If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(660 News)   Woman suing Kraft for $100,000 because chewing gum got stuck in her dentures and caused her suffer "a bout of depression that lasted about 10 minutes"   (660news.com) divider line 59
    More: Asinine, Edmonton, depressions  
•       •       •

5783 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Sep 2011 at 11:48 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



59 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2011-09-23 05:57:00 PM  
10 whole minutes? Oh the chewmanity!
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2011-09-23 06:41:47 PM  
Four out of five lawyers recommend lawsuits for their clients who chew gum.
 
2011-09-23 06:59:16 PM  
Hey lady, you owe me $300,000. Your lawsuit has made me depressed for a half an hour.
 
2011-09-23 10:38:33 PM  
I think I will also sue Kraft.

Once, I decided to jerk off after preparing some Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, and that damn orange cheese powder had gotten on my hands, and I wound up with a cock that looked like an oompa loompa.

Sure, it was fun at first, but then it led to a good half hour depression, which is three times the depression this woman had.
 
2011-09-23 11:09:22 PM  
She bought gum?

And she's suing because it was gum?

Someone should take her dentures away and blacklist her from all dentists in Canada. I'll personally teach her how to boil up tasteless mash.
 
2011-09-23 11:15:23 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: I think I will also sue Kraft.

Once, I decided to jerk off after preparing some Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, and that damn orange cheese powder had gotten on my hands, and I wound up with a cock that looked like an oompa loompa.

Sure, it was fun at first, but then it led to a good half hour depression, which is three times the depression this woman had.


You were only depressed because no midgets would have sex with you.

doglover: She bought gum?

And she's suing because it was gum?

Someone should take her dentures away and blacklist her from all dentists in Canada. I'll personally teach her how to boil up tasteless mash.


So are you English then?
 
2011-09-23 11:52:48 PM  
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a stupid lawsuit?
 
2011-09-23 11:52:58 PM  
Can't we sue them for ruining Cadbury's by buying it and moving production to Poland?
 
2011-09-23 11:53:24 PM  

doglover: She bought gum?

And she's suing because it was gum?

Someone should take her dentures away and blacklist her from all dentists in Canada. I'll personally teach her how to boil up tasteless mash.


She knew what she was getting into!
 
2011-09-23 11:54:45 PM  
She should be reminded that the mob will vanish you for far less than $100K
 
2011-09-23 11:54:54 PM  
In other news, a senior citizen realizes that if she goes to court for something frivolous, she'll get the attention she so desperately craves from her family.
 
2011-09-23 11:57:28 PM  
...and if this happened in the USA, she stands a chance!

DNRTFA
 
2011-09-24 12:01:33 AM  
Yeah this has "I am lonely and this way people will listen to me talk and act like they care" written all over it.
 
2011-09-24 12:01:58 AM  
DEPRESSION: Psychiatry. a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.
 
2011-09-24 12:02:41 AM  
Again, do not allow history and english majors to go to law school. They will be forced to learn skills instead of adding to the legal vampire fest on the national economy.
 
2011-09-24 12:04:17 AM  
$10,000/minute... isn't that what most pro athletes make?
 
2011-09-24 12:04:18 AM  
Mark Zuckerburg last seen running for his life.
 
2011-09-24 12:04:53 AM  
Somewhere round the lines:
1)
Leads to
2)
Leads to
3)
and then
4) This is somehow Obama's fault
 
2011-09-24 12:11:05 AM  
"She then went into a bout of depression that lasted about 10 minutes. "
So I can sue my parents for billions of dollars for sheltering me, and causing a lifetime of social awkwardness and depression?
 
2011-09-24 12:12:42 AM  
Who do I get to sue the next time I have a major depressive episode lasting two or more weeks?
 
2011-09-24 12:19:45 AM  
This is Alberta... as close to mirroring America as Canada gets, but I can't picture this getting past a first hearing. Especially with the 10 minute thing.
If it does, I'm with Sgygus, I'm gonna sue her for my brain cells her story has killed.
 
2011-09-24 12:29:55 AM  
Several days from now, on page Q37:

A woman's lawsuit against Kraft was dismissed after a 15-minute hearing.
 
2011-09-24 12:33:53 AM  

Mithiwithi: Several days from now, on page Q37:

A woman's lawsuit against Kraft was dismissed after a 15-minute hearing.


Followed shortly by:

"Woman and attorney sue Fark.com for emotional distress from ridicule"
 
2011-09-24 12:38:50 AM  
Its time for this lady to kick ass and chew bubble gum.
/Guess what?
 
2011-09-24 12:45:20 AM  

FirstNationalBastard:

Once, I decided to jerk off after preparing some Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, and that damn orange cheese powder had gotten on my hands, and I wound up with a cock that looked like an oompa loompa.
.


Did the Sergeant at Arms mistakenly announce the arrival of the speaker of the house?
 
2011-09-24 12:47:22 AM  
Please, for the love of God, don't tell her about Pop Rocks.
 
2011-09-24 12:51:14 AM  
Well, at least it was Stride gum and she was several hours away from it loosing any flavor. She should have just left it on there.

, or called any one of those teams of Stride gum removal experts. "Chew another piece already."

/ The goat (new window - warning - audio w/o user controls)
 
2011-09-24 12:56:36 AM  

hobblekitty: Who do I get to sue the next time I have a major depressive episode lasting two or more weeks?


I was depressed for over two years at one point. What kind of award should I expect for that kind of agony? And who can I sue?
 
2011-09-24 01:00:31 AM  
I'm suing Kraft for fattening up my tapeworm.
 
2011-09-24 01:07:28 AM  
Honey, it ain't chewing gum.

www.pollsb.com
 
2011-09-24 01:10:34 AM  

Loucifer: I'm suing Kraft for fattening up my tapeworm.


You can implead your tapeworm too if you like.

(Civ pro bar prep today, she said, showing off)
 
2011-09-24 01:13:32 AM  
"$100-thousand"

Why would you write it that way? Is it even remotely correct?

This is the kind of thing that creates grammar nazis...
 
2011-09-24 01:31:44 AM  
I hope she doesn't find out about coffee.
 
2011-09-24 01:35:55 AM  

ElPollotonto: "$100-thousand"

Why would you write it that way? Is it even remotely correct?

This is the kind of thing that creates grammar nazis...


Came here to rant about the same thing. Glad it's covered. I assume it's some Canadian thing. Maybe because they've never needed a number with a comma in it.
 
2011-09-24 02:00:31 AM  
Hey, I've just run out of whiskey and I'm feeling really depressed about it.

Can I sue Jack Daniel's?
 
2011-09-24 02:05:54 AM  
I have a new get-rich quick scheme. Whenever someone files a pants-on-head retarded lawsuit like this and it pisses me off, I'm going to sue them for causing me distress.

/Off to call my lawyer.
 
2011-09-24 02:15:59 AM  
If you have dentures, do not farking chew gum. You farking idiot. Is this your first day with fake teeth? Your teeth are made of stuff that is not teeth. You glue them to your jaw every morning. Other sticky stuff will stick to your teeth not made of tooths. You farking idiot.
 
2011-09-24 02:19:45 AM  

Country Member: Hey, I've just run out of whiskey and I'm feeling really depressed about it.

Can I sue Jack Daniel's?


No, you need to stumble back to the store to buy more. Or perhaps pick up a litre of Canadian whisky for $15.
 
2011-09-24 02:29:23 AM  
I sued Ben Affleck....Awwwwwww do I even need a reason!

/All these posts and no one referenced this song yet.
 
2011-09-24 02:30:23 AM  
This lady owes at least a few people $1.5 million for reducing their hope in humanity. I smell a class action suit..
 
2011-09-24 02:30:35 AM  
At least it wasn't fruit striped gum.

/Not obscure
 
2011-09-24 02:43:33 AM  

xevian: Somewhere round the lines:
1)
Leads to
2)
Leads to
3)
and then
4) This is somehow Obama's capitalism's fault


Fixed for accuracy.
 
2011-09-24 02:50:43 AM  
fine.

What is the difference between a Young whore and an old whore?
.
.
.
.


One uses KY,
the other uses PoliGrip

/so ashamed for the lameness
 
2011-09-24 03:03:25 AM  

rebelyell2006: No, you need to stumble back to the store to buy more. Or perhaps pick up a litre of Canadian whisky for $15


Hey I'm way beyond stumbling anywhere, but not to worry after a short search I found a long forgotten box of Chilean red at the back of a storage cupboard.

It's surprisingly non-disgusting in fact it might even be called drinkable, but then again in my current state mouthwash would probably taste as good as a fine Bordeaux.

Burp...
 
2011-09-24 03:18:53 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: I think I will also sue Kraft.

Once, I decided to jerk off after preparing some Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, and that damn orange cheese powder had gotten on my hands, and I wound up with a cock that looked like an oompa loompa.

Sure, it was fun at first, but then it led to a good half hour depression, which is three times the depression this woman had.


So you had an orange boner? there's got to be a joke in here somewhere....
 
2011-09-24 03:18:59 AM  

Country Member: rebelyell2006: No, you need to stumble back to the store to buy more. Or perhaps pick up a litre of Canadian whisky for $15

Hey I'm way beyond stumbling anywhere, but not to worry after a short search I found a long forgotten box of Chilean red at the back of a storage cupboard.

It's surprisingly non-disgusting in fact it might even be called drinkable, but then again in my current state mouthwash would probably taste as good as a fine Bordeaux.

Burp...


Congratulations man. I've been in your situation but without the hidden and unknown drinks. Which completely sucks.
 
2011-09-24 03:21:02 AM  
Why can't we have a system that allows the defendants (I almost said victims) of frivolous lawsuits to just ignore the lawsuit and it goes away that doesn't also benefit defendants of justified lawsuits? Some would say I'm being foolish just for asking that. I say it's foolish to not question why it is the way it is.

At the very least, what about having it so that if someone files a frivolous lawsuit and looses, they're required to pay the defendant's cost of defense? That would give people something to think about before filing a lawsuit to start with.
 
2011-09-24 03:27:39 AM  
Can I sue her for causing facial trauma by making me involuntarily facepalm to her nonsense?
 
2011-09-24 04:07:48 AM  

g4lt: FirstNationalBastard: I think I will also sue Kraft.

Once, I decided to jerk off after preparing some Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, and that damn orange cheese powder had gotten on my hands, and I wound up with a cock that looked like an oompa loompa.

Sure, it was fun at first, but then it led to a good half hour depression, which is three times the depression this woman had.

So you had an orange boner? there's got to be a joke in here somewhere....


Yes, but then we'd have to move this thread to the politics tab, and none of us want that.
 
2011-09-24 04:27:46 AM  
Kraft durch Freude.
 
Displayed 50 of 59 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all



This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report