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(Uproxx)   The Pentagon has launched a campaign to educate soldiers about a new terror threat: kittens   (uproxx.com) divider line 57
    More: Obvious, soldiers, terrorists  
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10635 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Oct 2011 at 5:20 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-10-19 04:45:38 PM  
I'm not sure I like the idea of our soldiers masturbating that much. These are troubling times, though.
 
2011-10-19 05:03:41 PM  
Doing my part to protect our brave soldiers from this threat.
 
2011-10-19 05:06:41 PM  
Do your part!

Jerk off for America!
 
2011-10-19 05:13:47 PM  
images3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2011-10-19 05:23:32 PM  
Pussies.
 
2011-10-19 05:24:14 PM  
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2011-10-19 05:24:54 PM  
We here at Fark have an obligation, nay, a duty to protect our soldiers from this serious threat. Grab the lotion, men, we have work to do.
 
2011-10-19 05:27:41 PM  
www.political-humor.org
 
2011-10-19 05:28:42 PM  
www.sadlyno.com
 
2011-10-19 05:29:47 PM  
www.pollsb.com
 
2011-10-19 05:33:27 PM  
images.icanhascheezburger.com
 
2011-10-19 05:33:51 PM  
images.icanhascheezburger.com
 
2011-10-19 05:36:21 PM  
She may look clean...
 
2011-10-19 05:37:38 PM  

Nuff Said McFarky:


lulz, that line in that ad always got to me
 
2011-10-19 05:38:52 PM  
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2011-10-19 05:39:01 PM  
www.fotothing.com

You can never be too careful...
 
2011-10-19 05:44:03 PM  
www.wearysloth.com

I'd have it cut up and tests run on it.
 
2011-10-19 05:44:53 PM  

VictoryCabal: Doing my part to protect our brave soldiers from this threat.


This

/I should recieve a medal on honor for the number of kittens I have sent to their demise
 
2011-10-19 05:44:56 PM  
weaponized kittys!!!!! next up weaponized boobies!!
 
2011-10-19 05:47:11 PM  
"If you are bitten or if an animal's saliva contacts your broken skin, eyes or mouth..."

Well hell, how are you supposed to interact with kitteh without any of this happening?
 
2011-10-19 05:50:31 PM  
rookery.s3.amazonaws.com
 
2011-10-19 05:56:00 PM  
 
2011-10-19 05:59:41 PM  
Link (new window)
 
2011-10-19 06:00:58 PM  
img.photobucket.com
 
2011-10-19 06:03:17 PM  

Cpl.D: Oh fark, the cats got air superiority now! (Fark dont like big gifs)


This is hilarious, woot!
 
2011-10-19 06:03:57 PM  
4.bp.blogspot.com
/hot
 
2011-10-19 06:05:27 PM  
"Kitten" is one of the most prolonged and painful ways to die.
 
2011-10-19 06:10:35 PM  
i heard a great story yesterday about how ghengis khan beseiged a chinese city and demanded 10,000 cats and 10,000 songbirds as appeasement. when they were delivered, he had rags tied to thier tails, and set on fire. they ran/flew home, and the entire city burned to the ground.

/winning
 
2011-10-19 06:27:09 PM  
img62.imageshack.us
 
2011-10-19 06:28:43 PM  
img408.imageshack.us
 
2011-10-19 06:33:14 PM  
img641.imageshack.us
 
2011-10-19 06:46:09 PM  
All joking aside, keeping stray animals as pets around deployed sites is a problem, especially feral cats.

One of my airmen got scratched by a feral cat they'd been feeding around our Panama location. As a dutiful SNCO, I caught it and submitted it for testing. I got scratched in doing so. The dumbass SP who took the cat to the vet didn't tell them humans were involved, so they killed it, lopped its head off, but tested it along with a lot of other feral cats. When I called for the test results, the vet goes, "Well, we don't know which cat head is yours. Can you come down, look at the six or so cat heads we got here and identify yours?"

The airman and I both went for rabies shots.

/I've had to get the rabies series three times in my life: all resulting from farkin' stray cat scratches and attacks.
 
2011-10-19 06:53:12 PM  
It depends. If the kitten is an field grade officer, there are no shots required. However, if the feline is company grade, a gratuitous washing of the wound will suffice. If the cat is a lower rank, then the number of stripes or grade is in play.

The old formula was adding your rank to the cat's rank and dividing by time of day and whether you personally knew the cat. That was too complicated for the MPs.

It's best to refrain from biting feral cats on post or within 10 miles of the front gate.
 
2011-10-19 06:57:32 PM  
... are kitties deploying my friends to hunt two bit warlords in africa? We appreciate the christmas gift.
 
2011-10-19 06:58:27 PM  
img.photobucket.com
 
2011-10-19 06:59:10 PM  
img.photobucket.com
 
2011-10-19 07:28:04 PM  
I gotta agree with the military on this one. I rescued a tiny kitten in traffic. Ooh, cute kitty, I thought. The little stinker was feral and bit me like a pair of teeny nail guns. The next day, I was at the doctor's with a finger twice its normal size. One week of Cipro, and I was fine. 6 weeks of quarantine and socialization, and the kitten was fine, too. (No rabies.) Kitten lives with a nice lady who has spoiled him rotten.

I keep gardening gloves in my car now.
 
2011-10-19 07:55:09 PM  
Having a pet may be the only link these troops have to any shred of Humanity left in them. Take that away, and you have nothing but an army full of douchebag David Motari clones.
 
2011-10-19 08:02:21 PM  
This thread could be epic, NOW!

;)
 
2011-10-19 08:03:57 PM  

FunkOut: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 400x400]


That is the funniest shiat I have encountered ALL day.

Awesome.

Tears.

Phew.
 
2011-10-19 08:11:44 PM  
Sorry, too lazy to link to the Sluggy Freelance "Kitten" storylines.
 
2011-10-19 08:21:36 PM  

AirForceVet: All joking aside, keeping stray animals as pets around deployed sites is a problem, especially feral cats.

One of my airmen got scratched by a feral cat they'd been feeding around our Panama location. As a dutiful SNCO, I caught it and submitted it for testing. I got scratched in doing so. The dumbass SP who took the cat to the vet didn't tell them humans were involved, so they killed it, lopped its head off, but tested it along with a lot of other feral cats. When I called for the test results, the vet goes, "Well, we don't know which cat head is yours. Can you come down, look at the six or so cat heads we got here and identify yours?"

The airman and I both went for rabies shots.

/I've had to get the rabies series three times in my life: all resulting from farkin' stray cat scratches and attacks.


So you enlisted in the military and your job is to catch stray cats? And you've been bitten 3 times and haven't figured out a better way to catch stray cats? I see why you're a stray cat catcher in the U.S. Air Force.
 
2011-10-19 08:34:53 PM  

devilskware: I see why you're a stray cat catcher in the U.S. Air Force.


To be fair, they've been known to strut. Link (new window)
 
2011-10-19 09:31:59 PM  

devilskware: AirForceVet: All joking aside, keeping stray animals as pets around deployed sites is a problem, especially feral cats.

One of my airmen got scratched by a feral cat they'd been feeding around our Panama location. As a dutiful SNCO, I caught it and submitted it for testing. I got scratched in doing so. The dumbass SP who took the cat to the vet didn't tell them humans were involved, so they killed it, lopped its head off, but tested it along with a lot of other feral cats. When I called for the test results, the vet goes, "Well, we don't know which cat head is yours. Can you come down, look at the six or so cat heads we got here and identify yours?"

The airman and I both went for rabies shots.

/I've had to get the rabies series three times in my life: all resulting from farkin' stray cat scratches and attacks.

So you enlisted in the military and your job is to catch stray cats? And you've been bitten 3 times and haven't figured out a better way to catch stray cats? I see why you're a stray cat catcher in the U.S. Air Force.


You do know that there is a rabies vaccine for humans - well, 2 vaccines, actually.

If you're working around feral/wild animals, you should have received this before you started work.

/FTL: "Vaccination before exposure (pre-exposure) should be offered to people in high risk groups such as veterinarians, animal handler/caretakers, or laboratory workers who may be exposed to the rabies virus."
 
2011-10-19 09:44:01 PM  

trappedspirit: "If you are bitten or if an animal's saliva contacts your broken skin, eyes or mouth..."

Well hell, how are you supposed to interact with kitteh without any of this happening?


How CAN you interact with kitteh without same?
 
2011-10-19 10:18:20 PM  
m.uploadedit.com
 
2011-10-19 11:28:01 PM  
"We will fill the skies with so many levitating cat heads, they will blot out the sun."

i301.photobucket.comi301.photobucket.comi301.photobucket.com

"Good. Then we shall fight in the shade."
 
2011-10-19 11:41:47 PM  
Rabies is officially considered to be eradicated from almost the entire world, according to the CDC. You know what the biggest holdout is? The US.

The only significant "negative" effect of pets/mascots in a warzone is maintaining a sense of humanity in the troops. The Pentagon really just wants legions of heartless killers at its beck and call.
 
2011-10-19 11:45:36 PM  
Threat to good taste:
icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com
 
2011-10-20 12:50:00 AM  

Hyppy: Rabies is officially considered to be eradicated from almost the entire world, according to the CDC. You know what the biggest holdout is? The US.

The only significant "negative" effect of pets/mascots in a warzone is maintaining a sense of humanity in the troops. The Pentagon really just wants legions of heartless killers at its beck and call.


Really? I did not know that. That's odd, because according to the WHO, Rabies is widely distributed across the globe, with only a few countries (mainly islands and peninsulas) being free of the disease. "

The WHO's map of "countries with rabies" looks like this:

www.who.int

and the orange countries are the ones with all types of rabies. It looks to me like the only country of any note free of rabies is New Zealand. Either you're biased, or the CDC's stats are off.
 
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