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Joe Buck Pissed In My Shoes
a short narrative by NakedReporta

Back when I was 11 and living in St. Louis, my parents decided I was too smart to be wasting my time in public schools and started seeking out private schools. The choice was eventually narrowed to two: John Burroughs and Country Day. I took the admittance test for each, but a kid I really hated from the public school I had attended was also trying to get into Burroughs, so I tanked that test.

Come fall, I was a seventh-grader at St. Louis Country Day School (known as CODASCO for short), whose famous alums include Vincent Price and John Danforth. And so began a year of sheer living hell. Most of the kids at CODASCO came from monied families, while I was this socially inept middle-class kid who wore the same Sears-bought suit every day. I was an immediate target.

One of my classmates was Joe Buck, the son of legendary Cardinals announcer Jack Buck. Joe was kind of a big, fat kid, but he had all the airs of social entitlement. Typical of the kind of stupid crap Buck would pull on me was to ask me if I "knew" my mother or to mock my attire. On more than one occasion, he was one of the ringleaders as five or six kids would decide to simultaneously throttle me.

But the final indignity came on a spring afternoon when we had gym class. We all changed into our standard-issue t-shirts and shorts and trotted out to the baseball field. All, that is, except Joe Buck, who bolted out of the locker room about a minute behind the rest. And when gym period was over, and we returned to the locker room, there were my Docksides-knockoff loafers, filled with the acrid stench of urine. Buck denied it, and the gym teacher didn't really give a shiat.

I had to wear my gym sneakers the rest of the day, then tearfully explain to my parents what had happened. They decided to press the issue, and it culminated in Joe and his mom and my mother and I all meeting with the headmaster. Joe denied it, I couldn't prove it, and the headmaster made us shake hands. I knew the remaining months were only going to be worse. The group beatings and mockery intensified. I barely passed my way through the seventh grade, and the next year I was back in public school. The torment continued -- hey, I was a real dork -- but at least it was free.

Look, kids can do cruel things. Joe was looking to be one of the guys, and I was an easy mark. He couldn't have any idea that my home life was simultaneously crumbling, and that what could have been a respite (time in school, away from home) was instead just compounding my nightmare. I suppose I should forgive the guy. But I can't.

I've managed to slog through a pretty respectable career as a writer. Joe, with his family ties and -- even I have to admit -- considerable talent, is the voice of FOX Sports. And every time I watch a marquee sporting event on FOX, I can't help but pause and reflect that, all those many years ago, that prick pissed in my shoes.

Or do the trick of using a 5.1 surround sound system and wiping out the center speakers so you only hear the side speakers. Then all you'll hear is crowd noise and no announcers. I'd love to see a sports broadcast in which they purposely had no announcers to see how people would receive it. Broadcasters would quiver in their shoes if it was successful.

JJRRutgers: I'd love to see a sports broadcast in which they purposely had no announcers to see how people would receive it. Broadcasters would quiver in their shoes if it was successful.

notsureifserious.jpg

/it's been done if you are serious, buttercup

Baseball Ebonics.

I Am The Egg Matt Drudge Smears Upon His Body: JJRRutgers: I'd love to see a sports broadcast in which they purposely had no announcers to see how people would receive it. Broadcasters would quiver in their shoes if it was successful.

notsureifserious.jpg

/it's been done if you are serious, buttercup

Yup, and despite what people say, they don't like it.

McCarver may be a complete idiot, but he's no Joe Morgan.

I remember hearing that in game 1, even though I try to tune them out, and yelled at the tv that it was just 5 letters.

And unbecoming of Buck, he later made a joke at Mccarver's expense that "the 4 letter word you are looking for is o-u-t."

Peaceboy: He made such a stupid mistake tonight on the play when Kinsler was hit by the bouncing foul ball, saying if the ball had hit him while in fair territory he (the runner) would have been out.

Actually, that's correct. Generally, if a runner is hit with a batted ball, the runner is out and the batter is awarded first base.

However, he initially said that the batter would be out, which is the mistake he corrected shortly thereafter.

I don't get why people get so spun up about announcers. I have less problem with announcers and color commentators who are goofy or make mistakes than I do with those who are just flat-out boring to listen to. I liked having John Madden around just for the anticipation of what he was going to say next, and at least he loved the game and was genuinely excited to be there. On the other end, I can't wait for Brent Musberger to retire but I think he's trying to be the JoePa of announcers. Still not enough to get worked up about, though.

JJRRutgers: Or do the trick of using a 5.1 surround sound system and wiping out the center speakers so you only hear the side speakers. Then all you'll hear is crowd noise and no announcers. I'd love to see a sports broadcast in which they purposely had no announcers to see how people would receive it. Broadcasters would quiver in their shoes if it was successful.

A good announcer can add a lot, even for people who are familiar with all the nuances of a game. They can point out things you didn't notice, provide some insights regarding strategy, explain why some goofy or counterintuitive thing just happened, etc. Of course, a bad announcer can distract people so much that they don't enjoy the game, but you could make the same argument about officiating and I don't hear people saying we need to get rid of umpires and referees.

And I'm not sure why broadcasters would worry even if it did somehow succeed. They'd probably be pleased to drop those salaries from the payroll.

hicksfa2: McCarver may be a complete idiot, but he's no Joe Morgan.

Joe used to be a customer of mine. Seriously nice man, and nowhere near as annoying and stupid as McCarver is.

UNC_Samurai: WHY IS VIN SCULLY NOT CALLING THE SERIES INSTEAD OF THIS LIFELESS WANKSTAIN?

Because Vin Scully is an unmitigated Cardinals homer, even for a Giants broadcaster, and for the 90% of the people watching that aren't in St. Louis, we'd get tired of him fellating Pujols and the Cards.

Menjo_Bleeko: UNC_Samurai: WHY IS VIN SCULLY NOT CALLING THE SERIES INSTEAD OF THIS LIFELESS WANKSTAIN?

Because Vin Scully is an unmitigated Cardinals homer, even for a Giants broadcaster, and for the 90% of the people watching that aren't in St. Louis, we'd get tired of him fellating Pujols and the Cards.

Giants?

Vin Scully should do all the postseason games. Alone, if he can still do it.

Menjo_Bleeko: UNC_Samurai: WHY IS VIN SCULLY NOT CALLING THE SERIES INSTEAD OF THIS LIFELESS WANKSTAIN?

Because Vin Scully is an unmitigated Cardinals homer, even for a Giants broadcaster, and for the 90% of the people watching that aren't in St. Louis, we'd get tired of him fellating Pujols and the Cards.

If "that's the joke", then perhaps it needs to be clarified...at least for me. I am having a hard time following that one.

/works in comedy
//according to my 2 year old

Vin Scully is the last of a generation of great broadcasters. Do not besmirch him.
Give me Vin alone, or Vin with Steve Stone. That would be awesome.

In another thread, some farker suggested turning off the center speaker on the surround sound system so that you only hear the crowd noise during the game, not the announcers. Unfortunately, I can't turn off speakers, I'd have to unplug them (which is a big PITA) - has anyone else tried this? Does it work?

I usually just turn down the sound. Good Lord, there just aren't many good announcers out there anymore, especially for football. Phil Simms had some promise, but now he "sticks to the script" and just talks about the same subject over and over, even if that player is no longer on the field.

The best announcing team was the local Atlanta Braves broadcasters on TBS in the 90s. I don't know why, but they tended to giggle non-stop. One of them would say something silly, and we would be treated for the next few innings of the other announcers mocking him. It made even the more boring games entertaining.

I still have no idea why they have sideline reporters for football. Half of the time, you can't hear them, and the other half, they have nothing to say. Of course, I think they are there to antagonize the coaches as they go to the locker room. "Coach, what went wrong in the first half?" "Coach, do you think you need to score some points to win?" "Coach, your team is down by 20. What will you tell them at halftime?"

NakedReporta: Joe Buck Pissed In My Shoes
a short narrative by NakedReporta

100% of the time, I look for this story every time Joe Buck is mentioned on Fark.

Put team allegiances aside and partner Vin with Jon Miller. You get the best of both worlds, the slow, deliberate, dramatic calls and the rapid, fast-thinking, witty asides. Problem solved.

DrBenway: Turn off the sound. Save yourself a lot of grief and find an ESPN radio feed of the games for your audio. Dan Shulman, Orel Hershiser and Bobby Valentine are a lot easier to listen to than McCarver and Buck. Then you can get pissed off about the actual game instead of the lousy announcers.

or listen to music while watching, and Farking!

KingKauff: whizbangthedirtfarmer: The best announcing team was the local Atlanta Braves broadcasters on TBS in the 90s. I don't know why, but they tended to giggle non-stop. One of them would say something silly, and we would be treated for the next few innings of the other announcers mocking him. It made even the more boring games entertaining.

I miss Skip

Skip put me to sleep. He may have had a good dry sense of humor, but those broadcasts made me want to go to bed every time.

the media does not want controversy, remember the Lou Pineela stolen wallet incident on FOX a couple of years ago?
that is why Joe Buck will last forever because he is an unimagintive idiot who will state exact;y what happen and not deviate from the play by play so our society will not bet offended at all.

NakedReporta: Joe Buck Pissed In My Shoes
a short narrative by NakedReporta

Heh, that's only funny because I went to that school too.

/still hates those "gym uniforms", they were reversible (double thick) and uncomfortable as hell in August

M-O-O-N that spells strike!

NakedReporta: 've managed to slog through a pretty respectable career as a writer. Joe, with his family ties and -- even I have to admit -- considerable talent, is the voice of FOX Sports.

As far as excitement for the game, Joe Buck makes Pat Summerall seem like Dick Vitale.

Eric Nadel, the Rangers' radio play-by-play announcer, is amazingly good. I'd live to hear Nadel and Grieve (tv color, former Ranger player and front office guy) call the games.

Here's an idea for you: Let each team's regular announcers call the games. Use different stations with the same video feed, or use the SAP button and broadcast the two Spanish audio feeds on another station.

Also, does anyone else think Tim McCarver looks more and more like Bob Barker as time goes by?

/don't hate Buck and McCarver, just prefer Nadel

hicksfa2: McCarver may be a complete idiot, but he's no Joe Morgan.

Don't you farking dare mention the two in the same sentence EVER AGAIN. You have no idea what kind of hell you may unleash on us all.

Menjo_Bleeko: Because Vin Scully is an unmitigated Cardinals homer, even for a Giants broadcaster, and for the 90% of the people watching that aren't in St. Louis, we'd get tired of him fellating Pujols and the Cards.

What in the name of hell are you talking about?

Cereal Fetish: Peaceboy: He made such a stupid mistake tonight on the play when Kinsler was hit by the bouncing foul ball, saying if the ball had hit him while in fair territory he (the runner) would have been out.

Actually, that's correct. Generally, if a runner is hit with a batted ball, the runner is out and the batter is awarded first base.

However, he initially said that the batter would be out, which is the mistake he corrected shortly thereafter.

...you didn't bother to look at the post directly below his in your haste to correct someone?

Sid_6.7: I Am The Egg Matt Drudge Smears Upon His Body: JJRRutgers: I'd love to see a sports broadcast in which they purposely had no announcers to see how people would receive it. Broadcasters would quiver in their shoes if it was successful.

notsureifserious.jpg

/it's been done if you are serious, buttercup

I don't follow sports much, but I imagine that the modern TV sports announcer is a descendant of the radio sports announcer. The announcer was probably adopted like many other conventions of radio with little or no thought. I could easily see them gradually going away if preferences shift. Early broadcasts were probably of poor enough quality that the announcer was desperately needed to explain what was happening, but with modern HD, it's probably less critical. The biggest problem would probably be providing continuous sufficient camera coverage that nothing important happens out of frame. Without an announcer, you don't have anyone to explain what was missed.

In some early television shows they don't use the medium very well at all, and the writing sounds like it's for radio. The early stuff was very much like an awkward marriage of radio and stage. You could probably just listen to all the dialogue and sound effects and not miss anything important. Early TV Gunsmoke is the best example I can think of.*

/*the radio show was vastly superior
//I'm only in my mid-20s

On radio, the PXP guy's job is to paint the word picture. On TV, it's to set up the commentators. They're really two different jobs.

Here in the NY area, we had our two baseball teams each start its own cable channel, and each moved longtime radio announcers (Gary Cohen for the Mets, Michael Kay for the Yankees) into the TV booth. It took Cohen about a year or two stop sounding like a radio guy on TV (describing every little thing that happened). As soon as Michael Kay stops sounding like a radio guy on TV I'll let you know how long it took him.

jimpoz: Sid_6.7: I Am The Egg Matt Drudge Smears Upon His Body: JJRRutgers: I'd love to see a sports broadcast in which they purposely had no announcers to see how people would receive it. Broadcasters would quiver in their shoes if it was successful.

notsureifserious.jpg

/it's been done if you are serious, buttercup

I don't follow sports much, but I imagine that the modern TV sports announcer is a descendant of the radio sports announcer. The announcer was probably adopted like many other conventions of radio with little or no thought. I could easily see them gradually going away if preferences shift. Early broadcasts were probably of poor enough quality that the announcer was desperately needed to explain what was happening, but with modern HD, it's probably less critical. The biggest problem would probably be providing continuous sufficient camera coverage that nothing important happens out of frame. Without an announcer, you don't have anyone to explain what was missed.

In some early television shows they don't use the medium very well at all, and the writing sounds like it's for radio. The early stuff was very much like an awkward marriage of radio and stage. You could probably just listen to all the dialogue and sound effects and not miss anything important. Early TV Gunsmoke is the best example I can think of.*

/*the radio show was vastly superior
//I'm only in my mid-20s

On radio, the PXP guy's job is to paint the word picture. On TV, it's to set up the commentators. They're really two different jobs.

Here in the NY area, we had our two baseball teams each start its own cable channel, and each moved longtime radio announcers (Gary Cohen for the Mets, Michael Kay for the Yankees) into the TV booth. It took Cohen about a year or two stop sounding like a radio guy on TV (describing every little thing that happened). As soon as Michael Kay stops sounding like a radio guy on TV I'll let you know how long it took him.

Considering they have one of the biggest budgets in pro sports, the Yankees sure have minor-league broadcasters.

Harvey Manfrenjensenjen: I don't get why people get so spun up about announcers.

1. Though not the fault of McCarver and Buck, they are forced to constatnly shill for Fox and other advertisers. That's of course part of any broadcast, but we're totally inundated by it during the playoffs and particularly the World Series. It's such an assualt that for me, the only word I can come up with to describe sitting through the broadcast is "endure."

2. They miss numerous opportunities to talk about the actual game being played in front of them. It's just one canned platitude after another. Perfect example: Game 1. Berkman's RBI single. Upon hitting the ball, it first clearly bounced in foul territory just outside the batter's box. Judging by all the message boards it was obvious many people thought a call had been missed and that it should have been a foul ball. There were still people talking about it on fark the next day. Buck and McCarver either didn't notice it, or even worse, saw that and thought it wasn't noteworthy.

3. Joe Buck is not funny. This wouldn't be a problem, but for the fact he tries to be. Over and over again.

It's obviously a personal preference, and I don't fault anyone for liking them. But for me, they are a bad combination, made worse by the fact the overall presentation of the game these days is bad, and further compounded by the fact we have to endure them every year without fail.

ChrisDe: Considering they have one of the biggest budgets in pro sports, the Yankees sure have minor-league broadcasters.

I haven't lived there in 6 years, but have any of the NY papers ever run a poll on whether or not Yankee fans in the area actually -like- John Sterling or not?

The problems with Joe Buck mostly have to do with personality and delivery. As far as his broadcasting skillset is concerned, he's actually not terrible.

Tim McCarver on the other hand, just comes off as not-that-bright, both in general and in terms of baseball knowledge. This is particularly a problem when the primary reason you're there is for your baseball knowledge, and he compounds this with a certain insistence in his knowledge even when he's wrong.

ChrisDe: jimpoz: Sid_6.7: I Am The Egg Matt Drudge Smears Upon His Body: JJRRutgers: I'd love to see a sports broadcast in which they purposely had no announcers to see how people would receive it. Broadcasters would quiver in their shoes if it was successful.

notsureifserious.jpg

/it's been done if you are serious, buttercup

I don't follow sports much, but I imagine that the modern TV sports announcer is a descendant of the radio sports announcer. The announcer was probably adopted like many other conventions of radio with little or no thought. I could easily see them gradually going away if preferences shift. Early broadcasts were probably of poor enough quality that the announcer was desperately needed to explain what was happening, but with modern HD, it's probably less critical. The biggest problem would probably be providing continuous sufficient camera coverage that nothing important happens out of frame. Without an announcer, you don't have anyone to explain what was missed.

In some early television shows they don't use the medium very well at all, and the writing sounds like it's for radio. The early stuff was very much like an awkward marriage of radio and stage. You could probably just listen to all the dialogue and sound effects and not miss anything important. Early TV Gunsmoke is the best example I can think of.*

/*the radio show was vastly superior
//I'm only in my mid-20s

On radio, the PXP guy's job is to paint the word picture. On TV, it's to set up the commentators. They're really two different jobs.

Here in the NY area, we had our two baseball teams each start its own cable channel, and each moved longtime radio announcers (Gary Cohen for the Mets, Michael Kay for the Yankees) into the TV booth. It took Cohen about a year or two stop sounding like a radio guy on TV (describing every little thing that happened). As soon as Michael Kay stops sounding like a radio guy on TV I'll let you know how long it took him.

Considering they have one of the biggest budgets in pro sports, the Yankees sure have minor-league broadcasters.

It's the one area the Mets beat the Yankees is, hands down. Gary Cohen might be my favorite play by play guy out there, and Keith and Ron are fun and intelligent. That's fun for Keith, and intelligent for Ron.

Ron Darling's at his best when he's with a single team constantly. That's why he gets pretty lame on national TBS broadcasts.

As a Mets fan, I always used to have to listen to Kiner and McCarver. McCarver would always say something stupid and Kiner would say something even more stupid.

At least what Kiner said was sometimes so stupid it was funny. McCarver was just purely annoying.

Why doesn't somebody on Fark try broadcasting a game?

Get something to record your voice and tell anyone whose watching to just mute the broadcast and listen to you.

Pratty: Why doesn't somebody on Fark try broadcasting a game?

Get something to record your voice and tell anyone whose watching to just mute the broadcast and listen to you.

If there wasn't already dozens of better options out there, you'd have a point.
The issue is that in terms of baseball, Fox is supposed to have the marquee broadcast, yet they don't have the top talent available.