS" and dragged an aquarium into the room.

Found out 2 years later that a friend of a friend had been cleaning his aquarium and left it outside for a minute and when he came back it was gone.

It was a nice aquarium.

I had a friend like this when I was in the Army. It got out of hand though when he got drunk and stole a stuffed alligator from a bar in Georgia. The Sergeant Major wanted to take his rank and the Colonel just laughed and said that he had stolen a stuffed fish when he was a joe.

Clemkadidlefark

2011-10-25 09:57:14 AM

"Argh, now it's sodomy and the lash for you, matey."

"Oooo, that's what I like", she said.

"More rum!" I cried.

obamadidcoke

2011-10-25 09:58:34 AM

Nick Nostril: Floriduh Keys Community College? Really?

/guessing they're not known for their rigorous academics
//story sounds more like what I would expect

Yeah, that's the dream.

AngryJailhouseFistfark

2011-10-25 09:59:05 AM

'Tis Captain Morgan's unrepentant hooliganism and drunkery that will prevent him from ever attaining the rank of Admiral.

The Irresponsible Captain

2011-10-25 09:59:38 AM

All's well that ends well. As long as they clean the puke and skank off of him.

AverageAmericanGuy

2011-10-25 10:00:11 AM

Vegemite: AverageAmericanGuy: My roommate freshman year was inclined to steal things when he was drunk.

I was woken up around 2 in the morning one night by a loud dragging sound. He kicked in the door and shouted "DUDE. WE'VE GOT ANIMALS" and dragged an aquarium into the room.

Found out 2 years later that a friend of a friend had been cleaning his aquarium and left it outside for a minute and when he came back it was gone.

It was a nice aquarium.

I had a friend like this when I was in the Army. It got out of hand though when he got drunk and stole a stuffed alligator from a bar in Georgia. The Sergeant Major wanted to take his rank and the Colonel just laughed and said that he had stolen a stuffed fish when he was a joe.

Reminds me of a souvenir he brought back after Christmas break. He went home to South Carolina for the holiday and was drunk at a local bar when a small riot broke out.

We had a great neon/fluorescent Budweiser wall-lamp that spring.

I think the only thing we had that he didn't steal was the couch which we bought for 2 dollars at a nearby flea market.

The milk crates and plywood were stolen, as were the cinder blocks and a mini fridge.

IKanHazaBukkit

2011-10-25 10:02:05 AM

People still drink that shiat?

Blackheart: 11% more alcohol by volume, $10 cheaper for a 1.75

Bomb Head Mohammed

2011-10-25 10:04:02 AM

YOU ARE BEING MARKETED TO.

Vegemite

2011-10-25 10:07:45 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: Vegemite: AverageAmericanGuy: My roommate freshman year was inclined to steal things when he was drunk.

I was woken up around 2 in the morning one night by a loud dragging sound. He kicked in the door and shouted "DUDE. WE'VE GOT ANIMALS" and dragged an aquarium into the room.

Found out 2 years later that a friend of a friend had been cleaning his aquarium and left it outside for a minute and when he came back it was gone.

It was a nice aquarium.

I had a friend like this when I was in the Army. It got out of hand though when he got drunk and stole a stuffed alligator from a bar in Georgia. The Sergeant Major wanted to take his rank and the Colonel just laughed and said that he had stolen a stuffed fish when he was a joe.

Reminds me of a souvenir he brought back after Christmas break. He went home to South Carolina for the holiday and was drunk at a local bar when a small riot broke out.

We had a great neon/fluorescent Budweiser wall-lamp that spring.

I think the only thing we had that he didn't steal was the couch which we bought for 2 dollars at a nearby flea market.

The milk crates and plywood were stolen, as were the cinder blocks and a mini fridge.

That is an epic guy to live with I bet?

AverageAmericanGuy

2011-10-25 10:14:41 AM

Vegemite: That is an epic guy to live with I bet?

It was certainly never boring.

Although he did get in a bit of trouble after he uprooted a traffic sign and put it through a cafeteria window. Dumbass would have gotten away with it except he called a bunch of his friends to come out and check out his handiwork with him. Police were there and an eyewitness spotted him coming back to the scene.

It was years ago, so I forgot if he was suspended for a semester after that, but I do recall the rest of the year being pretty uneventful.

Opeth1429

2011-10-25 10:27:16 AM

I was in a bar once when Captain Morgan walked in with some young pirate wenches for some sort of promotional event. The problem was that the good Captain wasn't invited to come ply his wares. In fact, the owner had explicitly told him that he didn't want him to come through. It was amusing to watch several bouncers toss him out. The pirate wenches, however, were encouraged to stay.

DragonDeadite

2011-10-25 10:28:16 AM

You know, when I party with the captain its usually calm conversation and rational debates... but for some reason when I wake up the next afternoon he's completely trashed the house!! Not sure why I keep inviting him over...

Bibulous

2011-10-25 10:29:20 AM

Oh,
The cabin boy the cabin boy
The dirty little nipper
Put broken glass within his ass
And circumcised the skipper.

(trope)
Now fearsome drinks contain one of
That boy's collected foreskins
But none, I think, tastes like the drink
They make from Captain Morgan's.

(Take that, sour toe cocktail!)

cajunns

2011-10-25 10:31:44 AM

IKanHazaBukkit :
People still drink that shiat?
Blackheart: 11% more alcohol by volume, $10 cheaper for a 1.75

Well if all you want is a cheap drunk then go for it, but some people like to enjoy drinking for more than to get a buzz.

eas81

2011-10-25 10:42:34 AM

cajunns: IKanHazaBukkit :
People still drink that shiat?
Blackheart: 11% more alcohol by volume, $10 cheaper for a 1.75

Well if all you want is a cheap drunk then go for it, but some people like to enjoy drinking for more than to get a buzz.

*clicks IKan's profile*

Yep he's a frat boy that explains the post.

Hyppy

2011-10-25 10:43:55 AM

IKanHazaBukkit: People still drink that shiat?

Blackheart: 11% more alcohol by volume, $10 cheaper for a 1.75

Just looking for alcohol by volume? Why not just go straight for the Bacardi 151? If you want to move out of the rum category, there's always the 190 proof Everclear.

IKanHazaBukkit

2011-10-25 10:54:40 AM

Hyppy: IKanHazaBukkit: People still drink that shiat?

Blackheart: 11% more alcohol by volume, $10 cheaper for a 1.75

Just looking for alcohol by volume? Why not just go straight for the Bacardi 151? If you want to move out of the rum category, there's always the 190 proof Everclear.

I'm stating that you achieve the same taste and utility as captain for $10 cheaper.

If people really cared about taste they'd get a true rum like Mt. Gay which is ~$4 more expensive for a 1.75 than captain and tastes infinitely better without the spice.

Captain 100 is way better than regular captain, and the private stock is redeemable but, i'd much rather have pyrat, cockspur 12, or ron zacapa for sipping.

/Teachers/John Barr Red is my daily drinker
//mmmm Mt. Gay.

actualhuman

2011-10-25 10:55:30 AM

Guns n' Farkin Roses

2011-10-25 10:57:41 AM

Admiral Nelson and Lady Bligh FTW!!!!

doglover

2011-10-25 10:58:32 AM

Opeth1429: It was amusing to watch several bouncers toss him out. The pirate wenches, however, were encouraged to stay.

So, in other words, your lame ass bar sucked and was completely pwned by the marketing people at Captain Morgan's?

Seriously, you do not throw out the official Captain Morgan. It's just bad form. Second, it's not a W if you only clear out one of a herd of marketing pigs. If you let the girls stay and not the guy you've basically just killed the mood and failed to maintain whatever bullshiat atmosphere you were going for in the first place.

In other words, please tell me where you were working by name and the name of the owner because I will mark it down as the shiathole it is and avoid working for or with the joyless shiatpail of a owner and encourage everyone I know to follow suit.

Hyppy

2011-10-25 10:58:37 AM

IKanHazaBukkit: If people really cared about taste they'd get a true rum like Mt. Gay which is ~$4 more expensive for a 1.75 than captain and tastes infinitely better without the spice.

You mentioned Mt. Gay. I now deem you absolved of your sins. Go forth and conquer, young one.

Guns n' Farkin Roses

2011-10-25 10:59:17 AM

IKanHazaBukkit

2011-10-25 11:05:12 AM

actualhuman: Hyppy: IKanHazaBukkit: People still drink that shiat?

Blackheart: 11% more alcohol by volume, $10 cheaper for a 1.75

Just looking for alcohol by volume? Why not just go straight for the Bacardi 151? If you want to move out of the rum category, there's always the 190 proof Everclear.

I even know of a certain bar which will serve you moonshine if you know how to ask....

/CSB

Best tasting 'moonshine' i've come across. (new window)

doglover

2011-10-25 11:05:40 AM

IKanHazaBukkit: People still drink that shiat?

Blackheart: 11% more alcohol by volume, $10 cheaper for a 1.75

Blackheart is shiat.

If you want GOOD rum, Captain Morgan's is not acceptable. It just isn't old or pure enough.

But if you don't have the money or time for a nice barrel aged rum from Cuba or Jamacia, the Captain is good enough and I assure you he WILL make it happen.

doglover

2011-10-25 11:10:19 AM

IKanHazaBukkit: actualhuman: Hyppy: IKanHazaBukkit: People still drink that shiat?

Blackheart: 11% more alcohol by volume, $10 cheaper for a 1.75

Just looking for alcohol by volume? Why not just go straight for the Bacardi 151? If you want to move out of the rum category, there's always the 190 proof Everclear.

I even know of a certain bar which will serve you moonshine if you know how to ask....

/CSB

Best tasting 'moonshine' i've come across. (new window)

70 Proof

If you think that's even in the same SOLAR SYSTEM as moonshine, you don't deserve to drink. Your liver should be donated to people who deserve it.

IKanHazaBukkit

2011-10-25 11:19:03 AM

doglover: IKanHazaBukkit: actualhuman: Hyppy: IKanHazaBukkit: People still drink that shiat?

Blackheart: 11% more alcohol by volume, $10 cheaper for a 1.75

Just looking for alcohol by volume? Why not just go straight for the Bacardi 151? If you want to move out of the rum category, there's always the 190 proof Everclear.

I even know of a certain bar which will serve you moonshine if you know how to ask....

/CSB

Best tasting 'moonshine' i've come across. (new window)

70 Proof

If you think that's even in the same SOLAR SYSTEM as moonshine, you don't deserve to drink. Your liver should be donated to people who deserve it.

Of course it's not blinding-quality moonshine but, it markets itself as such henceforth the quotations.

/CSB time i had something exactly like that from my WV family and it came with an apple slice and cinnamon stick. It was atleast 80%abv and didn't taste as such.
//Rectified spirits by Polmos, Wisnowkia and pineapple juice... 1 glass and you're on the floor.

MBooda

2011-10-25 11:24:19 AM

theorellior

2011-10-25 11:30:44 AM

eas81: Yep he's a frat boy that explains the post.

All of you Farkers are hating on a tradition you know nothing about, you all must have been pencil-necked pizza-faced geeks in the Chess Club, fraternity brothers get access to more top-shelf pussy than you could shake a stick at, and the relationships you make in the Brotherhood will last you a lifetime.

EditorialSpace

2011-10-25 12:46:18 PM

theorellior: eas81: Yep he's a frat boy that explains the post.

All of you Farkers are hating on a tradition you know nothing about, you all must have been pencil-necked pizza-faced geeks in the Chess Club, fraternity brothers get access to more top-shelf pussy than you could shake a stick at, and the relationships you make in the Brotherhood will last you a lifetime.

- - -

I wasn't going to say a thing. I believe the original poster was making reference to the wacky theft, yes, theft. One year, some guys went through our neighborhood and took all the nozzles off all the waterhoses. Perhaps the captain was in on it, too. A few of my neighbors had their faces on video...but sometimes you have to children, yes children, be children.

gojirast

2011-10-25 12:53:01 PM

Laughs at your silly spiced captain.

Cyno01

2011-10-25 01:30:22 PM

"Pffft..."

Newfielad

2011-10-25 01:58:03 PM

Mmmmm, rum.
A little of Lamb's Old Navy to set the sails right.
Pusser Rum if it's a party night.
Why yes I am in the Navy. Why do you ask?

zipperlip

2011-10-25 01:58:13 PM

/|\ Amen, brah.
|

id10ts

2011-10-25 02:42:21 PM

Our national tragedy is over.

(Walgreens? Really?)

UCFRoadWarrior

2011-10-25 05:01:38 PM

Nick Nostril: Floriduh Keys Community College? Really?

/guessing they're not known for their rigorous academics
//story sounds more like what I would expect

Actually, the Florida 2-year schools are much more academically stringent than most of your state universities around the country. And, um, college kids party everywhere....OK maybe not at BYU as much...but all North American college kids party.

You can now leave your basement

foxyshadis

2011-10-25 08:50:03 PM

Guns n' Farkin Roses: Hyppy: IKanHazaBukkit: People still drink that shiat?

Blackheart: 11% more alcohol by volume, $10 cheaper for a 1.75

Just looking for alcohol by volume? Why not just go straight for the Bacardi 151? If you want to move out of the rum category, there's always the 190 proof Everclear.

Come on, a gallon of gas is only about $3.50 and will keep you high off your ass for a while.

The only guy I know who did that is currently serving a 20 year term. I don't blame the gasoline; it was more likely the paint, canned air, and meth, after all, but it's always nice to be able to think, "Would Jeff do this?" when evaluating the stupidity-to-awesome ratio of a particular action.

St. Peter

2011-10-25 10:00:42 PM

A pirate walks into a bar, wearing a steering wheel on his crotch. The bartender asks," What's that on there for?" The pirate replies, "ARRRR, I don't know, but it be driving me nuts!"

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