Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Fark)   Tell your best/worst divorce story. In other news, Fox is looking for divorcees for a new reality show to compete for prizes to replace what was lost during the divorce. They're reading. Voting enabled   ( divider line
    More: Survey  
•       •       •

3624 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Sep 2003 at 4:42 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

437 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | » | Newest | Show all

2003-09-23 05:06:21 PM  
Danny went home and killed himself last night
Shed taken everything
Shed taken everything

Danny went home and killed himself last night
Shed taken everything
Shed taken everything

She took his cash
She took his checks
She took his soda pop, there was nothing left
She took the rubbers out of his desk

Danny went home and killed himself last night
Shed taken everything
Shed taken everything

Danny went home and killed himself last night
Shed taken everything
Shed taken everything

She took his car
She took his bike
She took everything she thought he liked
And what she couldnt take, she found a way to break
She left his Amplifier

An Amplifiers just wood and wire,
and wire and wood dont do any good
when your heart is racing like a --- on fire
and all youve got to show for its an

She took his gun
She took his knife
He took his drugs
They took his life
She took it all in one big haul
She left his Amplifier

Danny went home and killed himself last night

--Amplifier, The dBs
2003-09-23 05:06:30 PM  
I've broken my vow of Fark silence to say this

2003-09-23 05:06:37 PM  
Fox if you are reading....

I work next to the where they film "OC"

Please lord cancel that show...i want my better parking back.

/the show blows too
2003-09-23 05:06:41 PM  
A friend of my father's was a highly paid CEO. His do-nothing wife split on him for a bull dyke lesbian. They got his million dollar house and half his income. He got two weekends a month with his kids. All the stress and depression caused him to have a nervous breakdown. He lost his job, and when he pulled himself together, he went to work managing a bakery.
2003-09-23 05:06:46 PM  
I got divorced in the 80's, but we were so broke when we got divorced, we had nothing to split up but the debt.

Maybe Fox can burden me with her share of the debt.

Then again, maybe not...
2003-09-23 05:06:51 PM  
I left my wife cause she only had sex with me 151 times a year, and all my Hungarian friends made fun of me.
10 pts.


10,000 points
2003-09-23 05:07:08 PM  
here is something for FOX to watch.

2003-09-23 05:07:14 PM  
mtman900: I just broke up with my GF of 1yr 9mths. She kept on screaming "What did I do?"

I guess that is pretty close.?

Not unless she took half your shiat when she left.
2003-09-23 05:07:34 PM  
My wife and I got divorced so that we could appear on a reality TV show about divorced couples. Unfortunately, arguments over what property should stay with which of us, who would get time with our son when, and whether or not one of us could date while we pretended to be bitterly broken up led to our "fake" divorce becoming painfully real.

Television cameras were around to capture this tragedy, but creative editing by the producers to create "drama" led to me being completely screwed in court. It's amazing how a conversation about Alicia Witt - "Damn, she's hot. I want to hit her again and again and again!" can be edited to just "I want to hit her...again!" and how damning it can be when coupled with slow-motion footage of me throwing darts.

Oh well, at least I got a FOX t-shirt out of it. I wear it on the one weekend a month I'm allowed supervised visits with my son. It was worth every second of it.
2003-09-23 05:08:21 PM  
I, too, like your Moxie.
2003-09-23 05:08:23 PM  
Yeah, Family Guy and Futurama! You bastards! I'll never forgive you.

Please fire the guy who thought Wanda Sykes would be a good edition to the Emmy telecast...while you're at it, fire the guy that thought she would be a good edition to the TV lineup at all.

I remember when Fox had some of the best shows on TV...which was around the same time there were actually good shows on TV.

No more reality shows!
2003-09-23 05:08:49 PM  
I would never divorce my wife. But they would never find the body.

Yeah, I know. My mother-in-law didn't laugh either.
2003-09-23 05:09:09 PM  
My divorce want so bad my wife murdered me with a shotgun.
2003-09-23 05:09:43 PM  
Here's a good one for yah:

I was in pre-school in the early 70's with this girl who wound up being my best friend for many years, her older sister and my brother were also chums (they also had their pre-school together). Moms became chummy, dads became chummy. It's one of those classic, best-friend family deals. Well, her mom goes off and farks this local priest, see...flash forward many, many years of pent up husband-related resentment/anger later and here goes her dad, farking her mom's best friend, who also happens to be the mom of my friend's new best friend on the floor of the living room when my old best friend comes home from highschool one day...shiat hits fan, their dog of eleventy-hundred years dies, they get a big, hairy divorce, my dad gets killed and now none of us ever speak anymore...

Farkin' fark how sad life can be at times...

//hitting bourbon when released from cube farm...
2003-09-23 05:09:51 PM  
Bring back Family Guy.

Foxnews rules.

That is all.
2003-09-23 05:09:53 PM  
But, Ghastly, wouldn't you like to see that on tv?

FOX is run by Assholes.
2003-09-23 05:11:08 PM  
Makes me proud to see so few people trying to sell-out or cash-in on their personal lives just to give a some creative directors fodder and make the rest of us suffer with yet another "reality" TV program.
2003-09-23 05:11:11 PM  
I am with some of the others on this thread. FOX BRING BACK FIRE FLY AND FUTURAMA!

You damn jack nuts cancel the best material you have and replace it with "Who wants to get a farking divorce?" Stop marketing your shows to those white trash and ghetto asses that think Ricci Lake is how real life is supposed to be.
2003-09-23 05:12:19 PM  
Lets Hijack this thread and list all the shows you liked that where canceled. this will at least show them some of the errors and maybe they will see a pattern form.

family guy
the lone gunman
the x files
the tick
2003-09-23 05:12:37 PM  
Mom got me.
Dad got porno and a new wife.
2003-09-23 05:12:51 PM  

My sister called me at school 5 minutes before I went in to take an AP Calculus exam to say that she went home for her lunch break and found that my mom had packed all of her things and moved in with her internet boyfriend in a neighboring state. Two days later my dad's skanks ass girlfriend Dorinda (whom I lovingly referred to as Dorito) moved in and brought her dope head sister and kids with her.

I aced the exam though.

2003-09-23 05:13:19 PM  
To anyone who works for Fox:

Step 1: Put shotgun in mouth.

Step 2: Pull trigger.

Step 3: ???

Step 4: PROFIT!!
2003-09-23 05:13:19 PM  
I wonder if Fox is getting the message yet. I have no divorce stories I would care to share with Fox, but if indeed they are reading this then I would like to say that I think Rupert Murdoch spends the best part of his day sucking Satans cock. Thankyou and goodnight.
2003-09-23 05:13:25 PM  
Don't they already have a show for this sort of thing?

[image from too old to be available]

Jerrrrrrrry, Jerrrrrry!
2003-09-23 05:13:57 PM  
Does anybody want to get a quickie marriage, have some quickie sex, and get a quickie divorce.

We can claim that we both miss our big screen tv and other expensive items that we had to give away because we couldn't decide who would keep it.

/Not you, GEAH, I don't swing that way. :D
2003-09-23 05:14:19 PM  
I would like to see a reality show where Fox tv network executives simultaneously blew their own heads off with a succession of larger and larger weapons. The winner, the executive who is responsible for the largest personal blood splatter, is then buried first, the rest afterward.

Voting enabled because I think they might do it and I would stay home to watch it.
2003-09-23 05:15:21 PM  
One more time!

Attention Fox: Quit pandering to the lowest common denominator of our populace. You're destroying what little dignity and culture we have left. Please think about what you're doing and have the decency to be horrified. Thank you.
2003-09-23 05:15:21 PM  
Hello. My name is mediaho. You killed Family Guy. Prepare to die.

/Inigo Montoya
2003-09-23 05:15:26 PM  
Really, bring Family guy back...for him..

[image from too old to be available]
2003-09-23 05:16:18 PM  
Ha! my ex is now advertising for a Russian bride no American woman will have him. He wants a ballerina - for obvious reasons.

He is slime extraordinaire.
2003-09-23 05:16:18 PM  
The only reason anyone that matters still pays the least bit of attention to the FOX network is The Simpsons. And the newer episodes can't even compare to the classic ones. If FOX is truly reading this, which I doubt, your network is utter garbage. If you brought back Family Guy and Futurama back, I might consider watching, but no you farked that up. Geniuses. The people responsible for all of this 'unscripted' waste need to collectively walk into oncoming traffic.
2003-09-23 05:16:26 PM  
Q: why is divorce so expensive?

A: -because it's worth it-
2003-09-23 05:16:48 PM  
Not quite a divorce, but a good breakup story.

Dated this girl for almost two years. We broke up when she realized that she wanted to date someone who believed in Jesus, and I'm an athiest. Whoops.
2003-09-23 05:17:27 PM  
This just makes me unhappy. I hate shows like this and have never watched a Fox reality series. In fact, the only 'reality' show I've ever watched was Combat Missions.

I find shows like Joe Millionaire and Temptation Island reprehensible. I am also amazed that there is going to be a second Joe Millionaire - where the hell are you people finding these idiots for the show?

Stick me in with the bring back Firefly camp. Christ, bring back ANYTHING, but don't do another crappy reality show.
2003-09-23 05:17:34 PM  
Broke up with my fiance. She did not take it well at all. Tried to give me some good sex to make up, that did not work. She then took a bunch of sleeping pills. I called poison control, they told me to call 911. They took her to the hospital where she got the stomach pump and charcole treatment. In order for insurance to pay, she had to go to a rehab. That is where she met another guy in for alcohol abuse. He knocked her up and they are now married. Strange how things happen!
2003-09-23 05:17:35 PM  

Futurama Rules! you suck for cancelling it.
Fox News is shiat, but atleast its not as shiat as CNN.
2003-09-23 05:18:05 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Doug:Consider that a divorce!
Melina:That was your wife? What a biatch!
2003-09-23 05:18:58 PM  
Vote for mine!!!
2003-09-23 05:19:08 PM  
Moxie? who needs moxie? Not me pal.

(not divorced but I melt through relationships like a horse peeing on a snow cone)
2003-09-23 05:19:43 PM  
Hey this is fun!

We should have threads like this (to the TV executives) more often.

We can even have threads to other companies as well. Think of the possibilities! Behold the power of Fark!
2003-09-23 05:20:10 PM  
ZipBeep, I'm in, let's just skip to the part where I get all your stuff though, could we?
2003-09-23 05:20:25 PM  
Forsythe P. Jones, wrong thread, the total recall one is down a bit from this...
2003-09-23 05:20:31 PM  
To FOX the bushie interview bites. What a kiss arse your'e my daddy show...
2003-09-23 05:20:33 PM  
So What's the deal with Fox & Fark? There's wheelin' and dealin' going on behind the scenes, me thinks
2003-09-23 05:20:43 PM  

lets cancel this:

[image from too old to be available]

and put up this!

[image from too old to be available]

2003-09-23 05:21:35 PM  
Yes, bring back the Family Guy!
2003-09-23 05:21:51 PM  
Ok, I wasn't married, but my ex broke up with me by telling me he had cancer.

He was lying.

No, I can't figure it out either.
2003-09-23 05:21:52 PM  
Better yet, FOX should start a show where greedy execs compete for cash for how well they can demean people on national television.
2003-09-23 05:22:19 PM  
Here's a case of "she needs to leave his sorry butt."

A girl in my church got married to a guy who used to go to the church when he was younger (fate/coincidence they met up later). 9 months later she gives birth to a beautiful little boy. Father shakes him to stop him from crying...four seperate times. Fourth time the baby loses consciousness. 3 month old boy is blind, they don't know the extent of the brain damage and the mother is being kept away from him except for twice a week by the state to make sure she wasn't a contributing factor. And her parents/their peers say they need to "work it out" and "divorce is not an option."

I am so freaking pissed off at this. The father is still in jail, and I don't know how things are pending right now for the mother.
2003-09-23 05:23:12 PM  
i can see it now :

1.) court t.v. starts "smoking gun t.v."
2.) fox is impressed
3.) fox starts "fark t.v."
4.) ?
5.) profit
Displayed 50 of 437 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | » | Newest | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.