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(Washington Post) Scary 30-year FBI profiler says nice guys finish last because they're too busy making woman suits in the basement   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 238
More: Scary, FBI, Phillip Garrido, Unabomber, school shootings, Quantico, self-help, Gary Ridgway, FBI profiler  
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21164 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Oct 2011 at 7:32 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



238 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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vernonFL [TotalFark]
2011-10-24 06:00:04 PM
i54.tinypic.com

Is she about a size 14?
 
RexTalionis [TotalFark]
2011-10-24 06:01:08 PM
I bet the FBI have already infiltrated Fark looking for the guys who say they're too nice.
 
AbbeySomeone
2011-10-24 06:23:22 PM
I absolutely never trust anyone who is very concerned with appearing nice or an extremely good citizen, etc. Throw church into the mix and 9/10 they are hiding something huge. People like that are also most likely to screw you over and feel justified in doing so.
 
Speedofdarkness [TotalFark]
2011-10-24 07:03:19 PM
I'm only a nice guy if they put the lotion in the basket. The alternative is the hose again.
 
kronicfeld [TotalFark]
2011-10-24 07:23:15 PM
Was she a big ol fat person?
 
Paris1127 [TotalFark]
2011-10-24 07:25:33 PM
So... we should treat our daily lives like we're in the middle of an episode of Criminal Minds?
 
RatMaster999
2011-10-24 07:34:37 PM
Mine's almost done!
 
Ambitwistor
2011-10-24 07:36:43 PM
Paris1127: So... we should treat our daily lives like we're in the middle of an episode of Criminal Minds?

The premise of the article seems to be "you can't trust your judgement of anybody, so assume everyone may be a psychopath and live in fear".
 
skinink
2011-10-24 07:36:54 PM
kronicfeld: Was she a big ol fat person?

I'm turning you in right now you cereal killer.


www.washingtonpost.com

 
Cyrusv10
2011-10-24 07:37:19 PM
She should profile some of the people on Fark.
 
vwarb
2011-10-24 07:37:58 PM
I have never met a self-proclaimed nice guy who is actually nice. They are always the creepy guy who does inappropriately invasive things in order to seem "nice."
You know the kind I mean. The guy who holds a door open for a full minute, waiting for the hot girl to walk twenty feet to go through it.
These idiots wonder why everybody gets creeped out at them for being "nice," when in reality their behavior is more obviously sexual than even the drunkest of assholes.
 
gadian [TotalFark]
2011-10-24 07:39:55 PM
vwarb: I have never met a self-proclaimed nice guy who is actually nice. They are always the creepy guy who does inappropriately invasive things in order to seem "nice."
You know the kind I mean. The guy who holds a door open for a full minute, waiting for the hot girl to walk twenty feet to go through it.
These idiots wonder why everybody gets creeped out at them for being "nice," when in reality their behavior is more obviously sexual than even the drunkest of assholes.

This. If you're a nice guy who is really a nice guy, you should have no shortage of female companionship. Or male, if that's your thing. That's your litmus test if you're nice or creepy.
 
que.guero
2011-10-24 07:40:11 PM
images.mirror.co.uk

What a nice guy might look like...
 
HellRaisingHoosier
2011-10-24 07:40:24 PM
I refuse to live in fear and think negatively of my neighbors because they seem "too nice".

With that said .... all of my neighbors know that I'm armed, should they attempt to serial-kill/rape me.
 
skinink
2011-10-24 07:42:44 PM
 
Edipis
2011-10-24 07:43:38 PM
kronicfeld: Was she a big ol fat person?

*ahem* the line is "oh wait, was she a great big fat person?"
 
RexTalionis [TotalFark]
2011-10-24 07:44:02 PM
HellRaisingHoosier: I refuse to live in fear and think negatively of my neighbors because they seem "too nice".

With that said .... all of my neighbors know that I'm armed, should they attempt to serial-kill/rape me.

How do you know that they wouldn't dispatch you through indirect means? A gun won't protect you from, say, carbon monoxide, which would look like an unfortunate and tragic accident.

/feeding your paranoia.
 
FuturePastNow
2011-10-24 07:45:30 PM
There are guys who are actually nice, you know.
 
Sticky Hands
2011-10-24 07:46:12 PM
Whatever, I'm a nice guy and I have never ever eaten another tasty, yummy person or worn them like a soft, pretty glove.

So fark all y'all!!
farking meanies. :(
 
OnlyM3
2011-10-24 07:47:17 PM
I'll take snake-oil for $400, Alex

"Dowsers, Chiropractics and Profilers"



A: What are pseudoscience quacks.
 
Crazymuthafarker [TotalFark]
2011-10-24 07:47:18 PM
It rubs the lotion on its skin
It does this when it's told
It rubs the lotion on its skin
Or else it gets the hose

And when it's done there's one more thing
A simple little task, it's:

Put the farking lotion in the basket.
Put the farking lotion in the basket
All these stupid women are the same
Helps me not to think of them as human, so
I call them "it" instead of by their names.

[Catherine]

Mister please no more abuse
Can't you see there's no excuse
My family's prob'ly wonderin' where I've been.

[Bill]

I'll starve you so your skin gets loose
Stop crying now you big fat moose
Just put the farking lotion on your skin
And then

Put the farking lotion in the basket
Your chances for survival are remote
I'm impervious to all your silly whining
So pipe down before I jam a moth
Right down your farking throat.

[Catherine]

Mister please, my mom's got money
Let me go -- this isn't funny
Cops are sure to send somebody
Turn me loose -- don't be a dummy!

[Bill]

Listen to you scream and wail
Keep it down you farking whale
Mind the broken fingernail
The last girl climbed halfway but failed.

[Catherine screaming]

[Bill imitation screaming]

[Bill]
(spoken)

Precious?

[Catherine]
(spoken)

She's down here, you piece of shiat!

[Bill]

Put the farking poodle in the basket
I'd kill you but there's someone at the door
Don't make me go and get my gun and shoot you
It's a waste of skin,
They don't sell fat girls in a farking store.

Put my farking Precious in the basket
Don't you hurt my one and only friend
You don't know what pain is but I'll teach you if
You lay a farking finger on my poodle's pretty head.
Put the farking poodle in the basket!!

From "Silence! The Musical".
 
Monkey MKIII
2011-10-24 07:47:47 PM
www.tarantino.info
What a nice guy may look like.

/Nice guys finish last because they let everybody else finish first
 
fusillade762
2011-10-24 07:47:54 PM
RexTalionis: HellRaisingHoosier: I refuse to live in fear and think negatively of my neighbors because they seem "too nice".

With that said .... all of my neighbors know that I'm armed, should they attempt to serial-kill/rape me.

How do you know that they wouldn't dispatch you through indirect means? A gun won't protect you from, say, carbon monoxide, which would look like an unfortunate and tragic accident.

/feeding your paranoia.

Carbon monoxide? Meh, I prefer the classics for my indirect homicide.

cdn.hahajk.com
 
Jlop985
2011-10-24 07:48:31 PM
gadian: vwarb: I have never met a self-proclaimed nice guy who is actually nice. They are always the creepy guy who does inappropriately invasive things in order to seem "nice."
You know the kind I mean. The guy who holds a door open for a full minute, waiting for the hot girl to walk twenty feet to go through it.
These idiots wonder why everybody gets creeped out at them for being "nice," when in reality their behavior is more obviously sexual than even the drunkest of assholes.

This. If you're a nice guy who is really a nice guy, you should have no shortage of female companionship. Or male, if that's your thing. That's your litmus test if you're nice or creepy.

The thing is, some "nice guys" don't know they're being creepy instead of nice. Someone needs to snap them out of it. They also may be nice to women not for any direct sexual payoff, but from intense emotional longing for a relationship.
 
Virulency
2011-10-24 07:50:27 PM
AbbeySomeone: I absolutely never trust anyone who is very concerned with appearing nice or an extremely good citizen, etc. Throw church into the mix and 9/10 they are hiding something huge. People like that are also most likely to screw you over and feel justified in doing so.

if you're too perfect, you should be suspicious...

but seriously she must walk around paranoid... maybe hangs around "not nice" people because jerks are less suspicious, they aren't hiding it...
 
Fat-D
2011-10-24 07:50:44 PM
It bothered her enough that she decided to write a book whose premise goes against everything humans want to believe about their hunches. Your gut instinct? It is wrong.
Just remember to be terrified of that %.0001 that go against the grain
 
mongbiohazard
2011-10-24 07:53:44 PM
Ambitwistor: Paris1127: So... we should treat our daily lives like we're in the middle of an episode of Criminal Minds?

The premise of the article seems to be "you can't trust your judgement of anybody, so assume everyone may be a psychopath and live in fear".


Seriously. I get her point that you "can't judge a book by it's cover", but the reason those serial killers who seem nice are successful is because when someone seems nice they usually actually are nice - at least somewhat. They're not usually serial killers. The serial killers are by far out of the statistical norm.
 
lord-humungus
2011-10-24 07:54:22 PM
I met Ridgeway (I was friends with one of his neighbors) and I thought he was kind of creepy.
 
cryinoutloud
2011-10-24 07:55:29 PM
RexTalionis: I bet the FBI have already infiltrated Fark looking for the guys who say they're too nice.

Since you're here, I'm not going to post any stories about my ex-husband and how I know aallllll about this. : )

Psychos often are very nice people. Just as long as you don't know them very well. They do it that way on purpose--so that when someone goes running to the police or their best friend with some horror story, everybody just says, "Oh no way--he's a really nice guy! You must have done something."

AbbeySomeone: I absolutely never trust anyone who is very concerned with appearing nice or an extremely good citizen, etc. Throw church into the mix and 9/10 they are hiding something huge. People like that are also most likely to screw you over and feel justified in doing so.

Your gut feeling is right. Trust it.
 
david1963
2011-10-24 07:57:27 PM
FuturePastNow:

There are guys who are actually nice, you know.

I've met a few. They were harmless too. But few people knew that because they seemed kind of off, not like normal people, which lind of creeped people out. Especially hot young women.

But not me. I'm a rip-roarin' rootin-tootin' weird-ass son-of-a-rhymes-with-rich. And I live in Lexington, KY and I'm never too busy to entertain some chick who'll help me clean my apartment in exchange for a peak at my insect collection.
 
Kouvre
2011-10-24 07:57:52 PM
Jlop985: gadian: vwarb: I have never met a self-proclaimed nice guy who is actually nice. They are always the creepy guy who does inappropriately invasive things in order to seem "nice."
You know the kind I mean. The guy who holds a door open for a full minute, waiting for the hot girl to walk twenty feet to go through it.
These idiots wonder why everybody gets creeped out at them for being "nice," when in reality their behavior is more obviously sexual than even the drunkest of assholes.

This. If you're a nice guy who is really a nice guy, you should have no shortage of female companionship. Or male, if that's your thing. That's your litmus test if you're nice or creepy.

The thing is, some "nice guys" don't know they're being creepy instead of nice. Someone needs to snap them out of it. They also may be nice to women not for any direct sexual payoff, but from intense emotional longing for a relationship.

That's always been my problem. I know that I've always been one of those "nice guys," I've just never really been able to shake it. I've gotten much better in the past five years, but I still have a long way to go.

/brb, gotta check on the bodies in the fridge
 
Pollexabator
2011-10-24 07:58:02 PM
You know what your crappy dye job tells me Mary? That you're likely a raging alcoholic like 99% of your FBI peers.

/good luck with the book sales
 
david1963
2011-10-24 07:58:36 PM
mongbiohazard:

The serial killers are by far out of the statistical norm.

That's what they all say till it's too late.
 
BillSPreston
2011-10-24 07:59:01 PM
vwarb "You know the kind I mean. The guy who holds a door open for a full minute, waiting for the hot girl to walk twenty feet to go through it."

As a legitimately nice guy this is just one additional reason to start being more of an a-hole. Everyone is so cynical these days. I hold doors open for the hot chick as many times as I do the elderly, tubby woman, but apparently such behavior is now "suspect." Not everyone was raised to be jerks. I like doing nice gestures because I like being nice and seeing the look of gratitude on the faces of people who aren't ingrates. Apparently that makes me a closet sociopath. I would rant some more but I have to go to the playground to hit on vulnerable single moms so I can finish my collection of severed heads.
 
david1963
2011-10-24 07:59:57 PM
Pollexabator:

you're likely a raging alcoholic

You say that like it's a BAD thing.
 
Petulant Dwarf
2011-10-24 08:02:46 PM
The anti-thesis of the nice guy:

haikucrew.files.wordpress.com
 
compesconsisus
2011-10-24 08:03:26 PM
Eh. I hold doors open for almost everyone, as long as they are using it the same time I am. I am polite, kind, and gentle. When did good manners become such a serious issue?
 
SirMadness
2011-10-24 08:03:43 PM
Is it possible to tell whether the lawn guy is a psychopath, or just overcharging you on fertilizer? The lambs are screaming, and they are in your cul de sac.

So, Monica Hesse is a sheltered, racist cow with too much money?
 
Firethorn
2011-10-24 08:04:34 PM
que.guero: What a nice guy might look like...

Police photos are never flattering. It's something about the lighting, the backgrounds, and that most people in them don't have any reason to smile.

If you met the guy in person, he might present the image of a cheerful friendly dude, if an ugly one. Nothing wrong with ugly, most of us are to some extent. For example, yeah, that dude looks wierd, but he didn't kill. Now look up some pictures of Ted Bundy.

RexTalionis: How do you know that they wouldn't dispatch you through indirect means? A gun won't protect you from, say, carbon monoxide, which would look like an unfortunate and tragic accident.

It's a good thing I have a couple CO detectors then. They'll yell before I'm poisoned. Note: I heat with oil, so they're kinda recommended anyways...
 
patagoniantoothfish
2011-10-24 08:06:49 PM
Like many other law-enforcement technologies that look incredibly powerful and useful when portrayed on TV, criminal profiling is actually completely made-up bullshiat IRL.
When it then becomes pop-criminology sold as a how-to guide that profits on peoples fears and suspicions, it is also incredibly evil and manipulative complete bullshiat.
 
lizaardvark
2011-10-24 08:07:10 PM
david1963: I'm never too busy to entertain some chick who'll help me clean my apartment in exchange for a peak at my insect collection.

I'm piqued. What a freak! She gets off on insects? How unique.
 
compesconsisus
2011-10-24 08:08:28 PM
Firethorn:
It's a good thing I have a couple CO detectors then. They'll yell before I'm poisoned. Note: I heat with oil, so they're kinda recommended anyways...

Poisoning is no fun anyways, you can't really watch it and appreciate it.
 
Gordian Cipher [TotalFark]
2011-10-24 08:08:58 PM
Serial killers are sometimes described as "such a nice boy, very quiet."

Therefore, all serial killers are nice guys.

Therefore, all nice guys are serial killers.

Therefore, it's not her fault Mary Ellen O'Toole does not have a date this weekend.

QED
 
EducatedBum
2011-10-24 08:09:23 PM
Holy raccoon eyes, batman! And that hair! And that shirt!

I say she needs to stop worrying about other people and take a look in the mirror.
 
patagoniantoothfish
2011-10-24 08:09:51 PM
OnlyM3: I'll take snake-oil for $400, Alex

"Dowsers, Chiropractics and Profilers"



A: What are pseudoscience quacks.

Sorry, missed this. This is the point I was trying to make, but with points to OnlyM3 for style and humour.
 
thrasherrr
2011-10-24 08:10:01 PM
cryinoutloud: They do it that way on purpose--so that when someone goes running to the police or their best friend with some horror story, everybody just says, "Oh no way--he's a really nice guy! You must have done something.

It's not some nefarious scheme. Outsiders get along better by being polite and not talking about their business. The difference is that some of them are secret murderers, and some are secret My Little Pony watchers.
 
JudgeItoBox
2011-10-24 08:11:13 PM
Oh look, a bunch of retarded derp from some assholes who think they've got life figured out. As a genuinely nice guy, I just want to say: fark you.

BillSPreston: vwarb "You know the kind I mean. The guy who holds a door open for a full minute, waiting for the hot girl to walk twenty feet to go through it."

As a legitimately nice guy this is just one additional reason to start being more of an a-hole. Everyone is so cynical these days. I hold doors open for the hot chick as many times as I do the elderly, tubby woman, but apparently such behavior is now "suspect." Not everyone was raised to be jerks. I like doing nice gestures because I like being nice and seeing the look of gratitude on the faces of people who aren't ingrates. Apparently that makes me a closet sociopath. I would rant some more but I have to go to the playground to hit on vulnerable single moms so I can finish my collection of severed heads.

This retarded asshole gets it.

Jlop985: The thing is, some "nice guys" don't know they're being creepy instead of nice. Someone needs to snap them out of it. They also may be nice to women not for any direct sexual payoff, but from intense emotional longing for a relationship.

This one doesn't.
 
SN1987a goes boom
2011-10-24 08:11:49 PM
Profiler huh? Might as well be a psychic for the all the good that article spills out.
 
7wolf
2011-10-24 08:12:10 PM
I look at it more in terms of self control. People who seem to be keeping little unimportant things in check are the ones that worry me. I'm convinced they're either doing it to avoid drawing attention that might uncover real problems, or they manage it because they have a proportionately stronger way to release the tension it causes... like murdering people with an axe on weekends.
 
Pollexabator
2011-10-24 08:14:22 PM
EducatedBum: Holy raccoon eyes, batman! And that hair! And that shirt!

I say she needs to stop worrying about other people and take a look in the mirror.

You John, big tree...?

/there's a sale at Penny's!
//my apologies if this makes no sense to you
 
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