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(Chick)   Little known facts: Satan wears a pumpkin on his head and sacrifies cats, also he's bulletproof   ( divider line
    More: Asinine  
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5465 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Nov 2001 at 12:00 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

145 Comments     (+0 »)

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2001-11-04 02:12:49 AM  
My take on Chick is that it's some enormous big joke, and he really wants to see how many people will take it seriously.
2001-11-04 02:13:48 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

Mmmmmmm, Satan tastes gooooooood
2001-11-04 02:32:13 AM  
This may have already been said, but I'm not going to read all the freakin' comments to make sure.

1.) I'm just glad that poor cat got away. Let's all thank Satan for arriving before the cute kitty was killed.

2.) What's up with this "to Satanists and Witches, it's [Halloween] the most solemn holiday?" (note quote might now be exact? Satanists have no real holidays, nor is Satanism really a religion. It's nothing more than rebellion against the hipocrisy of Christianity, meant by LaVey (sp?) to look like a B-Movie parody. In the literal sense, Satanists are Atheists. As far as Witches are concerned, their most solemn holidays are the winter and summer solistices, followed closely by the fall and spring equinoxes. Witchcraft also only very loosely believes in "gods" -- more like the "spirits" of nature and earth and magic and whatnot.

Ah, I just read Mac's comment, and he's damn right -- Chick was NEVER a Wiccan High Priest -- his incredibly incorrect anti-Wiccan comments prove that. He's using the lie for PR value: "oooh, I as a Wiccan, but I rebelled..."
2001-11-04 02:43:54 AM  
Jack Chick = Jack shiat
2001-11-04 02:54:39 AM  
Jack Chick seems to have a hard time being original. That tract had elements from Sleepy Hollow, Friday the 13th and dogma in it. And since when did Satan need a chainsaw to kill people. Come on. JC needs to taje some of his own advice and get off the drugs.
2001-11-04 02:55:22 AM  
err take
2001-11-04 03:00:47 AM  
I, too, was glad to see that the cat got away.

Somebody mentioned that one third of the angels turned away from God, and that it was mentioned in Isaiah. I thought it was the part in Revelation, where a dragon pulls down a third of the stars from heaven with his tail, and he's getting booted out of heaven.

You think Chick is weird, try reading Revelation. The author of that thing must have been smoking the same stuff Ezekial was using.

Still ... imagine all those angels surrounded by God's magnificence, yet full one third of them go AWOL. Doesn't say much for God's appeal.

Yet I think I know why. Apparently, there are angels whose job it is to stand around saying, "Holy, holy, holy is God", all day long, for eternity. You call that job satisfaction?
2001-11-04 03:01:11 AM  
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. In times of moral crisis, ask yourself:

"What would Wink Martindale do?"
2001-11-04 03:02:26 AM  
Incidentally, considering the wide range of artistic styles, my guess is that Jack Chick story-boards these comics, but doesn't personally draw all of them himself.

Heck, I first saw a Chick comic in the 70's. How old is that guy?
2001-11-04 03:18:51 AM  
Damn it, if Jack Chick wants to help his wacky religion out instead of constantly exposing it to public ridicule then he needs to leave the preaching to somebody with no more than the usual number of chromosones.
2001-11-04 03:26:13 AM  
I see..., Halloween is Satan's birthday...?

Wait a minute.......There is NO satan...Whew..........

Jack almost got me there...
2001-11-04 03:27:44 AM  
Hey, who remembers that old Space Moose cartoon "Antlers of the Damned"? That kicked ass. Lemme see if I can find it...
2001-11-04 03:29:36 AM
img src=""

There ya go.
2001-11-04 03:30:05 AM  
I am proud to say I actually read the first half of the satanic bible (while the 2nd was just preachy, psalm-like shiat written in enochian), and yes, it IS really just called satanism to piss off christians, while it in fact denounces organized, popularized religion as a whole.
funny shiat tho...
seriously, i think chick was on weed or SOMETHING happy when he drew this... i mean c'mon, for the first time i believe he actually has a sense of humor.
2001-11-04 03:31:49 AM  
SPACE MOOSE farkING R00LZ ALL!!! seriously, that shiat is great
2001-11-04 03:38:17 AM  
Chick is a dumbass most of the time, but this one almost had me rolling on the ground...
2001-11-04 04:10:29 AM  
Bmartin - actually, the term Warlock actually means "Oath-Breaker", as opposed to the commonly used "Male spellcaster/witch" connotation. we male witches call ourselves just that - Male Witches.

on a side note... if "God" is all about loving and forgiving and such... why does he "HATE" anything, as Chick says?

just my $.02.
2001-11-04 04:27:58 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

That's all this is, recycled arguments and "debates."

Nothing to see here, move along.
2001-11-04 04:45:07 AM  
Damn! And i thought Chick tracts were diaphragms!
2001-11-04 04:48:33 AM  
I think this chicks last cry for help. i mean when you look at his older stuff there is practicaly no side jokes or little drawings to amuse yourself with just badly drawn sinners but after a while it starts to include more and more doodles as his attention span becomes smaller and smaller due to his ever increasing drug addiction or maybe hes going senile
2001-11-04 05:55:05 AM  
not that it invalidates anybody's point, but this tract is ten years old. it's not new.
2001-11-04 06:03:40 AM  
Timothy - My coworker is Jack Chick's grandson (no lie!) and he says the grumpy bastard is in his late 70s. We ever meet at a Fark party and I'll tell you some of the weird stories my coworker has told me about the guy. Farked up little man.
2001-11-04 06:44:45 AM  
Cyberpunk, tell us tell us!! I'm interested in some of the wierd stories about the man we all love to hate. I'm not not being sarcastic, your stories could explain why he's such a wierd grump.
2001-11-04 06:59:17 AM  
Yes, tell CyberPunk!

Incidentally, before we get started, Chick's website dispels any ideas that he was into witchcraft or some such.

2001-11-04 07:04:43 AM  
Timothy: Lol... job satisfaction... good one...

Cyberpunk: Yes, do tell!
2001-11-04 07:22:12 AM  
"One day, Bob Hammond, missionary broadcaster of The Voice of China and Asia, told Jack that multitudes of Chinese people had been won to Communism through mass distribution of cartoon booklets. Jack felt that God was leading him to use the same technique to win multitudes to the Lord Jesus Christ." - Jack Chick's supposed biography

Wow Jack Chick, your using the same methods as communists! Now get your people oppressing red ass into that cell.

(I should note that I do not condone the arresting of communists, nor do I condone the capatalist dogs)
2001-11-04 08:11:05 AM  
Mac--Exactly. They co-opted the pagan holidays and the Catholic church was born. People who were Bible-believers wanted no part of it and they were persecuted.

I don't buy this "it's for the kids" crap myself. What would you do if your kids were into sacrificing virgins or something?

Cyberpunk--Let's hear some more. Methinks Chick may be getting a bit senile....
2001-11-04 09:53:20 AM  
Hey, this must be real, because I use words like "'tis" while being chased through the woods by Satan all the time.

farking stupid.
2001-11-04 10:08:01 AM  
"Tis the season to be farkin stupid!
2001-11-04 10:08:29 AM  
2001-11-04 10:15:22 AM  
Here's the other Halloween tract that Perpetual Cow got. You'd think there would be a city ordinance prohibiting the installation of trap doors leading to hell. I hope the haunted house has good liability insurance.
2001-11-04 10:16:08 AM  
Doh... here it is
2001-11-04 10:24:40 AM  
I always LOVED this strip... I mean, it is JUST so damned wacky that you can't help but love it.
2001-11-04 10:34:43 AM  
bah, theres a thin line between christianity, catholicism and all religions. The bottom line: THEY"RE ALL BULLshiat
2001-11-04 11:21:38 AM  
This guy is wo whacked, he doesn't even get his Christian dogmatic "facts" straight. Jesus created Satan??? WTF?
2001-11-04 11:42:05 AM  
Diogenes: According to most Christians, God created Jesus first (perhaps by cloning, if you're trinitarian) and all else was created "through" him.

Got it?
2001-11-04 11:52:34 AM  
God: Here's the rule book, guys! It's called the Bible!
Man: Wait a sec, it's, like, really vague, y'know?
God: It's fine. Trust Me, it's fine.
Man: But there are thousands of religions who interpret it differently. How clear is that?
God: Stop questioning Me. The Bible's all you need.
Man: But why are you such a jerk in the Old Testament?
God: You dare question My actions? I am perfectly consistent, in My own way.
Man: Like when you said, "Thou Shalt Not Kill" and then had the Israelites go around wiping out nations?
God: You misunderstood what I meant.
Man: Oh. So I can kill, then?
God: No. You misunderstood what I just said.
Man: See? You're, like, really vague! Nobody can understand what you 'mean'!
God: Oh, that's not my fault. Blame Satan.
Man: He wrote the Bible?
God: No, no! He has the ability to cloud men's mind?
Man: Satan is Lamont Cranston, The Shadow?
God: Actually, I'd rather not get into that.
Man: So if I don't get all this exactly right, I'm going to burn forever in hell?
God: Some people believe that's what the Bible says.
Man: Well, is that what it says?
God: I'm not telling, but I will advise you that you'd better be undamned careful.
Man: But if there really is a Hell, isn't an eternity of punishment for an honest mistake just a tad harsh?
God: Look, this is all explained in the Bible.
Man: But I can't figure it out!
God: Ah, well, you need faith.
Man: Okay. Please give me faith.
God: No, you've got to have it.
Man: Okay! I'm praying to you: give it to me!
God: You think just asking for it is enough? Give me a break. If that worked, everybody would know what to believe!
Man: And that would be a bad thing ... how, exactly?
God: If you had faith, you wouldn't ask such a thing. You may ask Me one more question.
Man: Never mind.
2001-11-04 11:53:15 AM  
P.S. The original story above would be fun to put into a Chick-style comic.
2001-11-04 11:54:21 AM  
P.P.S. Oh, for editing capability...
2001-11-04 11:55:28 AM  
Actually, LadyAlexa, the Catholic church was born quite some time before that. Specifically, when Jesus himself declared Peter the rock upon which he would build it.

I don't know where people get the idea that Catholics aren't "Bible believers." Where did we get all that Jesus stuff, if not from the Bible?
2001-11-04 12:18:04 PM  
Something about this frame was really amusing... "Those guys were really spooky."

[image from too old to be available]

Haw Haw
2001-11-04 12:45:14 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2001-11-04 12:50:55 PM  
When I was doing that, I noticed that Jack and Jeebus have the same initials. Coincidence? Discuss amongst yourselves...

I thought there was a bunch of amusing stuff here: the druid is carrying an ankh, the sheriff talks like James Doohan, Jeebus created Satan, Satan has a birthday, Satan wears a costume (a costume - he's Satan for crying out loud!). The list could go on and on.
2001-11-04 12:54:05 PM  
Anyone who takes Jack Chick to represent all of Christianity is a farking idiot.

I'm half Christian and half Jewish. NEITHER religion condones this bullshiat. God loves everyone, and he doesn't exclude you based on whether you accept one form of Him or another.
2001-11-04 12:58:04 PM  
God loves everyone, and he doesn't exclude you based on whether you accept one form of Him or another.

Ooo, you could so get into arguments with statements like that!
2001-11-04 01:21:59 PM  
Ever see the State sketch where Judas invited Louie to the last supper?

"It's not that I don't like Louie! I love Louie! I love everyone! That's my thing, man!"
2001-11-04 01:53:48 PM  
We are not men, we are DEVO
2001-11-04 01:55:17 PM  
Go EQaddict! And that state sketch is good. And I especially like the part in the second halloween strip where it says 'Don't believe that good people go to heaven and bad people go to Hell! That's a lie from Satan!' Yeah! Fark good people! They'll all farking roast!
2001-11-04 02:14:15 PM  
2001-11-04 02:15:45 PM  
I like all of those panels so much, I had a hard time deciding which one I'll put in my bio. By the way, I was browsing through Deuteronomy, and the following people may be stoned:
Women who lose their virginity before they're married
Rebellious children
Those who don't believe in God

I gotta get me some rocks! Didn't see anything about gays though.
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