Who said Americans are dumb?

They were right.

Howie Spankowitz: GAT_00: Good. Just the preview for Three Musketeers was offensive.

It looks god awful. Who the f*ck thinks anyone wants to see a 3 Musketeers remake, Matrix-style?

I guess when you retell the same story 30 different times there is really no way to mix it up anymore. Should be about time for another Zorro movie too. They come along every few years like clockwork.

I've been told by friends that the Three Musketeers was terrifyingly bad. Bad directing, bad editing, bad acting, bad writing, bad choreography...it's almost enough to make me want to see it, just to experience such a train wreck.

Johnny English Reborn was about as good as a PG-rated Bond spoof can be. You could see every plot twist coming, but not every joke.

It made my wife forget her MS for a bit--good enough for me.

Scully with a British accent was pretty hot.

I hate those Paranormal Activity movies.

/not scary at all

I hope to hell Hollywood gets this one through their thick skull.

Pirates of the Caribbean, Black Pearl: Swashbuckler adventure movie. Period piece that combines accepted supernatural elements of the period in a fanciful and entertaining production. Spectacular.

Three Musketeers (2011): Matrix-style reboot of a historically themed piece with ridiculous additions and assumptions. Cinematic abortion.

If they EVER decide to focus on story, their profits will make what they see today look like a pittance. They'll reel back in those of us who have almost given up seeing movies because they suck so hard. 3d can't help these nightmares.

Subby, Real Steel is also a remake.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0734623/

flaggboy42: Subby, Real Steel is also a remake.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0734623/

Obviously you haven't seen it, that's not the plot.

ThisNameSux: Obviously you haven't seen it, that's not the plot.

Both are based on the same Richard Matheson story. Still counts.

epoc_tnac: Who said Americans are dumb?

They were right.

Considering the cultural diversity of Americans...are you basically saying everyone on the planet is dumb?

flaggboy42: ThisNameSux: Obviously you haven't seen it, that's not the plot.

Both are based on the same Richard Matheson story. Still counts.

In the future of 1974, rock'em sock'em robots wear roller skates. For some reason.

Um....

FTFA:

8. Universal's low-budget Johnny English Reborn (1,551 theaters) opened just $1.1M for Friday and $1.4m Saturday despite audiences giving it a 'B' CinemaScore. That translated to a poor $4M opening for the weekend. But the studio opened this Working Title pic internationally back on September 16th and the foreign gross has reflected star Rowan Atkinson's enormous popularity overseas. This weekend, the film is poised to reach $100 million at the international box office. It opened No. 1 in almost all of the 43 international markets where it's been released and, with 20 international territories yet to open, it's well on its way to grossing $200 million or more worldwide. The film opens in 6 more international markets this weekend, including France. Does the U.S. marketing plan really matter? Nah...

Yeah subby, "beaten".

Why so US centric?

Has anyone seen Para-boring Activity 3? (Thank you for the nickname Rifftrax)
Is it just as good and do they explain how the VHS tapes can last after 3 hours?

/Planning on seeing it with the GF tonight,

I'm not a movie snob like quite a few on Fark...I'm pretty open to most things that come my way, save for a few abominations.

That being said...I can't imagine anyone having an IQ over say...8...that would think a Johnny English movie is worth 2 hours of your life, and 20-30 bucks to take a date.

We haven't had a good movie snobbery thread in a while.

I honestly wonder if we took a Fark-wide poll, what the top favorite movies would be.

Howie Spankowitz: baufan2005: Howie Spankowitz: GAT_00: Good. Just the preview for Three Musketeers was offensive.

It looks god awful. Who the f*ck thinks anyone wants to see a 3 Musketeers remake, Matrix-style?

I guess when you retell the same story 30 different times there is really no way to mix it up anymore. Should be about time for another Zorro movie too. They come along every few years like clockwork.

And rest assured that the Zorro remake will include at least three slow motion battle scenes with weapons that Zorro never used, and that didn't even exist during the time of Zorro, along with at least four physically impossible, gravity and logic-defying feats of harm-avoidance (including sliding on one's knees under a barrage of aforementioned mythical weaponry).

/almost forgot to mention the use of slang terms that would not come into the popular vernacular for at least 100 years: "Oh no he di'int!" "Zorro...TMI!"

That version already exists - sort of...

Ghetto Zorro (new window)

flaggboy42: Subby, Real Steel is also a remake.

Indeed...Real Steal is a remake of Rocky.

Never seen any of the Paranormal movies. It looks like one "jump scare" after another. Rinse and repeat.

I'm glad to see that The Ides of March and Moneyball have nice legs. I wasn't a fan of the former (George Clooney just isn't a very good director and the script was uneven), but I'm hoping that, as with Midnight in Paris, Hollywood realizes that they can make these less action-oriented movies for 10-25M and then make a nice profit off the domestic box office alone.

the problem with the 3 Musketeers trailer was it was another stupid hollywood insistance that whatever female is in the movie is better than all the men combined so it appeals to a female audience that most likely only goes to see it with their significant other while irritating the significant others who might want to see it otherwise.

now thats a run on sentense.

Milla Jovavich is pissed that the production company isn't promiting 3 Musketeers enough.

I'd say it was better than the second.

Pr1nc3ss: Milla Jovavich is pissed that the production company isn't promiting 3 Musketeers enough.

I'm surprised she had enough time to film Three Musketeers. I thought she would be busy on Resident Evil 5-12.

FeedTheCollapse: is there a reason why it took almost a decade before people started doing Blair Witch-esque movies? I can't think of any that came out in the immediate aftermath, but every other horror film has been in the vein of BWP in the past few years.


I fell asleep trying to watch BWP. Only part that I found even remotely scary was when their friend, Josh was off in the dark screaming.
My overall opinion of PA 3: Freakier than the first 2 but not necessarily better. I'm irritated they kinda took it in the direction of the Cult of Thorn from Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers.

ItHurtsWhenIDoThis: Howie Spankowitz: baufan2005: Howie Spankowitz: GAT_00: Good. Just the preview for Three Musketeers was offensive.

It looks god awful. Who the f*ck thinks anyone wants to see a 3 Musketeers remake, Matrix-style?

I guess when you retell the same story 30 different times there is really no way to mix it up anymore. Should be about time for another Zorro movie too. They come along every few years like clockwork.

And rest assured that the Zorro remake will include at least three slow motion battle scenes with weapons that Zorro never used, and that didn't even exist during the time of Zorro, along with at least four physically impossible, gravity and logic-defying feats of harm-avoidance (including sliding on one's knees under a barrage of aforementioned mythical weaponry).

/almost forgot to mention the use of slang terms that would not come into the popular vernacular for at least 100 years: "Oh no he di'int!" "Zorro...TMI!"

It's people like you I really hate. You think you're being funny, but right now phones all over Hollywood are ringing with your "draft" fetching 6 figures from two different producers. Come summer 2014, we'll get two movies, one staring Shia LaBeouf as a edgy-but-misunderstood Zorro and one with Michael Cera as a, well Michael-Cera-Zorro whatever the hell that is.

DIAF Mr Spankowitz. D I A F.


I'd rather see Wilmer Valderrama as Zorro

Pr1nc3ss: Milla Jovavich is pissed that the production company isn't promiting 3 Musketeers enough.

What's so funny about that is according to a couple of reviews I've read, she's the worst thing about the movie.

baufan2005: I guess when you retell the same story 30 different times there is really no way to mix it up anymore. Should be about time for another Zorro movie too. They come along every few years like clockwork.

The correct order of classic literature remakes is:

Three Musketeers
Robin Hood
Zorro
Count of Monte Cristo

Teufelaffe: I've been told by friends that the Three Musketeers was terrifyingly bad. Bad directing, bad editing, bad acting, bad writing, bad choreography...it's almost enough to make me want to see it, just to experience such a train wreck.

Paul W.S. Anderson was responsible, so everything he described was probably accurate.

FeedTheCollapse: is there a reason why it took almost a decade before people started doing Blair Witch-esque movies? I can't think of any that came out in the immediate aftermath, but every other horror film has been in the vein of BWP in the past few years.

The producers of the "Saw" franchise respectfully disagree.

I haven't seen or heard of any movies I want to see.

Horror, scary movies are boring especially paranormal.

Fortunately, if we can slog through these next few months we can get past all the crap, get the one or two movies that don't suck at Christmas and of course as I am typing this sentence, the preview for The Rum Diaries comes on and I have renewed faith in at least one movie.

I saw the Three Musketeers yesterday, theater barely had a dozen people in it. That was a shame, because I *enjoyed* it. The characters had some depth, the visuals were appealing, even though I can see how the "purists" might not approve. (( Davinci had a secret vault under Venice where he kept plans for clockpunk war machines! )) .

Great popcorn flick. I plan on seeing it again.

//could do without the fat kid buttmonkey, though.

KoC: We haven't had a good movie snobbery thread in a while.

I honestly wonder if we took a Fark-wide poll, what the top favorite movies would be.

Starship Troopers, duh.

KoC: We haven't had a good movie snobbery thread in a while.

I honestly wonder if we took a Fark-wide poll, what the top favorite movies would be.

Shawshank Redemption would probably be top. Always that movie, which I don't understand. It was a good movie, but Best Ever? No way.

skinink:
a lot of scenes shown in the Paranormal Activity 3 trailers aren't shown in the movie

That's actually good in my book, since the big hallway drag scene in the trailer for the first PA was also the climax of the actual movie. It had no effect whatsoever, since we had all seen it about 1000 times already. I was far more creeped out by the extended standing over the bed sequences.

KoC: We haven't had a good movie snobbery thread in a while.

I honestly wonder if we took a Fark-wide poll, what the top favorite movies would be.

Airplane would be there.

/don't submit a survey or anything as there is clearly NO interest in discussing it.

If thinking the 3 Musketeers looks like a big steaming pile of digshiat make me a movie snob, then a movie snob am I.

/my favorite book in high school
//loved the Racquel Welch version
///even liked the Charlie Sheen/Keifer Sutherland one well enough.
////Liked Better Off Dead and Traffic School too

On boxofficemojo.com, the lowest ranked movie made 11 dollars this weekend. That's either 1 ticket or 2 matinees. Ouch.

Mind you the title of it is: The Worst Movie Ever!