I, for one, can't wait for the porn parody.

Reposting this here where it is more relevant.

I took a list of teams with 2 wins or less and divided them into three categories: "Good Luck", "Bad Luck" and "Not Sure if Luck", dividing them into the categories based on if they would want, not want or it would be a descision to think on, to drat Andrew Luck.

Good Luck:

Miami Dolphins: Brandon Marshall, Daniel Thomas, Reggie Bush...they have some offensive weapons, but their QB play is subpar, even if I think Chad Henne could improve(Another team with bad QB play could take him on as a project). So, Andrew Luck could fit in and give them a QB to gel it together, then all they need is a better O-Line and another wideout on O.

Indianapolis Colts: Manning is 35 years old, 36 in March, and just had major neck surgery. He won't stay around long, if he comes back at all. Curtis Painter is showing promise, but the prospect of Andrew Luck being tutored by Peyton Manning for a year or two would be very hard to pass up if they went first, unless Painter went on a bigger tear(Though Painter is not bad, actually. If they did draft Luck, I'm sure a few teams would be interested).

Kansas City Chiefs: Matt Cassel hasn't been super-awful, but he is obviously not who they thought he was. I could easily see them drafting Luck to at the least put pressure on Cassel to perform: And with Bowe, Jamaal Charles and a good QB, they could go somewhere on offense.

Seattle Seahawks: Their current QB is Tavaris Jackson. Enough said.

Philidelphia Eagles: It's unlikely that they will drop enough to get Luck, but they are a 2 win team...and one of the best choices for Luck to go too. Vick is a 31 year old QB who is based on running ability making him a dual threat: He is NOT going to last many more years. The Eagles have weapons in all kinds of places on offense, with LeSean McCoy, Jeremy Maclin and DeSean Jackson. This is probably the both best and most unrealistic place Luck could go. It'd be awesome if they traded up for him.

Not Sure if Luck:

Minnesota vikings: It depends on how confident they are in Ponder. Because Ponder's performance swings this so wildly, it goes in the not sure category. If he does good, there's no reason to draft at QB.

Jacksonville Jaguars: Gabbert is a pretty shiatty QB so far...but he was a first round, top 10 QB pick they traded up six spots for. Owners LOATHE to admit mistakes like that so early, so that alone could stop them from drafting Luck.

Denver Broncos: Does Tebow play good? If yes, no Luck. If no, Luck is a possibility. The big thing for them is that they're not likely to lose enough to be in the Luck race anyway.

Dallas Cowboys: A lot depends on how upset they are or are not with Romo at the end of the year, but he IS 31, so he will be declining in a few years. It's unlikely the Cowboys will have a high enough pick for Luck and trading up would be quite silly, so odds are they'll grab a value QB in the 3rd/2nd instead and put him behind Romo to learn the offense.

Bad Luck:

St. Louis Rams: They're already spending a lot of money on a good, young QB in Sam Bradford. Their draft pick would be best spend elsewhere, instead of sparking an unnessecary QB controversey while paying Bradford and Luck a ton of money.

Carolina Panthers: Same boat as the Rams, they've got their good, young QB of the future already.

Cleveland Browns: Colt McCoy is another recently drafted, playing well, young QB. They would be best served spending the pick on something more useful to them.

Arizona Cardinals: They obviously think Kolb is their QB of the future, but if he plays badly more, the Luck could be with them. Owners loathe to admit that kind of a mistake, though...

...and coming around the bend it's Hoof Hearted followed closely by Soon To Be Glue...

/Colts fan
//Oof

I can't wait to see Luck fail badly in the NFL. If only to mock my Stanford buddy mercilessly.

Pratty: Minnesota vikings: It depends on how confident they are in Ponder. Because Ponder's performance swings this so wildly, it goes in the not sure category. If he does good, there's no reason to draft at QB.

Ponder can scramble and run for first downs, which means that he'll have a career ending injury by week 10 because he dove for the 1st down instead of sliding.

Hasn't Indianapolis already PROVEN that they will not bother trying to win a game if there is a bigger picture at stake? Didn't they essentially tank their perfect season since it didn't matter to them? (Cue the apologists so deep in denial about pro sports that they still don't have a problem with that precedent...)

Why shouldn't I believe they will be throwing this season on purpose, at this point if not already?

And how do talking heads at ESPN still manage to use the "they play to win the game" line with a straight face?

And for once, the Lions aren't in the race for the first pick.

Spread out across four pages? How's about a big "fark no".?

GimpyNip: The Fantasy Four (% from NFL.com/fantasy)

% owned by owners
Tebow 36%
Palmer 9.9 %
Ponder 0.9%
Beck 0.8%

I'm guessing Tebow will have the best week in fantasy just based on how points are awarded. Plus he's in a game against Miami, where he is being honored, and he's playing against one of the only QBs in the league with less experience than him.

Also curious how dire your situation has to be to start Palmer. Must be owners who drafted Manning/Grossman/and McNabb or bought hard on Henne or Campbell.

I picked up Palmer in my league solely to keep him from anyone else on the off chance he breaks loose with the raider O that does look frightening

/have Rodgers as my starter

300baud: Hasn't Indianapolis already PROVEN that they will not bother trying to win a game if there is a bigger picture at stake? Didn't they essentially tank their perfect season since it didn't matter to them? (Cue the apologists so deep in denial about pro sports that they still don't have a problem with that precedent...)

Why shouldn't I believe they will be throwing this season on purpose, at this point if not already?

And how do talking heads at ESPN still manage to use the "they play to win the game" line with a straight face?


The problem is money. The team needs people comign to games and they need to win. With manning at 35/36 years old...he's in the last years of his career. If his neck injury is bad enough...he'll walk away while he still can.So now colt fans are getting an early sample of life without peyton...and it's sucks(sort of like before). The colts fan are giving the benfit of the doubt becuase he's still on the roster...

But a couple of 2-14 seasons will diminish everything they built in the last 10 years...all for the chance to maybe get Luck..and hope he turns out good?

Would you bet your job and/or franchise on that?


The odds of them falling far enough/and or trading for for a high enough pick to get luck...AND luck turning out to be the next elite QB are slim. Bradford, Stafford, Sanchez, Matt Ryan, Vick, Jamarcuss ruseel, carson palmer, alex smith...they all were top picks that have fizzled out/yet to produce.

Would you still bet your job and/or franchise on that?

Quiefenburger: Even if Miami doesn't nab the #1 pick, I would be perfectly happy taking Kellen Moore anywhere from #2 on down.

I can't fathom him being drafted in the first round at all, so if you want him that bad I'm sure you can get him in the later rounds.

He's got a noodle arm and is even smaller than Brees (which was the knock on Brees coming out of Purdue, and Brees has much better arm strength).

/Why, no, I'm not an NFL scout, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night...

I picked Orton as a backup thinking he might have an okay year. When he started to suck, I picked up Henne. I had him for all of one day before he hurt himself. So I picked up Campbell because he was the best of the rest. He stayed on my bench for a whole week before he broke something. Now I have Jay Cutler and I have to play him, because Vick is on a bye week. I have had crap luck so far this year. If there was a "Suck for Luck" for fantasy owners, I'd be right at the top.

Johnstarr: I picked Orton as a backup thinking he might have an okay year. When he started to suck, I picked up Henne. I had him for all of one day before he hurt himself. So I picked up Campbell because he was the best of the rest. He stayed on my bench for a whole week before he broke something. Now I have Jay Cutler and I have to play him, because Vick is on a bye week. I have had crap luck so far this year. If there was a "Suck for Luck" for fantasy owners, I'd be right at the top.

I hear ya, 0-6 in one league, and 3-3 in another. All of my guys keep dropping to injury.

mrtoadswildride: 300baud: Hasn't Indianapolis already PROVEN that they will not bother trying to win a game if there is a bigger picture at stake? Didn't they essentially tank their perfect season since it didn't matter to them? (Cue the apologists so deep in denial about pro sports that they still don't have a problem with that precedent...)

Why shouldn't I believe they will be throwing this season on purpose, at this point if not already?

And how do talking heads at ESPN still manage to use the "they play to win the game" line with a straight face?

The odds of them falling far enough/and or trading for for a high enough pick to get luck...AND luck turning out to be the next elite QB are slim. Bradford, Stafford, Sanchez, Matt Ryan, Vick, Jamarcuss ruseel, carson palmer, alex smith...they all were top picks that have fizzled out/yet to produce.

Would you still bet your job and/or franchise on that?

A few of the QB on that list are a bit odd. Matt Ryan has lead the Falcons to the playoffs in two of his three NFL years, with a 16 TD - 11 INT/61.1% completion rate, 22 TD - 14 INT/58.3% and 28 TD - 9 INT/62.5% total career years, Bradford had a decent first year on a bad team, Stafford is doing pretty good on the Lions right now in only his third year...yeah. Not sure they should be on there yet. Also, Palmer WAS good, but that freak knee accident just messed his career and the elbow injury just made it worse. Still counts as a fizzle out, though.

SlothB77: I found a ranking of 2012 draft QBs, NFLDraftScout.com:

1) Luck (1 overall)
2) Matt Barkley (3 overall)
3) Landry Jones (6 overall)
4) Ryan Tannehill (22 overall)
5)Robert Griffin (23 overall)
-------- second round ------
6) Brandon Weeden (57 overall)
7) Kirk Cousins (73 overall)
...
15) Kellen Moore (243 overall)

Matt Barkley is TOO DAMN HIGH.

Johnstarr: I picked Orton as a backup thinking he might have an okay year. When he started to suck, I picked up Henne. I had him for all of one day before he hurt himself. So I picked up Campbell because he was the best of the rest. He stayed on my bench for a whole week before he broke something. Now I have Jay Cutler and I have to play him, because Vick is on a bye week. I have had crap luck so far this year. If there was a "Suck for Luck" for fantasy owners, I'd be right at the top.

Yeah, I feel your pain. I picked up Philip Rivers because of the season that he had last year. I am currently 0-6. My team looks great on paper but I cannot get it to function correctly.

300baud: Hasn't Indianapolis already PROVEN that they will not bother trying to win a game if there is a bigger picture at stake? Didn't they essentially tank their perfect season since it didn't matter to them? (Cue the apologists so deep in denial about pro sports that they still don't have a problem with that precedent...)

Why shouldn't I believe they will be throwing this season on purpose, at this point if not already?

And how do talking heads at ESPN still manage to use the "they play to win the game" line with a straight face?


As a die-hard Colts fan, I'm still pissed off about throwing the perfect season. Whether they intended it or not, the message I saw was: "It's OK to lose." Take out that and bad Karma, and I'm pretty sure we would've won that Super Bowl. Well, it'd also help a little if Hank Baskett broke a leg earlier in the season. Nothing permanent, mind you -- just enough that he wouldn't have been able to eff-up every damn play he participated in throughout the season.

/this season is painful
//but I still won't miss a game.
///masochist, I guess.

Fark-the-Fnord: Johnstarr: I picked Orton as a backup thinking he might have an okay year. When he started to suck, I picked up Henne. I had him for all of one day before he hurt himself. So I picked up Campbell because he was the best of the rest. He stayed on my bench for a whole week before he broke something. Now I have Jay Cutler and I have to play him, because Vick is on a bye week. I have had crap luck so far this year. If there was a "Suck for Luck" for fantasy owners, I'd be right at the top.

Yeah, I feel your pain. I picked up Philip Rivers because of the season that he had last year. I am currently 0-6. My team looks great on paper but I cannot get it to function correctly.

Sounds like the opposite of my team. Missed the draft and got Auto-Draft AND forgot to set my auto-draft order, so I started the year with 3 QBs and 7 RBs.

Fortunately, I managed to do this amazing rip off of a deal with Matt Ryan and Brandon Jacobs for Darren McFadden and Jacoby Ford. I later got rid of Ford, but McFadden is a life-saver. I also picked up Eric Decker and Victor Cruz from Free Agents(Decker on Week 2, Cruz last week), then turned Decker over in a trade right before last week.

4-2 now, even if I am still slightly unsatisfied with my team(Basically the only one in my auto-draft, Andre Johnson, got injured...)

Mind if I hear your team? It sounds like one of my league's guys who is 1-5 with the "great on paper"ness.

neritz: Pratty: Bad Luck:

I wouldn't put any of them as Bad Luck. If any of these four get the #1 pick, they'll trade. And they will score big. Rumor is the going price will be 3 first rounders.

The Raiders don't have 3 first rounders anymore.

neritz: Pratty: The Raiders don't have 3 first rounders anymore.

As crazy as it is, it's not just the Raiders that would try to make that trade.

The Bengals already have Dalton, so it'll be a while before we do a dumb trade like that...the Cowboys have Romo unless he really craps the bed...

Ah, the Redskins?

neritz: Pratty: The Bengals already have Dalton, so it'll be a while before we do a dumb trade like that...the Cowboys have Romo unless he really craps the bed...

Ah, the Redskins?


Now, you're getting it. I'd probably also throw the Dolphins and Seahawks into that group.

This implies the Dolphins aren't playing bad enough right now to get #1 anyway.

The Seahawks...I dunno. Something makes me think they'd be too cheap for it.

GimpyNip: Also curious how dire your situation has to be to start Palmer. Must be owners who drafted Manning/Grossman/and McNabb or bought hard on Henne or Campbell.

I tried to pick him up as a long-term backup, but probably would have started him this week if my waiver request had gone through. I have Brady who is on a bye week and McNabb was my backup. I'm in a 16-team league so there weren't many options available. I ended up snagging Charlie Whitehurst to fill the gap this week and am trying to work out a trade for Teebus to be my backup moving forward.

Please keep in mind that I am a rabid Colts fan, a Hoosier and live in metro Indianapolis.


I'm convinced the Colts are taking a dive on purpose, but not for Andrew Luck. He just happens to be some sweet icing on the cake. The Colts are taking a dive for themselves and Hoosiers all over Indiana.

What is the one thing that absolutely cannot happen this particular year?:
The Colts going to the Playoffs.

For the last decade the AFC South (even without the Colts) has been one of the strongest divisions in the NFL. Unfortunately, due to issues on all the teams, the AFC South's outlook was bad this year. And sure enough, even subtracting the Colts, the division has taken a nose dive. The Colts, with an even semi-healthy Peyton Manning would likely be the undisputed leaders of the AFC South; considering they've lost all their games by less then a touchdown. (The first game I chock up two scores to Collin's fumbles.)

The City of Indianapolis, the heart of Indiana, cannot afford the Colts getting anywhere close to the Superbowl. We've spent millions on the creation of Lucas Oil Stadium, millions on transportation upgrades, millions on infrastructure upgrades, and our State and local economies desperately need the tourism that comes with the 'Big Game'. Even having the Colts take a playoff spot would lower economic forecasts.

Andrew Luck will probably not be a Colt next year, even if we are the worst team in the league this season. Why? Can you see one of the top college picks riding the pine for 4-5 years and taking a drastic pay-cut during the whole time. Because the Colts cannot afford the highest paid player in the NFL (Manning) and Andrew Luck.

But yea, maybe you're right and the Indianapolis Colts, with arguably one of the greatest quarterbacks of our time -- are taking a dive for Andrew Luck.

HellRaisingHoosier: Andrew Luck will probably not be a Colt next year, even if we are the worst team in the league this season. Why? Can you see one of the top college picks riding the pine for 4-5 years and taking a drastic pay-cut during the whole time. Because the Colts cannot afford the highest paid player in the NFL (Manning) and Andrew Luck.

Manning has 3 years at the most. He's 35 and coming off of major neck surgery.

Pratty: This implies the Dolphins aren't playing bad enough right now to get #1 anyway.


Who the fark knows what that team will do.

And the pattern in the last few years has been; 1. stumbling out of the gate, 2. torturing fans with some improbable wins mid-season, before 3. crashing down in flames again in December.

HellRaisingHoosier: Please keep in mind that I am a rabid Colts fan, a Hoosier and live in metro Indianapolis.


I'm convinced the Colts are taking a dive on purpose ...

That's as far as I got before the uncontrollable laughter kicked in and I forgot all about reading the rest.

The Colts are really just a lousy football team and they have a terrible head coach. They aren't 0-6 on purpose; they're 0-6 because they haven't played anybody they can beat yet.

rumpelstiltskin: HellRaisingHoosier: But yea, maybe you're right and the Indianapolis Colts, with arguably one of the greatest quarterbacks of our time -- are taking a dive for Andrew Luck.

Watching them play the Chiefs was like watching a boxer beat the living crap out of some stooge for a few rounds, just to show he can, and then fall over without even taking a punch. The Chiefs never even threw a punch. The Colts just lay on the ground and mumbled, "Did you see how hard he hit me?" The Chiefs can't even throw a punch. It's like they don't have arms.
The Colts are diving, and the Dolphins are diving, and the Vikings are diving, and Denver's diving. This season is a farking travesty, and the only thing the Truly Worst Team In Football is going to come away with in April is another 300 pound oaf who can't block.

The Broncos certainly aren't diving. They just suck. Trust me. As a Bengals fan, I've seen plenty of bad teams. The Broncos are just a bad team.

Jubeebee: Poor examples.

Jury is still out on Bradford. He's in his second year and has fewer receivers and a worse O-line than Jay Cutler does. On the rare ocassion he has time to throw AND his receivers don't drop the ball, he looks pretty good.

Stafford is in the upper echelon of QBs in the league so far this year, and if he can stay healthy, will only get better in the next few years.

Ryan is servicable, not a top pick, not a top performer. You could do better, but you could do a lot worse also.

Vick is good at what he does, and while he may not be a typical QB, both the Falcons and the Eagles were better with him than they are/were without him.

I'll give you the rest, even though Alex Smith is looking OK this year and Carson Palmer was pretty damn good for a while.


These guys are perfect examples. They prove my point of how difficult it is to find a top QB who is able to be great from day 1 (or within 2 years).

We can debate the talent of these guys...but the fact remains that there are far more first round QB picks that have bombed than have been successful.

Which goes to my point, that a team doesn't want to go 0-16 to hope to get luck...to further hope he turns out to not be a bust...then you're back to the start only now you've got some cap space problems.

GimpyNip: The Fantasy Four (% from NFL.com/fantasy)

% owned by owners
Tebow 36%
Palmer 9.9 %
Ponder 0.9%
Beck 0.8%


I'm in an ESPN league where everyone is on waivers except Fri-Sat along with the revolving waiver order based on record (updates weekly). I had Manning as my backup to Brady, cut him for Grossman, and now need someone to start in the bye week. My plan is to try and get Palmer for the week; the Chiefs suck and Tebow is taken already. My choices are Palmer, Ponder, Beck, Bradford, Gabbert, Painter, Whitehurst, and Moore. I'd rather play a 2nd kicker than most of that list.

/ Hot like the Card!

Pratty: The Seahawks...I dunno. Something makes me think they'd be too cheap for it.

The Seahawks who are owned by Paul Allen and just went on an offseasn spending spree that netted Sidney Rice, Robert Gallery and Zach Miller, among others? The Seahawks who have, in the past decade, given out what were at the time some of the richest contracts in NFL history to the likes of Shaun Alexander, Walter Jones, Patrick Kerney and Julian Peterson? Those Seahawks?

Ed_Severson: HellRaisingHoosier: Please keep in mind that I am a rabid Colts fan, a Hoosier and live in metro Indianapolis.


I'm convinced the Colts are taking a dive on purpose ...

That's as far as I got before the uncontrollable laughter kicked in and I forgot all about reading the rest.

The Colts are really just a lousy football team and they have a terrible head coach. They aren't 0-6 on purpose; they're 0-6 because they haven't played anybody they can beat yet.


Please. They're the most winning team over the last decade.


Reggie Wayne
Dwight Freeney
Robert Mathis
Gary Brackett
Jeff Saturday
Adam Vinitari
Dallas Clark
Antoine Bethea

(However, I do agree that Jim Caldwell is crap)

rumpelstiltskin:
Watching them play the Chiefs was like watching a boxer beat the living crap out of some stooge for a few rounds, just to show he can, and then fall over without even taking a punch. The Chiefs never even threw a punch. The Colts just lay on the ground and mumbled, "Did you see how hard he hit me?" The Chiefs can't even throw a punch. It's like they don't have arms.
The Colts are diving, and the Dolphins are diving, and the Vikings are diving, and Denver's diving. This season is a farking travesty, and the only thing the Truly Worst Team In Football is going to come away with in April is another 300 pound oaf who can't block.



Again.

I feel the Colts are taking a dive. But not for Andrew Luck.

HellRaisingHoosier: Please. They're the most winning team over the last decade

That's completely irrelevant to right now. They are awful.

Has anyone bothered to ask Luck who he would/would not want to play for?

Lost Thought 00: Has anyone bothered to ask Luck who he would/would not want to play for?

And the response would be, "I would just be honored to be drafted ny a NFL team." Besides it doesn't matter who he wants to play for, he knows that it's going to be a terrible team.

The FMWHC doesn't really need the coach to agree to go along with tanking the team. An owner can make sure of failure pretty effectively if they have a mediocre team to begin with. Owners of bad teams are probably looking to dump their coaches as well, anyway. Bring in horsecock and set him up with a new coaching team, one designed around him.

Jonny Chimpo: GimpyNip: The Fantasy Four (% from NFL.com/fantasy)

% owned by owners
Tebow 36%
Palmer 9.9 %
Ponder 0.9%
Beck 0.8%

I'm guessing Tebow will have the best week in fantasy just based on how points are awarded. Plus he's in a game against Miami, where he is being honored, and he's playing against one of the only QBs in the league with less experience than him.

Also curious how dire your situation has to be to start Palmer. Must be owners who drafted Manning/Grossman/and McNabb or bought hard on Henne or Campbell.

I picked up Palmer in my league solely to keep him from anyone else on the off chance he breaks loose with the raider O that does look frightening

/have Rodgers as my starter

I grabbed Tebow and am starting him with Vick on a bye and opting to forgo a back up to start the year, we shall see how that works out. He is projected at 21 points on ESPN. I expect him to be good for a passing and running touchdown with at least 150 yards passing and 50 running.

So in a nutshell:

ESPN = Don't use the word "suck"
FARK = Change "Luck" to "horsecock"