Dear 16yr old me,

Work harder, stop playing so many video games, you're an idiot when you drink too much, and dear god stop being such a fark up and try to accomplish something worthwhile in your life.

Sincerely,
Future you



To 16 yr old Stephen King

Don't let your material be whored out in made for TV movies.

Cythraul: The Dark Tower Series: Either stop after book two, or give the series the attention it deserves this time around.

I liked every book up until Wolves of the Calla. The rest were tough slogging.

The best Dark Tower story is The Little Sisters of Eluria in the short story compilation Everything's Eventual.

All the great atmosphere of the book series, but with a beginning, a middle, and an end! And you can read it in an evening!

It saves everyone a lot of time.

Stay on cocaine.

Dear 16 year old me.

One word. Pussy. get as much of it as you can as often as you can. don't be picky.

also Microsoft and Apple are good investments.

signed,

much older Me

Note to younger self:

Invest in Apple; don't sell during the 1990's.

Feed mayonaisse directly to the tuna.

Don't marry that succubus.

MayoSlather: Dear 16yr old me,

Work harder, stop playing so many video games, you're an idiot when you drink too much, and dear god stop being such a fark up and try to accomplish something worthwhile in your life.

Sincerely,
Future you
. . .

This

To 16 yr old Stephen King,

Stay on drugs and booze!!! Your best and most creative stuff you wrote while drunk and/or stoned. Once you clean up, start eating right, and exercising you get hit by a van.

-Stay Awesome!
Present Day Stephen King

P.S. Don't ever let anyone make your books into movies except for "The Body", "It", "The Shining", "Apt Pupil", and "Shawshank Redemption."

/I love King, his early stuff was great but the last couple of books he's written are just lame and predictable. Then I found out he wrote his best stuff while struggling with alcoholism and substance abuse. I'm glad to hear he cleaned up but his writing has suffered since getting sober. It's just not as good.

If I ever won the lottery I would spend it all on making his Richard Bachmann books "Running Man" or "The Long Walk" into movies. King predicted reality shows before anyone else and what could possibly be more real than a reality show in which contestants are violently killed?!?

he didn't mention 9/11? the tsunami? katrina? selfish farker.

Dear 16 year old King,

Either don't start the Dark Tower series, or don't panic about your mortality after the accident.

And for god's sake, don't sacrifice the ultimate villain that you have been establishing for over 20 years for a cheap ripoff of Excalibur.

I am Wee Todd Ed: P.S. Don't ever let anyone make your books into movies except for "The Body", "It", "The Shining", "Apt Pupil", and "Shawshank Redemption."

replace 'it' with 'misery' and i agree.

Time Traveling Bunnies: I like Wizard and Glass for the same reason. We get a Roland standalone story. I know a lot of people hate it because it didn't progress the DT story though.

The wife & I are listening to Frank Muller's excellent reading of Wizard and Glass and she cannot stand it. She keeps asking me how much longer until the flashback is over and the story starts progressing again. "Only another 18 hours, sweetie."

/letter to Frank's 16 year old self: wear a farking helmet
//goddamit so much

Andrew Wiggin: I am Wee Todd Ed: P.S. Don't ever let anyone make your books into movies except for "The Body", "It", "The Shining", "Apt Pupil", and "Shawshank Redemption."

replace 'it' with 'misery' and i agree.

Damn, forgot that movie!

Will a movie studio ever make "Ender's Game?"

Maybe the numerous times in the book in which kids kill kids is what's keeping it from being made?!?

Dear 16 yo Sotua:

- study hard in college, music theory will be a much better investment of your time than slap/tap bass, listen to music other than death metal, travel more, and put that small savings account your dad gave you into MS and Apple stock. NOW! I'll go even further: stop smoking right now instead of ten years later, and invest all your tobacco savings in MS/Apple.

And you don't know everything, you dumb idiot.

Yours truly,
Old sotua

Andrew Wiggin: I am Wee Todd Ed: P.S. Don't ever let anyone make your books into movies except for "The Body", "It", "The Shining", "Apt Pupil", and "Shawshank Redemption."

replace 'it' with 'misery' and i agree.

Hate me if ya want, but add "Dreamcather" to the list as well.

I am Wee Todd Ed: Andrew Wiggin: I am Wee Todd Ed: P.S. Don't ever let anyone make your books into movies except for "The Body", "It", "The Shining", "Apt Pupil", and "Shawshank Redemption."

replace 'it' with 'misery' and i agree.

Damn, forgot that movie!

Will a movie studio ever make "Ender's Game?"

Maybe the numerous times in the book in which kids kill kids is what's keeping it from being made?!?

maybe anime? it's been on imdb for years, with the date always pushed back.

Wear sunscreen.

Bungles: The best Dark Tower story is The Little Sisters of Eluria in the short story compilation Everything's Eventual.

All the great atmosphere of the book series, but with a beginning, a middle, and an end! And you can read it in an evening!

It saves everyone a lot of time.

+1.

I had Everything's Eventual kicking around my house for awhile and just lately picked it up. I didn't even know this story was in it until I read the introduction. It was a very nice treat.

/Just started the final Dark Tower book
//Half expecting a poor ending, but whatever. It was a fun ride.

TimeWaste: /Just started the final Dark Tower book
//Half expecting a poor ending, but whatever. It was a fun ride


**spoiler alert**

snape kills dumbledore.

Time Traveling Bunnies: unicron702: Andrew Wiggin: I am Wee Todd Ed: P.S. Don't ever let anyone make your books into movies except for "The Body", "It", "The Shining", "Apt Pupil", and "Shawshank Redemption."

replace 'it' with 'misery' and i agree.

Hate me if ya want, but add "Dreamcather" to the list as well.

I thought "Pet Semetary", "Carrie", and "Green Mile" were good too.

Carrie was better than the book.

unicron702: Andrew Wiggin: I am Wee Todd Ed: P.S. Don't ever let anyone make your books into movies except for "The Body", "It", "The Shining", "Apt Pupil", and "Shawshank Redemption."

replace 'it' with 'misery' and i agree.

Hate me if ya want, but add "Dreamcather" to the list as well.

WTF? Seriously?
The retarded kid with cancer was really a telepathic alien all along? Yeah, the guy that gets hit by the car sequence was freaky and the animals running away from the forest was eerie.

I'd also like to see "Tommyknockers" movie book adaptation. A woman uncovers a buried spaceship in the woods and as she digs it out strange things happen as the 'ship awakes! Great book awful movie!

ENDERS GAME is a great scifi novel that needs to be made into a movie. Almost as good as Dune but like Dune the rest of the books are horrible.

I am Wee Todd Ed: P.S. Don't ever let anyone make your books into movies except for "The Body", "It", "The Shining", "Apt Pupil", and "Shawshank Redemption."

In addition to the aforementioned "Misery" (thank you, Andrew Wiggin), how about "The Green Mile"?

Speaking of "The Shining" (not to mention "Carrie") and the Dark Tower series, why were their main psychic child characters not brought into the DTverse as Breakers? Yes, I know Carrie got killed, but that didn't stop certain other characters from appearing therein.

If I ever won the lottery I would spend it all on making his Richard Bachmann books "Running Man" or "The Long Walk" into movies. King predicted reality shows before anyone else and what could possibly be more real than a reality show in which contestants are violently killed?!?

Reality shows existed long before King was 16. Remember "Candid Camera"?

BroVinny: Time Traveling Bunnies: unicron702: Andrew Wiggin: I am Wee Todd Ed: P.S. Don't ever let anyone make your books into movies except for "The Body", "It", "The Shining", "Apt Pupil", and "Shawshank Redemption."

replace 'it' with 'misery' and i agree.

Hate me if ya want, but add "Dreamcather" to the list as well.

I thought "Pet Semetary", "Carrie", and "Green Mile" were good too.

Carrie was better than the book.

Green Mile was a great movie but not that great of a book. Tom Hanks made it great. Both Carrie movies are pretty good.

dear joni-at-16,

USE BOOKMARKS, DAMMIT

/csb, but i wish i still had my original copy of the gunslinger

Dear 16 year old self,

That idea you had for a story about a boy who attends a school for wizards? Stick with it.

When Lisa dumps you, tell her to fark herself and move on with your life, but anything past that, she's using you as an emotional tampon because she's not getting that particular fulfillment from her new boyfriend.

Make friends with the guy who does the Los Holligans cartoon strip and offer to volunteer for that "El Mariachi" movie he's talking about shooting in Mexico.

That guy putting up xeroxed flier for some homemade movie called "Slacker". Volunteer to help out with those fliers and tell him you'd love to be a part of that "Dazed and Confused " project he plans to do next.

Oh, and that girl in your English class who's cute even though she looks like she just sucked on a lemon.. Ask her out. Even if she says no, you can still say you got turned down for a date by Renee Zellweger.

You know how you keep saying "I can't wait until Lucas makes some more Star Wars movies"? About that...

I am Wee Todd Ed: Green Mile was a great movie but not that great of a book.

the version i have divided up into like 6 or 7 little books. friggin annoying. didn't really care for the book or the movie, just not my thing.

are they making dark tower movies? i thought i read they were, then they weren't.

COMALite J: I am Wee Todd Ed: P.S. Don't ever let anyone make your books into movies except for "The Body", "It", "The Shining", "Apt Pupil", and "Shawshank Redemption."

In addition to the aforementioned "Misery" (thank you, Andrew Wiggin), how about "The Green Mile"?

Speaking of "The Shining" (not to mention "Carrie") and the Dark Tower series, why were their main psychic child characters not brought into the DTverse as Breakers? Yes, I know Carrie got killed, but that didn't stop certain other characters from appearing therein.

If I ever won the lottery I would spend it all on making his Richard Bachmann books "Running Man" or "The Long Walk" into movies. King predicted reality shows before anyone else and what could possibly be more real than a reality show in which contestants are violently killed?!?

Reality shows existed long before King was 16. Remember "Candid Camera"?

Umm...no...I've heard of Candid Camera but I was born in 1980. What I meant was a lot of reality "Survivor" type shows the contestants face hardships and win prizes. In "Running Man" there are a bunch of weird game shows/reality shows, like "How Hot Can You Take It?" where people with medical conditions are put on treadmills and given prize money for running for certain lengths of time.

"The Running Man" story takes place in the future where the economy has become so bad people are willing to be hurt and even killed for money. The main character gets to be on the most watched reality show/manhunt called "The Running Man" in which everyone, police, SWAT, even civilians are hunting him and get money if they kill him. Everyday he lives he gets money for his family and for every person he kills he gets money also. A messed up Stephen King story but one you can sort of see happening. Kind of like "The Stand" could sort of happen except for the whole supernatural stuff.

I am Wee Todd Ed: "The Running Man"

i actually enjoyed the long walk more. although that would be a tough ass movie to film.

Andrew Wiggin: I am Wee Todd Ed: Green Mile was a great movie but not that great of a book.

the version i have divided up into like 6 or 7 little books. friggin annoying. didn't really care for the book or the movie, just not my thing.

are they making dark tower movies? i thought i read they were, then they weren't.

*SIGH* Yeah, they are no longer doing the Dark Tower movies. Ron Howard was supposedly going to make them but something happened. Plus, it's just too epic to do in one movie and was better off as a t.v. mini-series.

I love the books but some parts are kind of hard to follow. The whole Randall Flagg is John "The Good Man" Pharson(?) and is also Walter O'Dim re-write stuff was annoying. Plus, Randall Flagg's origin and death was a real let down.

Now, "Eye's of the Dragon" would be an awesome movie if they did it right!!! Always, wondered what happened to the one prince he set out after Randall Flagg.

Bungles: The best Dark Tower story is The Little Sisters of Eluria in the short story compilation Everything's Eventual.

All the great atmosphere of the book series, but with a beginning, a middle, and an end! And you can read it in an evening!

It saves everyone a lot of time.


That was a good one. Explained a lot about the devil bugs he brought up later in the main DT storyline that you probably wouldn't have known without reading that little tidbit. That short was actually what made me start on DT. I did enjoy Dark Tower, although like everything else King has written, it really falls apart in the last act. I fully expected it, so I wasn't too disappointed with how it turned out, but... it is funny that King's short stories are usually way better than his full length stuff.

I may catch some crap for saying this, but my favorite of his is "Desperation."

For me, it followed the opposite formula than the rest of his works. It started out slow and predictable, got a complete dynamic shift somewhere towards the middle and a balls out race to a logical ending.

Did he warn his 16 year old self about 9/11? Cause if not, he's an incredible asshole...

BroVinny: Time Traveling Bunnies: unicron702: Andrew Wiggin: I am Wee Todd Ed: P.S. Don't ever let anyone make your books into movies except for "The Body", "It", "The Shining", "Apt Pupil", and "Shawshank Redemption."

replace 'it' with 'misery' and i agree.

Hate me if ya want, but add "Dreamcather" to the list as well.

I thought "Pet Semetary", "Carrie", and "Green Mile" were good too.

Carrie was better than the book.

No love for The Mist?

/i thought it was good

jdog71: BroVinny: Time Traveling Bunnies: unicron702: Andrew Wiggin: I am Wee Todd Ed: P.S. Don't ever let anyone make your books into movies except for "The Body", "It", "The Shining", "Apt Pupil", and "Shawshank Redemption."

replace 'it' with 'misery' and i agree.

Hate me if ya want, but add "Dreamcather" to the list as well.

I thought "Pet Semetary", "Carrie", and "Green Mile" were good too.

Carrie was better than the book.

No love for The Mist?

/i thought it was good

The feel-good movie of the year, that was.

Dear 16-Year-Old Screaming Man,

Read The Shining, Salem's Lot, The Dead Zone, The Stand, most of Night Shift, much of Skeleton Crew, It, The Dark Half (trust me, it will be a sentimental favorite), Misery, and Pet Semetary.

Stay away from Needful Things and The Regulators. Only read the other Bachman Books if you're bored.

As for the rest of his canon . . . you're on your own.

-40-year-old Screaming Man