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The Vatican's minor offenses, Washington Monument's crack problem, and Steven Seagal in "On Deadly Hound": some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week from 8/28 - 9/3 
Posted by Unfreakable at 2011-09-08 6:22:07 PM (6 comments) | Permalink

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2357 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Sep 2011 at 6:28 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Sorry this is a couple days late, have been traveling the last few days and had meant to send this from the airport.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2011-08-28 to Sat 2011-09-03:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Washington State police not amused when suspicious six-foot foot package on bridge is giant candy bar. Onlookers, however, break into snickers    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Mexican police arrest five people for setting a bar/casino on fire, killing 52 people. Police still unsure what to make of all the abandoned semi-trucks outside the establishment or why it was only open after dark    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Elderly couple gets midnight call from policeman with "heavy Indian accent" about their grandson in jail, needing bail money. Then, things get wired    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Hundreds evacuated as wildfire in northern Texas causes area to be marginally more scorched, blackened and desolate than usual    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  German prostitutes to be taxed by the meter. Luckily subby likes short women    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Actual Headline: "Fat cells may help create healthy bone." Chubby chasers nod in agreement    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Another aftershock hits Virginia; crews forced to pick up second chair    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Gulf storm expected to dump 20 inches of rain. Female meteorologist says it'll be 6 inches at best    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  New study reveals pirates of the Caribbean had a fascination with fine pottery, eye shadow    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  More fractures found in Washington Monument. Experts called in since D.C. officials have no idea how to fix crack problem    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Vatican rejects criticism over sex abuse, argues they were only minor offenses    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Sports:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Nadal beats Kazakhstan's Golubev, could still face Djokovic in later rounds, and possibly the final boss, Kjrobvkxcyzymrykz    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Einhorn laces out Mets deal    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Baltimore wide receiver David Reed suspended for season opener. That's so Raven    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Geek:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Study financially backed by U.S. meat industry claims low-carb, meat-rich diets most effective. In related news, study by subby's bartender says fifteen gin and tonics a day good for your digestive system    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Higgs particle could be found by Christmas, trigger apocalypse ahead of schedule    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Amazon founder's spacecraft fails, will be returned to him with FREE super saver shipping    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Entertainment:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Beyonce is pregnant. Jay Z now has his 100th problem    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  "Max Payne" director John Moore to direct "Die Hard 5." Yippie-ki-yay, mediocre    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Steven Seagal in 'On Deadly Hound'    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Politics:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Fundies call for a 'national registry of atheists'. Maybe you can just identify them by having them pin a yellow nothing to their lapel    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Obama declares New Jersey a disaster area. This is not a repeat since 1787 statehood    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  "Dick Cheney Takes A Shot At Sarah Palin" HOLY CRAP, NEWSFLASH, THAT IS UNBELI- Oh, you mean a figurative shot? Sorry, it's Cheney, you never know    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Business:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Ford and Toyota are teaming up to make a hybrid truck. Vehicle planned to uncontrollably speed up and then break down    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Lockheed could land deal with Japan for stealth jet, if they could only find the damn thing    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Ohio becomes first state to sell prison to private company for $72 million, narrowly beating out competing bid by the Cincinnati Bengals    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]
· · ·
(view entire blog)


6 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2011-09-08 07:55:56 PM  
Actual Headline: "Fat cells may help create healthy bone." Chubby chasers nod in agreement

How'd I miss that one?
 
2011-09-08 08:21:19 PM  
No caustic lye set to Baby Got Back?! Or was that last week?
 
2011-09-08 08:26:04 PM  

JNowe: No caustic lye set to Baby Got Back?! Or was that last week?


less than 48 hours ago!
 
2011-09-08 11:50:47 PM  

Sarah Jessica Farker: JNowe: No caustic lye set to Baby Got Back?! Or was that last week?

less than 48 hours ago!


I agree...That one was letter-perfect.
 
2011-09-09 08:12:56 AM  

slapmastered: Sarah Jessica Farker: JNowe: No caustic lye set to Baby Got Back?! Or was that last week?

less than 48 hours ago!

I agree...That one was letter-perfect.


Yep, that one's already been flagged for this week, I'm pretty damn sure you'll see that when we round up this week's stuff.
 
2011-09-09 02:22:44 PM  
I'm shocked, shocked to find one of my headlines in this esteemed list.

Elated, but shocked...I tend to be a pessimist.

Please don't take it off the list.
 
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