Close quarter weapons seem like the worst possible way to defend against zombie attack.

Better to get a shotgun and a handgun. Shoot the zombies until you run out of ammo. Then use the handgun to kill your family and yourself before your brains are eaten.

SilentStrider: only an amateur would think that a chainsaw is a good weapon against zombies.

It worked for Ash

Zombie season?

I've never understood how you're supposed to "kill" a zombie. They're already dead so you can't target organs as vital points: heart, brain, lungs.

About the only thing you can do is to physically destroy the bodies. In that case, chainsaws, guns and melee weapons are useless.

This is a hit among Gen X homeowners who will use the tool once for something their wives demanded and then leave it in the garage to collect dust.

Okay, I find the zombie thing quite dull, but that at least made me chuckle.

FTA: Tom Baker, shopping at the Westlake Ace Hardware at 84th and West Center for a drill bit, said he's enjoying the store's zombie-preparedness promotion.


/hot as a cool dip in an Amelia Pond

I love it. If you go to their website and click on the "I need help with..." menu, they even have Zombies as a category.

Pollexabator
This is a hit among Gen X homeowners who will use the tool once for something their wives demanded and then leave it in the garage to collect dust.


whatever..I don't care.

BurnShrike: I've never understood how you're supposed to "kill" a zombie. They're already dead so you can't target organs as vital points: heart, brain, lungs.

About the only thing you can do is to physically destroy the bodies. In that case, chainsaws, guns and melee weapons are useless.

Modern zombies are usually just virus infected but alive. I hear they can even run now.

Being a fan of zombie movies and books for years, i think this is the best ad campaign ever. I'm going to a Westlake just to check it out.

The best use of guns during the zombie apocalypse is against other humans with guns that have stuff you want. Kill or wound them, take their stuff, and bounce before the horde arrives to finish off the survivors.

AverageAmericanGuy: Better to get a shotgun and a handgun. Shoot the zombies until you run out of ammo. Then use the handgun to kill your family and yourself before your brains are eaten.

I'm going to ask you to reread that suggestion and tell me what's wrong with it.

BurnShrike: I've never understood how you're supposed to "kill" a zombie. They're already dead so you can't target organs as vital points: heart, brain, lungs.

About the only thing you can do is to physically destroy the bodies. In that case, chainsaws, guns and melee weapons are useless.

Well, something has to be the control center for the thing or it'd just spend most of its time rolling around on the ground groping itself.

The need a how to for attaching a chainsaw to your arm, to replace a hand turned evil.

BurnShrike: I've never understood how you're supposed to "kill" a zombie. They're already dead so you can't target organs as vital points: heart, brain, lungs.

About the only thing you can do is to physically destroy the bodies. In that case, chainsaws, guns and melee weapons are useless.

Are you completely ignorant of the genre? You have two choices - completely destroy the body's ability to hold together or take out the brains. No sensory organs or mouth and you're safe. No body and you're safe.

AverageAmericanGuy: Close quarter weapons seem like the worst possible way to defend against zombie attack.

Better to get a shotgun and a handgun. Shoot the zombies until you run out of ammo. Then use the handgun to kill your family and yourself before your brains are eaten.

In general, things like this serve a few purposes in the upcoming zombie apocalypse:

1 - They're weapons of last resort and should only buy you enough time to get the hell out of the area to reload or scrounge more ammo.
2 - They're useful for building shelter, clearing roads, etc. When fleeing the hoard, having the ability to cut a path past a tree or telephone pole that's blocking the road could be critical for survival.
3 - Silent killers - with the exception of the chainsaw, the other weapons can be single strike more less silent kills. Firing a rifle simply alerts the zombies to a noise source, which will draw them to you. Bad times, that.

Honestly, the best strategy for the ZA is to get the hell out of dodge and to somewhere remote, defensible, and that provides you the ability to scrounge, grow, and otherwise obtain food. Let the zombies die out due to lack of food (could take quite some time) while others do the fighting and dying. Don't fight unless you can't run. Less chance of becoming food or a zombie that way.

All_Farked_Up: Modern zombies are usually just virus infected but alive. I hear they can even run now.

Well, that would work I suppose, despite that all mythological accounts (As well as my Monster Manual) of zombies say they're undead.


pxlboy: you have to destroy the brain

If they're virus-infected that makes sense, but if they're undead it doesn't. Zombies aren't intelligent, and don't need a brain.


I've always thought that any undead spirit bound to a body could only be destroyed in certain ways. You either have to unbind the spirit somehow (like a cleric turning/destroying) or destroy the physical body completely. Even if you destroy everything but a hand, the spirit would still be bound to that hand. Since the body is already dead, it doesn't need any internal organs or anything to keep it moving, so the hand would continue to act.

STIHL telescoping pole pruners help you reach new performance heights. With an adjustable shaft, you will be able to cut branches up to 16 feet above ground. Plus the powerful engine provides a quick and clean cut so that you can ensure optimal tree care.

Pole-arms in general.
Good for the Zombie apocalypse.

Cool promotion! I like a manager with a sense of humor.

ronaprhys: BurnShrike: I've never understood how you're supposed to "kill" a zombie. They're already dead so you can't target organs as vital points: heart, brain, lungs.

About the only thing you can do is to physically destroy the bodies. In that case, chainsaws, guns and melee weapons are useless.

Are you completely ignorant of the genre? You have two choices - completely destroy the body's ability to hold together or take out the brains. No sensory organs or mouth and you're safe. No body and you're safe.

AverageAmericanGuy: Close quarter weapons seem like the worst possible way to defend against zombie attack.

Better to get a shotgun and a handgun. Shoot the zombies until you run out of ammo. Then use the handgun to kill your family and yourself before your brains are eaten.

In general, things like this serve a few purposes in the upcoming zombie apocalypse:

1 - They're weapons of last resort and should only buy you enough time to get the hell out of the area to reload or scrounge more ammo.
2 - They're useful for building shelter, clearing roads, etc. When fleeing the hoard, having the ability to cut a path past a tree or telephone pole that's blocking the road could be critical for survival.
3 - Silent killers - with the exception of the chainsaw, the other weapons can be single strike more less silent kills. Firing a rifle simply alerts the zombies to a noise source, which will draw them to you. Bad times, that.

Honestly, the best strategy for the ZA is to get the hell out of dodge and to somewhere remote, defensible, and that provides you the ability to scrounge, grow, and otherwise obtain food. Let the zombies die out due to lack of food (could take quite some time) while others do the fighting and dying. Don't fight unless you can't run. Less chance of becoming food or a zombie that way.

I find myself nodding in agreement because one of my friends is running a Z.A. role playing game. We hijacked his story line right off the bat when we immediately got out of the city and made for a defensible place in the country.

ronaprhys: BurnShrike: I've never understood how you're supposed to "kill" a zombie. They're already dead so you can't target organs as vital points: heart, brain, lungs.

About the only thing you can do is to physically destroy the bodies. In that case, chainsaws, guns and melee weapons are useless.

Are you completely ignorant of the genre? You have two choices - completely destroy the body's ability to hold together or take out the brains. No sensory organs or mouth and you're safe. No body and you're safe.

I'm not ignorant of the genre. I'm just saying it doesn't make sense and isn't thought through very well. And I'm not talking about the "new" zombies that are just people with a weird virus. Those aren't true zombies at all.

A zombie is an undead spirit bound to a physical (although dead) body. Spirits don't need any physical parts of the body to function in order to see/hear/etc. They don't think through the body's brain. They don't see through the body's eyes, or hear through its ears. Destroying any of those parts of the body will not hinder the spirit at all.

As I've said above, you either need to unbind the spirit from the body somehow, or to destroy the body enough to render it incapable of movement and/or aggression. Putting a bullet hole through it, regardless of location will do *nothing*.

Groups of people defending... Pitchforks and machete's. Bottle neck the zombies (if possible) between structures doorways etc, use the pitchforks to pin/push the zombies back and one guy starts chopping heads of the pinned ones. Pitchforks are very useful and overlooked quite often.

Meh, I wish zombies would attack so you zombie-philes would crap your pants, get eaten and die already.

Groups of people defending... Pitchforks and machete's. Bottle neck the zombies (if possible) between structures doorways etc, use the pitchforks to pin/push the zombies back and one guy starts chopping heads of the pinned ones. Pitchforks are very useful and overlooked quite often.

excellent idea, but use a potato fork, they have heaver tines than a pitch fork & would hold up longer.

Screw your silly marketing ploys, I'll escape the zombies by just being an idiot.

Being familiar with the rules regarding Zombie's is the best defense...
1. Cardio
2. Double tap
3. Beware of bathrooms
4. Wear seatbelts
5. Cast iron skillet
6. Travel light
7. Get a kickass partner
8. Bounty paper towels
9. Bowling Ball
10. Don't be a hero
11. Limber up
12. Avoid strip clubs
13. When in doubt, know your way out
14. The buddy system
15. Check the back seat
16. Enjoy the little things
17. Swiss army knife
18. Clean socks
19. Hygiene
20. Always have backup

This is a wonderful advertising scheme. Someone just earned their next bag of coke!

Tatsuhiko: Meh, I wish zombies would attack so you zombie-philes would crap your pants, get eaten and die already.

I'm of the opinion that the reason people engage in the somewhat absurd idea of a zombie apocalypse revolves around the yearning for a common enemy to rally against. That life as we know it is reset, and those that are selfish or can't work within a new order of banded survivors are cut off and ultimately left to fend for themselves against an invasion of undead.

/Some actually believe the zombie apocalypse has already arrived.

BurnShrike:
I'm not ignorant of the genre. I'm just saying it doesn't make sense and isn't thought through very well. And I'm not talking about the "new" zombies that are just people with a weird virus. Those aren't true zombies at all.

A zombie is an undead spirit bound to a physical (although dead) body. Spirits don't need any physical parts of the body to function in order to see/hear/etc. They don't think through the body's brain. They don't see through the body's eyes, or hear through its ears. Destroying any of those parts of the body will not hinder the spirit at all.

As I've said above, you either need to unbind the spirit from the body somehow, or to destroy the body enough to render it incapable of movement and/or aggression. Putting a bullet hole through it, regardless of location will do *nothing*.

BurnShrike:
If they're virus-infected that makes sense, but if they're undead it doesn't. Zombies aren't intelligent, and don't need a brain.


I've always thought that any undead spirit bound to a body could only be destroyed in certain ways. You either have to unbind the spirit somehow (like a cleric turning/destroying) or destroy the physical body completely. Even if you destroy everything but a hand, the spirit would still be bound to that hand. Since the body is already dead, it doesn't need any internal organs or anything to keep it moving, so the hand would continue to act.

Undead or not, the brain still controls what little motor control and impulses they've got, interprets the sensory input, etc. If you destroy that, they cease to function for all practical purposes.

Secondly, destroying the brain normally involves destroying the head. Since the virus is transferred by the bite, destroying the dead removes their ability to bite and effectively renders them useless.

Undead =! spirit controlling them. It just means they're animated corpses, which is what zombies are. What you'd be talking about is someone being possessed, which does call for clerics or something else (or just killing them, too).

gadian: Still not done with the zombies yet? No? No. *sigh* There have got to be cooler pop culture fads than diseased rotting corpses wanting to eat brains.

This "preparedness for the zombie apocalypse" stuff was kind of cool and amusing when "The Zombie Survival Guide" by Max Brooks came out in 2003. Then the jokes started cropping up - jokes whose set up, premise and punchline were all "PREPARATION FOR ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!" which I never found the humor in, but I ignored for a few years because it wasn't hurting anyone. Then a few years rolled by, and around 2007 the "joke" was still going strong and becoming a little sad. Why oh why do they still find this funny? Around 2009 it was becoming really irritating. OK I get it, you have a baseball bat/chainsaw/weed whacker in case of zombie apocalypse, and you've planned out your escape route and debated whether or not to go on the roof. Great, let's move on. Now it's late 2011, 8 years since Max Brooks' book and I...I...just don't know. Please, please, pleeeeease just stop. Please.

MannaxOne:
I find myself nodding in agreement because one of my friends is running a Z.A. role playing game. We hijacked his story line right off the bat when we immediately got out of the city and made for a defensible place in the country.

I'd say that I've thought about this too often, but proper planning prohibits piss poor performance.

Personally, I'm thinking about a box canyon* or something like that where I can get sunlight, rain, and have a defensible point. I saw some nice spots up in Wisconsin last time I was up there, plus I'd have the added benefit of the winter freezing them solid. That'd let me do a decent job of scouting while hunting - if I found zombies around and frozen, I could just eliminate them without too much worry of them attacking.

*Ideally the other side of this box canyon would be hills so rocky and steep that zombies can't come in from the back, but that would allow us to distract them to the killzone, then if there were too many to fight off, we could still climb out the back to a stashed method of transportation complete with food and enough stuff to live until we find a new home. Would be great if it had a long neck coming in so we could have staggered claymores to trigger. Set them at roughly 5' up, set one group off to clear out the immediate area, let it refill, set off another, etc. If it was rocky enough we could even use fire, assuming our entrance was made non-flammable.

angva: gadian: Still not done with the zombies yet? No? No. *sigh* There have got to be cooler pop culture fads than diseased rotting corpses wanting to eat brains.

This "preparedness for the zombie apocalypse" stuff was kind of cool and amusing when "The Zombie Survival Guide" by Max Brooks came out in 2003. Then the jokes started cropping up - jokes whose set up, premise and punchline were all "PREPARATION FOR ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!" which I never found the humor in, but I ignored for a few years because it wasn't hurting anyone. Then a few years rolled by, and around 2007 the "joke" was still going strong and becoming a little sad. Why oh why do they still find this funny? Around 2009 it was becoming really irritating. OK I get it, you have a baseball bat/chainsaw/weed whacker in case of zombie apocalypse, and you've planned out your escape route and debated whether or not to go on the roof. Great, let's move on. Now it's late 2011, 8 years since Max Brooks' book and I...I...just don't know. Please, please, pleeeeease just stop. Please.

Feel free to not click on any zombie related links, dumbass. Nobody gives a shiat what you think.

On other note, "zombie preparations" are quite useful for a variety of real-world and commonly occurring events; power-removing snow storms, hurricanes, etc. Unless you think the FEMA trailer debacle was a good thing, having the general masses think about what they would do if XY or Z happened is a good thing.

gadian: Still not done with the zombies yet? No? No. *sigh* There have got to be cooler pop culture fads than diseased rotting corpses wanting to eat brains.

My husband said it was basically a guy thing. Womenz put so much navel-gazing into blow-em-up stories (hello vampires!) that guys were turned off. They just want to watch shiat get beat up without having to argue about the friggin' ethics of it. Thus, zombies.

/Dreading the inevitable steampunk trash
//Hoping there'll be some decent gems in there, but... :\

BurnShrike: I've never understood how you're supposed to "kill" a zombie. They're already dead so you can't target organs as vital points: heart, brain, lungs.

About the only thing you can do is to physically destroy the bodies. In that case, chainsaws, guns and melee weapons are useless.

Ok, Einstein. You sit there and ponder that while I run.

TheSnacky: I think a flame thrower would be more practical.

As has been repeatedly learned in previous outbreaks, a burning zombie is a walking bonfire which quickly spreads fire, endangering humans. Avoid the use of flamethrowers in fields or forests. They are less impractical in concrete and asphalt environments.

gadian: Still not done with the zombies yet? No? No. *sigh* There have got to be cooler pop culture fads than diseased rotting corpses wanting to eat brains.

Well, there's sitting around pissin' and moanin' in forums about what other people find fun, but then, you're already doing that, so.....I guess there's nothing else.