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(Globe and Mail)   New social networks for couples allow users to barter household chores for sex. So it's like Craigslist, but with household chores   (theglobeandmail.com) divider line 100
    More: Stupid, Craigslist, sexes, users  
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11012 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Sep 2011 at 11:22 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



100 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2011-09-09 10:31:32 AM  
Not that I think is a completely stupid idea with no redeeming qualities or merit, but I'm a little confused as to why the couple in question couldn't just send each other short texts over the course of the day and create essentially the same experience.
 
2011-09-09 10:38:14 AM  
Do the dishes = make-out session
Take out the trash = handjob
Sweep/Mop = beej
Kitty Box = tie you up and torture your sack with a feather, pour hot wax on your eyelids then start blasting Chumbawumba on the stereo and get our hump on
 
2011-09-09 10:45:28 AM  

thismomentinblackhistory: Do the dishes = make-out session
Take out the trash = handjob
Sweep/Mop = beej
Kitty Box = tie you up and torture your sack with a feather, pour hot wax on your eyelids then start blasting Chumbawumba on the stereo and get our hump on


CHORE PORN FTW!!
 
2011-09-09 11:24:22 AM  
paging Need Help Soonish to the thread.
 
2011-09-09 11:25:14 AM  
That doesn't work. I cleaned her entire apartment and turned down the bed like a 5 star hotel for a promise of hours of hot sex and the coont changed her mind. I dumped her the next day over the telephone.
 
2011-09-09 11:25:52 AM  

thismomentinblackhistory: Do the dishes = make-out session
Take out the trash = handjob
Sweep/Mop = beej
Kitty Box = tie you up and torture your sack with a feather, pour hot wax on your eyelids then start blasting Chumbawumba on the stereo and get our hump on


What do I get if I fix the cable?
 
2011-09-09 11:26:06 AM  
This is not a bad Idea. it might just work

/let's see if the Wife agrees :-)
 
2011-09-09 11:26:12 AM  
Now you can Comet in her hair.
 
2011-09-09 11:27:10 AM  

robertus: What do I get if I fix the cable?


You can try, but I've never seen anyone actually get to the part where they try to fix the cable.
 
2011-09-09 11:27:25 AM  

robertus: thismomentinblackhistory: Do the dishes = make-out session
Take out the trash = handjob
Sweep/Mop = beej
Kitty Box = tie you up and torture your sack with a feather, pour hot wax on your eyelids then start blasting Chumbawumba on the stereo and get our hump on

What do I get if I fix the cable?


What do I get if I break it, and then fix it?
 
2011-09-09 11:29:10 AM  

INeedAName: robertus: thismomentinblackhistory: Do the dishes = make-out session
Take out the trash = handjob
Sweep/Mop = beej
Kitty Box = tie you up and torture your sack with a feather, pour hot wax on your eyelids then start blasting Chumbawumba on the stereo and get our hump on

What do I get if I fix the cable?

What do I get if I break it, and then fix it?


Ass play, where we stick things in your ass. Anal plugs, anal beads, dildos, rusty hammers, etc...
 
2011-09-09 11:29:27 AM  

Pocket Ninja: Not that I think is a completely stupid idea with no redeeming qualities or merit, but I'm a little confused as to why the couple in question couldn't just send each other short texts over the course of the day and create essentially the same experience.


I had to go back and read it again, and still don't get the idea of a social network for two. I think you can do other couples chores in exchange for a little 'networking'...
 
2011-09-09 11:30:49 AM  

thismomentinblackhistory: Do the dishes = make-out session
Take out the trash = handjob
Sweep/Mop = beej
Kitty Box = tie you up and torture your sack with a feather, pour hot wax on your eyelids then start blasting Chumbawumba on the stereo and get our hump on


I do all this stuff (well, except the kitty box since we have no pets) and if I'm lucky I get a kiss on the cheek. Must be doing it wrong somewhere...
/still, married 7 years already
 
2011-09-09 11:31:46 AM  

Andrew Wiggin: paging Need Help Soonish to the thread.


*Snicker*

If you have to barter for sex, YOUR DOING IT WRONG damn it!

Ladies, please, PLEASE stop doing this. Fark your man because you want to get off with him, not because you want chores done :/
 
2011-09-09 11:32:22 AM  
I just wonder how long it will take Anonymous to hack the "couple only" ones in order to flood /b/ with armature porn and phone/mirror pics.
 
2011-09-09 11:32:34 AM  
FTA:Nauseated by lovey-dovey couples plastering gushy missives on each other's Facebook walls?

For the love of god, yes. Example: a couple who I have on facebook recently had a discussion on each others walls about which lube they preferred the most.

Reminds me of:

www.funnyscreenshots.com

/image hot
//like 'other' p*ssy
 
2011-09-09 11:32:35 AM  
When there is a reward system for sex, it signals the countdown to the end of the relationship. Most guys who aren't total nebbishes just say "fark it", dump your ass, and then go screw somebody else.
 
2011-09-09 11:32:51 AM  

Need Help Soonish: Andrew Wiggin: paging Need Help Soonish to the thread.

*Snicker*

If you have to barter for sex, YOUR DOING IT WRONG damn it!

Ladies, please, PLEASE stop doing this. Fark your man because you want to get off with him, not because you want chores done :/


Well unless you are in certain establishments in Nevada, then it is okay.

Hookers you don't pay them for sex you pay them to go away after sex.
 
2011-09-09 11:35:48 AM  
WTF is the point of a "social network" for two? Can't I just walk up to the missus and ask her for a beej?
 
2011-09-09 11:37:59 AM  

Need Help Soonish: Ladies, please, PLEASE stop doing this. Fark your man because you want to get off with him, not because you want chores done :/


QFT
 
2011-09-09 11:38:52 AM  

Special J: WTF is the point of a "social network" for two? Can't I just walk up to the missus and ask her for a beej?


You not married are you?
 
2011-09-09 11:39:07 AM  

Slaves2Darkness: Need Help Soonish: Andrew Wiggin: paging Need Help Soonish to the thread.

*Snicker*

If you have to barter for sex, YOUR DOING IT WRONG damn it!

Ladies, please, PLEASE stop doing this. Fark your man because you want to get off with him, not because you want chores done :/

Well unless you are in certain establishments in Nevada, then it is okay.

Hookers you don't pay them for sex you pay them to go away after sex.


But that's not relationship sex, that's just farking. If you want to pay to fark a complete stranger, go for it.

Unless your paying for a threesome with your old lady, and Im not going to argue against that :P

But no one should have to barter for sex within a relationship... EVER!
 
2011-09-09 11:40:46 AM  

miss diminutive: FTA:Nauseated by lovey-dovey couples plastering gushy missives on each other's Facebook walls?

For the love of god, yes. Example: a couple who I have on facebook recently had a discussion on each others walls about which lube they preferred the most.

Reminds me of:

[www.funnyscreenshots.com image 575x478]

/image hot
//like 'other' p*ssy


That is so funny.

"Getting mounted by such a strong and powerful man" priceless.
 
2011-09-09 11:40:58 AM  

mcreadyblue: Special J: WTF is the point of a "social network" for two? Can't I just walk up to the missus and ask her for a beej?

You not married are you?


I try it from time to time. I'm often pleasantly surprised.
 
2011-09-09 11:47:23 AM  

Need Help Soonish:

Ladies, please, PLEASE stop doing this. Fark your man because you want to get off with him, not because you want chores done :/

But no one should have to barter for sex within a relationship... EVER!


Great googily moogily, everyone should have these two statements posted prominently in their home
 
2011-09-09 11:47:24 AM  

Jake Havechek: That doesn't work. I cleaned her entire apartment and turned down the bed like a 5 star hotel for a promise of hours of hot sex and the coont changed her mind. I dumped her the next day over the telephone.


I hope you defecated on her dog before you left.
 
2011-09-09 11:49:36 AM  

Need Help Soonish: no one should have to barter for sex within a relationship... EVER!


I could see it as nice if treated as a fun game.

Scheduling sex works well for long-marrieds and/or those with young children. Trading for chores could be a variation on that.

/What if every night was trash night?
 
2011-09-09 11:50:06 AM  
I don't get it. WTH does a "social network for two" even mean? If chores or errands need to be done we just txt or email each other and stuff gets done. Sex isn't used for bartering because I like things to be spontaneous and unplanned. Saying "Hey if you do the dishes I'll take you to bed tonight" just isn't very romantic in my opinion. Plus things can come up and then it is a broken promise (like when my husband gets nausea inducing migraines he doesn't want to do anything but take his painkillers and sleep).

I just don't see the point. Seems like technology designed to make life more difficult. Plus who needs to flirt with their husband through Facebook? I find that disturbing and hate seeing people do that crap. I don't want private moments and affections with my husband broadcast to hundreds of people. I consider flirting private.
 
2011-09-09 11:50:39 AM  

RedEmily: miss diminutive: FTA:Nauseated by lovey-dovey couples plastering gushy missives on each other's Facebook walls?

For the love of god, yes. Example: a couple who I have on facebook recently had a discussion on each others walls about which lube they preferred the most.

Reminds me of:

[www.funnyscreenshots.com image 575x478]

/image hot
//like 'other' p*ssy

That is so funny.

"Getting mounted by such a strong and powerful man" priceless.


Used the "wrong box" indeed.
 
2011-09-09 11:56:19 AM  

Gaseous Anomaly: Need Help Soonish: no one should have to barter for sex within a relationship... EVER!

I could see it as nice if treated as a fun game.

Scheduling sex works well for long-marrieds and/or those with young children. Trading for chores could be a variation on that.

/What if every night was trash night?


Anything can be turned into a fun game though... But the point of these places is not so much "Fun Game" as is it "You do THIS, and then I'll sex you up"

And that quite frankly pisses me off.

///You wanna really fun game? Insert a small "Toy" with a base, put on jeans, and have your old man take you for a bumpy ride on the Harley. THAT'S a fun game!
 
2011-09-09 11:56:50 AM  

Need Help Soonish: Fark your man because you want to get off with him, not because you want chores done :/


There's a deeper issue at work if a woman is willing to exchange chores for sex. That means she's keeping score. A women who keeps score does not get into relationships, period. She might say she is and even think she is, but she's not. If she's actually reducing everything in a relationship to tit-for-tat, it's a stupid business transaction. She's basically a hypocritical, oxymoron fusion of hooker and prude.

Chores gotta get done, but responsible people do them when it's needed. It should average out over time. When I'm working long hours, my wife picks up the slack at home. When she's sick, I take care of everything. I have absolutely no farking idea who washes dishes more often; there isn't any effin' chart in the kitchen.
 
2011-09-09 11:59:57 AM  

RedEmily: miss diminutive: FTA:Nauseated by lovey-dovey couples plastering gushy missives on each other's Facebook walls?

For the love of god, yes. Example: a couple who I have on facebook recently had a discussion on each others walls about which lube they preferred the most.

Reminds me of:

[www.funnyscreenshots.com image 575x478]

/image hot
//like 'other' p*ssy

That is so funny.

"Getting mounted by such a strong and powerful man" priceless.


And given that her relationship status is "engaged" and she says she hadn't had sex in months, I'm guessing that wasn't the fiance.
 
2011-09-09 12:00:52 PM  
Can I barter for her and the kids staying away from me while I play video games or watch dumb movies/tv shows?
 
2011-09-09 12:01:35 PM  

BassTurd: Need Help Soonish:

Ladies, please, PLEASE stop doing this. Fark your man because you want to get off with him, not because you want chores done :/

But no one should have to barter for sex within a relationship... EVER!

Great googily moogily, everyone should have these two statements posted prominently in their home


Here's the thing, there's two types of "bartering for sex". The first type is basically what you think - the woman won't put out unless her man does something. That sucks and should never be done. The other type is a bit more playful - she offers the deal because she actually wants to do what she's offering. With the second type, it's more of a game. Each person knows the other will do their part even without the deal. In this case, she wouldn't offer a blow jay if she didn't actually have a desire to give him a blow jay. If he didn't take out the trash, he'd probably get the action anyway.
 
2011-09-09 12:02:37 PM  
That sounds awesome!! [reads article] With each other!? Boring.
 
2011-09-09 12:03:24 PM  
Need Help Soonish: no one should have to barter for sex within a relationship... EVER!

I could see it as nice if treated as a fun game.

Scheduling sex works well for long-marrieds and/or those with young children. Trading for chores could be a variation on that.

/What if every night was trash night?

This

As a long-married and with young children couple, the missus and I have spent many happy years in the Fark your man because you want to get off with him, not because you want chores done :/ mode. Games that are used to modify the same-old-done-27-brazillion-times-before chores into something sexy is never a bad thing. "If you go to work today I'll...(fill in the blank)" has never done me wrong on those hard-to-get-outta-bed mornings. However, this probably works because she never uses sex as a primary currency to buy husbandly work. And because I've already fixed the cable. :::)

TL;DR Games work if they aren't the only path to sex in the relationship.
 
2011-09-09 12:04:31 PM  

thismomentinblackhistory: Do the dishes = make-out session
Take out the trash = handjob
Sweep/Mop = beej
Kitty Box = tie you up and torture your sack with a feather, pour hot wax on your eyelids then start blasting Chumbawumba on the stereo and get our hump on


I farking hate doing the dishes, and all I get is a make out session? What a rip-off.
 
2011-09-09 12:04:49 PM  
Other than scheduling the adult time around kids' nap times, I cannot think of anything more likely to kill the desire than having to negotiate chores for sex.
 
2011-09-09 12:06:43 PM  

Need Help Soonish: Andrew Wiggin: paging Need Help Soonish to the thread.

*Snicker*

If you have to barter for sex, YOUR DOING IT WRONG damn it!

Ladies, please, PLEASE stop doing this. Fark your man because you want to get off with him, not because you want chores done :/


I agree but don't just blame the ladies. I can understand the temptation, but if your wife/girlfriend slips up and goes in this direction, as a guy you have to shut it down completely.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't help out around the house and use the mutual free time gained to good effect. But bartering... blech.
 
2011-09-09 12:09:40 PM  

mcreadyblue: Special J: WTF is the point of a "social network" for two? Can't I just walk up to the missus and ask her for a beej?

You not married are you?


Oh I am. My point is, why can't I do all my begging in person?
 
2011-09-09 12:10:56 PM  

Appaguchee: Need Help Soonish: no one should have to barter for sex within a relationship... EVER!

I could see it as nice if treated as a fun game.

Scheduling sex works well for long-marrieds and/or those with young children. Trading for chores could be a variation on that.

/What if every night was trash night?

This

As a long-married and with young children couple, the missus and I have spent many happy years in the Fark your man because you want to get off with him, not because you want chores done :/ mode. Games that are used to modify the same-old-done-27-brazillion-times-before chores into something sexy is never a bad thing. "If you go to work today I'll...(fill in the blank)" has never done me wrong on those hard-to-get-outta-bed mornings. However, this probably works because she never uses sex as a primary currency to buy husbandly work. And because I've already fixed the cable. :::)

TL;DR Games work if they aren't the only path to sex in the relationship.


Oh, I agree that as long as it's playful, it's not a biggy... But if your being told "You not getting any until you clean out the garage" you got problems :)
 
2011-09-09 12:24:28 PM  

hailin: I don't get it. WTH does a "social network for two" even mean?



It means someone is hoping that if they use a popular buzzword their ill conceived company will attract some people who live from buzzword to buzzword.
 
2011-09-09 12:28:14 PM  

ayrsayle: RedEmily: miss diminutive: FTA:Nauseated by lovey-dovey couples plastering gushy missives on each other's Facebook walls?

For the love of god, yes. Example: a couple who I have on facebook recently had a discussion on each others walls about which lube they preferred the most.

Reminds me of:

[www.funnyscreenshots.com image 575x478]

/image hot
//like 'other' p*ssy

That is so funny.

"Getting mounted by such a strong and powerful man" priceless.

And given that her relationship status is "engaged" and she says she hadn't had sex in months, I'm guessing that wasn't the fiance.


I didn't notice that.

Funny how she said he would always be invited to the place between her legs.

He must have been a good lover.
 
2011-09-09 12:32:51 PM  
Make me a sammich = 5 roses?
 
2011-09-09 12:35:07 PM  
Now see the two of you need to work on trust... and then and only then will there be a free exchange of sex and discounts..
 
2011-09-09 12:38:17 PM  

Appaguchee: Need Help Soonish: no one should have to barter for sex within a relationship... EVER!

I could see it as nice if treated as a fun game.

Scheduling sex works well for long-marrieds and/or those with young children. Trading for chores could be a variation on that.

/What if every night was trash night?

This

As a long-married and with young children couple, the missus and I have spent many happy years in the Fark your man because you want to get off with him, not because you want chores done :/ mode. Games that are used to modify the same-old-done-27-brazillion-times-before chores into something sexy is never a bad thing. "If you go to work today I'll...(fill in the blank)" has never done me wrong on those hard-to-get-outta-bed mornings. However, this probably works because she never uses sex as a primary currency to buy husbandly work. And because I've already fixed the cable. :::)

TL;DR Games work if they aren't the only path to sex in the relationship.


Agreed, and as a long married with young children person myself, the problems can arise if the playful promises are later broken due to one of a laundry list of unforeseen circumstances inevitably popping up. It's all really just a form of delayed foreplay that works in a lot of relationships, but when the goods aren't delivered as previously agreed upon there is a chance that rejection and a slew of other bad emotions rear their heads.
 
2011-09-09 12:40:17 PM  
A new brand of social media networks is on the way, designed for couples to celebrate their love privately online.

Am I the only one who sees something wrong with that statement? Especially the last two words.
 
2011-09-09 12:46:55 PM  

dragonchild:

Chores gotta get done, but responsible people do them when it's needed. It should average out over time. When I'm working long hours, my wife picks up the slack at home. When she's sick, I take care of everything. I have absolutely no farking idea who washes dishes more often; there isn't any effin' chart in the kitchen.


Your wife is keeping track in her mind and you're probably doing it often enough if she hasn't resorted to bribing you. Of course, if she isn't bribing you you're also probably screwing her missionary with the lights off once every month or two cause you're not forcing her hand.

/put it in her ass
 
2011-09-09 12:56:51 PM  
Genius!
 
2011-09-09 01:00:35 PM  
The only time "chores for sex works" is if it is done to free up someone's time. As in, "I can't come to bed now because I have to get the last load of clothes out of the dryer, load the dishwasher, make the kids lunches, let the dog out for a few minutes and iron your shirt for work tomorrow." If the guy offers to handle a couple of the tasks, he is much more likely to get a little than if he says "make it snappy, it won't suck itself ya know!".
 
2011-09-09 01:02:42 PM  

Gramma: The only time "chores for sex works" is if it is done to free up someone's time. As in, "I can't come to bed now because I have to get the last load of clothes out of the dryer, load the dishwasher, make the kids lunches, let the dog out for a few minutes and iron your shirt for work tomorrow." If the guy offers to handle a couple of the tasks, he is much more likely to get a little than if he says "make it snappy, it won't suck itself ya know!".


Because if there's anyone you want to get sex advice from, it's Gramma.
 
2011-09-09 01:12:51 PM  
Obligatory Onion link:
Housewife Charged In Sex-For-Security Scam (new window)
 
2011-09-09 01:15:35 PM  

sat1va: dragonchild:

Chores gotta get done, but responsible people do them when it's needed. It should average out over time. When I'm working long hours, my wife picks up the slack at home. When she's sick, I take care of everything. I have absolutely no farking idea who washes dishes more often; there isn't any effin' chart in the kitchen.

Your wife is keeping track in her mind and you're probably doing it often enough if she hasn't resorted to bribing you. Of course, if she isn't bribing you you're also probably screwing her missionary with the lights off once every month or two cause you're not forcing her hand.

/put it in her ass


You shouldn't have to "force her hand" though... If she doesn't want to bang you because she wants to bang you, and instead is banging you to "Even out the score card" you have both already lost!

///I agree about where to put it though.
 
2011-09-09 01:16:58 PM  

Need Help Soonish: ///I agree about where to put it though.


that is why i paged you to this thread :)

/loves anal
//hurt a little at first but i got used to it
 
2011-09-09 01:22:55 PM  
This would only work as an e-commerce transaction between strangers or near-strangers. Like a woman living alone posts that she needs someone to mow her lawn. Then I reply that I will do it for something something. She agrees, lawn gets mowed, I get paid, all good. That would attract net traffic and meet several social needs at once.
 
2011-09-09 01:24:38 PM  
Here's an old one:
Back in WW2, a nice young Jewish couple, Sol and Ruby, decide they better join in and help the war effort. Sol enlists in the Army, and Ruby goes to work at an airplane factory.
It's a year before poor Sol can get leave, and when he comes home, he finds Ruby obviously pregnant. "Ruby! You promised me I'd be a good girl!"
"I was!" she cried. "But one night I went to Mr. Feinburg's deli, to get something for lunch at my shift the next day. I was the only one in the store, he locked the door behind me, grabbed me, and...and ravished me!" she sobbed.
"Old Mr. Feinburg?" her husband asks. "Ruby, you're a big girl. You're five-ten in stockings, you work at a factory, you're twenty five years old. Old man Feinburg's pushing seventy, he's five-two, skinny as a broomstick, with the rheumatism, the bad back, the bad knees- he ravished you?" Sol asks incredulously.
"So," Ruby shoots back, "It's a sin to help out a crippled old man now?'
 
2011-09-09 01:31:37 PM  

Andrew Wiggin: Need Help Soonish: ///I agree about where to put it though.

that is why i paged you to this thread :)

/loves anal
//hurt a little at first but i got used to it


...and I read that as "Pegged you this thread."

///There are two kinds of pain
///OUCH that hurts!
///And "OMG that hurts so gooooooooood"
 
2011-09-09 01:33:40 PM  

Need Help Soonish: ///There are two kinds of pain
///OUCH that hurts!
///And "OMG that hurts so gooooooooood"


well darnit now i might change my farky for you. i like that saying almost as much as your current:

Need Help Soonish [recently expired TotalFark] (favorite: Orgasm should not be the final destination, but a stop along the way)
 
2011-09-09 01:33:41 PM  
Need Help Soonish:

You shouldn't have to "force her hand" though... If she doesn't want to bang you because she wants to bang you, and instead is banging you to "Even out the score card" you have both already lost!

///I agree about where to put it though.

The plain banging doesn't need forcing, but highlighted places require deals, and I'm okay with that since overdoing it causes ass-cancer and things.
 
2011-09-09 01:37:25 PM  

TheShavingofOccam123: Jake Havechek: That doesn't work. I cleaned her entire apartment and turned down the bed like a 5 star hotel for a promise of hours of hot sex and the coont changed her mind. I dumped her the next day over the telephone.

I hope you defecated on her dog before you left.


A deal is a deal. Bust a deal, face the wheel. Or the phone.
 
2011-09-09 01:39:50 PM  

sat1va: Need Help Soonish:

You shouldn't have to "force her hand" though... If she doesn't want to bang you because she wants to bang you, and instead is banging you to "Even out the score card" you have both already lost!

///I agree about where to put it though.

The plain banging doesn't need forcing, but highlighted places require deals, and I'm okay with that since overdoing it causes ass-cancer and things.


I probably shouldn't say this on fark, but I instigate the anal sex more often than my BF does. I really, REALLY find it completely and utterly mind-blowing.

It hurts so sublimely... Mmmmmmm!
 
2011-09-09 01:41:16 PM  

Andrew Wiggin: Need Help Soonish: ///There are two kinds of pain
///OUCH that hurts!
///And "OMG that hurts so gooooooooood"

well darnit now i might change my farky for you. i like that saying almost as much as your current:

Need Help Soonish [recently expired TotalFark] (favorite: Orgasm should not be the final destination, but a stop along the way)


ROTF... Please don't start a list of NHS's kinky comments... You would end up being a very busy man :P
 
2011-09-09 01:43:06 PM  

Need Help Soonish: sat1va: Need Help Soonish:

You shouldn't have to "force her hand" though... If she doesn't want to bang you because she wants to bang you, and instead is banging you to "Even out the score card" you have both already lost!

///I agree about where to put it though.

The plain banging doesn't need forcing, but highlighted places require deals, and I'm okay with that since overdoing it causes ass-cancer and things.

I probably shouldn't say this on fark, but I instigate the anal sex more often than my BF does. I really, REALLY find it completely and utterly mind-blowing.

It hurts so sublimely... Mmmmmmm!


How you doin'?
 
2011-09-09 01:51:09 PM  

Need Help Soonish: I probably shouldn't say this on fark, but I instigate the anal sex more often than my BF does. I really, REALLY find it completely and utterly mind-blowing.


Any recommendations on getting started? This is a serious request actually; I know different folks prefer different strokes but like you said, there's two kinds of pain here. Wifey has interest but she's worried because she's got a pretty small frame. Don't want to hurt to the point where I don't get a second chance.

/ EIP if language gets NSFW
 
2011-09-09 01:52:35 PM  

dragonchild: Need Help Soonish: I probably shouldn't say this on fark, but I instigate the anal sex more often than my BF does. I really, REALLY find it completely and utterly mind-blowing.

Any recommendations on getting started? This is a serious request actually; I know different folks prefer different strokes but like you said, there's two kinds of pain here. Wifey has interest but she's worried because she's got a pretty small frame. Don't want to hurt to the point where I don't get a second chance.

/ EIP if language gets NSFW


dude, just google 'how to assfark' and i'm sure you'll get a zillion links.
 
2011-09-09 01:53:15 PM  

dragonchild: Need Help Soonish: I probably shouldn't say this on fark, but I instigate the anal sex more often than my BF does. I really, REALLY find it completely and utterly mind-blowing.

Any recommendations on getting started? This is a serious request actually; I know different folks prefer different strokes but like you said, there's two kinds of pain here. Wifey has interest but she's worried because she's got a pretty small frame. Don't want to hurt to the point where I don't get a second chance.

/ EIP if language gets NSFW


but i wouldn't go all sasha grey until after the first time.
 
2011-09-09 01:56:51 PM  

RedEmily: ayrsayle: RedEmily: miss diminutive: FTA:Nauseated by lovey-dovey couples plastering gushy missives on each other's Facebook walls?

For the love of god, yes. Example: a couple who I have on facebook recently had a discussion on each others walls about which lube they preferred the most.

Reminds me of:

[www.funnyscreenshots.com image 575x478]

/image hot
//like 'other' p*ssy

That is so funny.

"Getting mounted by such a strong and powerful man" priceless.

And given that her relationship status is "engaged" and she says she hadn't had sex in months, I'm guessing that wasn't the fiance.

I didn't notice that.

Funny how she said he would always be invited to the place between her legs.

He must have been a good lover.


Extremely good, given the level of praise. As sleazy as the circumstances seem, at least it was one helluva night, whatever happened.

/Wonder if there's a sex tape of it anywhere...
 
2011-09-09 02:01:26 PM  

dragonchild: Need Help Soonish: I probably shouldn't say this on fark, but I instigate the anal sex more often than my BF does. I really, REALLY find it completely and utterly mind-blowing.

Any recommendations on getting started? This is a serious request actually; I know different folks prefer different strokes but like you said, there's two kinds of pain here. Wifey has interest but she's worried because she's got a pretty small frame. Don't want to hurt to the point where I don't get a second chance.

/ EIP if language gets NSFW


Tip for good buttsex #1. LUBE. Don't ever, EVER try anything dry... I recommend something like coconut oil, because for some reason a lot of the lubes marketed burn like hell when used for anal. If your lady is the wet and wild kind, use her own natural lube (mingled with saliva is actually best)

Tip for good buttsex #2. Start small... One finger at first... then perhaps a slim toy. Ease her into it... Actually, let HER set the pace of penetration and you can't go wrong.

Tip for good buttsex#3. Get her as horny as you can before you start... Make sure she is hungry for it... wants it... NEEDS it even... If you can get her to the point that SHE instigates it, and let her take control, your golden.

And last but not least... Forget everything you have ever seen in porn! The best position for starting out is with her on her back... Missionary will take on a WHOLE new meaning :)
 
2011-09-09 02:02:34 PM  

Need Help Soonish: your golden.


i think that's another fetish
 
2011-09-09 02:04:18 PM  

ayrsayle: RedEmily: ayrsayle: RedEmily: miss diminutive: FTA:Nauseated by lovey-dovey couples plastering gushy missives on each other's Facebook walls?

For the love of god, yes. Example: a couple who I have on facebook recently had a discussion on each others walls about which lube they preferred the most.

Reminds me of:

[www.funnyscreenshots.com image 575x478]

/image hot
//like 'other' p*ssy

That is so funny.

"Getting mounted by such a strong and powerful man" priceless.

And given that her relationship status is "engaged" and she says she hadn't had sex in months, I'm guessing that wasn't the fiance.

I didn't notice that.

Funny how she said he would always be invited to the place between her legs.

He must have been a good lover.

Extremely good, given the level of praise. As sleazy as the circumstances seem, at least it was one helluva night, whatever happened.

/Wonder if there's a sex tape of it anywhere...


Yup, if he got a permanant invitation for sex, he must be really "strong and powerful"
 
2011-09-09 02:05:50 PM  

Need Help Soonish: You shouldn't have to "force her hand" though


sometimes she likes it when i force her hand into the handcuffs, does that count?
 
2011-09-09 02:07:22 PM  

burndtdan: Need Help Soonish: You shouldn't have to "force her hand" though

sometimes she likes it when i force her hand into the handcuffs, does that count?


chicks seem to love it when you force your finger or thumb in her mouth when you're banging them. weird.
 
2011-09-09 02:45:51 PM  
Who wants to trade oral sex for cleaning my apartment?
 
2011-09-09 02:46:44 PM  
david1963:

Who wants to trade oral sex for cleaning my apartment?

If that's legal to do, mind you. I would want to get anybody in trouble.
 
2011-09-09 02:49:17 PM  
Jake Havechek:

Most guys who aren't total nebbishes just say "fark it", dump your ass, and then go screw somebody else.

I'm not a total nebbish, just OLD, FAT & UGLY.
 
2011-09-09 02:52:02 PM  

DMW Devil: thismomentinblackhistory: Do the dishes = make-out session
Take out the trash = handjob
Sweep/Mop = beej
Kitty Box = tie you up and torture your sack with a feather, pour hot wax on your eyelids then start blasting Chumbawumba on the stereo and get our hump on

I do all this stuff (well, except the kitty box since we have no pets) and if I'm lucky I get a kiss on the cheek. Must be doing it wrong somewhere...
/still, married 7 years already


What the hell man? Try harder. Every morning before we leave for work, we kiss. Same when we get home. Sexy time is 1-2 a week, which is initiated by a kiss or ten.

Been together seven years next week.

You sound bored.

If youre bored, youre boring.
 
2011-09-09 02:53:04 PM  
By the way, why bother getting women to do buttsex? Do you live in a place with no gay men?
 
2011-09-09 02:53:36 PM  

david1963: Who wants to trade oral sex for cleaning my apartment?


um....sure. just don't use too much teeth.
 
2011-09-09 02:55:11 PM  

Andrew Wiggin: dude, just google 'how to assfark' and i'm sure you'll get a zillion links.


A zillion links, none I'll trust. 'Sides, I'm asking Need Help Soonish to talk about anal; why are you of all people suddenly complaining?

Need Help Soonish: Tip for good buttsex


Thank you! How does she control the pace if she's on her back, though? OK, she can sucker punch me if I'm doing it wrong, but that'd be a little too late. Her back & core aren't strong enough where she can actually physically take over from underneath.
 
2011-09-09 03:02:20 PM  

Andrew Wiggin: chicks seem to love it when you force your finger or thumb in her mouth when you're banging them. weird.


Not really. It's the closest a monogamous girl can get to being penetrated from both ends at the same time. Doing it the other way around (pecker in mouth, fingers down there) is common enough.
 
2011-09-09 03:04:35 PM  

dragonchild: Andrew Wiggin: dude, just google 'how to assfark' and i'm sure you'll get a zillion links.

A zillion links, none I'll trust. 'Sides, I'm asking Need Help Soonish to talk about anal; why are you of all people suddenly complaining?

Need Help Soonish: Tip for good buttsex

Thank you! How does she control the pace if she's on her back, though? OK, she can sucker punch me if I'm doing it wrong, but that'd be a little too late. Her back & core aren't strong enough where she can actually physically take over from underneath.


redit.com/r/sex and /bdsmcommunity will have all of your answers. Fark isnt mature enough to handle this stuff.
 
2011-09-09 03:14:03 PM  

dragonchild:
Need Help Soonish: Tip for good buttsex

Thank you! How does she control the pace if she's on her back, though? OK, she can sucker punch me if I'm doing it wrong, but that'd be a little too late. Her back & core aren't strong enough where she can actually physically take over from underneath.




Oh goodness... Well, then, the next best starting position is the two of you on your sides, spooning as it were... that way she can still be in control, but it doesn't take too much muscle to pull off :)
 
2011-09-09 03:21:13 PM  

dragonchild: Andrew Wiggin: dude, just google 'how to assfark' and i'm sure you'll get a zillion links.

A zillion links, none I'll trust. 'Sides, I'm asking Need Help Soonish to talk about anal; why are you of all people suddenly complaining?

Need Help Soonish: Tip for good buttsex

Thank you! How does she control the pace if she's on her back, though? OK, she can sucker punch me if I'm doing it wrong, but that'd be a little too late. Her back & core aren't strong enough where she can actually physically take over from underneath.


reddit.com/r/sex is a better forum for these questions... fark is a little immature.
 
2011-09-09 03:28:48 PM  

Need Help Soonish: Well, then, the next best starting position is the two of you on your sides, spooning as it were... that way she can still be in control, but it doesn't take too much muscle to pull off :)


Thank you, good suggestion. One more question: How much does angle matter? Within reason, of course. (It matters a lot when I use the front entrance.)

DreamWeaver: Fark isnt mature enough to handle this stuff.


What, more complaining? At least one person here is mature enough, and to her infinite credit she doesn't even seem to mind the audience.

The world needs more sex; this is a noble cause. (Think of all the lurkers who are too afraid to ask. . .)
 
2011-09-09 03:30:38 PM  

hailin: I don't get it. WTH does a "social network for two" even mean? If chores or errands need to be done we just txt or email each other and stuff gets done. Sex isn't used for bartering because I like things to be spontaneous and unplanned. Saying "Hey if you do the dishes I'll take you to bed tonight" just isn't very romantic in my opinion. Plus things can come up and then it is a broken promise (like when my husband gets nausea inducing migraines he doesn't want to do anything but take his painkillers and sleep).

I just don't see the point. Seems like technology designed to make life more difficult. Plus who needs to flirt with their husband through Facebook? I find that disturbing and hate seeing people do that crap. I don't want private moments and affections with my husband broadcast to hundreds of people. I consider flirting private.


I'm digging this rant. Well said.
 
2011-09-09 03:31:00 PM  

dragonchild: why are you of all people suddenly complaining?


oh i'm not complaining at all. i enjoy this in thread buttsex talk. just saying, there are many valid links to videos that give a very descriptive and visual lesson in proper buttsexing.

/carry on
//not mature, oddly aroused
 
2011-09-09 03:37:00 PM  

dragonchild: Need Help Soonish: Well, then, the next best starting position is the two of you on your sides, spooning as it were... that way she can still be in control, but it doesn't take too much muscle to pull off :)

Thank you, good suggestion. One more question: How much does angle matter? Within reason, of course. (It matters a lot when I use the front entrance.)

DreamWeaver: Fark isnt mature enough to handle this stuff.

What, more complaining? At least one person here is mature enough, and to her infinite credit she doesn't even seem to mind the audience.

The world needs more sex; this is a noble cause. (Think of all the lurkers who are too afraid to ask. . .)


Angle is pretty important... If your spooning, the angle you will be at should be pretty "safe" pain wise. Just take it easy :)

Also, I don't think they are complaining so much as afraid that Mods will start throwing around the ban hammer... Straight talk about sex is one of those things that simply doesn't phase me I guess... The more good sex people are having, the better! (Hopefully it will be barter free sex too!!!)
 
2011-09-09 03:37:30 PM  

Slaves2Darkness: Need Help Soonish: Andrew Wiggin: paging Need Help Soonish to the thread.

*Snicker*

If you have to barter for sex, YOUR DOING IT WRONG damn it!

Ladies, please, PLEASE stop doing this. Fark your man because you want to get off with him, not because you want chores done :/

Well unless you are in certain establishments in Nevada, then it is okay.

Hookers you don't pay them for sex you pay them to go away after sex.


Then why do those biatches demand payment up front? If that was the case, you could get your fark on, and after, when they said "Ok, I want my 50 bucks to leave", you could be like "Nah, thats okay. I really don't care if you hang out. But if you're gonna stay, can you go to the kitchen and get me a coke and a ham sammich? Also, are you any god at Left 4 Dead? I need some on this last level."
 
2011-09-09 04:10:26 PM  
man, did any of you biatching even RTFA? Bartering for sex is a minute part of the site. I'd personally like a private (it does say only you 2 get to see it) place to remind myself when my spouse says he was appreciative if I did X or was upset I didn't do X. Texts get lost/written over after awhile. Lives are hectic, people work tons, the longer you're in a relationship the more easy it is to take it for granted, especially if you have kids. You can flirt during the day while at work via this site, warn each other if you might have had a bad day & are coming home cranky - in which case "if you do the dinner tonight instead of me even though it was my turn to allow me to relax a bit I'll make sure to have energy for lovin" is a fine thing to say. It sounds like you all work 40 hours tops a week and have no kids and 0 obligations other than to the spouse. We're lucky if we see each other during the week, other than while dressing for work in the am and going to sleep at night. I'd be willing to give it a try.

\ the site that is, not commenting on bum sex
 
2011-09-09 04:18:05 PM  

Need Help Soonish: I don't think they are complaining so much as afraid that Mods will start throwing around the ban hammer


Noted. I appreciate the help, and hope I don't get you in trouble for it.
 
2011-09-09 04:31:29 PM  
There is a video about this...

Australia has a major short film festival called Tropfest. In 2009 one of the entries was a short film about a woman who needed renovations and repairs done to her home, but didn't have the money to hire the workers to fix things. So she rented HERSELF out as payment for services rendered by any carpenter, plumber, roofer, or construction worker who she thought would be a good lay. True story bro!

The film is called "The Furry Chequebook" (in American, The Furry Checkbook)

And here it is!

http://video.au.msn.com/watch/video/the-furry-cheque-book/xpchkf2
 
2011-09-09 04:39:02 PM  
DMWDevil: I do all this stuff (well, except the kitty box since we have no pets) and if I'm lucky I get a kiss on the cheek. Must be doing it wrong somewhere...
======================================================

Do you always do it? Then she expects you to do it, and thus, there's no reward.

If, however, you rarely do it or only do it 'every so often'... then she enjoys it more when you do it. And thus, more than a kiss.

/Or I could be talking out of my ass. You're the married one!
 
2011-09-09 05:09:45 PM  

hailin: I don't get it. WTH does a "social network for two" even mean? If chores or errands need to be done we just txt or email each other and stuff gets done. Sex isn't used for bartering because I like things to be spontaneous and unplanned. Saying "Hey if you do the dishes I'll take you to bed tonight" just isn't very romantic in my opinion. Plus things can come up and then it is a broken promise (like when my husband gets nausea inducing migraines he doesn't want to do anything but take his painkillers and sleep).

I just don't see the point. Seems like technology designed to make life more difficult. Plus who needs to flirt with their husband through Facebook? I find that disturbing and hate seeing people do that crap. I don't want private moments and affections with my husband broadcast to hundreds of people. I consider flirting private.


THIS (only swap references for husband for wife)
 
2011-09-09 05:50:33 PM  
New social networks for couples allow users to barter household chores for sex. So it's like Craigslist, but with household chores
 
2011-09-09 06:29:23 PM  

Need Help Soonish:

I probably shouldn't say this on fark, but I instigate the anal sex more often than my BF does. I really, REALLY find it completely and utterly mind-blowing.

It hurts so sublimely... Mmmmmmm!


I don't even like going in there, I just do it so I can tell all my friends.
 
2011-09-09 06:32:32 PM  

Andrew Wiggin: burndtdan: Need Help Soonish: You shouldn't have to "force her hand" though

sometimes she likes it when i force her hand into the handcuffs, does that count?

chicks seem to love it when you force your finger or thumb in her mouth when you're banging them. weird.


When I'm feeling really romantic I'll give her the old double fishhooks from behind.
 
2011-09-09 07:40:36 PM  
This comment from the article made me lol - guy must be a Farker:

Women will be signing up their partners. The men will sign up, reluctantly, like they do most things, to avoid a fight. "Why don't you want to sign up?" she'll ask, threateningly. "Don't you love me?" All he'll be thinking is, "damn you, Internet -- your amazing porn lifts my spirits, but then you crush my soul with sites like Snuggle Cloud."
 
2011-09-09 08:12:49 PM  
If you clean the house honey, we won't do ass to mouth...
 
2011-09-09 09:07:26 PM  

thismomentinblackhistory: Do the dishes = make-out session
Take out the trash = handjob
Sweep/Mop = beej


late to the party but have a video (new window)about this
 
2011-09-10 12:36:20 AM  
FTFA: They've also discovered a host of "little things" about each other: He knows now that she misses live rock shows and she understands that he's mortified of earthquakes.

...How the hell are you mortified about earthquakes? What, you get embarassed and say "That wasn't me"?
 
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