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		"Nightmare colonoscopy". As opposed to "dreamy colonoscopy" (cnews.canoe.ca)		128
		More: Obvious, colonoscopy, Royal College of Physicians, QMI Agency, Health Canada, Ottawa, nightmares, quality assurance

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11112 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Oct 2011 at 2:16 PM | Favorite | share:

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RodneyToady		2011-10-20 12:25:32 PM

"Nightmare Colonoscopy" sounds like it would be a pretty kickass metal song.

hillbillypharmacist		2011-10-20 01:25:48 PM

RodneyToady: "Nightmare Colonoscopy" sounds like it would be a pretty kickass metal song.

That's funny, I've been working on a song called, "It's Time For Your Bone Marrow Biopsy, Here's Your Aspirin."

kingoomieiii		2011-10-20 01:40:39 PM

hillbillypharmacist: RodneyToady: "Nightmare Colonoscopy" sounds like it would be a pretty kickass metal song.

That's funny, I've been working on a song called, "It's Time For Your Bone Marrow Biopsy, Here's Your Aspirin."

"Ominous Bloodvomit"
"Blood Vortex" (Makes me think of "You had me at 'Meat Tornado'" every time I see it)
Metal is so campy, yet awesome.

BravadoGT		2011-10-20 02:20:25 PM

Say what you will, but when I had mine they gave me knockout gas, and the next thing I knew, they were waking me up. I was so relaxed it was like I had slept for a week. Never felt a thing!

tothekor		2011-10-20 02:21:59 PM

What is a "'generous standard dose' of medication?"

Guuberre		2011-10-20 02:22:53 PM

BravadoGT: Say what you will, but when I had mine they gave me knockout gas, and the next thing I knew, they were waking me up. I was so relaxed it was like I had slept for a week. Never felt a thing!

They gave me Propofol for my colonoscopy. I slept like Michael Jackson!

/Too soon?

Tentacle		2011-10-20 02:23:01 PM

Being investigated after she sued an Ottawa Hospital for 3 million (new window)... the plot thickens

RandomAxe		2011-10-20 02:23:23 PM

When they say "Hubble Colonoscope", go get a second opinion.

cgraves67		2011-10-20 02:23:32 PM

Never get a colonoscopy from a doctor who seems tense or has anger-management issues.

Five Tails of Fury		2011-10-20 02:24:00 PM

tothekor: What is a "'generous standard dose' of medication?"

Enough to help you get over the fact someone's jamming a couple feet of bendy metal someplace where bendy metal is not usually meant to go?

/never had to have a scope done, but it'll happen, eventually
//dinner and a movie first, please, doc

tothekor		2011-10-20 02:25:50 PM

I have waleye. They could fix it but means going through the rectum. And no one's taking that route with me.

ThisNameSux		2011-10-20 02:26:59 PM

The worst part about a colonoscopy is the prep. The procedure itself is nothing.

Chinchillazilla		2011-10-20 02:27:14 PM

The college says her clinic failed a scheduled inspection last May after officials found instruments were not always properly cleaned in between procedures.

She is banned from performing procedures in her clinic while the investigation unfolds.

Public health is alerting nearly 7,000 patients that there is a very low risk they were exposed to hepatitis B, C or HIV.

D:

theorellior		2011-10-20 02:27:19 PM

The nurse said, "You should be feeling sleepy right about now," and I faded out. I vaguely remember laughing along with the surgeon when some eggshells popped up on the monitor--my low fiber diet had included hard-boiled eggs and evidently I'd missed a part of peeling them. Then I woke up and my wife led me to the car. Not my most favorite activity, but I couldn't complain.

kimwim		2011-10-20 02:29:55 PM

I actually don't mind at all. I've had 2 so far, both were the best nap I've ever had. And the Dr. is a real joker. He loves to joke he's going to do the colonoscopy first, then follow up with the endoscopy. Funny funny guy.

Iggymac		2011-10-20 02:31:34 PM

I´d be really shiaty if that happened to me....

watson.t.hamster		2011-10-20 02:32:03 PM

Too bad we no longer have eye-for-an-eye style retribution. That could be fun.

Spanky3woods		2011-10-20 02:41:10 PM

ThisNameSux: The worst part about a colonoscopy is the prep. The procedure itself is nothing.

Actually, the prep wasn't as bad as I'd feared. The nurse told us to mix the GoLytely (should be go like you've never gone before) with Crystal Light lemonade powder and get it super cold. That helps you gulp the stuff down quickly. The other thing is to pay attention to eating lightly the day or two before the procedure, no steaks.

Once you gulp down the GoLytely, you only have to wait about 2.8 micro seconds and you WILL experience what I call an "Assquake" in the 8.0 to 9.0 region of the Richter scale.

The good news is that it doesn't hurt and you are only shiatting out water. As soon as you shiat out all the water, you're done. I thought I'd never get more than two steps away from the shiatter all night, but once I was done. I was done.

The next day when the doctor put both hands on my shoulders is another story.

Jake Havechek		2011-10-20 02:47:58 PM

Personally I think the world is a better place now that we've seen deep inside Katie Couric's asshole.

Devil's Playground		2011-10-20 02:49:37 PM

Whatever they gave me didn't put me to sleep, but the few times it became uncomfortable, I didn't seem to mind. Got to watch the whole thing on the monitor.
For my endoscopy, they knocked me out completely. Two seconds of the best high I ever had, then I was waking up on the ride home telling my wife how much I loved her.

Tango_down		2011-10-20 02:51:55 PM

I woke up during one. I was screaming and flailing my arms everywhere. I could see the nurses attempting to get more sedative in me as I'm yelling "GET IT OUT GET IT OUT!" It was trippy like a dream.. So the doctor comes over after and asked if i remembered waking and I was like yeah. His response was "oooo yeah sorry about that"

/this is how I know I'm not gay
//its just shiatty

CoRrUpTeDbUdGiE		2011-10-20 02:52:22 PM

cgraves67: Never get a colonoscopy from a doctor who seems tense or has anger-management issues.

haha! superb!! +1 intarwebz

I remember my colonoscopy - only because they couldn't get me any anaesthetic... saw more stars than Hubble.............

realised having gastroscopy the other week that there's only one scope in the room... and they do BOTH ends where I was........

Devil's Playground		2011-10-20 02:52:42 PM

Spanky3woods: Actually, the prep wasn't as bad as I'd feared.

Did you have to drink three quarts of that god awful stuff? Man, I was shiatting water for hours and hours. Thanks for the memories.

ObeliskToucher		2011-10-20 03:02:04 PM

"Woke up" in the middle of my second colonoscopy -- since they just sedate you, it's more like becoming aware than waking up. Felt lots of odd pressures going on as the doctor manipulated the scope, but as far as I can remember it was more uncomfortable than painful. The nurse told me to take deep breaths and I went right back under for the rest of the procedure. The doc told me afterwards that if the patient is taking shallow breaths for some reason and not getting enough oxygen, the body will override the sedation as a defense mechanism...

Spanky3woods: Once you gulp down the GoLytely, you only have to wait about 2.8 micro seconds and you WILL experience what I call an "Assquake" in the 8.0 to 9.0 region of the Richter scale.

Basically, you can fill a dump truck with both feet flat on the ground...

rebelyell2006		2011-10-20 03:03:07 PM

RandomAxe: When they say "Hubble Colonoscope", go ~~get a second opinion~~ on a diet.

FTFY

Pancoaifo		2011-10-20 03:04:51 PM

Tango_down: I woke up during one. I was screaming and flailing my arms everywhere. I could see the nurses attempting to get more sedative in me as I'm yelling "GET IT OUT GET IT OUT!" It was trippy like a dream.. So the doctor comes over after and asked if i remembered waking and I was like yeah. His response was "oooo yeah sorry about that"

/this is how I know I'm not gay
//its just shiatty

My last one (I have Crohn's), I woke up twice. I remember hearing the GI doc ask the nurse anesthetist just what in the fark she was doing standing around while I was trying to climb off the table.

Why yes, this was at the VA hospital ...

animal900		2011-10-20 03:05:59 PM

This doctor is being raked over the coals by the media here in Ottawa. All kinds of craziness going on with her...

theorellior		2011-10-20 03:07:48 PM

Sad thing for me is that my colon is not fazed at all by magnesium citrate. I downed all of the recommended dose, plus extra, and my ass just shrugged. On the scope report the doctor mentioned a "more aggressive laxative" might be beneficial next time.

wrenchboy		2011-10-20 03:08:28 PM

BravadoGT: Say what you will, but when I had mine they gave me knockout gas, and the next thing I knew, they were waking me up. I was so relaxed it was like I had slept for a week. Never felt a thing!

Not even the probing while having a hand on each shoulder?

Enormous-Schwanstucker		2011-10-20 03:10:00 PM

Devil's Playground: Spanky3woods: Actually, the prep wasn't as bad as I'd feared.

Did you have to drink three quarts of that god awful stuff? Man, I was shiatting water for hours and hours. Thanks for the memories.

My MIL had one last week and she had to drink 135 ounces of the stuff starting at 5 PM and ending by midnight. Her biggest hassle was which flavor packet to dump in the liquid. She was watching TV in my office at home so she could be 3 steps from the dumpah. Poor thing was on it all night.

It was a pain in the ass anyway...but she got it done.

BravadoGT		2011-10-20 03:10:25 PM

wrenchboy: BravadoGT: Say what you will, but when I had mine they gave me knockout gas, and the next thing I knew, they were waking me up. I was so relaxed it was like I had slept for a week. Never felt a thing!

Not even the probing while having a hand on each shoulder?

Now I'm thinking you didn't have the same experience I did...

IXI Jim IXI		2011-10-20 03:13:47 PM

According to a decision of the college's complaints committee dated June 2004, there were "a number of other complaints" against Farazli similar to Marchand's, including concerns raised about the management of colonoscopies, communications, demeanour and refusal to stop treatment when asked.

To be fair, by the time they asked Farazli to stop treatment, her arm was so far up the woman's ass, she figured she might as well go out the other side...

slimfast		2011-10-20 03:15:46 PM

The first time I had one of those "up the butt" (my doctor's words) procedures I was ready to enjoy the video of it as it happens but I got so uncomfortable, literally doubling over, that I didn't get to see other than the first few seconds of it. I couldn't wait for it to be over. They seemed surprised that I was in such discomfort. It wasn't pain exactly as it was more of a cramp but it smarted in any event. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE!

The procedure showed a negative result so I'm thankful for that.

Pancoaifo		2011-10-20 03:17:19 PM

theorellior: Sad thing for me is that my colon is not fazed at all by magnesium citrate. I downed all of the recommended dose, plus extra, and my ass just shrugged. On the scope report the doctor mentioned a "more aggressive laxative" might be beneficial next time.

Good god, I think I lost half my soul after I drank mag citrate. And that was only about a 20 oz bottle.

But it works better, faster and with less hassle than golytely for me, so there's that.

But I'm weird, I kinda like the banana flavored contrast stuff you have to drink for a small bowel follow through.

btraz70		2011-10-20 03:19:55 PM

tothekor: I have waleye. They could fix it but means going through the rectum. And no one's taking that route with me.

I had Rainbow Trout for dinner last night.....yummy!!
t0.gstatic.com

Skr		2011-10-20 03:20:07 PM

Tragic Penile Endoscopy Accident. That's my dream; that's my nightmare.

Hmm "generous standard dose" of medication.
This seems like a sardonic response. The 'standard dose' should be a fixed quantity and tacking on 'generous' just seems to imply that she believed the Standard dose was more than enough (when the patient was actively complaining that it isn't.)

She mentions a frank talk with the patient. She is probably accustomed to getting her way and brow beat the patient into submission. If a doctor starts talking shiat that patient is either going to fight back or cower. Getting probed isn't exactly the best position to mount a defense from.

ciberido		2011-10-20 03:20:56 PM

RodneyToady: "Nightmare Colonoscopy" sounds like it would be a pretty kickass metal song.

I'm gonna see if I can get my new band "Dreamy Colonoscopy" to put it on the playlist for next month's tour.

patcarew		2011-10-20 03:21:36 PM

Mine was dreamy, as far as I can remember. 75mcg Fentanyl. Whoa.

Pancoaifo		2011-10-20 03:22:56 PM

slimfast: The first time I had one of those "up the butt" (my doctor's words) procedures I was ready to enjoy the video of it as it happens but I got so uncomfortable, literally doubling over, that I didn't get to see other than the first few seconds of it. I couldn't wait for it to be over. They seemed surprised that I was in such discomfort. It wasn't pain exactly as it was more of a cramp but it smarted in any event. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE!

The procedure showed a negative result so I'm thankful for that.

Fluoroscopy? I think those are kind of neat to watch. Except the one time the doc spent an hour rolling me around the table because he couldn't figure out where all the fistulae were. I was on the verge of tears by the end. But if it's less than 30 minutes, I can usually distract myself by geeking out watching the monitor ...

IXI Jim IXI		2011-10-20 03:26:50 PM

Pancoaifo: Good god, I think I lost half my soul after I drank mag citrate. And that was only about a 20 oz bottle.

They put me out for the test, but the prep was a goddamned nightmare for someone who likes to eat as much as I do.

I think the low point was a bit after the mag citrate, when the gatorade was going through my system so quickly, it was still cold at the other end...

caddisfly		2011-10-20 03:28:27 PM

But you do still have the probe thingy, right?

hammettman		2011-10-20 03:28:32 PM

animal900: This doctor is being raked over the coals by the media here in Ottawa. All kinds of craziness going on with her...

You know, some things just make sense. If you're a mailman, dealing with mail all day, the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming. There's never a letup, It's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more, but the more you get out, the more it keeps coming. And then the bar code reader breaks. And then it's Publisher's Clearinghouse day. And finally, you go postal.

If you're doing colonoscopies all day, you're looking at ass, and the insides of ass, day in day out, and it's not Scarlett Johansson's ass, but everyday ass, plumber's ass, fat farking smelly ass ass, it's relentless. And sometimes you see piles. And then the anesthesia wears off. And finally, after looking at so much ass, one day, the bottom drops out.

Thanks to my family history, I'm due for my 1st colonoscopy. I'm thinking of going with someone newer to the game.

btraz70		2011-10-20 03:30:17 PM

IXI Jim IXI: Pancoaifo: Good god, I think I lost half my soul after I drank mag citrate. And that was only about a 20 oz bottle.

They put me out for the test, but the prep was a goddamned nightmare for someone who likes to eat as much as I do.

I think the low point was a bit after the mag citrate, when the gatorade was going through my system so quickly, it was still cold at the other end...

TMI TMI!!!!!

Enemabag Jones		2011-10-20 03:43:18 PM

In her complaint, Marchand accused Farazli of not providing adequate pain medication during a "rough and painful" colonoscopy. Marchand also complained the doctor didn't stop the procedure when she asked her to.

I bet she will get a sleezy lawyer and use the 'rough colonoscopy' defense.

/Bonus points for the fact that the doctor was female and the patient was male.

kermit_the_frog		2011-10-20 03:45:42 PM

I just recall wishing my toilet had a seatbelt -- I thought I was going to launch myself across the room due to the thrust of expelled fecal matter and water.

You don't know what "explosive" diarrhea is until you've done a prep for colonoscopy.

After a while it settles down to what I call "pissing out your arsehole", but imagine it's flowing like a garden hose, and you'll start to appreciate it.

MBooda		2011-10-20 03:48:09 PM

patcarew: Mine was dreamy, as far as I can remember. 75mcg Fentanyl. Whoa.

I don't remember mine at all. One moment I was talking to the nurse about something. The next moment I was being wheeled out, 45 minutes later.

/do I want my 45 minutes back? Hell no, not those 45 minutes
//reminded of Sam Kinison's bit about the gay necrophiliacs

funky monkey		2011-10-20 03:49:21 PM

Well, a "rough and painful" colonoscopy sure redefines the Internal Medicine discipline.

I wonder if she was wary of the fact that while the Dr. was performing the procedure she wasn't using any hands.

StoPPeRmobile		2011-10-20 03:55:46 PM

wambu		2011-10-20 03:55:49 PM

As opposed to "dreamy colonoscopy"

It all depends on the meds.

HannibalHamlin		2011-10-20 03:56:15 PM

I work for a group that does video conferencing. Every winter we set up a connection from a local cancer center to a ski resort where 500 or so doctors are gathered for a conference. Every year they broadcast multiple colonoscopies, endoscopies, etc from the OR to the conference hall so the docs can see new tools, learn new tricks etc. Watching the doc scope a sedated patient vs. conscious one, I can tell you that if you're out cold, this doc is rough. I can't imagine what waking up during one would be like.
At the resort, the docs are eating breakfast duiring the procedure so they can ski in the afternoon...shoveling in bacon and eggs wile watching a camera snake up someone's intestines.

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