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(Cracked)   Bestiality, gang rape, bestial gang rape: the five most depraved sex scenes implied in Harry Potter   (cracked.com) divider line 70
    More: Strange, Harry Potter, Dumbledore, Goblet of Fire, Sex in film, Draco Malfoy, giggles, J. K. Rowling, J.K.  
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14353 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 01 Sep 2011 at 2:29 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-09-01 08:02:51 PM

Weaver95: oddly enough, i'm ok with Umbridge being gang raped by centaurs.


Ditto. The first time I read that book I remember being upset that Umbridge got off so lightly. How wrong I was.
 
2011-09-01 08:50:55 PM
I didn't know about the centaur thing, but I definitely wondered about the rest. So many possibilities with polyjuice potion...

/Pretty sure if this stuff existed IRL 99.9% of the world would be bald to avoid people constantly running around pulling other people's hair
 
2011-09-01 09:02:14 PM
The wizards are all sick freaks, what of it?

JoeJitsu: How about Lupin and Tonks? Gives a whole new meaning to "that time of the month".


I found it interesting that right after Sirius died Lupin all of the sudden married his cousin that was a shape shifter. Uh huh.
 
2011-09-01 09:02:19 PM

Mike Chewbacca: It'd be pretty cool to truly understand what sex is like for the other gender.


Maybe I'd finally find out why women have to go to the bathroom for 45 minutes before sex.
 
2011-09-01 09:57:54 PM

propasaurus: silvervial: theorellior: There was a companion Cracked link on that page about the five worst fanfic slashups that was rather disturbing. Picard and Elrond? WTF?

Yeah, that's why I like my slash pure, no cross-overs. In a lot of cases, except where there is obvious sexual tension and/or a canonical relationship, you're using a lot of suspension of disbelief in the first place with the characters from the same show/book/movie/band, etc., but to throw in totally unrelated characters, that's just too much.

/15 years of slash readin' and writin'
//only two fandoms though
///neither of them HP

Yeah, cuz Hewlett-Packard fanfic is just freaky sick.


I once came across a Steve Jobs/Bill Gates fanfic.
 
2011-09-01 10:26:10 PM

ClintBartonWannabe: SecretAgentWoman: I'd so use polyjuice to get my freak on. I'd love to swap places with my husband...well...except farking myself might be too creepy. Scratch that.

/however, I would pay big bucks to turn my hubby into Robert Pattinson for a day...

I'm going to ignore the shiny vampire part but if I was going to change places with the wife it might take using the potion twice. The first time I would be spending the hour exploring my new body and see what her limits really are.


If you're interested I could tell you what her limits are.
 
2011-09-01 11:44:10 PM
No mention of the implied rape of that ministry witch Pettigrew kidnapped?
 
2011-09-02 12:00:57 AM

Quasar: mikkimouse: Quasar: You know, I've read a lot of Greek mythology and at no point had the thought "Dolores Umbridge was gang-raped by those centaurs" crossed my mind.

Ditto on that..


Really? Because the Greeks were either raping the snot out of everybody or they were the rapeed, so of course there'd be hyper-rapers out there somewhere doing the raping so those who couldn't get into the rape parties could still rape vicariously. Rape.
 
2011-09-02 12:02:27 AM

Caeldan: Hagrid's parents... I suppose his dad could've made use of some polyjuice potion to turn himself into a giant?


They have engorgement charms, this is said pretty early on in the series.
 
2011-09-02 12:15:20 AM
What they don't explain is why Hagrid's dad would WANT to do it. The giants in the books are ugly as hell.
 
2011-09-02 02:05:39 AM
Thank you for linking to page 2.

Choke on a dick and die, subby.
 
2011-09-02 02:22:08 AM

SecretAgentWoman: I'd so use polyjuice to get my freak on. I'd love to swap places with my husband...well...except farking myself might be too creepy. Scratch that.

/however, I would pay big bucks to turn my hubby into Robert Pattinson for a day...


Know how I know you have no husband or pubic hair?

/jk, had to
 
2011-09-02 02:51:59 AM

Babies with Rabies: Mike Chewbacca: It'd be pretty cool to truly understand what sex is like for the other gender.

Maybe I'd finally find out why women have to go to the bathroom for 45 minutes before sex.


They're tucking back their penises.
 
2011-09-02 03:39:35 AM
That whole article was like an episode of Smodcast.
 
2011-09-02 03:57:02 AM

Braindeath: The wizards are all sick freaks, what of it?


www.gonemovies.com

Who cares why I want it. Bring me the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West! Don't look at me like that!
 
2011-09-02 10:37:50 AM

jeanwearinfool: Babies with Rabies: Mike Chewbacca: It'd be pretty cool to truly understand what sex is like for the other gender.

Maybe I'd finally find out why women have to go to the bathroom for 45 minutes before sex.

They're tucking back their penises.


or maybe they have to cry it out first...
 
2011-09-02 02:35:53 PM

stevetherobot: propasaurus: silvervial: theorellior: There was a companion Cracked link on that page about the five worst fanfic slashups that was rather disturbing. Picard and Elrond? WTF?

Yeah, that's why I like my slash pure, no cross-overs. In a lot of cases, except where there is obvious sexual tension and/or a canonical relationship, you're using a lot of suspension of disbelief in the first place with the characters from the same show/book/movie/band, etc., but to throw in totally unrelated characters, that's just too much.

/15 years of slash readin' and writin'
//only two fandoms though
///neither of them HP

Yeah, cuz Hewlett-Packard fanfic is just freaky sick.

I once came across a Steve Jobs/Bill Gates fanfic.


What, you printed it out first, or was it the screen you came across? I'm confused.
 
2011-09-02 03:25:50 PM

ItsJustJake: stevetherobot: propasaurus: silvervial: theorellior: There was a companion Cracked link on that page about the five worst fanfic slashups that was rather disturbing. Picard and Elrond? WTF?

Yeah, that's why I like my slash pure, no cross-overs. In a lot of cases, except where there is obvious sexual tension and/or a canonical relationship, you're using a lot of suspension of disbelief in the first place with the characters from the same show/book/movie/band, etc., but to throw in totally unrelated characters, that's just too much.

/15 years of slash readin' and writin'
//only two fandoms though
///neither of them HP

Yeah, cuz Hewlett-Packard fanfic is just freaky sick.

I once came across a Steve Jobs/Bill Gates fanfic.

What, you printed it out first, or was it the screen you came across? I'm confused.


Do you actually want more information?
 
2011-09-02 06:17:33 PM

gunga galunga: Pai Mei: Subby said gang rape twice

Subby likes gang rape.


Nine out of ten people like gang rape, so it is no surprise subby is in the majority.
 
2011-09-03 12:10:29 AM
I'm surprised that the author did not include the implied gang rape of Ariana Dumbledore.

/Difficult to joke about the gang rape of a child.
 
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