Nice one, buddhasmomma. She probably eats enough ice cream in a mouth's time to fill up a cement truck.

`-_-`

I don't want to hear any more "news" about these two.

Ever

Unless maybe it's about some suicide pact or something.

Whats worse than Ben and Jen news?

Ben and Jen news as reported by Ted Casablanca.

(I have no friggin idea what this article means...)

eonline report

Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier, I know you are both geeks and therefore read fark, so take heed and cut J-Ho's scenes from Jersey Girl and re-shoot her scenes with Joey Lauren Adams, whom you originally had slated for the role. Alternatively, any non-J-Ho actress would do just as well as a substitute. The only way you will get me to watch Jersey Girl is to get it aired on Comedy Central, and I will only watch it if absosmurfly nothing else is on, and even then I will probably watch the History channel instead. Time to dip into the Askewniverse bucket again, Tubs o'Fun!

Fine. Now let us never speak of it again...

Frankly, they pale in comparison to the only celebrity couple that really matters:

In other news, my ass itches.

Don't believe the lies. This is just a ploy to get the media off their collective ass. Three weeks or a month from now someone will have a story that they are married.

Boo farking hoo. I knew it wasn't going to work in the first place.

Yummy. I hope you are referring to Bend It Like Beckham, Kazama.

I'm not sure what I'm more sick of hearing about. David Blaine, or Bennifer.

DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMMMMMNNNN!!!!

This has costed me a big bet, doesn't anybody stay together anymore???

What a farking slut.

But she's just Jenny from the block.

I don't want to hear any more "news" about these two.

Ever

Unless maybe it's about some suicide pact or something.

I agree. A suicide pact would be entertaining. But only if the article contains graphic images of the deceased.

Damn! First the Fat Boys break up, and now this.

/Obvious

People sad about this probably saw Gigli and actually liked it...

How did Ben Affleck go from being that cool guy in Good Will Hunting to being another of J Lo's attention props. He lost all credibility and his movies keep getting worse.

Her last movie didn't make any money and now Ben is history, so I guess she's off to screw someone with more bling bling now.

What a power slut.

Actually, I head that Jen is only in "Jersey Girl" for like the first 15 minutes of the movie. Anyone know if that's true or not?

Hang on...I'm going to see if I care even the tiniest bit...

[moves laundry along, prepares and drinks gin and tonic, take kitchen trash bag out to garage, finish Allen Steele's novel Coyote, finish laptop upgrade to Win2K, load OS patches, watch Blue Angels overfly neighborhood from Indy air show, run to Speedway to gas up the car]

Still trying to care...be patient...

[mailbox housecleaning in Mozilla, defrag laptop HDU now that OS upgrades are done, move laundry along again, check with wife on timing of family dinner tonight at Outback]

Maybe a quick hit on the number a friend gave me Friday will help.....

[click, innnnnnnnnhaaaaaaallllllllleeeeeee.......]

Nope, I can honestly say I don't give a tinker's damn about this.

Man I'm glad I didn't tear her phone number out of my book! I think 3 or 4 days is long enough to wait before calling.

Maybe she found out about his toupee...
Oh well Ben! I liked you better before J. Ho!
Now you and Matt can be together forever!!!

It's about time! Got to keep the J-lo assembly line going. NEXT!

Possibly the last time I can legitimately post this...

/sob

WGAF

I shall always remeber where I was and what I was doing when I heard the tragic news - on Fark not giving a shia.....

I now begin a Fark Cliche:

This is my empty hand. Do you see what's in it? It's the exact amount of shiat that I don't give about this story.

End of cliche.

Of course, it'll never go away. We'll still be forced to endure countless stories about Ben, Jen, and Matt Damon, and it'll last forever.

Aargh.

I'd still hit J-Lo, though, so long as I get to do something with that booty.

ah hell, what hope for us mortals....if these two cannot find happiness...
weep gently my latino thesbian....and be strong my american man.
perhaps it's all in the stars....but we go on as best we can....new horizons, new heights....
continue, continue....i pray thee.
i shall hug my pussy a bit tighter tonight, and commiserate with her....she who knows nothing of the sorrows of this hard world....

i can honestly say, the only celebrity relationships that interest me are lesbian ones - with pics.

Yeah Krizalid, i got enough to put another gallon of gas in my car. In the name of threadjacking, gas prices suck.

/late

Sweet! She's available again. Better get my ticket to L.A.

J. Lo owes me 50 bucks.

Even this robot, with all of its sex technique expertise, could not salvage this relationship.

Damnit, now I don't get to sit back and watch the long drawn-out divorce battle which bankrupts them both and ends their careers, plunging Affleck into a downward spiral of alcoholic self-destruction and eventual resurrection on Hollywood Squares, and Lopez'z eventual bludgeoning to death by Salma Hayek on Celebrity Boxing.

Damn Bennifer, spoiling my fun like that! Now I'll have to watch PBS or something.

/sarcasm

Regarding Jersey Girl, here's how it went down:

1. Kevin Smith makes movie with J-Ho playing minor role.
2. Studio guy says, we paid her $4 million, so make her role bigger and we'll reap the publicity when Gigli is #1.
3. Kevin Smith reluctantly agrees, adding way more J-Ho to movie.
4. Gigli bombs. Horribly.
5. Studio guy craps his pants.
6. Kevin Smith laughs diabolically and cuts most of the added footage out, making it so that J-Ho's character is killed off in the first 15 minutes of the movie, and
re-edits the movie to his original plans.
7. Studio guy craps his pants some more thinking of all the wasted money and footage.

Marriage: A mans mistaken assumption that he might want to fark any one girl more than 100 times.

She's going to have one hell of a, 'Behind the Music'.

Fat bottomed girls make the farking world go round-

Get on your bikes and ride!

Matt Damon got what he wanted!

Ben dumped J-Lo because of all that emotional nonsense when he went to the strip club. And that after he had proposed with a 7 carat diamond ring--damn, don't you know what that must have cost? Her tantrum and the prospect of a lifetime of them made him fall right out of love. Any biatch that unstable doesn't even deserve Ben Affleck.

This breakup saves me the $50,000 I would have had to pay a hitman to prevent a Bennifer remake of Casablanca.

farkin a man! I HOPE TO fark SAKES THERE WILL BE NO MORE BENNIFER NEWS!!!!
Ughh. Who gives a shiat.
/contrived?

To tell you guys the truth, I am deeply saddened by this horrible news.

i though that Ben and J-Ho deserved each other. They are both the most vain attention-whores I have ever heard of.

Now that they have broken up, they will spread their evil disease on to others! Now we are gonna have to hear stories about [Ben Affleck and new biatch] and [J-Ho and new biatch]. And after they break up, we are gonna have 4x the crap! its an ongoing cycle.

if they just stayed together, we could have just lumped them together in one "who cares" category. now we are gonna have so much more crap to not gie a shiat about.

http://www.theonion.com/onion3929/gigli_focus_groups.html

That is all.