I hate people so much.

Ok, if you're sure you don't want to have sex you're still gonna have to blow me. I have blue balls which is a painful condition that occurs when sperm builds up in the testicles without any release.

The least you could do is a handjob.

Or at least just let me play with your boobs while I masturbate.

Hey ladies,

I've been laid up with a terminal condition that renders me deathly allergic to cleaning dishes. If I even touch dish soap I will die instantly. I'm going to need you to do all of the dishes, or I'll drop dead from my other condition, in which I stop breathing if there aren't enough plates for my nachos. If you believe in the man-flu, you've got to believe in that.

LiberalWeenie: I got so sick of doing it I started needing an... apparatus... to get off.

I have two of those. I call them by their French names: le main droit and le main gauche

I just think my husband is allergic to work of any kind. He'll be laughing, talking, and feeling fine while playing video games with his friends. The minute I make him do housework, yard work, or home projects he starts coughing/has a migraine/has a stomachache and needs to go "rest" which involves playing video games or reading.

After awhile I figured out how to get around that. Once he starts whining I tell him to go lay down without any books or electronics and take a nap. He hates taking naps, so miraculously he can power through whatever task I give to him. Actually it works better for me to task him with stuff on days I work. He gets it done and then I don't have to watch him dragging his feet to get whatever done which just pisses me off. On my days off if I want something done I'll do it myself.

All I can say is our situation is different. I work 40-60 hours a week and my husband works 12. He himself is the one that has agreed he should shoulder more responsibility for the household. I have daily and weekly chores to do and I do them. My husband has told me he doesn't function without a list and for me to spend time making him a list every week if I want stuff to get down. Since I have to spend my time making the list I expect that stuff to get done. We go over the list and if he feels I've given him too much to do, then I will remove items until he accepts the list.

Some things need to be done when I ask...like when his fishtank is flooding all over our hardwood floor. That isn't something that can wait an hour while he finishes running a dungeon. If I ask him to take out the garbages Sunday, then it needs to be done because trash day is Monday and our can needs to be out. Since our can is always full every week, when he doesn't do that I get ticked because now on my day off I have to take a load of trash to the landfill (and pay for it). I'm not saying I tell him to do the dishes and then get ticked off he hasn't started it after five minutes of me asking. The only time I get made is when I go to cook dinner and dishes haven't been done (btw he chose dishes as his chore since he won't touch the catboxes).

As far as not being happy when he does something...that is hit or miss. He does tend to half-ass everything, but I ignore it on things like dishes and sweeping because I can re-wash a dish or do a quick sweep job. It DOES however piss me off on things like DIY projects for example: We needed to re-tile our shower after a mishap with a window being installed. We both did demolition, he installed the new cement board while I was at work, then I spend the weekend cutting and installing the tile. I left one wall unfinished and he said he would finish it up and grout. While I was at work he cut one of the tiles too small. Rather than re-cutting the tile he put it up anyway and then grouted it all, so now we have a spot in our shower with 3 inches of grout. Also he didn't use spacers so 2 walls are perfectly spaced at a quarter inch and one wall is all over the map for half and inch to no gap. I took my time, re-cut tiles when needed, and used spacers everywhere. He didn't and now it looks like shiat. We only have one bathroom and it was crappy enough being without our shower for one week. Everytime I talk about re-doing it he gets pissed off. After that I just make sure with any DIY project we do if shoddy workmanship is going to piss me off, I do the project by myself. I'm painting our living room and like hell I'm letting him help. He leaves paint drips running down the wall to dry. If he half-asses the cleaning though I just choose to ignore it because that isn't the end of the world.

I NEVER barter sex for chores. That is stupid. I might as well tell him he can't eat or breath until all his chores are done. You don't barter with life essentials.

bhcompy: A shower can be considered a life essential. One with geometrical harmony isn't.

No, but it still bugs the hell out of me. I wish I would have taken that day off of work like I planned to.

I hope I'm not repeating anybody above me but 50% of people do not have below average intelligence. That's not what average means.

/99% of people have an above average number of legs and arms