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(Chicago Sun-Times)   How to properly sexually harass someone if you are a politician. "He turned around and grabbed a breast, passed some gas, got out of the car. And I just sat in there, this is it. I'm done"   (suntimes.com) divider line 132
    More: Stupid, Cicero, FBI, self-incrimination, rights against self-incrimination, Fifth Amendment, Sharon Starzyk  
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22033 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Sep 2011 at 2:18 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



132 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2011-09-14 10:48:47 AM  
I can't find his party affiliation anywhere. Since a woman was involved, I assume he is a Democrat...
 
2011-09-14 10:54:25 AM  
The breast-grabbing, she was OK with, but the crop-dusting? That's what crossed the line.
 
2011-09-14 11:53:30 AM  
"I bit her on the neck, she farted, and then jumped out the window!"
 
2011-09-14 12:10:06 PM  
The Aristocrats!
 
2011-09-14 12:20:30 PM  
Dominick countered that the only sex acts he had with Starzyk were consensual

ORLY?
i105.photobucket.com

One look at this guy and I doubt it's consensual when he faps.
 
2011-09-14 01:42:34 PM  

mediablitz: I can't find his party affiliation anywhere. Since a woman was involved, I assume he is a Democrat...


Republican
 
2011-09-14 02:01:34 PM  
After seeing his picture, he probably just thought she had donuts in her shirt.
 
2011-09-14 02:23:47 PM  
""He...passed some gas, got out of the car. And I just sat in there"

i105.photobucket.com

Why would you want to be hotboxed with this guy's shiat smell? I'm sure it was beyond overpowering - she's lucky she lived to tell about it.
 
2011-09-14 02:25:14 PM  
*honk*

*fart*

BYE!
 
2011-09-14 02:25:50 PM  
Why would you sit in a car contemplating having your boobie grabbed if someone farted? O_o
 
2011-09-14 02:25:54 PM  
Step 1 -- Be attractive
Step 2 -- Don't be unattractive

Let's see how he did:

i105.photobucket.com

Ooh... better luck next time.
 
2011-09-14 02:29:10 PM  
"play with her dog and eat there and once in a while whatever came up sexually."

sounds kinky.
 
2011-09-14 02:32:34 PM  

mediablitz: I can't find his party affiliation anywhere. Since a woman was involved, I assume he is a Democrat...


Yeah, but he wanted her to screw men while he watched. That pushes it into Republican territory. A Democrat would at least have her screwing other women.
 
2011-09-14 02:32:58 PM  
Waggin' Tails would be an awesome strip club name.
 
2011-09-14 02:33:23 PM  
What the hell is a town president? Is that like an ultra mayor?
 
2011-09-14 02:33:42 PM  
In my mind, this is the funniest sexual harassment episode ever.
 
2011-09-14 02:33:55 PM  
Really? No one? farkers are slipping.
www.themockdock.com
 
2011-09-14 02:34:04 PM  
morehockeylesswar.org
 
2011-09-14 02:35:08 PM  
Ass, then gas. No one rides for free.
 
2011-09-14 02:35:32 PM  

mediablitz: I can't find his party affiliation anywhere. Since a woman was involved, I assume he is a Democrat...


He's a fatty, so that makes him a Republican.
 
2011-09-14 02:35:57 PM  
Indeed, it is a strange-disposed time:
But men may construe things after their fashion...
 
2011-09-14 02:36:30 PM  
Good to see that Boss Hogg finally got the memo and stopped wearing white after Labor Day.
 
2011-09-14 02:36:49 PM  

PYROY: What the hell is a town president? Is that like an ultra mayor?


I am the President of Jellybeans!
 
2011-09-14 02:36:57 PM  
Damn, she's so fine (new window).
 
2011-09-14 02:37:32 PM  
Headline with breast mentioned?
BIE/EIP please or I'll fart in your general direction
/DRTFA
 
2011-09-14 02:37:59 PM  
The guy wouldn't be in this mess if he had gotten out of the car before farting.
 
2011-09-14 02:38:23 PM  

The Jami Turman Fan Club: Yeah, but he wanted her to screw men while he watched. That pushes it into Republican territory. A Democrat would at least have her screwing other women.


You kidding? A democrat (Jack Ryan) wanted this kind of thing with then-wife Jeri Ryan (yeah, THAT Jeri Ryan). News got out, it cost him a senate race which Obama won, and the rest is history. I sometimes have to google it to remind myself that it really happened. It's bizzarre that I'm the only one who remembers it.

well, me and CNN (new window)
 
2011-09-14 02:39:17 PM  
It's the Incredible Bulk!
 
2011-09-14 02:39:22 PM  

Walker: mediablitz: I can't find his party affiliation anywhere. Since a woman was involved, I assume he is a Democrat...

Republican


Impossible. I have it on good authority that the media only excludes the perv's party affiliation when they're Democrats.
 
2011-09-14 02:41:15 PM  

Sun Worshiping Dog Launcher: Good to see that Boss Hogg finally got the memo and stopped wearing white after Labor Day.


And usually it's the Duke brothers getting into trouble
/daisy duke
 
2011-09-14 02:41:16 PM  
If he's like most politicians, no one pays any attention to him till he farts.
 
2011-09-14 02:41:52 PM  

dr.zaeus: Damn, she's so fine (new window).


Looks like she was pretty hot at one point.

fireclown: The Jami Turman Fan Club: Yeah, but he wanted her to screw men while he watched. That pushes it into Republican territory. A Democrat would at least have her screwing other women.

You kidding? A democrat (Jack Ryan) wanted this kind of thing with then-wife Jeri Ryan (yeah, THAT Jeri Ryan). News got out, it cost him a senate race which Obama won, and the rest is history. I sometimes have to google it to remind myself that it really happened. It's bizzarre that I'm the only one who remembers it.

well, me and CNN (new window)


That article says he's a Republican. But it's a real shame for somebody to be persecuted for wanting to have group sex.
 
2011-09-14 02:42:19 PM  

fireclown: The Jami Turman Fan Club: Yeah, but he wanted her to screw men while he watched. That pushes it into Republican territory. A Democrat would at least have her screwing other women.

You kidding? A democrat (Jack Ryan) wanted this kind of thing with then-wife Jeri Ryan (yeah, THAT Jeri Ryan). News got out, it cost him a senate race which Obama won, and the rest is history. I sometimes have to google it to remind myself that it really happened. It's bizzarre that I'm the only one who remembers it.

well, me and CNN (new window)


No we remember it, we just remember he was a Republican.
 
2011-09-14 02:42:37 PM  
Top 10 Lines Heard from a Politician Committing Sexual Harassment

10. Baby, I'd like to stuff your ballot boxes.
9. Miss Jones, hold my calls. I'm polling the electorate.
8. I'm going to filibuster the heck out of you.
7. Sure I can help your husband, but it'll take a bipartisan effort.
6. We might as well talk a little shop while we're on the same Page.
5. Are you happy to see me or is that a Gerrymander in your pants?
4. I'm a Conservative Republican, what do you expect, Saint Martin of Tours?
3. Let's play pin the Donkey Tail on the Elephant.
2. I've been a Bad Widdle Boy. I think the Party Whip should punish me.
1. Have I got a Little Bill for you!
 
2011-09-14 02:43:37 PM  

DjangoStonereaver: "I bit her on the neck, she farted, and then jumped out the window!"


Number One on the list of things that Count Dracula is unlikely to say.
 
2011-09-14 02:44:04 PM  

MrEricSir: mediablitz: I can't find his party affiliation anywhere. Since a woman was involved, I assume he is a Democrat...

He's a fatty, so that makes him a Republican.


He's Democrat cause the press doesn't have "Republican" in big bold letters in the article.
 
2011-09-14 02:44:36 PM  
What a ladies man.
 
2011-09-14 02:44:50 PM  

fireclown: The Jami Turman Fan Club: Yeah, but he wanted her to screw men while he watched. That pushes it into Republican territory. A Democrat would at least have her screwing other women.

You kidding? A democrat (Jack Ryan) wanted this kind of thing with then-wife Jeri Ryan (yeah, THAT Jeri Ryan). News got out, it cost him a senate race which Obama won, and the rest is history. I sometimes have to google it to remind myself that it really happened. It's bizzarre that I'm the only one who remembers it.

well, me and CNN (new window)


7 of DAAAAAMN!
 
2011-09-14 02:44:56 PM  

cowgirl toffee: If he's like most politicians, no one pays any attention to him till he farts.


He's a politician . . . his gas is probably better than the sh*t coming out of his mouth.
 
2011-09-14 02:45:58 PM  

cowgirl toffee: MrEricSir: mediablitz: I can't find his party affiliation anywhere. Since a woman was involved, I assume he is a Democrat...

He's a fatty, so that makes him a Republican.

He's Democrat cause the press doesn't have "Republican" in big bold letters in the article.


Which press? There isn't only one.
 
2011-09-14 02:46:11 PM  
Sounds like one of those 'give them an inch, they'll grab a mile of tit' guys. The type that doesn't understand that more than one set of boundaries exist, or can be different under different circumstances. It'd be a hard one to prosecute for harassment, I'd think, since it reads like there was some pre-existing relationship. Still, there is a hell of a difference between being okay with dinner, and maybe even cuddling, or hell, having sex with someone, and randomly grabbing someone's tit in public. Somehow just looking at him I get the feeling he spends a lot of time saying, "Aww, don't be like that, you know you love it, baby." Which, just...ewww. Ewwwwww. 'course I could be completely off base, too. Which is why I'm happy enough that we have courts.
 
2011-09-14 02:47:18 PM  

brantgoose: Top 10 Lines Heard from a Politician Committing Sexual Harassment

10. Baby, I'd like to stuff your ballot boxes.
9. Miss Jones, hold my calls. I'm polling the electorate.
8. I'm going to filibuster the heck out of you.
7. Sure I can help your husband, but it'll take a bipartisan effort.
6. We might as well talk a little shop while we're on the same Paige.
5. Are you happy to see me or is that a Gerrymander in your pants?
4. I'm a Conservative Republican, what do you expect, Saint Martin of Tours?
3. Let's play pin the Donkey Tail on the Elephant.
2. I've been a Bad Widdle Boy. I think the Party Whip should punish me.
1. Have I got a Little Bill for you!


FTFY
 
2011-09-14 02:47:31 PM  
EWWWwwwwww.

this is when my internal cartoon soundtrack starts up.
Bugs Bunny: "Uhmm no tanx!"
 
2011-09-14 02:47:32 PM  
He's a douche, yadda yadda.

Starzyk alleged in court papers Dominick repeatedly groped her or touched her inappropriately and sent her text messages ... In her deposition, Starzyk described her frustration at Dominick's alleged continued groping.

I get it, you don't deserve to get groped, no one deserves that and so on. it's bad and it's his fault and whatnot. But seriously. If a guy is repeatedly groping you and sending you sexual text messages and whatnot, why the hell do you keep hanging out with him?

Dominick countered that the only sex acts he had with Starzyk were consensual - she denies any sexual activity happened at all - and says she is a woman scorned after he married his current wife.

Dude's probably a douche, he even looks like a douche but I'm having a tough time disbelieving his side if you kept going back.
 
2011-09-14 02:47:49 PM  

dr.zaeus: Waggin' Tails would be an awesome strip club name.

Bar Fly: Where's the Manager?

Bartender: Miss Bo Peep is in the Black Sheep Room. But don't disturb him. He just crammed Jimmy the Squid into a bottle of shrimp sauce. You might say he's a bit moody since he lost his favorite sheep in a game of poker last night.

Bar Fly: Agnes?

Bartender: Boy, could she ever waggle her tail. I'd be sore, too.

 
2011-09-14 02:49:02 PM  

nytmare: cowgirl toffee: MrEricSir: mediablitz: ...

Which press? There isn't only one.


Ok... "that press". Is that better?
 
2011-09-14 02:50:11 PM  

too_amuzed: cowgirl toffee: If he's like most politicians, no one pays any attention to him till he farts.

He's a politician . . . his gas is probably better than the sh*t coming out of his mouth.


Eewww. For some reason... that made me throw up a little. :P
 
2011-09-14 02:51:54 PM  
Just came to say that Cicero town president's don't exactly have the best track record for staying out of trouble. Just ask Betty Loren-Maltese.
 
2011-09-14 02:51:58 PM  

mediablitz: I can't find his party affiliation anywhere.


Do you also care about the party affiliation of the douche who cuts you off in traffic? Yes, the Republicans are the moralizing theocrats who want to regulate consensual sex, but I don't recall any party being on record as pro-groping and pro-farting.
 
2011-09-14 02:52:29 PM  
I would have guessed it was Schwarzenegger.
 
2011-09-14 02:54:56 PM  
Hmm..boobie grab, fart and then she's left alone to ponder her station in life.

Sounds like 13 years married to me.
 
2011-09-14 02:55:34 PM  
Classy.
 
TJT
2011-09-14 02:55:54 PM  

meatofmystery: *honk*

*fart*

BYE!


So much win. My boss just asked me what I was laughing about. Thanks for the laugh.
 
2011-09-14 02:56:05 PM  

dr.zaeus: Damn, she's so fine (new window).


Looks like he didn't have much to grab,so he blew her off ( with his ass ).
 
2011-09-14 02:56:28 PM  

FarknGroovn: Just came to say that Cicero town president's don't exactly have the best track record for staying out of trouble. Just ask Betty Loren-Maltese.


hahaha I remember when the Reader used to describe her latest shenanigans.

My ex BF's dad used to be a postal inspector, and also a gambler. He said that a lot of bars in Cicero had illegal slots & video poker machines, which were controlled by the mafia. (IIRC)
 
2011-09-14 02:57:15 PM  

TJT: meatofmystery: *honk*

*fart*

BYE!

So much win. My boss just asked me what I was laughing about. Thanks for the laugh.


Definitely going to see if I can get away with that tonight. Look for me on Fark in a few months, I guess.
 
2011-09-14 02:57:25 PM  

fireclown: The Jami Turman Fan Club: Yeah, but he wanted her to screw men while he watched. That pushes it into Republican territory. A Democrat would at least have her screwing other women.

You kidding? A democrat (Jack Ryan) wanted this kind of thing with then-wife Jeri Ryan (yeah, THAT Jeri Ryan). News got out, it cost him a senate race which Obama won, and the rest is history. I sometimes have to google it to remind myself that it really happened. It's bizzarre that I'm the only one who remembers it.

well, me and CNN (new window)



Do you work for FOX?
 
2011-09-14 02:58:22 PM  

dragonchild: I don't recall any party being on record as pro-groping and pro-farting.


I'm pretty sure the Whig party was huge on farting. Before they destroyed themselves over the slavery question, it was pretty much nonstop campaigning on farting and its benefits.
 
2011-09-14 03:00:19 PM  
He's a politician? What is he -- the King of Ham?
 
2011-09-14 03:02:19 PM  
She just needs a little exit polling, if you know what I mean.
 
2011-09-14 03:02:32 PM  

dragonchild: but I don't recall any party being on record as pro-groping and pro-farting.


This is the third party we've all been waiting for.
 
2011-09-14 03:03:21 PM  
I thought that we had concluded in the fat girls thread a couple of days ago that girls wouldn't fark a fat guy unless he was rich. If anything was consensual, he must be rich. (Very rich . . . he's bald too).
 
2011-09-14 03:04:12 PM  

Brubold: dragonchild: but I don't recall any party being on record as pro-groping and pro-farting.

This is the third party we've all been waiting for.


They have to come up with an ultra cool name.
Too bad "Tea Baggers" is already taken. :P
 
2011-09-14 03:06:24 PM  
Klassy!
 
2011-09-14 03:06:46 PM  
That picture makes him look like his neck threw up. I think he has been freebasing bacon.
 
2011-09-14 03:07:46 PM  
That son of a biatch stole my move
 
2011-09-14 03:08:24 PM  

too_amuzed: I thought that we had concluded in the fat girls thread a couple of days ago that girls wouldn't fark a fat guy unless he was rich. If anything was consensual, he must be rich. (Very rich . . . he's bald too).


He did/does run an animal shelter. So all of that is trumped with lots of kittens and puppies.
 
2011-09-14 03:09:32 PM  
He denied groping her in the car, but not hotboxing her. I would make a point of either denying both or denying the groping and declaring the hotboxing as a source of pride.
 
2011-09-14 03:10:04 PM  
Awww, he's a keeper.
 
2011-09-14 03:11:32 PM  

Sun Worshiping Dog Launcher: I'm pretty sure the Whig party was huge on farting.


Brubold: This is the third party we've all been waiting for.


Let's bring back the Whigs, then.
 
2011-09-14 03:13:33 PM  

mediablitz: I can't find his party affiliation anywhere. Since a woman was involved, I assume he is a Democrat...


Bravo.
 
2011-09-14 03:14:20 PM  
He was just trying to be romantic, sort-of like in that book, "Baby I'm Yours:"

"He stiffened for a moment but then she felt his muscles loosen as he shiatted on the ground."
 
2011-09-14 03:16:45 PM  

cowgirl toffee: too_amuzed: I thought that we had concluded in the fat girls thread a couple of days ago that girls wouldn't fark a fat guy unless he was rich. If anything was consensual, he must be rich. (Very rich . . . he's bald too).

He did/does run an animal shelter. So all of that is trumped with lots of kittens and puppies.


seriously?

/looking into adopting a cute little puppy and volunteering at the ASPCA.
 
2011-09-14 03:21:49 PM  
Dominick sent her text messages in which he suggested she should engage in a threesome with two of Dominick's friends - an unlicensed plumber in his late 50s, and the Cicero town collector.

static.tumblr.com

"Whoa. Which one of you jabronis told Ray about this?"
 
2011-09-14 03:21:58 PM  

lennavan: He's a douche, yadda yadda.

Starzyk alleged in court papers Dominick repeatedly groped her or touched her inappropriately and sent her text messages ... In her deposition, Starzyk described her frustration at Dominick's alleged continued groping.

I get it, you don't deserve to get groped, no one deserves that and so on. it's bad and it's his fault and whatnot. But seriously. If a guy is repeatedly groping you and sending you sexual text messages and whatnot, why the hell do you keep hanging out with him?

Dominick countered that the only sex acts he had with Starzyk were consensual - she denies any sexual activity happened at all - and says she is a woman scorned after he married his current wife.

Dude's probably a douche, he even looks like a douche but I'm having a tough time disbelieving his side if you kept going back.


How did you miss that part about them working together? Did you quit every job you ever had just because someone you worked with was a complete tool?
 
2011-09-14 03:22:34 PM  

brantgoose: Top 10 Lines Heard from a Politician Committing Sexual Harassment

10. Baby, I'd like to stuff your ballot boxes.
9. Miss Jones, hold my calls. I'm polling the electorate.
8. I'm going to filibuster the heck out of you.
7. Sure I can help your husband, but it'll take a bipartisan effort.
6. We might as well talk a little shop while we're on the same Page.
5. Are you happy to see me or is that a Gerrymander in your pants?
4. I'm a Conservative Republican, what do you expect, Saint Martin of Tours?
3. Let's play pin the Donkey Tail on the Elephant.
2. I've been a Bad Widdle Boy. I think the Party Whip should punish me.
1. Have I got a Little Bill for you!


#11. I'd like to flood your lower chamber with my constituents.
 
2011-09-14 03:22:50 PM  
Almost as though only sleazy douchebags are the only type of people that go into politics...
 
2011-09-14 03:23:09 PM  

Oh look, he' s a cop.

http://www.larrydominickteam.com/larry/

Larry joined the Cicero Police Department. He retired from the Police force as Deputy Superintendent after 20 years of service to the community.


Hey larry how many women did you rape while on duty?

Endorsements
The Larry Dominick Team has been endorsed by:

* State Senator Martin Sandoval [ Democrat ]
* State Representative Lisa Hernandez [ Democrat ]
* Cook County Commissioner Joseph Mario Moreno [ Democrat ]
* Mexican-American Veterans Association
* Hispanic Illinois State Law Enforcement Association
(no surprise the blue line of criminals endorse him)
 
2011-09-14 03:23:52 PM  
Honk?

Toot!

Bye!
Still Laughing, thanx and fixed it.
 
2011-09-14 03:25:07 PM  

Mr. Right: brantgoose: Top 10 Lines Heard from a Politician Committing Sexual Harassment

10. Baby, I'd like to stuff your ballot boxes.
9. Miss Jones, hold my calls. I'm polling the electorate.
8. I'm going to filibuster the heck out of you.
7. Sure I can help your husband, but it'll take a bipartisan effort.
6. We might as well talk a little shop while we're on the same Page.
5. Are you happy to see me or is that a Gerrymander in your pants?
4. I'm a Conservative Republican, what do you expect, Saint Martin of Tours?
3. Let's play pin the Donkey Tail on the Elephant.
2. I've been a Bad Widdle Boy. I think the Party Whip should punish me.
1. Have I got a Little Bill for you!

#11. I'd like to flood your lower chamber with my constituents.


#12 My name is Vladimir. There is something I'd like to Putin you. (he qualifies as a politician).
 
2011-09-14 03:26:29 PM  

fireclown: You kidding? A democrat (Jack Ryan) wanted this kind of thing with then-wife Jeri Ryan (yeah, THAT Jeri Ryan).


What was never clear to me is whether or not she did it. They did go into at least one club. We should get to the bottom of this.

Its important. For.... stuff.
 
2011-09-14 03:27:01 PM  

DjangoStonereaver: "I bit her on the neck, she farted, and then jumped out the window!"


Did she have 2 beers and a fistful of downs?
 
2011-09-14 03:27:50 PM  

Magnanimous_J: fireclown: You kidding? A democrat (Jack Ryan) wanted this kind of thing with then-wife Jeri Ryan (yeah, THAT Jeri Ryan).

What was never clear to me is whether or not she did it. They did go into at least one club. We should get to the bottom of this.

Its important. For.... stuff.


This is true. Of course, I'm sure nobody would ever believe the guys hanging out at the sex club that Jeri Ryan came in and just started sucking dicks.
 
2011-09-14 03:27:54 PM  

meatofmystery: *honk*

*fart*

BYE!


LOL
 
2011-09-14 03:29:39 PM  
Just so I'm clear,

She knew the Jabba was a perv. She agreed to perjure herself to cover his ENORMOUS ass and then admited as much to the authorities. And the topper, she sat in a Dutch Autobahn savoring his microscopic shiat particles as they whirrled and danced around her head like a fresh cotton-like snowfall. shiat particles that entered her body through any open oriface, (much like a ninja on an ASSASSin's mission; only shiat) but most likely her nose and mouth. shiat particles that could have easily been avoided by opening a car door and stepping out. She's a kinky one.

/ I like her
 
2011-09-14 03:29:54 PM  

brantgoose: Top 10 Lines Heard from a Politician Committing Sexual Harassment

10. Baby, I'd like to stuff your ballot boxes.
9. Miss Jones, hold my calls. I'm polling the electorate.
8. I'm going to filibuster the heck out of you.
7. Sure I can help your husband, but it'll take a bipartisan effort.
6. We might as well talk a little shop while we're on the same Page.
5. Are you happy to see me or is that a Gerrymander in your pants?
4. I'm a Conservative Republican, what do you expect, Saint Martin of Tours?
3. Let's play pin the Donkey Tail on the Elephant.
2. I've been a Bad Widdle Boy. I think the Party Whip should punish me.
1. Have I got a Little Bill for you!


#1-A "I did not have sexual relations with that woman"
 
2011-09-14 03:33:10 PM  

squirrelflavoredyogurt: lennavan: He's a douche, yadda yadda.

Starzyk alleged in court papers Dominick repeatedly groped her or touched her inappropriately and sent her text messages ... In her deposition, Starzyk described her frustration at Dominick's alleged continued groping.

I get it, you don't deserve to get groped, no one deserves that and so on. it's bad and it's his fault and whatnot. But seriously. If a guy is repeatedly groping you and sending you sexual text messages and whatnot, why the hell do you keep hanging out with him?

Dominick countered that the only sex acts he had with Starzyk were consensual - she denies any sexual activity happened at all - and says she is a woman scorned after he married his current wife.

Dude's probably a douche, he even looks like a douche but I'm having a tough time disbelieving his side if you kept going back.

How did you miss that part about them working together? Did you quit every job you ever had just because someone you worked with was a complete tool?



How did you get "quit your job" from "why the hell are you hanging out with him?" If someone has been grabbing your junk repeatedly and asks you to ride in the backseat of his car, would you get in? Or would you take a separate car? Or hell, get in the front seat next to the secretary.

I mean once or twice, I get it, you hope it was an isolated incident.

"He also acknowledged he may have sent her a birthday card in 2005, signed "Love, Sammy."
"That is my dog," Dominick explained in his deposition.In early 2009"


But yes, I'm not sure if once or twice my ass gets grabbed if I'd quit my job. But I can pretty safely say I'd file a lawsuit before the 3 year mark. Wouldn't you?
 
2011-09-14 03:33:34 PM  
Judging by the pic, I'd probably be done too if he farted in the car I was in.
 
2011-09-14 03:36:34 PM  

FloydA: fireclown: The Jami Turman Fan Club: Yeah, but he wanted her to screw men while he watched. That pushes it into Republican territory. A Democrat would at least have her screwing other women.

You kidding? A democrat (Jack Ryan) wanted this kind of thing with then-wife Jeri Ryan (yeah, THAT Jeri Ryan). News got out, it cost him a senate race which Obama won, and the rest is history. I sometimes have to google it to remind myself that it really happened. It's bizzarre that I'm the only one who remembers it.

well, me and CNN (new window)


Do you work for FOX?



Holy Crap. Ryan was in fact a republican. I didn't think there were any left in IL. Fireclown regrets the error.
 
2011-09-14 03:36:34 PM  

meatofmystery: *honk*

*fart*

BYE!


Would have made a nice headline
 
2011-09-14 03:40:51 PM  
FART THREAD!!!11!!!

assets.diylol.com
 
2011-09-14 03:42:16 PM  

fireclown: The Jami Turman Fan Club: Yeah, but he wanted her to screw men while he watched. That pushes it into Republican territory. A Democrat would at least have her screwing other women.

You kidding? A democrat (Jack Ryan) wanted this kind of thing with then-wife Jeri Ryan (yeah, THAT Jeri Ryan). News got out, it cost him a senate race which Obama won, and the rest is history. I sometimes have to google it to remind myself that it really happened. It's bizzarre that I'm the only one who remembers it.

well, me and CNN (new window)


As has been mentioned, Jack Ryan was a Republican. The whole thing was a sham anyway. In Illinois when the "wrong" candidate wins a primary, the state party finds one way or another to bounce them from the ballot so they can replace them with the candidate of their choice without having to run it by the people. Same thing happened last year to the guy who won the Democratic primary for lieutenant governor, except in that case the story had broken well before the primary. They just chose not to become outraged that he'd dated a hooker who pressed (and dropped) domestic abuse charges until after he won.
 
2011-09-14 03:42:31 PM  
With a gut like that bet that was some nasty gas, would be great if he made honking noises as he fondled her breasts as he passed gas
 
2011-09-14 03:42:44 PM  
I would like to subscribe to his newsletter.
 
2011-09-14 03:45:11 PM  
I don't see how anyone could vote for a man who probably runs out of breath just standing up.
 
2011-09-14 03:46:41 PM  
 
2011-09-14 03:47:41 PM  
i71.photobucket.com
 
2011-09-14 03:50:04 PM  
Isn't Cicero the same town whose previous mayor/town president was ousted due to insurance fraud?

Yep! (new window)

I guess Cicero is trying to match the Illinois governor's office by going 2 for 2.
 
2011-09-14 03:52:22 PM  

fireclown:

Holy Crap. Ryan was in fact a republican. I didn't think there were any left in IL. Fireclown regrets the error.


No problem.

In fact, outside of Chicago, Rockford and Peoria, Illinois is pretty red, and in some places, it's extreme right wing.

(But I admit the only reason I remembered Jack Ryan was a Republican was thinking "well duh- a Borg drone would never marry a liberal.")
 
2011-09-14 03:53:24 PM  
FTFA: Dominick "turned around and grabbed a breast, passed some gas, got out of the car. And I just sat in there, this is it. I'm done. I am absolutely done. It's never going to stop," Starzyk said. Dominick, through his attorney, denied ever touching Starzyk inappropriately or telling her to lie. He said he never sent her obscene text messages.

Note that he explicitly fails to deny passing gas. So she's got him on that one at least.
 
2011-09-14 03:54:19 PM  
Subby's headline fails.

The article had a more interesting one
 
2011-09-14 03:56:51 PM  

Tat'dGreaser: I don't see how anyone could vote for a man who probably runs out of breath just standing up.


He probably runs out of breath from breathing.
 
2011-09-14 04:03:40 PM  

Loucifer: Ass, then gas. No one rides for free.


You're too expensive! It's supposed to be grass, ass or gas; no one rides for free. I'd rather have more choices. The grass or gas I can handle, but for the other, I barely know you and I don't think you'd respect me in the morning.
 
2011-09-14 04:04:55 PM  
Is that Rush Limbaugh?
 
2011-09-14 04:15:44 PM  

Treygreen13: Magnanimous_J: fireclown: You kidding? A democrat (Jack Ryan) wanted this kind of thing with then-wife Jeri Ryan (yeah, THAT Jeri Ryan).

What was never clear to me is whether or not she did it. They did go into at least one club. We should get to the bottom of this.

Its important. For.... stuff.

This is true. Of course, I'm sure nobody would ever believe the guys hanging out at the sex club that Jeri Ryan came in and just started sucking dicks.


I always thought he wanted her to take the stage and make out with a stripper chick while he watched. I thought that's why a strip club and not, say, a seedy bar. Besides, I would think the strip club manager would get pissed if you started servicing the clients for free.

But I confess, I didn't follow it closely.

/Besides, my version is much hotter.
//Tell me you wouldn't pay to see that.
///You dirty little liar, you.
 
2011-09-14 04:19:46 PM  

mralphabet: Is that Rush Limbaugh?


He looks a lot like Rush to me too.
 
2011-09-14 04:39:14 PM  
Maybe he thought her breasts were his size. Jealousy's never a good thing.

Keep it classy, not gassy.
 
2011-09-14 04:42:08 PM  
They're purposefully taking this woman's statement completely out of context; she says he "grabbed A breast", not "grabbed MY breast"...he was quite obviously just snatching a piece from the KFC bucket on the dash on his way out. Sensationalist muckraking at its most blatant.
 
2011-09-14 04:42:54 PM  

dryknife: Nepotism in my Cicero? (new window)


That's why I can't find a job.

/fark that asshat!!!
 
2011-09-14 04:52:03 PM  

lennavan: He's a douche, yadda yadda.

Starzyk alleged in court papers Dominick repeatedly groped her or touched her inappropriately and sent her text messages ... In her deposition, Starzyk described her frustration at Dominick's alleged continued groping.

I get it, you don't deserve to get groped, no one deserves that and so on. it's bad and it's his fault and whatnot. But seriously. If a guy is repeatedly groping you and sending you sexual text messages and whatnot, why the hell do you keep hanging out with him?

Dominick countered that the only sex acts he had with Starzyk were consensual - she denies any sexual activity happened at all - and says she is a woman scorned after he married his current wife.

Dude's probably a douche, he even looks like a douche but I'm having a tough time disbelieving his side if you kept going back.


The one major problem with her accusation? She even admits that she is jealous of him marrying another woman. Now stop and think about that for a minute. What possible motive could she ever have for making up this crazy crap? Could it be ... jealousy?
 
2011-09-14 05:02:51 PM  

interluder: Really? No one? farkers are slipping.
[www.themockdock.com image 400x297]


What's the name of that meme?
 
2011-09-14 05:09:49 PM  

Walker: mediablitz: I can't find his party affiliation anywhere. Since a woman was involved, I assume he is a Democrat...

Republican


Typical of the liberal MSM, leaving out the "R". You see it time after time. If it were "D", it would be splashed everywhere!
 
2011-09-14 05:26:48 PM  

fireclown: You kidding? A democrat (Jack Ryan) wanted this kind of thing with then-wife Jeri Ryan (yeah, THAT Jeri Ryan).


Uh, Jack Ryan was/is a Republican.
 
2011-09-14 05:36:43 PM  

Hoopy Frood: As has been mentioned, Jack Ryan was a Republican. The whole thing was a sham anyway. In Illinois when the "wrong" candidate wins a primary, the state party finds one way or another to bounce them from the ballot so they can replace them with the candidate of their choice without having to run it by the people. Same thing happened last year to the guy who won the Democratic primary for lieutenant governor, except in that case the story had broken well before the primary. They just chose not to become outraged that he'd dated a hooker who pressed (and dropped) domestic abuse charges until after he won.


Huh, that's funny. Because the way I remember it (and I unforunately voted for the douche) the Sun-Times had the story for a couple weeks, but sat on it, or at least the part about threatening her with a knife, until a day or two after the primary, at which point everyone got all pissed off.
 
2011-09-14 05:46:48 PM  
WOW. If ever a story and photo deserved the "How about NO" bear...
 
2011-09-14 05:54:05 PM  
I wonder something. If this tub wasn't a tub, but a hard-assed stud, would there be any sexual harassment charges? I ask because I never see anything about a good looking stud with money being charged with sexual harassment.
 
2011-09-14 06:05:22 PM  

DirkValentine: interluder: Really? No one? farkers are slipping.
[www.themockdock.com image 400x297]

What's the name of that meme?


I've seen both "Thumbhead guy" and "Thumb Man."
 
2011-09-14 06:17:41 PM  

JackieRabbit: I wonder something. If this tub wasn't a tub, but a hard-assed stud, would there be any sexual harassment charges? I ask because I never see anything about a good looking stud with money being charged with sexual harassment.


Would there be? Doubtful. But not because he committed sexual harassment and got a pass due to his looks. He'd be knee deep in legit pussy, precluding any desire to coerce women into sex.
 
2011-09-14 06:19:20 PM  

FloydA: Thumbhead guy


Jeesh... i should have just guessed that. Durrrrr.....
 
2011-09-14 06:38:30 PM  
He who felt tit, dealt it.
 
2011-09-14 06:40:10 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.com

He's got a lot of explaining to do. He can't just get by on his looks forever...
 
2011-09-14 06:43:26 PM  

Bacchus-ette: Hmm..boobie grab, fart and then she's left alone to ponder her station in life.

Sounds like 13 years married to me.


Just...just...beautiful.

/ thanks for playing
 
2011-09-14 06:48:37 PM  

Mr Rusty Shackleford: JackieRabbit: I wonder something. If this tub wasn't a tub, but a hard-assed stud, would there be any sexual harassment charges? I ask because I never see anything about a good looking stud with money being charged with sexual harassment.

Would there be? Doubtful. But not because he committed sexual harassment and got a pass due to his looks. He'd be knee deep in legit pussy, precluding any desire to coerce women into sex.


Some guys are just into that, though. Ben Roethlisberger is 6'5" and has $100 million. He wouldn't have to rape college girls if that wasn't what he was into.
 
2011-09-14 08:01:15 PM  

Shaggy_C: ""He...passed some gas, got out of the car. And I just sat in there"

[i105.photobucket.com image 243x212]

Why would you want to be hotboxed with this guy's shiat smell? I'm sure it was beyond overpowering - she's lucky she lived to tell about it.


I'm sure the smell lingered in his britches for a bit unti after he shut the car door, and it seeped out near one of the leg openings at his ankles. He was probably half way to his bipediculartory destination before the odipherous manifestations of spent corn seeds and bean skins filled the night air.
 
2011-09-14 09:53:03 PM  
Hey now baby, get into my big black car
Hey now baby, get into my big black car
I wanna just show you what my politics are.
 
2011-09-14 10:19:15 PM  
Dutch oven activated
 
2011-09-14 11:34:50 PM  
Dominick said before his current marriage he would go over to Starzyk's house "play with her dog and eat there and once in a while whatever came up sexually."

With ... the dog?
 
2011-09-15 01:25:49 AM  

Hoopy Frood: fireclown: The Jami Turman Fan Club: Yeah, but he wanted her to screw men while he watched. That pushes it into Republican territory. A Democrat would at least have her screwing other women.

You kidding? A democrat (Jack Ryan) wanted this kind of thing with then-wife Jeri Ryan (yeah, THAT Jeri Ryan). News got out, it cost him a senate race which Obama won, and the rest is history. I sometimes have to google it to remind myself that it really happened. It's bizzarre that I'm the only one who remembers it.

well, me and CNN (new window)

As has been mentioned, Jack Ryan was a Republican. The whole thing was a sham anyway. In Illinois when the "wrong" candidate wins a primary, the state party finds one way or another to bounce them from the ballot so they can replace them with the candidate of their choice without having to run it by the people.


Yes, the IL GOP hated Jack Ryan and was so desperate to get their chosen candidate, ALAN FARKING KEYES, on the ballot.
 
2011-09-15 02:16:05 AM  

Walker: mediablitz: I can't find his party affiliation anywhere. Since a woman was involved, I assume he is a Democrat...

Republican


Nonono CLEARLY it was a Democrat. A Republican sexually harassing someone that isn't a gay prostitute or trolling a gay website is such a rarity that it's safe to say it doesn't happen.
 
2011-09-15 09:46:36 AM  

shroom: Hoopy Frood: As has been mentioned, Jack Ryan was a Republican. The whole thing was a sham anyway. In Illinois when the "wrong" candidate wins a primary, the state party finds one way or another to bounce them from the ballot so they can replace them with the candidate of their choice without having to run it by the people. Same thing happened last year to the guy who won the Democratic primary for lieutenant governor, except in that case the story had broken well before the primary. They just chose not to become outraged that he'd dated a hooker who pressed (and dropped) domestic abuse charges until after he won.

Huh, that's funny. Because the way I remember it (and I unforunately voted for the douche) the Sun-Times had the story for a couple weeks, but sat on it, or at least the part about threatening her with a knife, until a day or two after the primary, at which point everyone got all pissed off.


The Sun-Times ran it ten months before the primary. No other outlets picked up on it.
 
2011-09-15 10:07:53 AM  

RminusQ: Hoopy Frood: fireclown: The Jami Turman Fan Club: Yeah, but he wanted her to screw men while he watched. That pushes it into Republican territory. A Democrat would at least have her screwing other women.

You kidding? A democrat (Jack Ryan) wanted this kind of thing with then-wife Jeri Ryan (yeah, THAT Jeri Ryan). News got out, it cost him a senate race which Obama won, and the rest is history. I sometimes have to google it to remind myself that it really happened. It's bizzarre that I'm the only one who remembers it.

well, me and CNN (new window)

As has been mentioned, Jack Ryan was a Republican. The whole thing was a sham anyway. In Illinois when the "wrong" candidate wins a primary, the state party finds one way or another to bounce them from the ballot so they can replace them with the candidate of their choice without having to run it by the people.

Yes, the IL GOP hated Jack Ryan and was so desperate to get their chosen candidate, ALAN FARKING KEYES, on the ballot.


Jack Ryan wasn't their guy, Jim Oberweis was, but they couldn't very well put him back on the ballot after losing the primary. Neither was Keyes (even Mike Ditka was higher up in their pecking order, which tells how desperate they were), but the point was that they got to circumvent the democratic process instead of running it by their rank-and-file. Keyes couldn't have won any primary anywhere for anything, yet he wound up in a general election for U.S. Senate. Apparently they thought Obama only won the primary because he was black or something, kind of like how Sarah Palin wound up running for VP because the national party thought all those Hillary backers must just want a woman on the ticket, and it doesn't matter who. Either way, the Illinois GOP was dead in the water statewide once that happened, and they deserved it.
 
2011-09-15 06:12:39 PM  

FloydA: it's extreme right wing.


Damned Illinois nazis.

/I hate those guys
 
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