Diogenes: † Leave the lights on. Wickersham says that leaving porch or flood lights on could deter otherwise mischievous kids from taking the risk of pelting an egg or setting a brown bag full of dog poop on your doorstep.

In my neighborhood that means you're open for business. Wouldn't that piss off a kid who thinks you're home?

I'd think so.

...and a few IUDs too?

Me? I just call Mike.

If you negotiate the minefield in the drive,
And beat the dogs, and cheat the cold electronic eye...

HailRobonia: ...and a few IUDs too?

Put a few of those in trick-or-treaters' bags. Wait for news reports. Have a laugh.

What a crap list

Stay home, call the cops if you see vandals

//Griefers suck
/ kinda helps if you are happily married, then you can take turns to take the kids out
// Marriage rocks, my gay friends agree

Subbys moms ass is a bear trap.

lehmac: Subbys moms ass is a bear trap.

rusty and sharp?

While walking my dog late yesterday evening, I saw a lawn with big black plastic rats as Halloween decoration...

Normally that would not have been a problem, except that my dog hates squirrels with a vengeance, these rats kinda looked like big squirrels, and I was not holding the leash too tight as there are no squirrels out this late in the evening.

When I managed to catch my dog, the rats had already been... rearranged...

/csb

MBooda: Me? I just call Mike.


Me too. I'm seeing a great fight here.

cgraves67: lehmac: Subbys moms ass is a bear trap.

rusty and sharp?

Squeals when you pry it open.

This story reads like a dyslexic child with A.D.D.!
Besides, who leaves ON lights when they DON'T want to be bothered? In my part of the country, a light left on means you're supporting Halloween and it's OK for the children to visit.

subby sounds quite old

I'm pretty sure the "journalist" (I use that term lightly) that wrote this article is trolling everyone.

There is no better way to get kids pissed off with you than by advertising you're celebrating Halloween by leaving your porch lights on, only to disappoint them when you don't answer the door.

Meh, who has kids that go door to door in their neighborhood anymore? Seriously all the little farkers do is that trunk or treat bull shiat, because their parents are scared their precious little snow flakes will get hurt by a bad guy.

Last year we quit counting at a little over 400 kids. I think it was about 9:00 when we closed up shop. This Halloween is going to be clear and warm, so we should have another good turnout. In the 10 years I've lived in this neighborhood I've only had 1 pumpkin damaged, and I think that was an accident. When you have a dozen kids at a time walking up to your door, you can't set the pumpkins so close to the walkway.

I find if i just sit on the porch with a big bag of potatoes the kids tend to skip my house.

Diogenes: † Leave the lights on. Wickersham says that leaving porch or flood lights on could deter otherwise mischievous kids from taking the risk of pelting an egg or setting a brown bag full of dog poop on your doorstep.

In my neighborhood that means you're open for business. Wouldn't that piss off a kid who thinks you're home?

Yes. All lights should be off as viewed from the outside. Go to a bar or be in a room that doesn't leak light.

BurnShrike: cgraves67: lehmac: Subbys moms ass is a bear trap.

rusty and sharp?

Squeals when you pry it open.

Exactly.

Funny, this dude in my office was just talking about bear traps and I was thinking, you know this guys moms ass is a lot like a bear trap. She was pried out of it and she is hairy and deformed much like a bear who was caught in a trap.

lehmac: BurnShrike: cgraves67: lehmac: Subbys moms ass is a bear trap.

rusty and sharp?

Squeals when you pry it open.

Exactly.

Funny, this dude in my office was just talking about bear traps and I was thinking, you know this guys moms ass is a lot like a bear trap. She was pried out of it and she is hairy and deformed much like a bear who was caught in a trap.

hahahah i meant he but since he is biatchy freud style slip typo STAYS!

cgraves67: lehmac: Subbys moms ass is a bear trap.

rusty and sharp?

No, but you should see her knees.

fireclown: MBooda: Me? I just call Mike.

[images.wikia.com image 400x535]
Me too. I'm seeing a great fight here.

Myself...I just call Joe.



He's a funny guy, though.

BurnShrike: cgraves67: lehmac: Subbys moms ass is a bear trap.

rusty and sharp?

Squeals when you pry it open.

You'd have to chew something off to get yourself out of it?

I thought about putting out a sign stating "RAZOR APPLES DISTRIBUTED HERE", but I figured that would get me a visit from the friendly neighborhood law enforcement fairies.

I plan to leave my lights off and answer the door with a baseball bat in hand like I do every night after 9. As much as I would like to do bear traps, land mines, razor wire and such; none of those things are looked kindly on by the neighbors.

It worked for the VC, so...

Contrary to what you hear from do-gooders, no child has ever died from poison candy 'trick or treating' on Halloween. (new window)

My personal favorite was back when I lived in a nicer neighborhood in Oakland County Michigan. Some churches from Detroit would rent buses and bring their kids in to trick or treat. Never bothered to ask or anything. Just showed up with a bunch of kids.

After two years of this we pointed out we had no trouble handling an extra bus of kids. With Devil's Night and all that you can't really go door to door in Detroit. However in 1986, 200 pieces of candy lasted me all night. By 1988 I'd buy 500 and be cleaned out within 90 minutes or so. We suggested individual churches should set up a relationship with different neighborhoods. We take bus, the next community over takes one, etc. We were told that no, they liked our community because we gave out the best candy. This was because we were auto engineer central and most of us had the cash to hand out full sized or king sized candy. None of that mini bites shiat for our kids.

So in 1989, local trick or treat was quietly moved to a different day. Local kids came around, got candy. The buses rolled in the next night and got nothing. Felt bad for the kids, but the point needed to be made.

One parent from Detroit gets really mad, sees people inside the house but they're not coming to the door when he answers. So he kicks out the glass front door of the home. About the time he's finished kicking out the plate glass he realizes the home owner has a shotgun out and four neighbors are converging on the home with rifles or shotguns. He got lay face down on the grass next to the jack o latern until the police came by to collect him.

They never came back after that.

ha-ha-guy: My personal favorite was back when I lived in a nicer neighborhood in Oakland County Michigan. Some churches from Detroit would rent buses and bring their kids in to trick or treat. Never bothered to ask or anything. Just showed up with a bunch of kids.

After two years of this we pointed out we had no trouble handling an extra bus of kids. With Devil's Night and all that you can't really go door to door in Detroit. However in 1986, 200 pieces of candy lasted me all night. By 1988 I'd buy 500 and be cleaned out within 90 minutes or so. We suggested individual churches should set up a relationship with different neighborhoods. We take bus, the next community over takes one, etc. We were told that no, they liked our community because we gave out the best candy. This was because we were auto engineer central and most of us had the cash to hand out full sized or king sized candy. None of that mini bites shiat for our kids.

So in 1989, local trick or treat was quietly moved to a different day. Local kids came around, got candy. The buses rolled in the next night and got nothing. Felt bad for the kids, but the point needed to be made.

One parent from Detroit gets really mad, sees people inside the house but they're not coming to the door when he answers. So he kicks out the glass front door of the home. About the time he's finished kicking out the plate glass he realizes the home owner has a shotgun out and four neighbors are converging on the home with rifles or shotguns. He got lay face down on the grass next to the jack o latern until the police came by to collect him.

They never came back after that.

Were you called racist?

I just go with a pack of rabid Pit Bulls.

Folks never come to my house trick or treating. Of course, one year I gave Government surplus body bags for Christmas presents, and I've been known to lug this puppy (new window) in and out of the house uncased, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.

Did anyone else laugh when they read the folowing: "A garden hose may remove cling-ons"?

cyber_slacker: Did anyone else laugh when they read the folowing: "A garden hose may remove cling-ons"?

You really need tribbles for that.

JohnAnnArbor: Were you called racist?

Of course whitey was blamed. That actually came when we complained about some of these kids stealing entire bowls of candy or snatching bags from younger kids. It was like 10 adults to 50-60 kids with these groups, so Lords of Flies shiat.

I got my requisite yelling at by a fat black woman in '87 when I held back a supply of stuff for the local kids. I started doing two bowls, one for the locals and one for the invaders. When the invader bowl was empty, they were turned away. Got my pumpkins smashed for that, but that was it.

There was this adorable little girl though who was thrilled when my wife gave her a children's book. She'd never owned a book before and thought it was great. Kept in touch with her family, she just graduated from Michigan with a degree in Chemistry. So they weren't all bad.

ha-ha-guy: JohnAnnArbor: Were you called racist?

Of course whitey was blamed. That actually came when we complained about some of these kids stealing entire bowls of candy or snatching bags from younger kids. It was like 10 adults to 50-60 kids with these groups, so Lords of Flies shiat.

I got my requisite yelling at by a fat black woman in '87 when I held back a supply of stuff for the local kids. I started doing two bowls, one for the locals and one for the invaders. When the invader bowl was empty, they were turned away. Got my pumpkins smashed for that, but that was it.

There was this adorable little girl though who was thrilled when my wife gave her a children's book. She'd never owned a book before and thought it was great. Kept in touch with her family, she just graduated from Michigan with a degree in Chemistry. So they weren't all bad.

That last bit--very cool.

I've got a long, scary, driveway at night. Even though I gave out full-size bars two years ago (to two groups of kids; a total of 8!!), no one came by last year.


However, this "children vandal" threat reminds me of something I heard in the office yesterday. There are a group of neighborhood teenagers who break stuff; not even on halloween, just dickin' around at night. I believe it, because I used to be one of those kids. A woman who comes home late and walks her dog at night sometimes sees this pack of would-be hoodlums.

I think she should just call the cops. But she's afraid they'll know she called them in and exact retribution.

What would you suggest for her?

mekkab: A woman who comes home late and walks her dog at night sometimes sees this pack of would-be hoodlums.

I think she should just call the cops. But she's afraid they'll know she called them in and exact retribution.

What would you suggest for her?


Buy a gun. Get GOOD training in how to use it. Get a carry permit. Carry it.

cyber_slacker: Did anyone else laugh when they read the folowing: "A garden hose may remove cling-ons"?



Also good for removing cling-ons.

Secret Master of All Flatulence: mekkab: A woman who comes home late and walks her dog at night sometimes sees this pack of would-be hoodlums.

I think she should just call the cops. But she's afraid they'll know she called them in and exact retribution.

What would you suggest for her?


Buy a gun. Get GOOD training in how to use it. Get a carry permit. Carry it.

Yep. A gun. The answer to all your problems.

gunther_bumpass: Secret Master of All Flatulence: Buy a gun. Get GOOD training in how to use it. Get a carry permit. Carry it.

Yep. A gun. The answer to all your problems.

It's the best answer I've found so far for an active two-footed varmint problem. When the other folks all have fresh sucking chest wounds, it makes your escape from a bad situation a whole lot simpler.

I've been sniping with a pain ball gun from the roof of my home for all 8 years that I've lived here. Never had one complaint, though the police officer who normally sits at the top of my street tends to get a kick out of watching. The candy and apple cider I let him have might have something to do with that...