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(Fark)   Tell your best/worst divorce story. In other news, Fox is looking for divorcees for a new reality show to compete for prizes to replace what was lost during the divorce. They're reading. Voting enabled   ( divider line
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3624 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Sep 2003 at 4:42 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2003-09-23 05:49:32 PM  
-Caught wife in a car with a friend
-Beat the crap out of him
-Went to jail for the night
-Went home the next day and crashed the car
-Walked into the apartment only to find it trashed
-Found out she was in the hospital for a suicide attempt
-Tried to work things out
-Left the state to start a new career(also tired of her shiat)
-Flew her out for a "visit". First words out of my mouth..We meet the lawyer tomorow at 9 to sign the divorce papers

Obviously, this is just the higlights. Lord but it was a demeaning, angry, angst-ridden time. Hard to think that it was over 10 years ago and only now am I able to let myself get into a caring, emotional relationship.
Whew, I feel better. Thanks Fark.

/Mr. Sarcastic
2003-09-23 05:49:42 PM  
I was married 10 years to a beautiful woman, and we never fought. But then one day, Fox cancelled Firefly and the stress of it all sent our relationship into a tailspin. My wife went on a killing spree at her workplace, and I had divorce papers sent to her in Riker's island.
2003-09-23 05:49:50 PM  
Jeez, Family Guy isn't low-brow? There's nothing on that show that's funny, other than embarassment humor. And I had such high expectations of the Zuckers, as well. Family Guy does a pretty damn good job of lowering the lowest-common-denominator as any "reality" show.
2003-09-23 05:49:51 PM  
To anyone who works for Fox:
Step 1: Put shotgun in mouth.
Step 2: Pull trigger.
Step 3: ???
Step 4: PROFIT!!

Step 3: Post the film on your web site, and loop it in promotions for FoxNews.
2003-09-23 05:50:18 PM  
Something wasn't right.

Wife really starts pushing to buy a house despite the fact that it would have been fiscal suicide.

We don't, and the separation begins.

Something wasn't right.

Wife pushes again to buy house, "you can bring your lovers over" she states. We have 3 young children.

We don't, and the separation continues.

Something wasn't right.

Wife begins moving out, then demands ALL property at that time. I don't allow it.

Something wasn't right.

Third day of the move-out, this time she does not bring the kids with her. I get irate.

Something wasn't right.

Fourth day of move-out she shows up with 2 thugs demanding ALL property. I threaten to call police. My property stays.

Something wasn't right.

Fifth day wife shows up with Sheriff. Sheriff hands me a domestic violence order. I don't see my kids for 6 months as a result.

Something wasn't right.

Yeagh, I was a dumbass!
2003-09-23 05:50:23 PM  
Replace what was lost during the divorce.

How would they replace 18 years of being without a father?

They could replace the 30 grand in child support he never paid.

They can't erase the memory of living on bread and water at the age of 10 till the next welfare check/stamps arrived.

They can't erase the memory of being ridiculed for years for my worn shoes and my mother being on food stamps.

They can't replace me learning all the father/son stuff on my own. (throwing a baseball, shaving, etc).

No show could truely replace what was lost in a divorce.
2003-09-23 05:51:54 PM  
after typing a well thought-out list of items that spell out "FOX SUCKS" with the first letter of each line, but then forgetting to type in my password, and not saving my work, and having the page refresh when I hit the 'back' button, I am even more pissed off at FOX than I was before! So, I will just do this:

foxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxs​uxfoxsux foxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxs​uxfoxsux foxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxs​uxfoxsux foxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxnewssuxmorefo​xnewssux morefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssux​morefoxn ewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxn​ewssuxmo refoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfo​xsuxfoxs uxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfo​xsuxfoxs uxfoxsuxfoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnew​ssuxmore foxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmore​foxnewss uxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewss​uxmorefo xnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefoxnewssuxmorefo​xsuxfoxs uxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfo​xsuxfoxs uxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsuxfoxsux

Thank you very much.
2003-09-23 05:51:54 PM  
I want my trust in women back. (don't get married to your babies mamma when your 20) That's all ... I took everything else, including the kids.
2003-09-23 05:52:17 PM  

True Lies.

Yummy cookies.
2003-09-23 05:53:09 PM  
phydeaux...They should call that place in Reno "The loins afire"
2003-09-23 05:53:26 PM  
Wow... I guess I should refresh before posting comment...

/very late.
2003-09-23 05:53:42 PM  
I divorced my like of Fox when they canned Family Guy.

There's a story.


Did y'all see this though, it was in the entertainment news recently:

LOOK OUT HOMER: Fox greenlighting American Dad, a new toon from Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane about an All in the Family type clan led by a CIA-employed right-leaning dad.
2003-09-23 05:53:54 PM  
Best skit ever:

[image from too old to be available]

2003-09-23 05:54:18 PM  
Hey Fox - since you seem so keen on parasitically sucking on other people's misfortunes to make a buck, why don't you put some of your own tv execs on your program? That seems fair and balanced to me.
2003-09-23 05:54:19 PM  
2003-09-23 05:50:23 PM GregoryD

Replace what was lost during the divorce.

How would they replace 18 years of being without a father?

They could replace the 30 grand in child support he never paid.

They can't erase the memory of living on bread and water at the age of 10 till the next welfare check/stamps arrived.

They can't erase the memory of being ridiculed for years for my worn shoes and my mother being on food stamps.

They can't replace me learning all the father/son stuff on my own. (throwing a baseball, shaving, etc).

No show could truely replace what was lost in a divorce.

Damn man, thats just not cool. Now I wanna kick you dad in the nuts
2003-09-23 05:54:42 PM  
Geez...I get off reading this stuff more than the obituaries...:/
2003-09-23 05:54:56 PM  
Thrice divorced. Each and every time IT SUCKED!!!!!
2003-09-23 05:55:17 PM  
Hey Fox, I am trying to cope with my alcoholism, which ruined my relationship (no marriage), and made me do more stupid things than I can count.

Would you like to exploit me by locking me in a room with a bunch of beer and whiskey? If so, click on my profile and email me. I will gladly show up with a loaded shotgun, shove it up your collective asses, and pull the trigger without even taking a sip.
2003-09-23 05:55:56 PM  

Damn typo
2003-09-23 05:56:16 PM  
The Tale of my Parents' Divorce:

Mom meets guy online.

Few months later, mom tells dad that she wants divorce without telling him why.

Dad wants to work things out, mom doesn't.

Parents divorce.

Mom marries internet boyfriend 4 months later.

New husband lives in Jordan. The country.

New husband used to work for Jordanian equivalent of the military.

Mom is 52. New husband is 33, same age as my fiance.

New husband is due to arrive in the US in October. Dad does not want to meet the guy and wants to know no details about their life together.

On top of that, since divorce dad has cancer in his hip and is currently going through various hip problems.

Let the fireworks begin.

(Not for consideration, just needed to vent big time)
2003-09-23 05:58:08 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-09-23 05:59:44 PM  
If I could have chewed off my arm I would took 6 years to get a divorce....agh!!!!
2003-09-23 06:00:42 PM  
Don't have a divorce story but wanted to comment on someone upthread quoting their favorite line from the movie Cocktail.

Let that sink in a bit. Favorite--Line--From--The--Movie--Cocktail.

Almost makes me sad I stopped quoting from the movie Mr. Big.....
2003-09-23 06:00:51 PM  
My divorce won me far more happiness than any reality show could offer. Plus I got the house, car, dog, cat, and a major part of an accident settlement.

Of course, if Fox wants to give me a million bucks for doing nothing--my e-mail address is in my profile.
2003-09-23 06:01:56 PM  
She moved away from memphis to springfield missouri, took my kids, we both lost our house here and everything in it... when we split up she got her car impounded and never got it out, our old neighboors broke in and stole all of our furniture and kids clothes, the grass there is 3 foot high and im living at my mothers at 31 y/o now, with no job now and i cant even afford to remain a totalfarker.
2003-09-23 06:01:59 PM  
My parents met during high school and married as soon as my mother turned 18 (her parents were against it). Dad does college and starts work as a programmer at a big chemical company (this was in the 70's, when programmer were still respected) and they move into a tiny tiny appartment and eat potato soup 6 days week. Dad works his way up the ranks, eventually convinces Mom to have 2 kids. Mom and Dad both there for elder son through many troubles including depression and not being rejected from the military on medical grounds. They've always been there for both kids and eachother. Dad recently made CIO of his company. Parents now proceeding to get busy again now that both kids are at college and out of the house.

Just letting you know that it can work. I'll still take a bullet before I take any vows though.
2003-09-23 06:03:12 PM  
Forget that not before being rejected from the Army. :(
2003-09-23 06:03:35 PM  
williamzabka. Check this out. And try to lay off the violent talk.
2003-09-23 06:03:48 PM  
I had been in the Navy for almost two years, when I got married to an old flame from high school that I had met by chance when on leave from my first set of schools.
Within weeks of our marriage, I was shipped out to the Persian Gulf to help support operation southern watch (Patroling the no-fly zone in Iraq). Due to my extensive training, I was offered a re-enlistment bonus of $23,551 (tax free, because I was in a combat zone), and a promotion, for extending my enlist by two years. I got half the money up front, and promptly sent it home so that all of our debts would be payed off prior to my return home.
When I returned home, I found that she had spent all of the money, forgetten to pay off my car, or any of my other bills, and that she really didn't feel like being married anymore. The resulting depression cost me my job as a nuclear reactor operator, and as such, I was now ineligable for the bonus I had recieved, and owed the money back to the government. This black mark on my credit rating stayed with me when I left the Navy, and is now making it difficult to find financing for a house.

That's the abbreviated version.
Give me a call FOX, I'd love to give you the WHOLE story :)

2003-09-23 06:05:37 PM  
My wife and I got along great for thirty years.
Then we met.
FNG [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2003-09-23 06:06:59 PM  
my best friend stole my brother's wife at the same time my fiancee left me with an empty apartment. took everything while I was at work. do I get the board game?

/who gives a fark, get on with your lives, suck it up, nothing to see here... would still like the board game though... that'd be... coool

2003-09-23 06:08:02 PM  
I had braces for six years and thought that was bad.

Stewie for president!

//smooches all derailed farkers. sorry for the hurt guys.
2003-09-23 06:08:07 PM  
Me: "hey Dad, can my brother and I have 5 dollars to get some candy at the beach-store?"

Dad: "Jezus Chrise son.. what happens to the 400 dollars
a month I give your mother in child support?"

me: .................................uh......

(thanks for the residual guilt complex dad)
2003-09-23 06:09:51 PM  
by the way.. that was a flashback to dad's cottage. summer vacation. visitation 1983.
view profile, and you'll see how i turned out...
2003-09-23 06:12:27 PM  
Aw fark it, too long.

The classic story - ex was psycho, farked me over by saddling me with a ton of tax debt, fell in love with a friend of me. The upside - I'm not married to her any more.
2003-09-23 06:13:45 PM  
FlipChurn, you are my new hero. and while we're at it, can i please get someone to post some pix for "undeclared" and "greg the bunny"?

/Andy Richter controls MY universe
2003-09-23 06:15:00 PM  
Hey, FOX. Over here. Yeah, right here. You want Reality TV with a raunchy, trailer-trash exploitation theme? Done with Joe GotTonsO'Cashes that make 11K a year, horrible games with weddings at the end, and other such nonsense? Fresh out of ideas?

I've got a suggestion for you. And it's so huge, it'd take multiple cable networks running the show 24-7 to get everything in. It's a Goldmine.

Make a trip on down to Clearfield County, Pennsylvania: Trashy People Capitol of the Northeast.

Seriously. We've got divorcees, illegitimate kids, teenage soap operas that'll blow your mind, ADULT soapoperas that make the teenagers look like they have normal lives... The list goes on and on. Seriously! Jerry Springer would KILL to get these people on his show! Hell, Montel Williams DID have some of these people on the show after the Kimmie Jo Dotts Murder went down. And they proved to the nation that people from Clerfield County, PA are seriously farked up.

Trust me. This place is the next level of Reality TV. Surreality TV. Think of it.

Can you say money in the bank? Sure, I knew you could...
2003-09-23 06:15:05 PM  
And people actually WANT to get married? Boggles the mind.

I'm a fan of long-term relationships where you have lots of kinky sex and live separately.
2003-09-23 06:15:26 PM has a great idea for another new's called "Pitch O' Rama". They've even got an email address for q­u­e­stio­ns­***pitch­orama[nospam-﹫-backwards]x­o­f*com. I say email the fark out of it and bring back family guy =]
2003-09-23 06:15:54 PM  
how about this is the dumbest farking thread ever, yes, lets incurage more divorce in our nation, YAY!!!!
2003-09-23 06:19:26 PM  
Marriage at the courthouse $175

Hiring a locksmith to chage the locks after you catch the biatch cheating $115.

Divorce $2750

Getting out while I'm still young.... priceless.

Sorry, had to do the old tried and true credit card spoof.

Oh yeah and I guess I forgot her mom paid for the dicorce... i feel so loved.
2003-09-23 06:19:31 PM  
Married at the age of 23 to the girl I had gotten pregnant; I thought I was doing the right thing. A couple of years pass and we have another child. During this time I was thrown in jail for DUI while her childhood friend, who is a guy, stays with her.

Being a "heathen" married to a christian wife her parents get fed up with me and pressure her to seperate. So she does. First time. I end up packing my bags and move to a different part of the state, living with my best friend for a week until I get a job and rent a place. She comes back with the kids and we are a happy family for three years. Or so I thought.

The time I was in jail(3 days) she slept with her childhood friend. I had no clue. The time that we lived in another city she slept with my "best friend". I found this out after she left me again and moved back in with her mother, taking the kids. Still married, she proceeds to become the town whore while living with her mother, sleeping with the friends I had there. We were seperated 2 years; I remained faithful and celibate while she screwed everyone I knew. Remember; she was a "christian" and could do no wrong in her family's eye, while me, the "heathen", stayed faithful while incuring her family's abuse.

She decides to move out of the state, so we end up here in Colorado, trying to work things out. Call me a glutton for punishment but I really was trying to do the right thing. Things are OK for a year before the enfluence of her family breaks us up again. This time I said divorce; no point in trying to save a sinking ship. I move to a town 60 miles away and transfer job locations. I don't know anyone there so I start going out to some pubs and in a week hit it off with an older woman who farked me the first time we met. Meanwhile divorce day comes and I am free. Of course I'm paying a ton of support but I can handle it.

Best revenge: having my ex suck and fark me(she still wanted me to screw her a couple of days a week) after boning my current fark-partner; cunnilingus by proxy. This happened a few times I might add. Screw the celibate crap. I might add that I always wanted to bag two different women in a day.

Now I'm with a beautiful woman who is compatible with me in every way, have a good job, decent house and new car. The ex; living on state aid, eating bon-bons on the couch because she didn't have education(her parents told her to drop out of high school when she was younger) and gaining all the weight she wants; I quit hitting her a long time ago. I still pay the support and visit the kids when I can and when legally possible.

Bestest revenge of all: living good while your ex rots. I couldn't have planned it better for the hell that biotch put me through. :D
2003-09-23 06:19:54 PM  
Dont take this the wrong way, but this thread is really cheering me up; I thought I had some bad shiat going on, but after some of the shiat you guys have been through Im feeling much better... = )

and fox sucks. Stop going for the easiest, cheapest, trashest shiat out there, and give us some quality for once...
2003-09-23 06:28:09 PM  
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in
front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know, Love"
she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all
wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my butt is hanging out a mile. I've
got fat legs and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says,
"Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice,
"Well......there's nothing wrong with your eyesight".
2003-09-23 06:29:04 PM  
A DUI and in jail twice, and your wife was the loser?
FNG [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2003-09-23 06:29:14 PM  

the no shame network.
FNG [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2003-09-23 06:30:12 PM  
fonzie?? is that you??

2003-09-23 06:34:12 PM  
Here's an idea, FOX:

Stop this cheap-butt "reality" garbage and broadcast the following again:

The Family Guy
Andy Richter Controls the Universe
Get A Life
Greg The Bunny

...and talk some sense into Bud Selig and undo the straglehold on natiowide MLB broadcasts.
2003-09-23 06:34:19 PM  
I don't care about any of the stuff, I just want my wife back. I don't care anymore that she fooled around. I miss her every day.
2003-09-23 06:35:16 PM  
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