Ten years ago, no one used the phrase 'soulmate' in my marital therapy office.

I heard about "soulmates" at least 20 years ago. But I'm sure the existence of soulmates would be a hinderance in a marital therapy office.

Husband Client: Every time I need to use the bathroom, she's in there!
Wife Client: That's because we're soul mates.
Husband Client: I love you.
Marital Therapist: Sooo...that'll be $100?

Hollywood has really farked people up in the last 60 years.

The "traditional" family, soulmates, love at first sight... bunch of bullshiat constructs that Hollywood popularized, and people actually believed in.

So, people actually buy into this soulmate sh*t?

Why do I think those are the people that get divorced faster as well?

being in a successful relationship requires work, there isn't some mystical power that does anything. In 7 years of marriage my wife and I have been through some crazy stuff, stuff I've seen other couples get divorced over. For a couple reasons, one they didn't think to talk about this stuff before they got married. We knew exactly what each other wanted, not just from each other. Most of the "soulmate" crowd just thinks things will work out no matter what.

I've known several people that divorced over something that could have been a two minute conversation.

And women, please don't think you will ever change a guy. If you do get one thing changed, then good for you. but if you married the bad boy, the slob, the workaholic, alcoholic, etc, you can't change that.

king_nacho: being in a successful relationship requires work, there isn't some mystical power that does anything

Exactly. 'Marriage' is not a finish line. Far too many treat it as such.

How TV Ruined Your Love Life (new window)

Good stuff. Prepare to laugh and learn.

coco ebert: So, people actually buy into this soulmate sh*t?

Why do I think those are the people that get divorced faster as well?

I bet those same people keep lists of all the qualities they require in a partner and find that nobody can live up. It's fine to have wants. It's fine to have needs. It's insane to have exhorbitant requirements.

Sonny's advice works for women, too: when it comes to men, you get three great ones.

Note that he did NOT say three perfect ones, or three soulmates or some such shiat.

Marley'sGirl: I've had two. My husband is not going to be happy when the third comes along.

It would be lousy screenwriting if Sonny had said 3±1 great ones.

Josh Neff: [referring to Lady and the Tramp] There is something depressing about it, and it's not really about dogs. Except for some superficial bow-wow stuff at the start, the dogs all represent human types, which is where it gets into real trouble. Lady, the ostensible protagonist, is a fluffy blond Cocker Spaniel with absolutely nothing on her brain. She's great-looking, but - let's be honest - incredibly insipid. Tramp, the love interest, is a smarmy braggart of the most obnoxious kind - an oily jailbird out for a piece of tail, or... whatever he can get.

Charlotte Pingress: Oh, come on.

Josh Neff: No, he's a self-confessed chicken thief, and all-around sleazeball. What's the function of a film of this kind? Essentially as a primer on love and marriage directed at very young people, imprinting on their little psyches the idea that smooth-talking delinquents recently escaped from the local pound are a good match for nice girls from sheltered homes. When in ten years the icky human version of Tramp shows up around the house, their hormones will be racing and no one will understand why. Films like this program women to adore jerks.

I met my soul mate. Unfortunately it was while she was cutting me off in traffic, and I flipped her the bird.

Kyoki: This is pretty much what happened to me. All attempts at counseling and reconciliation were rebuffed. It was simply easier for her to be selfish and lazy about the whole thing.

without having any insight into the specifics of your situation, i do want to ask you to consider how you would be reacting had it been you the one to decide to end things and rebuff all attempts at counseling and reconciliation. If she had been the one to call you selfish and lazy, how would you have reacted or responded.

another thought. and it took the nastiest experience of my life, which lasted nearly two years, and then the healing immediately following it to get to this point, which i am now going to share with you: you are awesome. why on earth would you want to be with a miserable bag of cocks who doesn't want to be with you. and in my case was so busy worrying about the next best thing on various online dating sites and forums, writing to them about light and warmth and all joys and the things he never did with me that i certainly wanted to do, that he missed out on what could have been a far more pleasant time, even if it still came to an end.

as for selfishness, we are all selfish. one might say you were being selfish for wanting to be with her. and that's normal.

as for laziness, that's irrelevant. because you are awesome. and why on earth would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.

good luck, man.

*clinks coffee mug*

Sybarite: I met my soul mate. Unfortunately it was while she was cutting me off in traffic, and I flipped her the bird.

I was in a hurry, peanut. My stories were almost starting.

/*ducks*

Kyoki: Next rounds on me if I make it to your AO.

:)

Boudyro: "Soulmate" doesn't mean what hollywood shows most of the time. It's love, it's physical, it's friendship, it's completeness, it's being part of each other in a way that only people who have experienced it can really understand.

Word. I'd like to add "it's having each other's backs, and even when you know the romantic part is over, doing the right thing and not screwing over the person who would have taken a bullet for you." it has never been a matter of feeling complete for me. it's been a matter of finding the complement.

GoodyearPimp: Newsflash: Women (and men) are mostly petty and shallow. I for one welcome a new dawn of lowered expectations.

Bob?

tafka: break up & make up

I just can't seeeeeeeee
You'd never do that to me
(Would you baby)
'Cause being around you is all I see
It's why I want us to

Let's, let's stay together
Loving you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad

Let's, let's stay together
Loving you whether, whether