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(Coming Soon)   The star of the "Conan the Barbarian" remake has already written a sequel. There are elves and swords and dragons and magic and skateboards and car chases and everything   (comingsoon.net) divider line 93
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4701 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 08 Aug 2011 at 3:34 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-08-08 12:07:21 PM
There are no elves in Conan. Robert E. Howard had no need for pansies. What we need is more Cthulu...on skateboards.
 
2011-08-08 12:20:26 PM
I'll be surprised if this gets a sequel.
 
2011-08-08 12:24:03 PM

Sybarite: I'll be surprised if this gets a sequel.


Well, Yao Ming just retired. He could play a Queen's bodyguard that has to go on a quest with the new Conan to save the virgin daughter. It worked before.
 
2011-08-08 12:27:10 PM
He wrote Highlander 2?
 
2011-08-08 12:29:38 PM

I_C_Weener: Sybarite: I'll be surprised if this gets a sequel.

Well, Yao Ming just retired. He could play a Queen's bodyguard that has to go on a quest with the new Conan to save the virgin daughter. It worked before.


Chunbatta.
 
2011-08-08 01:03:29 PM
It's a shame that everyone associates brawny Arnold with Conan. That's why it'll fail.
 
2011-08-08 01:10:55 PM

netizencain: It's a shame that everyone associates brawny Arnold with Conan. That's why it'll fail.


Honestly what I enjoy about the Conan movies (yes, I liked Destroyer) was highly-connected with the beautiful score and cinematography. I don't really care that he's slashing people up, I like getting transported to their world. I don't get that with recent fantasy action movies very often. They all look fake, like Scorpion King.
 
2011-08-08 01:16:26 PM

Quasar: netizencain: It's a shame that everyone associates brawny Arnold with Conan. That's why it'll fail.

Honestly what I enjoy about the Conan movies (yes, I liked Destroyer) was highly-connected with the beautiful score and cinematography. I don't really care that he's slashing people up, I like getting transported to their world. I don't get that with recent fantasy action movies very often. They all look fake, like Scorpion King.


Fake, with acres of skin.
 
2011-08-08 01:25:13 PM

Quasar: yes, I liked Destroyer



That's where you lost me.
 
2011-08-08 02:22:11 PM

netizencain: It's a shame that everyone associates brawny Arnold with Conan. That's why it'll fail.


Conan is supposed to be pretty buff.
 
2011-08-08 03:13:37 PM
The more I read about Jason Momoa, the more I'm convinced that he's tripping balls during every interview.

/Loved him as Khal Drogo
 
2011-08-08 03:20:52 PM

Sid_6.7: netizencain: It's a shame that everyone associates brawny Arnold with Conan. That's why it'll fail.

Conan is supposed to be pretty buff.


The combination muscle man and bad English worked so well in the first films. Anything less than that will not work I think.

Crom laughs at this puny man from the SyFy channel and his attempts at being Conan.
 
2011-08-08 03:27:15 PM

Sid_6.7: netizencain: It's a shame that everyone associates brawny Arnold with Conan. That's why it'll fail.

Conan is supposed to be pretty buff.



According the source material, yeah.

"the man was almost a giant in stature"
"Knots and bunches of muscle started out of the massive arms".
 
2011-08-08 03:36:52 PM
He looks too pretty as Conan. He looked much tougher as Drogo.
 
2011-08-08 03:54:51 PM
Just shut up and smile for the Camera, Chewy!
 
2011-08-08 03:57:11 PM
What about those littlw weasels? Does it have those little weasels?
 
2011-08-08 04:04:48 PM

I_C_Weener: Sybarite: I'll be surprised if this gets a sequel.

Well, Yao Ming just retired. He could play a Queen's bodyguard that has to go on a quest with the new Conan to save the virgin daughter. It worked before.



Ha! It's a good thing that Wilt was better at f*cking than he was at acting......otherwise he would have died a virgin.
 
2011-08-08 04:05:38 PM
Yes, but is there camel punching?
 
2011-08-08 04:15:28 PM

I_C_Weener: Sybarite: I'll be surprised if this gets a sequel.

Well, Yao Ming just retired. He could play a Queen's bodyguard that has to go on a quest with the new Conan to save the virgin daughter. It worked before.


Lady Gaga as Zula, Shia LaBeef as the thief, Vin Diesel as the apeman. This would rule!
 
2011-08-08 04:15:39 PM

I_C_Weener: There are no elves in Conan. Robert E. Howard had no need for pansies. What we need is more Cthulu...on skateboards.


Sidekick: Master! We must summon the dread byakhee if we are to reach the dig site in time to thwart the Yellow Cult!

Egyptologist: Fark the byakhee, Short Round! Bring me my skateboard! We'll go to the end of the world in style!

Sidekick: Do a barrel roll!
 
2011-08-08 04:16:53 PM

rummonkey: Yes, but is there camel punching?


that's an extra $50
 
2011-08-08 04:16:53 PM

Hector Remarkable: What about those littlw weasels? Does it have those little weasels?


That was Beast Master, I control all animals but I only choose these 3

Conan does not loo that bad Link (new window)
 
2011-08-08 04:18:01 PM

Kanemano: Hector Remarkable: What about those littlw weasels? Does it have those little weasels?

That was Beast Master, I control all animals but I only choose these 3

Conan does not loo look that bad Link (new window)



should drink more coffee before farking
 
2011-08-08 04:22:21 PM

brigid_fitch: The more I read about Jason Momoa, the more I'm convinced that he's tripping balls during every interview.

/Loved him as Khal Drogo


The less talking he does, no matter the language, and the more standing around showing off his impressive physique, the better. Even better if he's hacking people in half while doing it.
 
2011-08-08 04:24:38 PM
Nothing will beat the gap-toothed, goofy look on Arnold's face when he says "KROM!" under his breath, as he wonders why the witch lady he had sex with zips away in sparkles. NOTHING.
 
2011-08-08 04:25:22 PM
And Momoa's physique is no doubt impressive but he's not stout enough to be Conan, and far too pretty.

Now, Roland Kickinger (new window), on the other hand, would've been PERFECT. They could've even overdubbed him for an extra-retro slice of win.
 
2011-08-08 04:32:12 PM
Conan, in the books, doesn't look like a body-builder. He's not even all that big. He's just really strong. Think of a typical Easter European Olympic power-lifter- they aren't ripped, and they don't even look like they are that fit.
 
2011-08-08 04:34:55 PM

Farker Soze: Lady Gaga as Zula, Shia LaBeef as the thief, Vin Diesel as the apeman. This would rule!


What about using that guy who plays Hellboy...?
 
2011-08-08 04:35:37 PM

Arn_Dee: brigid_fitch: The more I read about Jason Momoa, the more I'm convinced that he's tripping balls during every interview.

/Loved him as Khal Drogo

The less talking he does, no matter the language, and the more standing around showing off his impressive physique, the better. Even better if he's hacking people in half while doing it.


Im getting married in two weeks and I would fark Jason Momoa at the altar while I was saying my vows.
 
2011-08-08 04:35:43 PM
Why would you bother to actually farking write a Conan story anyway? R.E.H. wrote 18 (?) pretty good ones, why don't you farking try one of those? And no farking "embellishments" either, those stories have made it 80 farking years without your help.
 
2011-08-08 04:36:37 PM
Are there also trolls and wizards and fairy kings, birds that talk and fish that sing?
 
2011-08-08 04:36:39 PM

plushpuppy: Im getting married in two weeks and I would fark Jason Momoa at the altar while I was saying my vows.


Amen.
 
2011-08-08 04:38:03 PM
Saw the trailer this weekend. Was it me or does the one chick pronounce it "Conan" as in "Conan O'Brien"?
 
2011-08-08 04:41:50 PM

Kanemano: Hector Remarkable: What about those littlw weasels? Does it have those little weasels?

That was Beast Master, I control all animals but I only choose these 3

Conan does not loo that bad Link (new window)


No, he was thinking of Mark Hamill's character in Red Sonya that got sucked through a dimentional portal and had to defend a castle against an army of undead soldiers that wanted the Necronomicon.
 
2011-08-08 04:43:59 PM

I_C_Weener: Farker Soze: Lady Gaga as Zula, Shia LaBeef as the thief, Vin Diesel as the apeman. This would rule!

What about using that guy who plays Hellboy...?


Ron Perlman?
 
2011-08-08 04:45:35 PM

realmolo: Conan, in the books, doesn't look like a body-builder. He's not even all that big. He's just really strong. Think of a typical Easter European Olympic power-lifter- they aren't ripped, and they don't even look like they are that fit.


http://anaandjelic.typepad.com/.a/6a00e5544e92598834011168c3eb68970c-450wi GIS for 'typical eastern european'
 
2011-08-08 04:47:03 PM

Farker Soze: Lady Gaga as Zula


img233.imageshack.us
 
2011-08-08 04:48:45 PM
Ron Perlman as Dagon. Yeah.
 
2011-08-08 04:50:52 PM

Arn_Dee: I_C_Weener: Farker Soze: Lady Gaga as Zula, Shia LaBeef as the thief, Vin Diesel as the apeman. This would rule!

What about using that guy who plays Hellboy...?

Ron Perlman?


Ron has already played Conan... The 2009 Video Game.
 
2011-08-08 04:54:41 PM

drewogatory: Why would you bother to actually farking write a Conan story anyway? R.E.H. wrote 18 (?) pretty good ones, why don't you farking try one of those? And no farking "embellishments" either, those stories have made it 80 farking years without your help.


That is exactly what I've been screaming for years, though I'd go so far as to call Howard's stories fantastic as opposed to just "pretty good". Any of them could be adapted into an awesome screenplay. Why they bother trying to rewrite or re-envision something that has already been beloved for decades is beyond me.
 
2011-08-08 04:56:26 PM

Mike Heathen: drewogatory: Why would you bother to actually farking write a Conan story anyway? R.E.H. wrote 18 (?) pretty good ones, why don't you farking try one of those? And no farking "embellishments" either, those stories have made it 80 farking years without your help.

That is exactly what I've been screaming for years, though I'd go so far as to call Howard's stories fantastic as opposed to just "pretty good". Any of them could be adapted into an awesome screenplay. Why they bother trying to rewrite or re-envision something that has already been beloved for decades is beyond me.


Copyright, adapting the old stories would give the estate money, writing your own would give you the cash, at least a bigger chunk
 
2011-08-08 05:02:10 PM

senorpogo: Saw the trailer this weekend. Was it me or does the one chick pronounce it "Conan" as in "Conan O'Brien"?


I was thinking the same thing when I saw the trailer...doesn't seem right, does it?
 
2011-08-08 05:13:15 PM
He needs to stop talking, remove all clothing and flex his muscles for 90 minutes. I'd pay to watch that.
 
2011-08-08 05:14:30 PM
Just picked up and read the first volume of the Kurt Busiek series for Dark Horse. That alone would make for an awesome movie.
 
2011-08-08 05:16:22 PM
I bet a shiny internet dollar that at some point in the new remake Conan tries to say something inspiring about fighting for freedom.
 
2011-08-08 05:22:43 PM

Haplo127x: He needs to stop talking, remove all clothing and flex his muscles for 90 minutes. I'd pay to watch that.


Agreed, and I'm a militantly straight male. Just do an extended scene of him oiling up before putting on his battle gear.
 
2011-08-08 05:24:31 PM

plushpuppy: Arn_Dee: brigid_fitch: The more I read about Jason Momoa, the more I'm convinced that he's tripping balls during every interview.

/Loved him as Khal Drogo

The less talking he does, no matter the language, and the more standing around showing off his impressive physique, the better. Even better if he's hacking people in half while doing it.

Im getting married in two weeks and I would fark Jason Momoa at the altar while I was saying my vows.


Ok...are you female? This is important, as it helps decide if I can fap to that or not...also, pics would assist as well...

Will also point out that my wife would probably agree, as she thinks hes pretty hot.
 
2011-08-08 05:26:54 PM
I don't care what he writes so long as he is bathed and brought to me.
 
2011-08-08 05:43:54 PM

spacemanjones: He looks too pretty as Conan. He looked much tougher as Drogo.


He actually said that in a fight between Conan and Drogo, Drogo would win.

And yeah, I also agree that he looks tougher, and intense, as Drogo as well.
 
2011-08-08 05:47:11 PM
"It's character adapted", so his character wrote it?
 
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