Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Fark)   Tell your best/worst divorce story. In other news, Fox is looking for divorcees for a new reality show to compete for prizes to replace what was lost during the divorce. They're reading. Voting enabled   ( divider line
    More: Survey  
•       •       •

3624 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Sep 2003 at 4:42 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

437 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | » | Newest | Show all

2003-09-23 04:51:50 PM  
I dunno, I'd tell you my story but I'm from Chino, essay. According to the craptacular show, the O.C. I wouldn't get past the metal detecxx0rs.
2003-09-23 04:52:05 PM  
This on the air instead of "Family Guy"? For shame, Fox. For shame.
2003-09-23 04:52:16 PM  
FOX skmeos a lnog hriay dcik, wtih jicuy dirblbes aonrud O'Rliely's mtuoh.
2003-09-23 04:52:44 PM  
2003-09-23 04:52:50 PM  
Oh yeah, I will only be on the show if Jerry Springer is hosting. I still have my dignity. Err, nevermind.

/returns to lurk mode
2003-09-23 04:53:16 PM  
Sounds stupid. Glad I'm not divorced. Glad I don't watch the shiat on Fox... except the Simpsons... Please Kill Lisa and Bart. All episodes should be Homercentric. Thank you.
2003-09-23 04:53:40 PM  
Yeah, this thread is either going to be really depressing or just awkward, or chock full of strange annullment stories, mail order brides, and the last thing you remember doing in Vegas before the acid kicked in.

(how the fark does one spell annullment??)

/never so jaded i'm not amused
2003-09-23 04:54:03 PM  
Oh, and Fox is reading this? Then a vote for me is a vote to bring back Futurama and Family Guy.
2003-09-23 04:54:45 PM  
Hear, hear! Stop this reality TV bullshiat and put back Family Guy and The Tick (both the cartoon and the live-action)!

/my $0.02
2003-09-23 04:55:20 PM  
And television reaches a new low.

I thought it couldn't get worse than, "Who wants to marry my dad?" I guess I thought wrong.
2003-09-23 04:55:20 PM  

Great, I'm sure that will be almost as good.

You gotta appreciate a network that's so eager to capitalize on other peoples misfortune. God bless network television.
2003-09-23 04:55:25 PM  
We met in college. I was in a frat and, although she had a thing for one of the professors, I eventually married Katy, but divorced later. I'm currently living with an old friend who's a Group Encounter instructor in Cleveland.
2003-09-23 04:55:41 PM  
The Bart, the.
2003-09-23 04:56:14 PM  
I'm as sick of reality shows as the next guy.

But hey, Fox doesn't make "reality shows". The new buzzword is now "unscripted series". Note that they make no claim of any relationship to reality.

Regardless, it's like calling a turd by a different name - they still suck.
2003-09-23 04:56:46 PM  
My parents got divorced when I was five. They didn't get along well at all. Loud fights (though I don't know what they were fighting about), throwing things. Not a good situation to be a kid in.

Both my parents remarried to fantastic people who they got along with.

Long story short, two sets of happy parents can be equated to two Christmas trees (which seriously rocks when you're a kid) and more love and support then any children deserve.

We were fortunate.
2003-09-23 04:56:51 PM  
Fox, allow me to speak in terms that you might understand...

I really, really, really hate reality telivision.  It stinks.
2003-09-23 04:57:55 PM  
I never got married, so HAHAHAHA @ All you LOSERS WHO DID!!!


Actually, marriage would have crimped my style.
2003-09-23 04:58:26 PM  
Regardless, it's like calling a turd by a different name - they still suck.

That made me laugh, but I didn't think turd sucked, I thought they stunk.
2003-09-23 04:58:47 PM  
As I was driving from one jobsite to another today, I passed a dump of a motel that rents by the month. Sharing the property, and signage, was "Alimony Jack's Bar". I ALMOST turned around and took a picture. "Everything the recently divorced man could want! - A bed and a bar!"
2003-09-23 04:58:53 PM  
Dear Mr. Fox, you are wily. Divorcees do not taste like chicken.
How did you, a red furred predator get to run a TV station?
Have you a Media degree? What do you feel about your kin being chased by hounds and posh Brits with bad teeth on horses?
2003-09-23 04:58:55 PM  
I'm sort of disgusted that Fark has a thread trying to help Fox news out with anything, especially a Reality TV show. Why in the hell would Fox need help thinking up another stunningly stupid show?
2003-09-23 04:59:02 PM  
Dear fox,

Bring Family Guy back and I will love you again.


Also make that farking alien vs predator movie.
2003-09-23 04:59:26 PM  

2003-09-23 04:59:37 PM  
Wife left me.

Wife comes back to get dog and stuff.

Wife suggests counselling.

Wife chooses counselling session to announce that she's pregnant by another man.

Wife gets really mad when I say I'm of the opinion marriage is over.

Wife gets incredibly obstructionist, lying to her lawyer and judge about what I have and haven't done, when in reality, she's just mad that I'm getting on with my life.

I have heart attack.

Wife tells my lawyer, her lawyer and judge in open court that she hopes that I drop dead.

Judge grants divorce, after four years of bullshiate.

Wife comes up to me at mutual friends' gathering, tries to act like she's my best friend.

Did I mention that I'm now happily married to a perfectly lovely woman
2003-09-23 05:00:04 PM  
I came home one day to find the house completely empty! She even took the ice cube trays out of the freezer! What kind of sick biatch takes the ice cube trays out of the freezer?!?

/true lie.
2003-09-23 05:00:43 PM  
2003-09-23 04:57:55 PM ballchain
Actually, marriage would have crimped my style.

*snicker* -- he thinks he has style everyone !

hahahahahhahahahahhahahahhahha -- deep breath --
2003-09-23 05:00:47 PM  
Attention Fox: In addendum to that other dork's comments, at least actually show the boobies. If you're gonna rot our minds with these shows, use more blatant and actual nudity!

PS> No schlongs please.
2003-09-23 05:00:59 PM  
Avoid the story altogether -
2003-09-23 05:01:10 PM  
"Oh, and Fox is reading this? Then a vote for me is a vote to bring back Futurama and Family Guy."

Throw in "Get a Life" with Chris Elliot, and "Action" with Jay Mohr, and I agree with Emperor-Jay.

A vote for me is a vote for FOX to give their better tv shows more of a chance to find it's audience.

2003-09-23 05:01:38 PM  
And bring back Futurama.
2003-09-23 05:01:50 PM  
reality shows are the television equivalent of fast food. brightly packaged, no value and leave you with a bad taste in your mouth.
I add my "vote" to bring back Family Guy. How could they dump comedic gold like that and spew out horseshiat reality shows? but the sick part is-- they won't go away until people STOP watching them.
2003-09-23 05:01:52 PM  
I left my wife cause she only had sex with me 151 times a year, and all my Hungarian friends made fun of me.
2003-09-23 05:01:53 PM  
I like your moxxy
2003-09-23 05:02:09 PM  
Thanks, Boone. Good to hear from 'ya.
2003-09-23 05:02:26 PM  
As long as they're reading, I'd like to take a moment to tell them that FOX sucks big floppy donkey cocks. Worst shiat on tv. Here's a good idea, how a bout another crappy "reality" show that panders to the absolute lowest common denominator of their witless viewership?
2003-09-23 05:02:27 PM  
Okay, not me... but i used to work at a divorce firm here goes:

Flier appearing in a man's parking lot where he works:

Flourescent Orange Sign with big black letters appearing in retaliation and in her neighborhood:
BEWARE! THERE IS A PSYCHOPATH AT (gives address of woman).

Loved this case... she'd come in all the time and I'd just have to clown her... then i found out I was related to her... one of my inlaws...

2003-09-23 05:02:31 PM  
No more reality shows. I repeat. No more.
2003-09-23 05:02:32 PM  
You know, they would have had a lot more success had the headline not mentioned Fox reading the thread.

Sure, Farkers will share stories about horrible divorces, embarrassing moments, random sexual fetishes, you name it. But only with other Farkers, and purely for morbid entertainment and moral support.

What most Farkers will not do, however, is feed the crapbeast that is "reality television"/"unscripted series".
2003-09-23 05:03:19 PM  
I was married for almost 2 years, biatch decides to start sleeping with her boss (also married and with 2 little kids.) Divorce quickly followed and I'm still swimming in debt. She took just about everything, including the straight teeth that I paid orthodontic bills for. Is FOX going to get me back my cash? I doubt it, but I still love The Simpsons anyway.
2003-09-23 05:03:23 PM  
Dear FOX,
Your doing a great job, keep it up!!!
2003-09-23 05:03:34 PM  

Buddy of mine's parents got divorced.
His parent's best friends also got divorced.
They all do a big swap and remarry.

His mom is married to his stepdad, his dad is married to his stepmom, and his stepmom and stepdad used to be married to each other.

This is also the plot for the anime series "Marmalade Boy".

Divorce sucks. My parents divorced when I was in junior high. Fairly amicable split, but now they don't speak to each other. Took me quite a while to get over it.
2003-09-23 05:03:53 PM  
Faux can bite my shiny metal ASS!

Fair and balanced right wing news!
2003-09-23 05:04:08 PM  
Bring back Futurama, you dorks. :P :P :P

/As long as Fox is reading, let 'em know what you think.
2003-09-23 05:04:27 PM  
Hah, hah, hah...oh, boy. I shouldn't talk about this on Fark, of all places.

But here goes. I was married to a very aggressive girl -- an ex-powerlifter -- who basically gave me an ultimatum to get me to the altar. Some time after that, a gay friend of mine started hitting on me. I spoke to my wife about it and she suggested that I go ahead and experiment to 'get it out of my system'. She set some pretty strict rules, which I followed when I met my friend for a 'date'.

When I got back home is when the fireworks started. Crying, throwing things, screams of 'Don't sit on my couch! You'll get AIDS on it!', etc. Keeping me up all night, every night, so that we could talk. This went on for weeks. Finally, after one incident in which she tackled me, grabbed my testicles and made threats, I told her I wanted a divorce.

I got out of that house with nothing to my name but my clothes. She kept the car, the house, all the wedding presents, and ran up $8,000 on my credit card as a bonus.

And yet, after all that, I decided without a doubt that I'm not gay. I *am*, however, clearly an idiot.

The story of my parent's divorce, and what happened to me as a child, is even worse...but that's a tale for another time.
2003-09-23 05:04:59 PM  
Futurama, Family Guy for sure.
Remember late 90's when Sunday was full of great shows? Something like Futurama, Family Guy, King of the Hill, Simpsons, then X-Files...Sigh. Good Times.

2003-09-23 05:05:06 PM  
Dad fooled around with my best friend's mom my junior year in high school, both of those two lied about it thinking we were too dumb to figure it out, divorce ensued.
And Fox, great thinking. It was such a fun trip the first time around, I love the idea of letting the entire country experience it via television. I hope they're as entertained by the demolition of people's lives as I was. I sincerely mean that.
/middle finger
2003-09-23 05:05:32 PM  
No divorce story to tell, but if Fox is reading this I want them to know I think Bill O'Reilly is hot. I disagree w/ 99% of what he says, but think of the post-fighting make-up whoopie we could make every night. Surely that could be good for a reality TV show???
2003-09-23 05:05:51 PM  
I agree on the moxy
2003-09-23 05:05:51 PM  
Let's see... does losing your mind or soul count? At least she left me with a comfortable numbness. Oh, she also lives with her divorce lawyer now. Please let hell exist.
2003-09-23 05:06:05 PM  
Gee... divorce horror stories. The only divorce I'm intimately familiar with is my parents.

I'll never forget how I learned they were splitting up too. I watched this afterschool special about this kid whose parents divorced and had split custody of him, each getting him for 5 months of the school year and one month of the summer, so he had to go to two different schools because the parents didn't live in the same city.

That night before I went to bed I told my dad about the special I just saw and I said "Boy, I'm really glad you and mom arn't divorced I'd hate to have to live like that, split between two parents."

Then my dad got this weird sheepish grin on his face and said, "Well, I wouldn't count on that too much. Your mom and I are going to be spitting up." At first I thought he was joking but when I realized he wasn't I felt like someone had swung a sledge hammer and hit me square in the chest. I was too shocked to even cry. I was just numb and scared. And then he sent me off to bed and thus began many years of hell. I ended up failing school that year. Got to see my mom grab my dad by the hair and shake his head while kicking him. Felt like I was the biggest loser on the planet. Watched my dad turn to alcohol and then in turn get preyed upon by a charismatic christian fundamentalist church and after his conversion I had to live in fear of "beatings for Jesus" as his (and by force, my) church liked to call them. Kid questions the bible. Beat them until they accept the will of Jesus. Kid doesn't want to go to church. Beat them until they accept the will of Jesus. Kid wants to go to his friend's "heathen" church. Beat them until they accept that the Pentecostal church is the only true church of Christ. Then I got to watch my dad get totally pussywhipped by his new girlfriend who was only 6 years older than me who turned all our lives into a living hell. Then I got to see nasty assed child support battles in the court that went on forever.

The best part was, since I'm only alive today thanks to a defective condom on New Year's Eve 1964 and thus was the cause for why my parents had to get married, I was therefore the cause of every little failure, setback, and shortcoming that befell them from that point on including the divorce. Oh many a beating befell me just for that point alone.

And that's my "worst divorce" story.

If you'll excuse me now I have to go lay down in the corner in a fetal position clutching my bottle of gin now.
Displayed 50 of 437 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | » | Newest | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.