Jeebus Tapdancing Kreist. I need to enter a life of crime - if this is the current industry standard, I could blow the farking competition away.

Benevolent Misanthrope: Jeebus Tapdancing Kreist. I need to enter a life of crime - if this is the current industry standard, I could blow the farking competition away.

We most definitely need a better class of criminal.

maybe he was trying to get arrested.
nah, he was just plain stupid.

And I would have gotten away with it too. If'n it weren't for my own incredible stupidity.

Would've gotten away with it too, if it wasen't for those meddling kids

Another example of trying to get money with a busket. (new window)

greybeard: Parthenogenetic: Police then chased the suspect into a creepy, dilapitated mansion.

The suspect managed to elude capture, despite a frantic pursuit by officers. "He'd go in one door in this hallway, we'd go to open it, he'd come out of another. This went on for a good five minutes. I don't know how he did it," panted Officer Mahoney.

Nice.

/clap

/Cue the Benny Hill theme

Their chips are so greasy, good luck grippoing anything afterward.

The cops were asking themselves "Where are a bunch of meddling kids when you need them?"

I have a sneaking suspicion that the cops could generally handle these mysteries themselves, with the exception of Sherlock Holmes mysteries, which rely on such a diabolically omniscience on the part of the detective that a lot of them would be cold cases and Professor Moriarty, the Napoleon of Crime, would rule the world, perhaps under some unlikely pseudonym, such as Barry O'Bama* or something.

*Pronounced O'Bama but spelled O'Bamargggggh or some such outlandish orthography. I hate Irish spelling. They intentionally made it worse than English spelling just to PO the English.