Wow. Scott Ian has really gotten old

I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree, I really look good in black...fool

Buck Henderson: The wife told the kids to call 911? Really?

By the 1950's, as more plain people were forced to go into businesses and hotels to use phones, and the need to have access to one for emergencies arose, the bishops allowed the use of the "community phone." The idea here was that the phone was not in the house, the number unlisted, and that it could be shared by several families, basically for outgoing calls, not socializing. (new window)

If you stare into their eyes long enough, you can see the "God told me to".

This is horribly aggressive action for a Believer and violates several critical covenants.

I'm calling shenanigans.

Buck Henderson
The wife told the kids to call 911? Really?

She actually told them to run down the street to the telegraph station and send an SOS to Adolf Adrokowitz, the Amish Avenger.

On a mighty steed he rides by night. Seeking justice for the peaceful folk who live simple lives. His mission is to bring Amish justice all who would oppress. He is their protector. He's the Amish Avenger!

When we join our hero, he is riding to the aid of a young Amish couple who are being taunted by the city folk. We join them now.

Amish Chick: Oh my, der city kinders are taunting the horse. They are gonna pull der orange triange off'n der buggy.

Amish Dude: With my manly strength I could easily crush the skulls of these video game playing weaklings. But our religion preaches non violence.

Amish Chick: It is if these meanies understand that and are playing to it as a weakness. Won't anyone help us?

(Horse whinny)

Amish Avenger: I am here! Taste Amish Justice city kids. Stop forthwith or we shall shun ye!

City Kid: Aw, what are we gonna do with a orange triangle. Lets go play Call of Duty.

Amish Chick: We are saved! Thanks to thee, Amish Avenger.

Amish Avenger: Where ever there is wrong! Where ever there is a cry for help in a thick German accent, I will be there. I shall be there with the power of the Amish Shun!

(Horse whinny, hoof beats retreat)

Amish Dude: Again, I could have crushed their skulls were it not for our beliefs in non violence.

Amish Chick: Does thee ever notice that thy does not see thy Amish Avenger and Adolf Adrokowitz at the same time and place. I wonder if he is the Amish Avenger.

Amish Dude: Ha! He can not but throw a bale of hale half as high as I. And I speak of hay, not straw. Adolf Adrokowitz could not be the Amish Avenger!

(Organ music)

Join us next week for the radio transcribed adventures of the Amish Avenger! And for those of you with the Amish Avenger decoder ring, We bring you this very important message. Set your decoder ring to B-C.
CFTVSFUPTIPEUIZIPSTF

Yes, Amish have telephones. Usually in the barn or in a phone booth (the phone company sometimes puts phone booths out along the road so that several families can use it.) Many Amish have cell phones, as well, but they don't advertise it.

Yes, Amish use electricity, so long as it doesnt come in off the grid. Gasoline powered generators are a favorite, as are solar panels. Amish also like battery-powered LEDs. When the big power outage hit the east coast some years back, it was amusing to see that the only lights along our road were those of us that had generators....mostly Amish.

My Amish neighbor (named Mullet, but no direct relation to the ones in the story) has a chest freezer in my garage. In exchange for letting them use our electricity, we get all the fruit and vegetables from their 100 acre farm that we want...their sweet corn is wonderful.

I'm claiming "Levi and the Mulletts" as my 80s-retro band name.