So nobody wants to:
1. Marry me
2.Have wild sex
3.Divorce
4. ????
5. Profit!!!

/I Still Hate the Drake!

Whattsamatta, no Hungarians out there? :D

I could win this but I'm too lazy to type it all out.

Met Ex Wife when she was in the Army:
http://mediaservice.photoisland.com/auction/Sep/20039235680861563583758.jpg
http://mediaservice.photoisland.com/auction/Sep/20039237891849761408404.jpg
ex Wife is discharged from Army on psychological grounds as she "Could pose a serious threat to others".
Ex Wife has affair with her boss (and some other fellow army dudes) and tells me about it on our Honeymoon on a Luau in Hawaii.
Return home.
Ex Wife returns to Army lifestyle of drinking and drugs.
Relationship degenerates to the point where gunfire is exchanged and new home requires a ballistic patchup in order to sell it.
Restraining order taken out against Ex Wife.
Ex Wife begins stalking me and my family.
Ex Wife violates restraining order, breaks into home, steals my dog and flees interstate.
Divorce eventually ensues.

Met a MUCH nicer girl 10 years later on internet from another continent.
Get married.
Live a VERY happy life.
New and improved relationship(see pic on my Fark Name-Link)


Morals learned:
*Do not store loaded firearms under pillow.
*Raiding an adulterer's home with your SWAT team buddies is hilarious (this was prior to "True Lies" release)
*Mace sprayed on underpants crotch area reacts and reactivates with body heat.
*Internet relationships can be worth the trouble.
*Honesty is always the best policy.
*Expandable foam in a can is a viable weapon.
*The old "dead snake in the grocery bag" gag actually works.

Pxtl

And women wonder where mysogeny comes from. Thank you boys, I am engaged, and now scared to shiat.


And you're marrying a bible thum.. err 'Anglican'. Man. Talk about brave.

No matter how benign they start, the ones that profess a X-tian Religion (which ever flavor) end up being the most trouble. Trust me on this one.

/X-tian bash and-or rant

A vote for me is a vote for more Futurama!

I'm too young for marriage but I'm beginning to think the worst thing you could do to someone you love is marry them.

nero_design

She stole your DOG? That's low. I mean, go ahead and leave and all, but leave the dog.

Dear FOX,

Stop with the reality shows, they are pointless.

Regards,
Farker Kremit

P.S.: fark you.


This thread should be printed out and sent to all of your producers via snail mail and email.

Marriage is a crap shoot. Women don't know what they want. They think they do and they like to talk about it, but they don't understand the basic instincts that drive their emotions.

Infidelity sucks. Men and women cheat for basically the same reasons, instinct.

Marriage is a barrel, half full of honey and half full of shiat. I sure am sorry you guys all opened it up from the wrong end.

Reasonably happily married, 6 years and counting. she's gained a little weight, but her boobies have gotten bigger too so I aint complaining.

St.Alfonzo:
As long as they're reading, I'd like to take a moment to tell them that FOX sucks big floppy donkey cocks. Worst shiat on tv. Here's a good idea, how a bout another crappy "reality" show that panders to the absolute lowest common denominator of their witless viewership?

So, first you bash FOX, then their viewers. but if you know what FOX airs, you must be a viewer, and are bashing yourself.

How about: neither FOX nor any other channel is responsible for your miserable life.

Well, I'm getting married in a year. You know what, though? I'm not scared of divorce. Sure, there's a chance it could happen, but in the here and now I love this person and want to spend my life with him. To me, it's worth the risk.

After reading all these horror stories, I had to walk into the other room and give my fiancee a big hug.

I've never been married.

But I'd get married if FOX would pay for the wedding and lots of beer for my brothers and friends.

Then have hidden cameras running the next morning when I demand a divorce from the wench. FOX needs to pay my med bills for her potential violent reaction and the divorce as well.

FOX is a FOXY FOXHOLE

/Fire in the Hole!

Zip Beep: The Dog was a White German Shepherd. And a complete tard. Perhaps it was the best.

So when is someone gonna wise up and make the "Internet All-Stars Super Happy Fun Hour" with Homestarunner and Red vs Blue?

Wow. This wasn't a good thread to read while trying to figure out stuff about the future.

That being said, I'm really sorry for those who had to go through this. People can suck quite amazingly. And Fox, fcuk you for trying to exploit a very personal, intensely painful time in peoples' lives.

My boyfriend is getting hugged like heck next week.

/curls up with cat

Came back from Bosnia in '97 to an empty house. She took everything and was farking a guy from another regiment.

I got my stuff back though.

Moral of the story:

1) Don't get married too young (there ought to be a law forbidding marriage before 25 years old-- probably 30)

2) Don't marry someone who is not happy, well adjusted on their own. If you or your mate is a miserable human being, nobody is going to "complete" you.

3) Don't get married for "the kids", raising kids in a miserable household isn't doing them or society a favor.

I've been in the same relationship for over 20 years. A marriage can be great, can be work and should never be taken for granted. I have the best spouse (for me) in the world and I am still amazed how occasionally boredom, male hormones and curiosity creep into one's mind with thoughts that would destroy a marriage. Fortunately I'm too busy and happy to act on them. But it does test one's sanity at times.

I really feel empathy for all the pain and misery many of you have endured. On the plus side look at it this way, you survived it, it's over, and if it's the worse thing that ever happens to you in your life, then it will have been a pretty good life...

I'd rather watch a show on another network about Fox going bankrupt.

Seriously.

I'd sit down with some popcorn and enjoy all of the footage of their executives and workers having their cars repossessed, and their spouses leaving them now that the money has dried up and there's no reason for them to cling onto their pathetic, morally (and now financially) bankrupt moronic asses.

Flashback to the 80's.

Dad: "Here's 5 dollars to get the newspaper while you
and your brother return the video (masters of the universe)
to the store"

Me age 6 : "Can me and Seth use the change to buy some gum and some garbagepail kid cards?"

Dad: "For chissake son, I give your mom 400 dollars a month in child support, doesn't ANY of that money go to you or your brother?"

Me: "Dad.. I'm six..."

Dad: "I mean, look at those old shoes.. why don't you ask your MOTHER to use some of HER child-support money to buy YOU and your BROTHER some new clothes for a change? Or does she just make you wear your crappy weekend clothes when you come HERE to see me? So why don't you go and tell your MOTHER-"

Me: "uh.. nevermind..."

(commence emotional scarring....)

zipbeep:

you make a strong point. and you are not incorrect: the subset "right winger" is wholly enclosed in the large subset "money grubbing assholes."

i recant my previous post.



pnbrushjr

you know what's funny about fox?

everyone biatches because they're ostensibly right wing.

but really they're just shameless money grubbing assholes.

shiat.

There's a difference??? :D

Worst divorce story?
How about Futurama divorced from production.
Family Guy divorced from the primetime line up.

Best divorce story?
ALL reality T.V. divorced from all time slots on all networks. If that drek needs to be aired put it on the lobotomy channel.

that shiat sux u fag

And in Fox's defense, they're in the business of attracting eyeballs so that they can sell advertisements. If nobody watched the shiat then they wouldn't put in on the air. farkin' Joe Millionaire had the best ratings of the year, better than the Academy Awards, for certain age groups (I can't remember if it was 18-34). If Fox started running the History channels content tomorrow, they'd be out of business by Friday. If you don't like it, don't watch it. Plus The Simpsons is the BEST SHOW EVER.

Oh yeah, FOX News sucks...

This thread is offically depressing , not the "Fox sux" part but the stories..... MAN!

I lost my most prized possession ever.

My Chapman Stick. A handmade musical instrument which was not only the coolest thing I ever played, but was previously owned by the inventor of the instrument.

I sold it to a guy just outside of Budapest to offer a lump-sum alimony buyout. I admit, I was a nice guy - I gave everything I had, because I figured a fresh start from nothing was better than no start at all.

I got married, he was an asshole, we got divorced.

Now for a more entertaining story...

I used to be a clerk in family court. I could tell stories to top ALL of you (not counting the ones from my crazy ass family).

The best story ever:

The scene: a divorce/domestic violence hearing in state and county that will remain unnamed, just imagine the people talking with very hick, southern, redneck accents:

The set-up: Husband is accused of kicking wife with steel-toed boots and putting her in the hospital.

Husband: Well, your honor, I walked into the trailer, and thar she wuz, nekkid, leaned over the counter-top. And there wuz the neighbor, up behind her, he was nekkid too. They was havin sex. Doggie style I think ya call it.


Let me just say that during testimony like this, it is very difficult for the officers of the court to remain professional.

Best.Day.Of.Work.EVER

*insert witty Hon. Harold T.Stone comment here*

i believe the lesson here is. don't get married.

and thank's to all these wonderful stories, i don't think i ever will.

y'all have saved me a lot of heartache.

Fox has a low- or un-paid temp reading this?

I also vote for Family Guy and Futurama to come back and for all the reality shows to go away. Then bring back "Action!" and buy the rights from ABC to make new episodes of "The Job" too.

Also, please cancel the Simpsons so they can go out with at least the tiniest shred of dignity. Think of the children!

My wife gave me money to order a pizza tonight instead of making dinner. And she is now walking around in nothing but a short red satin robe. And talking baby talk to the cats.

Divorce sucks.

But on days like these marriage is pretty sweet.

nero_design: dude....I read your profile. So, did you have anything to do with the "chocolate cake" scene in Reloaded??

Can I....shake your hand??? : )

I also vote for Family Guy and Futurama to come back and for all the reality shows to go away. Then bring back "Action!" and buy the rights from ABC to make new episodes of "The Job" too.

I don't know 'Action', but as for the rest: YES.

Cynical, No, there are no dents in my walls. But I've probably dented my psyche with the repeated mantra, "Please God, make him die." Anyway, I regret the marriage, but not staying. I believed in my vows, I could do no less. I'm no quitter. And I was optimistic enough to think that if I worked at it hard enough, long enough, things would get better.

Some people ought to have warning labels on their foreheads as a public service.

-Knocked her up. Got married at 21, she was 18
-Wild oats not yet sown, she goes out with girlfriend while I babysit.
-Gets late, I track her down and find her sitting in middle of front seat with some other guy.
-I confront them, she's shocked to see me there while baby is sleeping at home.
-I give the guy the finger, his friends pull him back.
-We continue marriage for awhile.
-Another night out with another girlfriend after work.
-Parents babysit. I track her down to private club in center city, I'm not able to get in.
-She finally comes out at 4am wearing tank top she didn't leave home with and would not come home with.
-I drive friend to her car and silently seeth.
-I lose it, when we are alone, and slap her and call her name.
-End of marriage.
-Time lasted: 3 years

Hey FOX, here's your show:

WHO WANTS TO KISS MY ASS!!!

TV sucks, and fox is at the top of the suck list! Unplug your Television sets, folks. Let them rot and let the TV execs starve.

Reading some of these stories is making me wonder whether currently being one of the 'nice guys'(read: The Friend) isn't such a bad thing after all. O.o

I forgot to mention, more Family Guy!

Parents married 25 yrs, house on top of hill -- picket fence, dog, business etc.. 6 kids

13 yrs later 3 million in assets gone, biz gone, both parents living in ghetto apt's in low income neighborhood, dog is dead, parental visits include switching kids at police station due to restraining orders... ahhh fark it i can't get into this sh... anymore. Imagine all the rest and multiply it by 10, my heart goes out to all the other kids who were the real victims of these disasters.

Bah I'm not married yet sooooo:


Family Guy!!! Family Guy!!! Family Guy!!!

My boyfriend's parents have a really fun story:

2 doctors, married for 20ish years, have two kids, aged 8 and 10. Wife cheats with some other guy, gets knocked up by him. Husband steps up to the plate and says he'll raise the baby as his own if they give the marriage another shot. She refuses, they divorce and move across the country from eachother.

Boyfriend's mom marries the scumbag that knocked her up. New stepfather proceeds to beat the shiat out of my boyfriend (aged 10-14) every time he got mad. His mother pretends not to notice; tries to make the marriage work. Doesn't work. Get divorced 4 years later. Now is dating someone, and finally in a good relationship.

Boyfriend's dad marries uptight, former college girlfriend. She turns out to be jealous, possesive, and resents time spent with the kids. They got divorced just last year.

My parents, on the other hand, have been happily married for 25 years.

My boyfriend and I are talking marriage sometime in the (not-so-near) future. He seems nervous about it... can't imagine why!

I never, ever want to make my kids suffer through what he went through.

God-

Best.Story.Evar.

A reality show/unscripted show about divorced people? Gimme a friggin break. If you are going to enertain people by showing the misfortunes of others how about my idea for a reality show instead?

You see it starts with a bunch of Fox network higher ups (e.i. the ones that decide what shows to show, and marketing people, and so on, and so forth... fark it, the whole damn company then) that get trapped on an island. Somewhat like Survivor. But see, there's a twist, while we're dropping off Fox execs on oneside of the Island, we're dropping off random people that we've pulled from some of the finest maximum security prisons and mental institutes from around the world. Also dropped off on this island is a massive weapons catch.

The trick here is, not to get voted off the island, but not to be voted as human bulletproof vest. Now isn't this a great idea?

Actually you know what, let's just skip all that, get fox to sell Simpsons to Adult Swim, call up Matt Groening and tell him to keep up futurama, and rip the Fox network to shreds with our barehands? While we're at it we can get MTV too.

Family Guy
Firefly
Futurama

Fark off you farking farks.

Dear Mr. Murdoch,

Thanks for ruining my name with a combination of X-Files (if I hear one more "Fox? As in Mulder?" I will track down Chris Carter like the dog that he is and shoot him) and "Fox News" (here's my "fair and balanced" opinion: I hope you fall into an industrial meat grinder.)

Thank you.

---Fox

AcadianSidhe, whoa... your AIM name is eerily similar to mine...

/shameless threadjack

It was raining that night. I had come home expecting my wife to be waiting for me. The fine dinner she would cook for me when I ran late from the office. We had our ups and downs as most couples do. I laugh at how much I trusted her. I gave her so much power but never realized that all that freedom and those privileges became my downfall. I realize now that I was not the best of husbands. She wanted children but I could not afford to raise a child while the executive position was at stake. I asked her for so long to just "wait a little longer," it always seemed there was plenty of time. I work long hours. It is the nature of my job. She definitely had plenty of time to cheat on me if she wanted.

That October night I walked up the steps to my home. Our carefully manicured lawn had become a mud pit. I walked on and reached for my keys fumbling to unlock the door. The door was ajar. I held my briefcase in suspicion awaiting a burglar or some such. I strolled into my home but nothing was out of place. I continued to the master bedroom. There they were lying intermingled sleeping soundly in that bed defiled by betrayal. Thoughts were racing through my mind. Action or reaction. What was I to do? I held my head and sobbed.

I left the masterbedroom and went into my studio. I grabbed the camcorder and took some footage of the lovers as well as the morning paper.

I drove to the city and rented a room at some nameless motel. I called my lawyer in the morning and we discussed our options.

My wife and I met only at the mediations. We split amicably but the ownership of our possesions was fiercely debated. With the footage of the betrayal I retained most of my ownings. The biatch got the damned dog though.

I was married to Fox for almost 10 years before we split up. She took Family Guy and Futurama away from me and all I was left with was a rare gem or two out of a couple seasons' worth of crappy Simpsons episodes.

Here's a pic of the hideous biatch goddess:



and my two darlings whom I may never see again